If you are like most people, you think that you can think your way out of your problems, situation, and issues… And you are right but not in the way that you imagine… Your circumstance is not a logical puzzle to be resolved… It is actually a creation of your habitual thinking that can change as soon as you change your perspective…
When you change your perspective, your feelings also change. With new feelings you create a different circumstance for yourself… Use the power of your thoughts to change your life…
I know that this is a significant shift in most people’s approach to life. Most are still muscling life to the ground to make things happen. They are grinding away, using old school principles to create the life they want… They are measuring success by old standards, as with the dollar as if it was still based on the gold standard…
But what if success and riches are actually measured differently now? What if they are measured by energetic currency? And, that this currency is what makes our life amazing… That this is where all the abundance is… Peace, harmony, joy, beauty, love, freedom… And, yes, this translates to financial riches as well…
The Key Is What We Focus On…
Remember what we focus on grows… We can get stuck in whatever state of being we are in if we are not mindful and intentional about it:
~ Some are stuck in not feeling well, being ill, and working the system. This person’s mindset, habits, and state of being, their feeling state, is riddled with pessimism, victim mentality, blame, jealousy, and envy. Their negativity bias is strong and they are in survival mode…
~ Others are more positive and empowered, they are accountable and responsible, they take charge of their situation and work hard to create what they desire. They believe in themselves, they are disciplined, and have strong will power. They operate from motivation…
~ Then, we have others who are like the motivated counterparts above but don’t operate from effort and grind. They are much better at self-regulation, they generate energy and wellbeing with ease, they flow and operate from inspiration. They have higher levels of awareness and impact…
Depending on where we are on our journey, we tend to operate more from one or another of these estates- Victim Self, Motivated Self, Inspired Self…
These states are fluid, we are not stuck in any of them per se. We can operate primarily from a motivation state but can get triggered and drop down, or we can access a great feeling state and get inspired and move up…
The more we move up in these states of consciousness, and the more we practice at being in the higher states, the better we feel and the better our life and relationship/s become…
Change Your Relationship and Your Life
To create the changes we want all we have to do is be mindful of what we allow to rent space in our head. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings lead to the habits and actions we take… This is how we create our life…
If we clean up our thinking we generate better feeling states that are more empowering, motivating and inspiring… These lead to better decisions and behaviors…
~ This is how we take better care of ourselves
~ These is how we show up better to our relationship/s
~ This is how we do meaningful work
We can generate better feeling states in other ways as well – movement, exercise, physical intimacy, pursuing our interests and the like, with self-love and self-care practices. These are challenging to do though if we get in our way with our thinking and can’t bring ourselves to do these things you see…
Same was for generating good feelings within ourselves. We can just grab the sense of these feelings that are already inside of us but that we are not attuned to… They are just a part of who we are, just because we are… They are part of the Universal Consciousness, Unity Consciousness, Love Consciousness. But most walk around blind to this truth…
We can easily access good feeling states if we so desire, choose to, and practice tuning into them.
We can easily access better feeling states by letting go of making a case for our limitations, for our circumstances, and for what we believe is possible… When we are open and Align, anything is possible…
Depending on where you are, clean up your thinking to move ever so slightly into the next higher level of consciousness. That is really all it takes. That tiny shift is a shift, and it starts to make the magic happen…
~ If you are in victim mentality – maybe start to see how you contribute to your situation…
~ If you are in the grind – maybe start to see how replenishing yourself makes work play…
~ If you are in inspiration – continue to cultivate this and share it with others…
This is how you create your radiant and successful relationship, and meaningful life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Nature doesn’t have to be the only thing that blooms… We are also inclined to bloom if we allow ourselves, and cultivate the characteristics we desire… If we have a desire for a certain character strength or characteristic, we already have it inside ourselves… It’s just lying dormant…
Whatever desire we have, we also the ability to manifest it…Desires are gifts that just need springing. We can spring them by cultivating them… Remember, that what we focus on grows… Transform your relationship using your strengths…
A few clients are coming to mind as I write this, as they have worked on cultivating certain strengths with tremendous success. One in particular, focused on being a planner. She found that not planning ahead created a lot of anxiety for her, misbehaving from her children, and tension with her husband. Their life was limited and stress ridden.
