Integrating your masculine and feminine traits for more magic in your relationship

by Emma Viglucci

There is a reason why our relationship seems to have lost the fizzle, or when we find that we are getting on each other’s nerves, bickering, or fighting more. When we feel stuck. Partners might attribute different reasons to this, and they might be very valid. But there is usually an underlaying reason that when tapped into and addressed, creates massive shifts for the partners, the relationship, AND their lives…

Today’s reason might seem illusive or abstract, but regardless, when partners play with this concept they are rewarded for their investment.

We are talking about fully owning all aspects of ourselves… But specifically to today’s topic, to owning both our masculine and our feminine aspects, characteristics, traits, energies… Because of social conditioning and the current way of things in our still very patriarchal society, we have oppressed our feminine side… Most of us are a lot more comfortable with our masculine traits, embracing and leading with them and judge, put down, or disown our feminine ones…

This leaves us operating with less than our full selves, and for those of us who are inherently more feminine and suppress those aspects end up really operating at a lower capacity. When we don’t own or utilize the greater part of ourselves, we experience mental and physical illness along with creating unnecessary friction and discomfort in our relationship.

If we are showing up with our masculine, what is our masculine partner to do? And I’m not talking about gender… Opposite energies attract, and when the more inherently masculine partner is met with their partner showing up with their own masculine, when the unspoken agreement is that they are to show up more with their inherent feminine, they are at a loss for how to show up. This leaves the inherently more feminine partner desiring their partner to show up more in their masculine, but of course they can’t because the role is already filled. Or they do, and problems arise… As you have two masculine energies trying to have a romantic relationship…

Similarly for the inherently masculine partner, they are limited in using their masculine because their partner might be showing up with it, and their feminine is also oppressed…

A conundrum for the couple indeed and a terribly disempowering situation for partners…

We are not saying that it’s a No No for the more feminine partners to use their masculine traits. For that would mean over compensating the other way and inviting a host of other issues…

Again, we all have both energies to varying degrees and our job is to own them fully so we are whole, enabling us to have our better human experience…

The key is to integrate the traits, energies within ourselves and to learn to intentionally use them in different contexts for better outcomes…

Additionally, in the context of our romantic relationship, when we polarize, we generate the spark we desire as opposites attract…

Playing at integrating the traits within ourselves and at creating a dance with our partner’s allows us to really manifest all we desire and become our most radiant selves.

First things first – recognize what traits you lead with and which you are oppressing…

Secondly – start owning and using all of your traits more…

Thirdly – support your partner in using all of their traits, especially their inherently opposite ones…

Here are some of the traits for your reference:

Masculine

• Presence
• Awareness 
• Purpose
• Doing 
• Directive
• Focus
• Logical
• Independent
• Separateness
• Me
• Dominant
• Protector
• Stoic, aggressive, courageous, confident, leader, planner
• The sky (container)

Feminine

• Essence
• Embodiment
• Flow
• Being
• Questioning
• Distracted
• Emotional
• Dependent
• Togetherness
• We
• Submissive
• Caretaker
• Friendly, vulnerable, intuitive, empathic, nurturer, creative
• The weather (content)

As a result of these qualities, each energy has different needs:

~ The Masculine needs appreciation, freedom, purpose
~ The Feminine needs attention, security, nourishing

When we start owning all of our characteristics and finding the balance between them for ourselves, we become whole and more vibrant. We are in our glory.

When the more integrated partners meet and complement in the interaction with their polarities that’s where the magic happens. This is when the union feels sacred…

Give it a shot, start owning and polarizing your traits more, and see how things start shifting immediately in your interactions and overall in your relationship and in your life…

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Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.