Did you know that your relationship is actually happening inside your head vs out there in the world? Your relationship is what you make of it, how you choose to look at it, how you choose to look at your partner, and how you choose to show up and respond to them… You are super powerful in creating the relationship you want, only if you own your power… And, owning your power doesn’t mean giving ultimatums, digging your heals in, flexing your muscles, and being stubborn about what you want or spiteful and vengeful… These are completely the opposite of owning your power… Don’t take the low-road. Take the high-road if you want to create a successful relationship…
When we resort to interaction tactics that are less than loving, we are undermining our connection, our bond, our love…
Operating in your relationship as if you have to win a federal case, and treating your partner as the enemy, someone you have to win, beat or make wrong, does not serve the goal of creating a successful relationship…
~ Fighting for your partner to acquiesce to your wishes, to do as you desire, and to agree with you does not empower you as you might believe it does…
~ Fighting to be seen, acknowledged, and appreciated by your partner is not the solution to being respected and valued…
~ Fighting to get an apology, accountability, or support doesn’t put your partner on your side…
When we try to control how our partner is, how they see us, what they believe, think, feel, and do, we are putting our energy in the wrong place… We have no power over our partner… When we try to exert power like this over them, we are actually disempowering them and ourselves… For we have power over ourselves only and from this place we can impact and influence…
If we force it, we can break it…
If we force our partner into things, by them going along they betray themselves and in so doing harm comes to the relationship in the long run…
We don’t get a gold medal for manipulating, controlling, intimidating, and overpowering our partner… This is a very low-road approach to our interactions and relationship that doesn’t feel good to either partner at the end of the day… This is operating from the lower-self that is symptomatic, riddled with fear, has very limiting believes, and low emotional intelligence and resilience…
The lower-self operates from ego-patterns and defenses. This is just a state. Partners can choose to how they operate. They can choose to operate from a different state and show up with their higher-self instead. They can choose to not show up with low-road tactics, or engage in them if their partner is using them…
Our partner can’t fight on their own. It takes two to fight…
We can choose not to engage in nonsense and approach our partner from a more empowered state. One of neutrality, respect, calm, openness, flexibility, care, compassion, understanding and such… Any interaction or situation can be diffused with these…
When we use these skills and strengths, honor the commitment and love we have for our partner, and treat them with the due respect that their role as our Partner garners, we see our partner step up to what that position entails…
If we treat our partner with less than that, how can we expect them to treat us any differently? We can’t wait for our partner to go first- then everyone is waiting. We have to take the high-road, plant a flag, be the bigger person and go first… Your partner will follow suit, I promise… This is how powerful you are. This is how much you can impact and influence your relationship…
Don’t let the scripts, stories, assumptions and the rest of the noise running in your head, determine the success of your relationship… When you do, your experience gets colored, and you find a way to prove yourself right… This is the confirmation bias we are prone to… This does not serve us in creating our successful relationship. This does serve us in getting divorced if we are ok going down that path…
Don’t get tripped up by letting your ego run the show. Do allow your heart to lead the way. You’ll be surprised at how fast things can turn around…
When you allow yourself this right, and don’t shoot yourself on the foot, you’ll notice that there is a reason for your union. You complement each other with your oppositeness. You create a richer experience, a more fertile ground to practice your humanness… You get to experiment and play at the game of life together. You get to win that!
This approach is how you tap into your inherent relationship synergy, how you evolve, and how you have a huge impact in creating your successful relationship and meaningful life…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What are we to do when we feel we tried it all to create change in our relationship, but nothing is working? I wager that there is actually a ton more that you can still do, without much effort…
I know that when we are frustrated and tired of the same arguments and conflicts that we are likely to feel hopeless and like giving up. It seems that everything we tried hasn’t worked and therefore like there is nothing left to do… But I promise that is just not the case…
It usually feels like there is nothing else we can do because we keep looking at our situation with the same lens on and the same filters. Which usually flow from an ego pattern and are negative. How are you supposed to see possibilities by looking at things in the same old way, and a negative way at that?
The way out of this conundrum is to realize how much power we actually have… We have tremendous power to impact and influence our partner and our relationship… Both positively and negatively…
But we are intentional about how we yield this power both partners can stand to reap amazing benefits.
This Month’s Theme is IMPACT, helping partners take their power back, fully own, and properly yield it.