When she started focusing on becoming a planner, she created more flow and ease in her home, the children were no longer so clingy and symptomatic, the evening routines became a lot smoother, she started expanding other areas of her personal life and pursuing different interests.
She established more of a social life alone and with her husband, and traveling a lot more! They are a different family and couple now…
She couldn’t have become a planner if she didn’t have the desire for it and didn’t already possess this within her…
The ability to manifest character strengths is available to all of us…
The thing about this is that we usually settle for who we think we are, which is a very limited version of ourselves consisting primarily of ego patterns, defenses, and bad habits… That is not who we are!
Whatever troubles us, whatever bothers us, whatever we are jealous of in others or even judge, whatever we desire, all have hints of parts of us not fully blossomed yet. They are still just in seed form…
~ Our job is to pay attention to what triggers us, what we crave, what we believe we lack, what we’d like more of, what we admire, and the like for hints of how we might not be fully owning and embracing ourselves. These are signs of a strength, a gift, a calling, buried deep inside that is itching to come out to play…
By paying attention to our inklings and what grabs our attention, we can start recognizing a desire buried within. There is a gift, talent, passion, calling, strength, we have that we don’t realize we do!
~ This might be challenging to do if we are super noise in our life, we are riddled with drama, are hypersensitive and reactive, can’t be alone and in silence, are consistently in the grind and doing mode, have a chaotic and/or stuffed routine, and such. When we are so noisy and operating from defenses and habits, we can’t be still and quiet enough to hear the messages we have inside…
And it’s even more challenging if we doubt that we have treasures inside us, that we are magnificent, and that we are always evolving and becoming better versions of ourselves. For then, we don’t even know to try to make changes to get quiet to start embracing all of ourselves…
It can be simple to get started…
Regardless of our personal state, the state of our relationship, and the state of our life in general, all we have to do is to get in touch with our desire for more… To decide not to settle. To decide to embrace our unfolding, our becoming, our evolution, our expansion…
If this is all we do, we will awaken what is trying to birth through us… Then we can start hearing and feeling the calling, the messages, the nagging from inside… Then we can start connecting with the aspects of ourselves that we haven’t fully own yet… And then we can name what it is we want to cultivate for it is there and ready to emerge… Just like my client the planner, owning just that one characteristic was transformative for her and her family.
Then we cultivate…
Once we name it- we have to feel it, recognize it in ourself, set up situations and activities that call for it, explore it, play with it, experiment using it, and keep practicing it until it gets integrated and more automatic in our way of being and our way of life…
Our relationship is the perfect playground for us to play with strengths, gifts, talents and all the other awesomeness we are trying to own and embrace more…
This is a way to continue to become our best self, our authentic self, more Aligned with our Higher Self- just become more and more who we are and creating our most radiant and successful relationship…
Play with cultivating anything you blossom- whatever you focus on grows, whatever you nurture flourishes…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With Springtime we embrace the chance for rebirth and for new beginnings, a cleansing of what we don’t need, no longer serves us, and holds us back to create space for the new… How about doing more of that specifically in our relationship? How about putting focus on removing any toxicity from our interactions…
As we continue our personal development Journey, becoming more who we are every day, we encounter friction in our relationship that is meant for our growth at the end of the day… Our circumstances and our partner are a mere projection of what’s inside us… If there is something we do not like, it behooves us to investigate how that is about us, and for us…
Instead of reacting by pointing the finger and focusing on how our partner has fallen short of our expectations and desires, how about we take personal inventory instead…
It is toxic to react with our egoic patterns regardless of how our partner shows up… This might be a tough pill to swallow, but there is a reason why something triggers you and other things don’t, and why what triggers you might not trigger someone else… All of that is just for you…
So how about keeping that knowledge handy to inform our awareness and perception, so we can more easily not react and be toxic in our relationship…
If we know what patterns we tend to create, what we want to change, and who we want to become, then let’s start by not showing up with more of the usual… Let’s be intentional about how we show up.
