It’s interesting that we can be in a relationship, in a marriage, and still feel lonely. Hey, we can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. This is because the opposite of feeling lonely is feeling connected… You can be surrounded by people or spend all day with your partner and still not feel connected… This is because connection doesn’t just happen through mere physical proximity. Connection happens when we are present and engaged… You can stop feeling disconnected and lonely in your relationship.
~ The key is to fully show up, not just with our bodies but with all of ourselves. With our Best Self, with our Higher Self… For if we show up with an empty shell, there is nobody home for our partner to connect with…
~ And, if we show up with other versions of ourselves, with our victim or lower self, then we are not very attractive to connect with. We are actually repulsive… Our partner is likely to shy away or shut down in the presence of this…
If we are feeling lonely and disconnected, we have to check-in with ourselves and assess how we are showing up…
And please don’t lie to yourself… I see this all the time with our couples… Be honest, are you truly showing up with your best self, accepting, compassionate, and loving, or are you hiding resentment, judgement, and contempt?
But I get that sometimes it’s challenging to be present and available. To be vulnerable. To be curious, understanding and accepting. To give grace. To be forgiving. We might be depleted and not even available to ourselves…
So not feeling lonely and feeling connected has to do with connecting with ourselves first… Then we can turn to connecting with others and having meaningful connections…
In today’s video, I cover Element 4 of the Successful Relationship Strategy™, which is all about increasing connection, intimacy, and fun in your relationship, and I show you how to go about creating connection… Check it out!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Did you know that your relationship is actually happening inside your head vs out there in the world? Your relationship is what you make of it, how you choose to look at it, how you choose to look at your partner, and how you choose to show up and respond to them… You are super powerful in creating the relationship you want, only if you own your power… And, owning your power doesn’t mean giving ultimatums, digging your heals in, flexing your muscles, and being stubborn about what you want or spiteful and vengeful… These are completely the opposite of owning your power… Don’t take the low-road. Take the high-road if you want to create a successful relationship…
When we resort to interaction tactics that are less than loving, we are undermining our connection, our bond, our love…
Operating in your relationship as if you have to win a federal case, and treating your partner as the enemy, someone you have to win, beat or make wrong, does not serve the goal of creating a successful relationship…
~ Fighting for your partner to acquiesce to your wishes, to do as you desire, and to agree with you does not empower you as you might believe it does…
~ Fighting to be seen, acknowledged, and appreciated by your partner is not the solution to being respected and valued…
~ Fighting to get an apology, accountability, or support doesn’t put your partner on your side…
When we try to control how our partner is, how they see us, what they believe, think, feel, and do, we are putting our energy in the wrong place… We have no power over our partner… When we try to exert power like this over them, we are actually disempowering them and ourselves… For we have power over ourselves only and from this place we can impact and influence…
If we force it, we can break it…
If we force our partner into things, by them going along they betray themselves and in so doing harm comes to the relationship in the long run…
We don’t get a gold medal for manipulating, controlling, intimidating, and overpowering our partner… This is a very low-road approach to our interactions and relationship that doesn’t feel good to either partner at the end of the day… This is operating from the lower-self that is symptomatic, riddled with fear, has very limiting believes, and low emotional intelligence and resilience…
The lower-self operates from ego-patterns and defenses. This is just a state. Partners can choose to how they operate. They can choose to operate from a different state and show up with their higher-self instead. They can choose to not show up with low-road tactics, or engage in them if their partner is using them…
Our partner can’t fight on their own. It takes two to fight…
We can choose not to engage in nonsense and approach our partner from a more empowered state. One of neutrality, respect, calm, openness, flexibility, care, compassion, understanding and such… Any interaction or situation can be diffused with these…
When we use these skills and strengths, honor the commitment and love we have for our partner, and treat them with the due respect that their role as our Partner garners, we see our partner step up to what that position entails…
If we treat our partner with less than that, how can we expect them to treat us any differently? We can’t wait for our partner to go first- then everyone is waiting. We have to take the high-road, plant a flag, be the bigger person and go first… Your partner will follow suit, I promise… This is how powerful you are. This is how much you can impact and influence your relationship…
Don’t let the scripts, stories, assumptions and the rest of the noise running in your head, determine the success of your relationship… When you do, your experience gets colored, and you find a way to prove yourself right… This is the confirmation bias we are prone to… This does not serve us in creating our successful relationship. This does serve us in getting divorced if we are ok going down that path…
Don’t get tripped up by letting your ego run the show. Do allow your heart to lead the way. You’ll be surprised at how fast things can turn around…
When you allow yourself this right, and don’t shoot yourself on the foot, you’ll notice that there is a reason for your union. You complement each other with your oppositeness. You create a richer experience, a more fertile ground to practice your humanness… You get to experiment and play at the game of life together. You get to win that!
