I don’t know about you, but my wheels are always turning about how to make a Better Future… I apply this lens to EVERYTHING: relationship with my husband, relationship with my daughter, relationship with family members, relationships with others and in our joint ventures, home and other environments, health, personal development, spirituality, self-care, practice with clients and serving, and humanity as a whole…
This is why I treat my work with clients as Sacred. When they feel better and empowered, collaborate and synergize, they become unstoppable… Once we get over the hump (address what initially brought them to work with us) and clients start getting traction in the direction they desire, it’s interesting how conversations start to change… It’s so exciting and inspiring to see clients Transcend what brought them in, and start creating their much larger life…
We start talking about integrating more Spirituality into their lifestyle. We start talking about opening their homes to less fortunate children. We start talking about their Gift/Contribution to the world and capturing it in a book. We start talking about team development in their business and inspiring leadership.
We start talking about their Social Justice project and how to structure it and launch it. And, the list goes on. It’s so marvelous how “relationship therapy” is a gateway for creating a better future…
Inspired by conversations this week, and lead by my curiosity and approach to life, I’m stepping up my game to further Transcend the everyday… Have you heard of the 100-year Vision Plan?
The idea of this has been such a transformative concept… Regardless of how old you are now reading this, you won’t be alive in 100 years… So, to have a 100-year plan seem ridiculous, right? But, let’s think about what happens when we plan as if we were to be around in 100 years… [Or, how we plan for things in 100 years regardless if we are to be around…]
We’d have to tackle our life as if we were to live that long… The first order of business would be to make sure we are around – to tackle our life to ensure the most longevity… That in and of itself has a ton of implications, doesn’t it?
For starters, we’d make sure we have a super healthy lifestyle, so we don’t break down half way… Which in my book, we should be doing now anyway to ensure an as-long-as-possible, healthy, productive and enjoyable life… I’ll let you in on a little secret, one of my goals is to live to 120! Yeah!
Then, we’d have to make sure we can support ourselves, we’d have to make sure we are still productive contributing members of society, we’d have to make sure we have a rich life to enjoy, what else?
Now, isn’t all this interesting? What is coming up for you? The lifespan has been increasing, and with-it people’s “contributing” years. But, we still hold the mindset of “retirement”, pensions, the golden years, retirement/nursing homes, deteriorating health, decrepit aging, and such… If you were to live 100 more years, how would you approach your life differently?
If you had my goal of living to 120, what would you be doing differently? Would you be closing shop at 65? Who said that the last few decades of our lives need to be spent wasting it away? Most people don’t have amazing lives after “retirement.” They look to retirement and then life is downhill from there… What?! This doesn’t make sense as an approach to life… What about going about our life as if it were a scenic marathon, not a traumatic sprint?
Now, let’s take this a step further. We know we won’t live that long. So, we settle for living well for as long as we can, but with the intention of having impact beyond our years… What would it mean to live our life planning for contributing for another 100 years… Bam! And, that’s the thing… How do we live a super amazing life that has meaning beyond our humanness…
In playing with this concept, I came across this video: The 100 Year Vision.
I know all of this can be a lot to take in, and you might not be ready or interested in it. And that’s ok, we are all on our own specific Journeys. But, regardless of where you are, think about how this concept can enrich your life. If you ponder as much as, how do I live my most healthiest and meaningful life?, then that’s a homerun in my book. That in and of itself is a transformative takeaway… So, start there.
What small change can you start with to start living an even healthier and more meaningful life? This is a tremendously satisfying project, and I wish you much fun and success with it! Enjoy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Visioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Select an area of your life where the minutia and having constant fires to put out just drain you and are a thorn in your back.
Think about what purpose/need this is fulfilling for you… And, how entertaining this is sabotaging where you want to be…
Identify a more proactive, healthier, and effective way to meet the purpose/need, and make the switch immediately.
Then, turn your full focus to where you want to be… Start by dreaming and feeling good about it…
Transcend the daily for the Vision…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What keeps you entertained and engaged in your life? What professional or personal projects are you tackling? Are you excited about these? Are you proud of what you are accomplishing? Are you inspired by what you are involved in? How is your life journey going? How are your personal goals coming along? Are you creating with your Partner?
Creating with our Partner is at the corner stone of our life… This is one of the reasons we couple… How do you create with your Partner? What do you create? Do you have a strong partnership? Do you have systems in place to easily and effortlessly collaborate at the business of life?
