metrorelationship Archives - Page 10 of 23

How to Rock in Your Relationship!

Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have.

This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…

What’s really amazing to even me is that I don’t get tired of this and I’m not kidding, I’m obsessed. I build my days around these concepts. They drive my every intervention in session with my clients and are the drivers behind everything I create.

How can we do this better? How can we build on our strengths? How can we invest, contribute, nurture, related, etc. better? All driven by a desired to see people accomplished in life and in their relationship… I want us to have our best Human Experience…

As I continue on my search to assist others, and myself, in this endeavor I have found a common denominator underlying an awesome life and relationship. I have found that to be Self Love and Self Acceptance… I’ve written about this before maybe not in these exact terms, but the theme has been pervasive. It is ringing loud in my head.

As if I’m to go to the top of a mountain and yell this down for those that still don’t get it to get on board… I’m reading works on high achievement and performance, peak potential, conscious living and the like. I’m fine-tuning my language and context… I’m learning that even more specifically, the key is Self Mastery.

It exhilarates me to explore and research this, to connect the dots in different ways, to integrate concepts, fields and schools in new ways, to translate them into accessible frameworks, to devise practical mechanisms for ready consumption for improving our quality of life and relationship.

The marrying of Self Mastery to creating our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship is paramount. I am now understanding more and more my purpose…, how I’m the translator and integrator of these concepts and conduit for implementation. At first glance, this might all seem obvious and others are already on this wagon. But if this is so obvious and accessible, why aren’t we all extremely successful in all areas of our life?

I know that we are our own worst enemy. We for sure get in our own way. I see this day in and day out in my practice, and dare I share, in my own life. I know we are not perfect. But I know most of us can do much better than we do… Therefore, the challenge of the day is how can we improve our Self Mastery? How can we take charge of ALL aspects of our lives in a way that create massive results for us?

We have a tendency to play victim, point fingers, blame circumstances, and find excuses for things that don’t go as we wish in our lives. What we fail to see over and over is that we are creating our life either intentionally or unintentionally. Either by design, or by accident and lack of ownership, we are creating it…

It is imperative that we start taking charge, that we set out to intentionally create what we desire, that we make sure we function at our most optimal level, that we do not leave anything to chance. Why wouldn’t we go about creating a Magnificent Life and Relationship intentionally, rather than leaving it to chance and trial and error? Doesn’t that seem silly to you not to do so?

So for today, I want us to first take a pledge to take our life seriously and to decide to create a Master Piece – obviously including our relationship… Then, I want us to focus on developing Self Mastery.

This means: — Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques — Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset — Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones — Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan — Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy — Harnessing the Power of Focus — Creating a Personal Brand — Embracing Your Purpose

I know that Being our Best Self invites our Partner’s Best Self to come out and play with us… I know that when we bring our Best Self forward, we create and attract awesomeness in our life and relationship. I know that when we bring our Best Self forward that we live our Authentic Life. I know that when we rock, we Rock!

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Rocking!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Rate your level of Self Mastery in the areas listed below (1 lowest – 10 highest):

___ Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques

___ Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset

___ Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones

___ Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan

___ Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy

___ Harnessing the Power of Focus

___ Creating a Personal Brand

___ Embracing Your Purpose

Note your top 3 lowest ratings. Pick one of these. This requires your immediate attention to get you moving further along your path of High Achievement, Accomplishment and Success in your life AND relationship. Determine how you will invest in enhancing your Self Mastery in your chosen area. Determine your first actionable step towards implementation, and get to it! Add this to your Tool Kit…

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.

Are You On Your Partner’s Priority List?

by Emma Viglucci

As with busyness comes neglect of things we care about, our partner is usually one of the first to go. This is very unfortunate as most would say that the relationship with their partner is one of the things they care about most in life. But, still they usually come in last on the priority list.

I see people trying to take care of everything but their partner. They worry about clean houses, gifts for relatives and friends, work, email, etc. By the time the end of the day arrives, they are too exhausted to have fun and connect with their partner. They claim they want to, but they are too tired… People are too tired for the good stuff!! Isn’t that something?

We worry about our quality of life, but we really do little to make sure we have the quality of life we want day-in and day-out. We believe that more money will provide a higher quality of life and so focus our energies on working more for our money.

We end up overextended, stressed, and exhausted. This is hardly conducive to a “high quality of life.” When we are in this context, we can’t find pleasure in the little everyday things and interactions that make up our life.

The Fall and Winter are magnet month’s for staleness in relationships. We get caught up with the children’s school and extra curricular schedules, with meeting end of year deadlines, with the Holidays, etc. that we overbook and overextend ourselves to the point that we can’t handle anything or anyone else placing demands on us. We can’t even take pleasure on the things we are working for!