This approach is how you tap into your inherent relationship synergy, how you evolve, and how you have a huge impact in creating your successful relationship and meaningful life…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are living in strange times… We are living in a world where everything as we knew it is no longer… We are living in a world that is merely a construction, an illusion, a simulation, a matrix… A world where all the major institutions are just structures to provide some kind of order, but have turned out to be more stifling, constricting and enslaving than anything else…
We are living in a world where We are even constructions… Who we know ourselves to be is but an accumulation of thought patterns, belief systems, emotional patterns, defenses, and habits. We are stuck with the habit of playing ourselves… We created an identity, a persona, that we are using as the character in the story of our life…
This can be super sad, demoralizing, and scary, on one hand. But on the other hand, oh boy, it can be magnificently illuminating, empowering, and freeing…
Now we can choose to continue to live in this nightmare, hell on earth, and mass illusion, or we can choose to wake up and take charge of our own life. We can choose to become more and more who we truly are, embrace our Becoming. We can own our true identify and play a better Game of Life…
Life as we know it is so ingrained in us that considering anything else just seems ridiculous, out of a fiction book or movie, and for the crazy in an asylum…
Who we know ourselves to be is so ingrained in us that considering anything else is totally unthinkable, destabilizing, and ungrounding…
I know that the more I heal, upgrade, and deconstruct myself that the more I feel like I’m floating, flowing through my life, much lighter and unencumbered… It’s a bit surreal at times, a wondrous experience…
One of the side effects is disengaging from the rush, distractions, and drama we are used to living with, a good thing. And a much bigger desire to just take it easy… Really weird and different for me as you might know… The desire to help, guide, and inspire others remains minus the seduction for the grind, another good thing.
As I continue to shed layers of trauma, protection, defenses, programs, patterns, habits, and the like, it becomes more and more evident that who I knew myself to be was the identity I needed to assume to deal with myself and how I perceived my world…
When we allow ourselves to operate from our small and lower self, with blinders on, wearing a thick identity mask, we are but ensuring our own suffering and demise.
This is when we get sick, our relationship is stagnant, our children have issues, things break, we hit a career wall, we can’t get rid of debt, and so on. We experience lack in all areas of our life in spite of the evidence of abundance all around us…
So, we have a choice, continue to hang on to the identity of who we think we are and continue the struggle, the grind, the enslavement we currently buy into in this world. Or we choose freedom, we choose to own the radiant Beings we are without the masks and the illusion of the identity we forced on ourselves…
We can choose to own our vulnerabilities, our perfect imperfections, our pain, and all the mechanisms we used to survive the world we believed we were in… We can choose how we look at our world and to show up to it with our full authentic selves. This goes without saying, that we’d do this in our relationship as well… And what a different relationship that becomes…
When we disentangle ourselves from the constructions, the illusions, is when we are truly free, empowered, and sovereign… This is when we are truly living the life we are supposed to live, and when we win at the Game of Life…
You have a choice to continue to hang on to your identify as you know it, or to start taking off the mask for a more real and magnificent life experience…
APPLICATION: Ponder on how you identify yourself, the positive and the negative characteristics, how you create your appearance, how you choose to show up to your life, how you choose to do your days…
~ Note, that these are all choices…
~ Note, that you can choose a different perspective, to feel differently, and to operate differently…
~ Note, that you can create the relationship and life you want…
Take an immediate action to shift the course you are on to win at the Game of Life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What do you think about the concept of Unconditional Love? I believe this is very challenging for people because of the expectations that exist in the relationship. They equate love with the other showing up a certain way…
If my partner checks off these boxes, then I love them… Think about this for a second, how crooked is that… We obviously then don’t necessarily love the person but what they do and how they make us feel… How they meet our needs, take care of us, add to our status, and such… So, we actually love them on paper? It seems that way…
But we know better, don’t we. We just have a philosophical, or practical, depending on how you choose to look at it, issue with the concept of Unconditional Love. Because even though your partner is not perfect, and they might get on your nerves, and maybe are not meeting your needs, you still love them, right?
