Is our partner really separate from us, or are they a part of us? It is obvious that our partner is a separate entity from us. They have their own body, their own brain, their own most things… Yet, we treat them as if they are a part of us that we own… But maybe they are a part of us in a different way… And we just don’t know how to better relate to them from that perspective… Maybe the answer is to embrace your partner as a blessing…
It’s interesting what happens in relationships when the partners still have a codependency operating system… They lack boundaries and personal ownership. They suffocate their partner by entrapping them, and by spilling and projecting their stuff onto them. They control, manipulate, and coerce. They act as if the partner belongs to them, and they live in the other’s circle…
This is unfortunate as it mucks the beauty and gift inherent in their partner and the relationship…
When partners operate dirty like this, it’s very challenging to make heads or tails of what’s happening in the relationship. So, the first order of business is to establish some effective loving boundaries and increase personal ownership, so the spinning, looping, and drama can stop.
Embrace Your Partner
Once the partners have this under their belt, once they more fully own themselves, not the other, and can stand still, then they can witness their partner… They couldn’t see their partner before as they only saw projections of themselves and were only privy to the other’s resulting reactivity and sensitivities…
With cleaner interactions, the partners can start understanding their relating and dynamics better. They can also now better see their partner… And what a beautiful sight that is!
Now they can see the gift that their partner is– how they are a mirror that reflects us, how they provide the opportunities for growth and evolution, and how they provide a safe haven for exploration and practice…
This is a true Partner, beyond a partner with whom we create a practical daily life… With this Partner, expansion is possible…
Through this partnership, we are not separate… Through this partnership we commune at a higher level where we are One…
By owning our seemingly separateness we are able to experience our true togetherness, our Oneness…
When we can transcend the mundane, the triggers, the ego in our interactions with our partner, that’s when we can truly commune with them and witness our wholeness in our Oneness…
And this is how our partner is a Blessing in our life…
APPLICATION: Take a beat to reflect upon your relationship and your partner…
~ How do you entrap them? How do you control, manipulate, or coerce them- how do you jedi-mind-trick them? What do you project onto them? How do you invite them into the drama?
~ Where can you own yourself more and take full ownership of yourself?
~ How does the Blessing of your Partner, enable expansion in your life?
When we stop the spinning and looping, we have a cleaner experience with ourselves which allows us to have a clearer and more expansive experience with our Partner…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You know, we tend to over complicate things when we can easily be in love… We have this ideal of how we want our partner to be that we constantly measure them against… Our partner is also on a Journey and they are perfectly imperfect. For us to measure them against some ideal is totally unfair, not to mention that it also sabotages the success of the relationship… It’s so silly to do this when it is so simple to create your best relationship.
You’d think that because it is so simple that most relationships would be successful- amazing and long lasting… Unfortunately, as we very well know, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
But what if we were to focus on the simplicity instead of how challenging things are…
What if instead of analyzing everything, dissecting everything, talking about everything and such, what if we were instead to take the simple path?
This can be the danger of doing a ton of certain therapies and doing tons of certain programs- we get lost in the weeds…
I remember this one couple we worked with, they managed to turn all the tools and different approaches into weapons… Over analyzing and dissecting everything ad nauseum, policing each other as to who is doing things right, and trying to gain favor with their therapist… There was not redirecting them when they got on that train…
Being in relationship means we don’t try to win against our partner! If our partner loses, we lose and vice versa…
~ What if we were to just show up with our Essence, no scripts, no expectations, no judgements, no control or rigidity, no other fear and ego-based concoction? ~ What if we were to allow our partner to have their experience without making it about us? ~ What if we were to have our partner’s back and accept them fully? ~ What if we were to be well intentioned, be gracious, be compassionate, be curious, be open? ~ What if we were just to Be in our relationship without white-knuckling it, controlling it and being attached to outcomes?
What if we were to relate to our partner as if they ARE our Ideal Partner? Instead of measuring them against our ideal partner, treating them as if they are our ideal partner…
When we let go and show up with Transcendence like this, opening to the present moment, to what is, to who we are, and to who are partner is, that’s when we are in real connection, that’s when we Become One, and that’s when the magic happens…
Stop working so hard at making your relationship work… Invest in your relationship, by Being in your relationship…
APPLICATION: In your time of quiet, ponder, meditate, journal on defining your Ideal Partner-
~ Capture their characteristics, mannerisms, habits, strengths, growth areas, and so on
~ Capture how they’d behave towards you, how they’d treat you, how they’d connect with you
~ Capture how you’d feel about them, about being with them, and being with them
~ What kinds of feelings would you be feeling? How would you show up to your days? What kinds of things would you be doing? How would you be in your relationship? How would you be towards your partner?
Great- now generate those feelings for yourself, show up those ways, and be those ways…
We think our relationship awesomeness depends on doing all kinds of relationship stuff and on our partner being all kinds of specific ways… We have it all wrong…
Our relationship awesomeness, depends on us being our awesome selves and being awesome to our partner… It’s actually quite simple…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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