If we want to create change in our relationship and in our life, it is time we take charge of creating what we desire. And we do it by fully owning our impact…
In today’s video I cover, how to: ~ Mind your Effect ~ Own your Shape ~ Optimize your Influence
So you have a positive impact on your relationship to create the relationship and life you want…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What do you think about the concept of Unconditional Love? I believe this is very challenging for people because of the expectations that exist in the relationship. They equate love with the other showing up a certain way…
If my partner checks off these boxes, then I love them… Think about this for a second, how crooked is that… We obviously then don’t necessarily love the person but what they do and how they make us feel… How they meet our needs, take care of us, add to our status, and such… So, we actually love them on paper? It seems that way…
But we know better, don’t we. We just have a philosophical, or practical, depending on how you choose to look at it, issue with the concept of Unconditional Love. Because even though your partner is not perfect, and they might get on your nerves, and maybe are not meeting your needs, you still love them, right?
So then why struggle with the concept of Unconditional Love? Owning this will not make your partner be a worse partner- this is not a get out of jail free card. LOL
What would happen if you embraced the concept of Unconditional Love? If you really approached your partner and your relationship with this lens on and interacted from this perspective as much as possible. If you didn’t focus on your partner’s imperfections. If you didn’t worry about fairness and supposed doubled standards.
If you didn’t get hang up on whether your partner apologized. If you didn’t go into your partner’s circle and told them how to be, feel and do. If you didn’t try to make your partner do things the way you would, or the way you want. If you didn’t have expectations of what you should get out of this relationship. And so on…
~ What if you just loved your partner because they are awesome. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are on this Journey with you. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are a fellow Human Being existing in this now and in this relationship with you…
What if you became aware of, if you are not already, to the fact that you are actually an energetic being that appears solid and living in this meat suit because we live in a 3D reality and our experience is limited to what we pick up with our senses…
And, as this energetic being you are actually beyond your mere body, you are actually one with all that is… And so is your partner… AND, as such you are actually ONE…
You are actually part of the whole Universe, you are part of Unity Consciousness- Love Consciousness…
Do you see the implications of this? There is so much here… For now, let’s highlight this, if you are One,
~ When you judge, criticize, scorn, control, reject, or shun your partner, you are doing that to yourself as well…
~ When you don’t like something in your partner, you don’t like that in yourself- might not even be aware you have that…
As soon as you give your partner compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these for yourself…
As soon as you focus on giving yourself compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these from your partner!
When we open ourselves to this inquiry and possibility, and let go of a lower-self experience of lack (we are missing something), attachments (we need certain outcomes), and control (we need to make the things happen) this is when our suffering ends…
This is what the Practice of Letting Go is about… This is about Trusting… About having Faith…
These mindsets, egoic patterns…, just create the struggle we are trying to overcome… These are what hold us back from being able to embrace the Unconditional Love we are capable of and that would make everything so much easier…
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
So you see, when we get in our own way with our limited mindset we impact how we feel and experience ourselves, our partner, and the world… Not to mention our nervous system and the rest of our biology and hence our health, and our overall energy and what we are able to manifest…
Addressing these egoic patterns allows us to more easily embrace Unconditional Love and make our relationship, and whole Human Experience, much more satisfying- more radiant, more divine…
Here is to embracing Unconditional Love more this month and going forward…
APPLICATION: Set time aside to contemplate and meditate on the concepts of Unconditional Love and Unity Consciousness…
~ Did you feel peace, joy, love, Oneness?
~ After you quiet yourself down, explore how you might still have limiting mindsets. Observe your lack, attachments and control patterns of thought, feelings and behaviors…
~ Identify which of the three is more prominent for you and decide to gently address these and let them go…
~ Share your discovery and commitment with your partner, with no strings attached…
When we reprogram and release our egoic patterns, it is easier to create / manifest what we desire in our life experience… It is much easier to embrace Unconditional Love and enjoy the Journey…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The concept of setting effective boundaries might feel a bit played out. But it’s interesting that most people still have no idea what setting boundaries actually means… We don’t set boundaries on others, give them consequences, or punish them… We have no control over others, we are not the boss of them- not even our children and our employees or team-reports!