So then why struggle with the concept of Unconditional Love? Owning this will not make your partner be a worse partner- this is not a get out of jail free card. LOL
What would happen if you embraced the concept of Unconditional Love? If you really approached your partner and your relationship with this lens on and interacted from this perspective as much as possible. If you didn’t focus on your partner’s imperfections. If you didn’t worry about fairness and supposed doubled standards.
If you didn’t get hang up on whether your partner apologized. If you didn’t go into your partner’s circle and told them how to be, feel and do. If you didn’t try to make your partner do things the way you would, or the way you want. If you didn’t have expectations of what you should get out of this relationship. And so on…
~ What if you just loved your partner because they are awesome. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are on this Journey with you. ~ What if you just loved your partner because they are a fellow Human Being existing in this now and in this relationship with you…
What if you became aware of, if you are not already, to the fact that you are actually an energetic being that appears solid and living in this meat suit because we live in a 3D reality and our experience is limited to what we pick up with our senses…
And, as this energetic being you are actually beyond your mere body, you are actually one with all that is… And so is your partner… AND, as such you are actually ONE…
You are actually part of the whole Universe, you are part of Unity Consciousness- Love Consciousness…
Do you see the implications of this? There is so much here… For now, let’s highlight this, if you are One,
~ When you judge, criticize, scorn, control, reject, or shun your partner, you are doing that to yourself as well…
~ When you don’t like something in your partner, you don’t like that in yourself- might not even be aware you have that…
As soon as you give your partner compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these for yourself…
As soon as you focus on giving yourself compassion, acceptance, and freedom- Love, you’ll feel these from your partner!
When we open ourselves to this inquiry and possibility, and let go of a lower-self experience of lack (we are missing something), attachments (we need certain outcomes), and control (we need to make the things happen) this is when our suffering ends…
This is what the Practice of Letting Go is about… This is about Trusting… About having Faith…
These mindsets, egoic patterns…, just create the struggle we are trying to overcome… These are what hold us back from being able to embrace the Unconditional Love we are capable of and that would make everything so much easier…
~ Lack is driven by believing we are separate and not whole, which leads to sadness, grief, loneliness, aloneness, hopelessness, depression and so on which lead to focusing on fairness and double standards, judging imperfections, self-numbing [flight response…]
~ Attachments are driving by believing we need certainty and certain outcomes which leads to let down, disappointment, resentment, frustration, anger and so on which lead to demanding apologies, owning the other, and getting stuck on expectations [fight response…]
~ Control is driven by believing that we have to make things happen and have to do all the doing which leads to fear, stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, anxiety and so on which lead to over-functioning, micromanaging, doing everything ourselves, not accepting help [freeze response…]
So you see, when we get in our own way with our limited mindset we impact how we feel and experience ourselves, our partner, and the world… Not to mention our nervous system and the rest of our biology and hence our health, and our overall energy and what we are able to manifest…
Addressing these egoic patterns allows us to more easily embrace Unconditional Love and make our relationship, and whole Human Experience, much more satisfying- more radiant, more divine…
Here is to embracing Unconditional Love more this month and going forward…
APPLICATION: Set time aside to contemplate and meditate on the concepts of Unconditional Love and Unity Consciousness…
~ Did you feel peace, joy, love, Oneness?