That intentionality can start first thing in the morning, when you choose to:
~ Remember you are more than your memories, your identity, your egoic patterns, and your habits…
~ Align with your true self, not the story of you…
~ Show up this day with who you are becoming and what kind of partner you want to be…
You have a choice in all this. Yes, the habitual aspect makes it difficult to do something different but that’s where the power of intentionality comes in. Activate it first thing in the morning and reset it throughout the day when you find you have veered off course…
You have a choice on:
How to take something your partner said, did or didn’t do
How you’ll respond or address it
What you’ll focus on
What you show up with
How you continue the interaction
What you do after
How you move on
Where you go from there
How you choose to show up the rest of the time
How you show love…
Let your intentions guide you and serve as your beacon of Light…
APPLICATION: Acknowledge and embrace that your partner is a gift to your growth and evolution…
~ Identify where the most friction happens in your relationship and what info is there for your growth- the friction is not because your partner sucks!
~ Identify what kind of being you really are deep inside and how you need to be to Become more who you really are…
~ Identify what kind of responses, actions, and new habits and practices you’ll start to support your becoming and your radiant relationship…
Cultivating your Best Self and bringing it to your interactions consistently is what the doctor ordered to manifest your radiant relationship, and meaningful life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Plenty of research shows that the way we communicate impacts our relationship’s success, and this is true for all communication across all disciplines and contexts. But do we really need the research to tell us that? Can’t we immediately tell when we are in an interaction with someone else if we are being heard and understood? Can’t we immediately tell if we are connecting and resonating? Yes, we can! If we pay attention, we can see that the way we show up to our interactions impact how those interactions pan out… The more authentic we show up the better the interactions go…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up whiny, judgy, critical, controlling, demanding and the like, that you encounter resistance from the other side…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up open, vulnerable, compassionate, understanding, accepting, collaborative and the like, that you encounter receptivity, willingness, cooperation, resonance, and flow…
The key then is in how we make sure we show up for better connection and more resonance…
We want to show up with a clear conscious, which means we take full ownership of ourselves and accountability for our actions, we stop the blame game and waiting for others to change, we do what we know is right without making others wrong, and we take the high road even when others insist on pulling us into the low road…
We want to show up with our Best Self, which means we are resourced (not hungry, tired, disregulated), mindful, available, present, attuned, interested, intentional about having a clean, meaningful and loving interaction…
We want to show up with our heart, which means we check our ego and notice our patterns giving us the ability to be caring, forgiving, compassionate, generous, kind and tender, and specially to be vulnerable, forthcoming, and to speak our truth…
For this is where the connection and resonance will happen… When we truly show up to an interaction without all the layers of protection, defenses, and pretenses, is when we are truly showing up as ourselves and that is when we can be truly seen, accepted, and loved…
Unfortunately, most interact from pretentiousness, superficiality and shallowness. Then they wonder how come they feel alone, lonely, unseen, rejected, unappreciated and such.
If you are not showing up, there is nothing to appreciate…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to connect…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to vibe!
So take stock of where you are suffering, what is bothering you, what is not working in your life, what you would like to change, and see how much YOU are really showing up to those situations…
Take a look at the quality of your presence… Are you being conscientious, showing up with your Best Self and speaking from your heart?
Note, speaking from the heart and honestly doesn’t mean you have no filters and you have a out-of-jail-free-card where you can let it rip and give unsolicited feedback and share all your grievances about how someone else such- you see how damaging and inappropriate this is?
No, speaking from your heart means speaking YOUR truth (not the truth about others LOL). It means sharing your inner world about yourself (not your critical thoughts and impressions about others). It means sharing your hurt, your desires, your dreams…
Speaking from your truth means putting yourself out there to be seen, to be known, to be loved…
This also means using your intuition and judgment about whom to share yourself with, when and how… This is very important- we don’t want to set ourselves up in any way… Discernment is a virtue…
Start taking stock and making your shifts to speak your truth, gently and lovingly, more assertively when necessary, making sure you show up with who you really are and share your heart…
Show up with love, be love, and you’ll receive more love…
APPLICATION: Identify have you haven’t been fully authentic and true to yourself…
~ Make a list of things you hide, keep to yourself, have never shared, secrets, parts of yourself you hide, dreams and desired you suppressed, and everything else that is significant about you that you don’t let out- that you don’t honor at the end of the day…
~ Make a commitment to slowly but surely start showing up with more integrity, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more truly yourself…
~ Mark the items you want to do this with first and set the intention to mindfully and intentionally go about sharing yourself more…
It is time to start really showing up more to your relationship and your life…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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