It’s interesting how many go through life haphazardly, putting out fires, being stressed out and overwhelmed, getting on each other’s nerves and being resentful… Running your joint life and Creating together doesn’t have to be so. It can actually be seamless, enjoyable, fun, rewarding, and inspiring.
Becoming a strong partnership doesn’t just happen. It requires patience, understanding, acceptance, communication, transparency, open-mindedness, flexibility, compromise, grace, and appreciation for starters.
Becoming a strong partnership means wanting to be a strong couple. Having a clean relationship mindset… Owning ourselves and our power while being mindful, intentional, and cooperative.
It means improving our personal habits, stepping up our game, learning relationship enrichment skills, integrating personal development into our lifestyle, addressing any recurring negative patterns, mutually meeting our needs, subscribing to a relationship nurturing approach, and being collaborative in our everyday.
Becoming a strong partnership means operating as a Team. It means creating a structure in our home and routine that support us and the journey we want to have. It means creating an amazing lifestyle that makes life worth living. It means putting in place the systems to allow us to make that happen. Why struggle and beat our head against the wall. What life hacks do you subscribe to? How do you make your life easier?
It’s time to do these seamlessly consistently:
Provide healthy and nutritious meals and snacks
Have a self-care practice built into daily routine
Glide from one activity to the next
Address and prevent clutter
Have quality family and couple time
Be prepared for activities and for the next day
Have a connected and efficient bedtime routine with children
Have a connected and intimate evening routine with partner
Have a soothing and replenishing personal turndown routine
Have agreed shared responsibilities
Have methods for synchronizing, staying current and in the loop, and collaborating
Have a check-in and staying connected mechanism with partner
Have approach to connection, intimacy, passion and fun that honors both partners
Have approach for accomplishing projects and achieving goals and milestones…
Are cooperatively pursuing your joint life vision…
You are a role model to other couples and families, and an inspiration to those around you…
If you have a lot of the above in place, good for you! See what else you’d like to make easier and work it.
If you feel overwhelmed by the above, it means your life is probably a bit overwhelming and chaotic and could stand to have some organization and structure. Pick 2 items from the list above that when implemented your life would immediately feel like a different life. These are that powerful.
Keep tackling the list. Automate the workings of your life, and see how much easier and rewarding it becomes!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Automating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Go through your daily routine in your head and identify the times when you are stressed, annoyed, resentful, overwhelmed. Note, what time of day it is, who is involved, where you are, and what’s involved. Pick the one item that calls to you the most and put a system in place to automate it and take the edge off. Enjoy!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Happy Spring (and, in these parts, snow day… LOL)! The weather has been so nutty but wonderfully stimulating as we adjust to the unexpected and the different. I’m sure you know the concept that the same old gets boring, that doing repetitive work or activity stifles our Spirit, that living an unchallenged life is not living. Why settle when we can continue to evolve and expand? This is where the juice is. As you know I’m always learning and connecting the dots in different ways to help us on this quest…
Some pretty cool and easy strategies I came across to stimulate new neuro-pathways in the brain to rewire and expand itself include things like: write with your opposite-dominant hand, take cold showers, drive home a different route, change up your exercise routine, start and end meetings at off times, stimulate the senses, and such. We can make a career of playing with this concept, and how enlivening would that be? I say, let’s sprinkle a little of this into our everyday to keep things fresh and expanding…
So, though part of me balks at the change in schedule, routine, and plans when there is change-up, like a snow day, another part of me relishes the new ensued energy. It is up to us to see the beauty in the wrinkles. Most of us love a good snow day, so this is not so challenging to do here. But think of other wrinkles that show up in your life and how you might fight against and resist them. Look for the beauty (gift) you can enjoy in them instead.
I’m ready for Spring. And in that spirit, I already had a new addition arrive for my garden. I owned my desire to have the scent of honeysuckle permeate my yard and purchased a couple of these beauties. I cannot wait to get out there and dig in the dirt, after the snow melts… My research put these plants not only as a favored fragrant plant but also as a great pollinator (which I was looking for). I get to enjoy nurturing and strengthening these plants indoor (part of the beauty in this wrinkle) before they make it to their outdoor spot. I’m so excited!