~ After you quiet yourself down, explore how you might still have limiting mindsets. Observe your lack, attachments and control patterns of thought, feelings and behaviors…
~ Identify which of the three is more prominent for you and decide to gently address these and let them go…
~ Share your discovery and commitment with your partner, with no strings attached…
When we reprogram and release our egoic patterns, it is easier to create / manifest what we desire in our life experience… It is much easier to embrace Unconditional Love and enjoy the Journey…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Hey, here is our chance to design our upcoming year. What will you add to yours? Being intentional about the relationship and life we create Allows us to create it… Intentioning is very powerful and underestimated… We want to be proactive and intentional about our life design, but we don’t want to be rigid with this… The key is focusing on what you would like to have more of in the New Year.
Step1-Clearing: Decluttering, letting go and making room for the new Step2-Celebrating: Reviewing and acknowledging experiences and accomplishments Step3-Contemplating: Visioning and planning for what we’d like for the New Year Step4-Candescenting: Mapping out of radiant experiences to expand ourselves Step5-Coordinating: Integrating plans and goals into your lifestyle Step6-Communing: Getting on the same page and collaborating on this with our partner
The thing is that depending on where we are in our relationship and our life, and our current circumstances, we might benefit from doing more or less planning…
~ The more we feel we, our relationship, and our life are a mess, the more we benefit from having a more concrete thought-out plan, that has clear routines, habits, and tactics. We need to really choose the things we want in our life that flow from our desires, vision, and values.
We can’t leave things to chance because things are so chaotic that we’ll just create more of that. Without a clear plan and guidelines, we’d just keep spinning and banging around… And the less likely we are to get out of this situation and current circumstances…
~ The more we feel we are doing ok, the lighter the planning can be where we can be more organic in our approach to our life. In this case we are in fabulous health, we are creating a radiant and successful relationship with our partner, and our life feels magical… We manifest easily and with ease.
Things feel smooth, pretty, and abundant most of the time. We’ve done the heavy lifting, all the doing, all the grinding and have moved to a more magnetic, flowy, and peaceful approach to all aspects of our life…
Our approach to our planning for wrapping up the current year and setting ourselves up for the New Year is to be tailored to where we are and how we are doing.
Regardless of whether we need a more organized plan or a more fluid plan, I want to offer the next level to our “planning”…
The next planning level has to do with bringing more awareness and intentionality to our planning…
Sometimes the vision we are working towards, and the goals and strategies we have been operating from, might be outdated… We could be expanding on preferences and desires conceived and outlined from an older version of ourselves… To add to this for our coming year would be a mistake for us as it keeps up with the ladder leaning against the wrong wall.
A revision and update might be needed to really capture how we have evolved and where we want to go…
And this is the icing:
The key is to focus on Allowing more of what we are looking to have more of by getting out of our own way. By Letting Go of outdated ideas, limiting beliefs, scripts, fear, defenses, ego, and such…
When we clean ourselves up and get lighter by reprogramming or releasing patterns and stuck energies, then we are more resourced to make our dreams come true, dreams without attachments, dreams that just feel fabulous in their own right… Dreams that just come true, easily and with ease as if by magic…
Consider what do you want more of in your relationship/life, and what do you need to let go of to be able to create that in your relationship/life- to Allow that to come into your relationship/life… More clarity and a cleaner slate help us do the right planning for us.
Then, set a clear Intention of what you desire, what you would like to experience, in the coming year to electrify and magnetize your plan… Make your plan come Alive…
APPLICATION: Decide if you need an organized or a fluid plan for the new year if you haven’t done yours yet. Make a commitment to create yours by end the end of the year…
~ Make sure you capture what the new version of you desires ~ Make sure you bring in what you’d like to add to your relationship/life in the New Year ~ Set an Intention for how you’d like the upcoming year to flow and feel
Approaching your yearly planning in a flexible manner that honors where you are at and who you are becoming is a delightful way to set yourself up to have your Best Year yet!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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