We set boundaries on ourselves… We have to take charge of the things we do have control over, and that is ourselves… We very often disempower ourselves by focusing on what others are doing or not doing… Empower yourself by staying in your circle…
So, let’s put this into the proper context. Setting boundaries is an act of self-love. It means we decide what we allow to be in our life. Be it in our thoughts, our environment, our relationship, our work, our life in general…
When something is not working for us, we don’t set a boundary on the other person- we don’t tell them what to do. We set a boundary on ourselves, we decide what we’ll be willing to allow to continue. We decide to change our thoughts and how we look at things. We decide how to feel and how to respond.
We decide what our actions, habits, and routines are. We decide how we want to show up to a conversation. We decide what is acceptable behavior, treatment, responses, outcomes, and such. We decide everything we allow…
How does this play out in interaction with others? Beautifully… For when you fully own all of you, your needs, your desires, your expectations, how you show up, how you respond, how you set things up and such- things can’t but go smoothly…
You take care of yourself, you exude confidence, you are responsible for your results, you clearly express your expectations in a way that others can respond positively to them, and you appropriately address when the expectations are not met.
And this doesn’t mean punishing people- this doesn’t mean nagging your partner or giving them the cold shoulder. This doesn’t mean yelling at your children. This doesn’t mean berating your employee.
Addressing unmet expectations means you share how you were impacted, how you feel and how this doesn’t work and why. It means you address what might gone wrong for the other that they let you down.
It means you put something in effect to address what happened and a preventative measure. It means you consider the other person’s needs, skills, abilities, and such so your expectations can be met. You address the situation for a win-win.
We never set a boundary at the expense of another. They might not like your boundary of what you will not put up with or tolerate, or what you will no longer do. But you will never tell them to do something harmful or against themselves, nor tolerate this for yourself… And you are not to tell others what they need to do or not do, feel, or think. That’s in their circle…
This obviously applies to our relationship with our partner. We co-create with them, we inspire each other, we address our needs so we are both taken cared of. We don’t tell our partner that they can’t have an affair. We inspire our partner not to have an affair… We address our side being fully mindful and conscientious of theirs. We do not live in a vacuum. We do not do things at their expense, never.
Even should you be getting a divorce, you are still a fellow human being with a heart. Always go for the win-win… Always keep your side of the street clean. Always take the higher road. You are the one that has to live with themselves at the end of the day…
Even with our children – we don’t own them. Our job is not to control them… Our job is to discipline them- which by definition means help them learn… We teach, guide, set them up for success, and support them… We honor their feelings. We show them how to fully own and expand themselves…
Even with our employees. They have a job description, they have processes to follow, and milestones or goals to achieve. They know when they are not performing to what is expected. That is the conversation. We can’t “manage” people, we can inspire and “lead” them… Sometimes words are limited to fully convey a message, but I think you get my drift.
Even when we lovingly release a partner or an employee… It’s ok if they don’t like your boundary, they can choose what they need to do to meet themselves and you to continue to take care of yourself.
Everything that happens, happens FOR us- remember that… There is always a solution for the higher good of all…
This applies to everything in our lives… It’s ok if they don’t like that you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry. Decide what works for you and offer that. You can take the other’s preferences into consideration and together come up with a plan that works for both of you. But at the end of the day, you will no longer be folding and putting away all the laundry…
If the other is not cooperative, you always still do your side with the best of intentions for the highest good of all to the best of your ability… Honoring yourself is an act of self-love and imperative for a wonderful and magical human experience. When you operate from this place others cooperate, fear not…
Partners often want to start by having their partner change… They love being in their partner’s circle, then they wonder how come their partner is resistant or uncooperative. Wrong approach my friend! Always focus on your side and the other will follow suit, I promise…
Remember to set your boundaries in alignment with your values… Then they are more meaningful and a lot easier to honor them…
APPLICATION: Compile a list of annoyances and things that don’t work for you in your life… Write it with compassion and grace. Don’t judge yourself or others. They have all served a purpose… Now it’s time to no longer put up with them.
Addressing one at a time: ~ Explore how those things have contributed to who you are today and how you’ve gotten here ~ Identify what no longer works about them ~ Feel the impact they’ve had on you, feel it in your body, breathe through it ~ Thank them for what they have provided you and let them go ~ Identify a practical step to address the things and take an action step towards them today
Taking full ownership and empowering ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you are serious about Becoming your Best Self, creating your Best Relationship, and living your Best Life- this is not an option. This is how you do it!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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