Regardless of the weather, with springtime comes Spring Cleaning… This is one of my favorite times of year, when things come back to life, fresh energy flows anew, and there is new Life in the air. I make it my business to fuel this and ride this wave. I have a few springtime rituals help this along that have to do with De-Clutting:
I use this time to clean out junk, excess, accumulation, old things, expired things, no longer wanted things, and such.
I use this time to clean out, tweak, streamline, retarget, refresh routines, habits, rituals, practices, approaches, and such.
I use this time to clean out commitments, activities, goals, projects, tasks and such that are no longer in alignment with my values, current vision, and desires.
I use this time to clean out my mind of any running scripts that might be currently creating havoc, sabotaging, or undermining my wishes. And with this one, comes also the cleaning out of any funky approach to relating with others especially my most loved ones. This is one of the hardest one to do (an you thought cleaning out your closet was a challenge!), and a process that obviously goes on beyond springtime. I’m all about continuing to always evolve and expand in all areas, and of course this one is top of the list.
What is resonating for you as an area that needs cleaning and de-cluttering in your own experience? Where can you clean out junk that is holding you back? Where can you streamline your approach for an easier path? Where can you get rid of stuff to generate new energy?
Go for it and enjoy the emerging sense of renewal!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy De-Cluttering!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Identify the area of your life that could benefit the most from de-cluttering: your physical environment, your approach to life, your relationships, or your head…
Identify 3 things in your area that you want to Refresh… Think on how to go about it, put support in place, and go for it!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!
Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!
Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How do you deal with disruptions? Do they mess you up?
Do you fall in the super organized and plan everything camp? Or, do you fall in the unstructured, take-it-as-it-comes, winging-it camp? As you might have already guessed, I fall more in the super organized and plan everything camp. And, I evangelize this approach in an effort to teach creating life (relationship) by design. I’m a strong proponent of creating systems and structures to support us in everything we do to propel us forward.
Of course there are pros and cons to most things in life. Our job is to decide what works best for us, and to make it work as best as possible.
If we are too organized and structured, a disruption might throw us off. On the other hand, when we plan ahead and have systems in place, disruptions can be handled with grace.
If we are easy going and take life in stride, a disruption can be handled the same. On the other hand, if not anticipated and no plans are in place, disruptions can put us over the edge and create crisis.
This concept applies to relating with our partner as well. I’ve seen clients who wing-it in their relationship and clients who over plan and control everything. In my opinion, both leave a lot to desire and neither is conducive to creating the relationship we want.
When we wing-it, we are not creating a relationship by design. We are going through the motions, reacting, possibly creating drama, and not meeting our partner’s and our own needs…
When we over plan, structure, force, script, and such we miss the boat on Being in our relationship. We instead are doing our relationship but there is no gusto in it. We can’t feel our partner, our needs are not met, we don’t have fun, and the relationship actually feels like work.
I teach living by design and creating systems and structures to support the life-relationship we want. But, then some take this too far and the initial intention gets lost in the process.
What’s the point of forcing dinners, dates, vacations, trips, couple time, etc.? What’s the point of scheduling all this, plus everything else, and then being stressed to make it happen? Same thing goes for communication tools and skills. And, for sexy-time. And, for self-care practices. And, other things that supposed to be good.
We can take a good thing too far. If we feel pressure and stress to keep up with any of these things, then we are over doing it. The good thing is no longer a good thing… When we get here, we have to catch ourselves to make sure we don’t miss the forest for the tree. Systems and structures are supposed to work for us not the other way around!
I have been finding myself teaching this part of the concept more and more recently. That of using our tools and skills well, but not to run them into the ground. They can carry us only so far before they actually become a hindrance. Once it goes this way, it’s time to pat ourselves on the back for having come this far and for learning so much. Then, it’s time to do things differently to get to the next level…
The next level is Mastery. This is where you artfully use your tools, skills, and knowledge, but not with the flavor of doing but with the flavor of Being. This is where showing up with your Being makes all the difference. This is where using all those resources laced with intuition, compassion, and love have the impact they are supposed to. Tools for the sake of tools are a waste. YOU still need to drive them for them to make a difference.
So, take a look at your routines, systems, schedules, TimeMap, and anything else related to how you organize and design your life-relationship. Note if you are too loose or too uptight about how you run your stuff. You might have a combo of both. Decide where more structure is needed and where less will serve you, and your loved ones, best. Take step towards adjusting any imbalance.
Intentionally deciding how you want this to be in your life is the most important piece. Owning how you run your life is what creates the life you want.
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Creating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Design what you want your life to look like daily and weekly. Use a TimeMap approach to capture your vision. Chunk up and assign your time to life categories that are important to you. Each category-time-chunk is then the designated time to do related tasks, activities, plans and such.
This way you can balance how you prioritize things in your life, focus on what is important to you covering all your bases without stressing yourself out. Don’t overthink it, keep it simple and have fun with this!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I love observing couples. I’m always intrigued by how they operate, especially if it works for them. I’m always learning from the couples around me. I’m in awe and inspired by couples that are dedicated and devoted to making their relationship work better. I’m honored to work with the partners I work with.
Their commitment to their relationship and each other is unparalleled. I love working with them. Sometimes though, the things that partners tolerate surprise me. And, the things they find egregious doubly surprise me. This is when I do education moments during our work so partners don’t end up torturing themselves and each other…
Here are some basic Relationship Best Practices™:
Know and remember your partner is your ally, not your enemy. Don’t assign negative motives.
Understand your partner is a Gift, a mirror…, to help you heal, grow, and evolve… If you don’t like something, you have to change something – not the other way around!
Don’t own your partner – don’t tell them how to be, how to operate, what to do, how to feel, what to believe, what to eat, how to dress, etc. Even in your internal dialogue! This generates animosity and doesn’t serve anyone…
Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s intentions, feelings, thoughts, etc. Don’t run away with the story you concoct about what is happening… Mindfully and respectfully check-in about what is going on for them.
Listen to your partner’s side with understanding, compassion and acceptance. Don’t listen to give advise, fix, judge, make a counter argument, or waiting to give your side…
Be smart about the timing of your communication. Don’t push if either of you is triggered. Build-in time-outs if things start getting heated, and always come back to wrap things up.
Understand your partner’s hot buttons, wounds / triggers, and be mindful to avoid these. When your partner is triggered give a response that meets the need underneath the trigger… This is one way we heal.
Intentionally go about meeting your partner’s needs.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for getting and staying connected, increasing intimacy, and having fun.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for operating like a well-oiled machine and creating an amazing life.
It goes without saying that showing up with courtesy and respect is of utmost importance. We build and add the other skills from here. This means no: yelling at, cursing at or name-calling, physicality, blaming, criticizing, and other things we wouldn’t necessarily do in other relationships or to other people…
I find that when couples are struggling they throw right out the window basics things like respect, courtesy, understanding, benefit of the doubt, grace, compassion, appreciation and the like. It’s as if they never learned manners, sensibility and how to be nice. As sad as it sounds, coaching partners to treat their partner as if they were strangers does the trick during stubborn times…
If you do some of these, make it your business to clean this up now and keep it clean no matter what your partner is doing… If you are feeling antagonized then it’s not a good idea to continue the interaction. Take a break and resume addressing your concern, and/or addressing the interaction, at a later time…
You each have relationship rights and responsibilities. Here are some to get your wheels turning, to:
Be treated well
Be yourself
Have needs met
Have loyalty and honesty
Have transparency
Have privacy
Have freedom
Have accountability
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to expand our capacity and skill for being tolerant, accepting, and compassionate towards our partner while being accountable and having appropriate boundaries ourselves… We don’t want to freak out over mundane things, and we don’t want to overlook inappropriate and harmful behavior and attitudes.
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to really mind what we put into it… We tend to focus on what our partner puts in, victimizing ourselves… We pat ourselves on the back for putting in things we want to put in, as opposed to things that nurture the relationship and that our partner prefers.
What’s the point of that?! We don’t have to work so hard or invest so much. We just have to do the right kind of investing, giving in our partner’s love language. It goes a longer way… There is a saying in networking circles: “Givers, Gain”…
Stop fighting it and power struggling. Just start giving more!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Find an area in your relationship where your ownership is skewed and your boundaries can use some recalibrating. Note sure where?
Think on times when you are frustrated and annoyed with your partner. This is a strong indicator that you are owning them and not taking care of yourself properly. Make a list of these times and find pattern(s) or recurring issue(s).
Select one and use Relationship Best Practices™ to address it and make a change.
Own your Self, transform your interactions!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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