So, how do we make sure we stay on our partner’s priority list, and them in ours? How do we keep our relationship from getting stale?

We take care to create a Couple Routine. A Couple Routine is an explicit plan that delineates when and how to have contact. This needs to include small daily connecting rituals, weekly dates, time set aside for joint projects, weekend trips, vacations, romantic dinners, gifts, etc.

The Couple Routine set up now for the next few months will ensure that when you are in go-go-go mode, and have no time or inclination to think about connecting and having fun with your partner, that is already taken cared of. All you have to do is follow your plan.

Of course, your plan will be specific enough that it’ll have its details scheduled in your calendar. So, you’d have automated your relating taking the guesswork out of the equation and the chance for your partner not to make it to your priority list.

This task actually blocks out time from your calendar preventing you to overbook yourself and forget your partner and be too tire to interact with your partner. It takes out the staleness before it even manifests! And, because you’ve booked and committed yourself to interacting and connecting with your partner that will automatically get you on their priority list! Try it and see!!

Happy Prioritizing!!!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Create your Couple Routine. Go through your calendar and book dates, outings, project times, weekend trips, dinners, joint down time, etc. If you follow a TimeMap, it already blocks out “social time” that includes couple time. Then all you have to do is put in activities in the allotted times of your calendar.

You may also want to get “Time Management from the Inside Out“: It gives you a play by play on creating your “TimeMap.” Use this book to help you automate your Couple Routine. Let it guide your daily moves to create connection and fun with your partner!

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Sustenance for a Thriving Relationship

by Emma Viglucci

When partners create tunnel vision in their lives focusing all their energies on certain endeavors, they tend to loose sight of their partner and the relationship. These are the partners who feel disconnected and end up dissatisfied in their relationship.

A relationship can’t survive, never mind thrive, in neglect and abandonment. When our lives are full of To-Dos, chores, demands, busyness, obsessions, addictions, and are just plain focused on one or more particular endeavors (work, projects, children, etc.), we create a negative context for our partnership, a sea of muck for it to drown in.

When our partner falls down low on our priority list, are simply not taken into consideration on our daily coming and goings, or are just there because they are expected to make our life easier, we have lost sight of a key person in our life and a key factor in our happiness and satisfaction.

Life tends to get in the way of our relationship if we let it. We get too absorbed in what we are doing that we fail to appropriately attend to our partner and relationship. The longer we remain in this sea of darkness, the harder it is to find our way back to the bright shore…

I have seen this happen all too often. Partners share how they had set out to work really hard to secure their future together, but lost each other on the process. Some were so intent on their path that they got in each other’s way, and yet others just went down different paths and realized it when it was too late!

When these couples come in for counseling, they are so disconnected, hurt, dissatisfied, disillusioned and resentful, that a lot of our initial work has to do with undoing this mess! We have to rescue the couple back from the depths of darkness and the grip of death.

To prevent this gloomy scenario from becoming a reality in their relationship, partners need to make a conscious effort to avoid taking the relationship and their partner for granted. They need to be aware of when routines become too routine, when they are rushing about and are not present, and when they are consumed with other priorities and are neglecting and abandoning their partner, and take a moment to nurture the relationship give to their partner.

Stop being distracted by life and start swimming to shore!

Happy Swimming!!!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Create a list each of Caring Behaviors you would like to experience from your partner. Make the lists comprehensive and thorough so each partner has a wide variety of nurturing behaviors to choose from their partner’s list. Implement two Caring Behaviors each day and recycle items. These are a gift. Don’t keep tabs and don’t hold them over each other’s head. Enjoy giving each other pleasure!

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How to Crush Transitions

by Emma Viglucci

Oh boy, it’s that time of year when transitions are most prevalent. How do you manage transitions? How do you gear up for new phases, stages, developments, plans, routines, opportunities, seasons, and such? These show up in all areas of our life.

Some of us do better than others at managing transitions well. Leaving something we know, or love, for something new is not always easy. Peeps who experience ADD have specially challenging times with this – switching gears is not easy.

Here are two ways to go about any transition with smashing results and wonderful feelings: Coordinate the Color of Your Underwear – I know some peeps are not fans of picking-up, putting away, decluttering, sorting, organizing, and the big P word – Planning… There are certain personality types that love this kind of thing, others not so much. Planning cannot be overly emphasized when it comes to transitions.

Knowing why, what, how, when, and next moves crates safety, security, ease, control and empowerment. When we know what to expect, our anxiety level goes down and we are able to have a better experience. This is also a sure way to minimize drama, surprises, things going wrong, not being prepared or not having what is needed, and so on. So, go ahead and plan to your heart’s content. Go nuts. You’ll be happy you did later.

Hint – Why not go In with a bang by being super duper organized and prepared? Have a birth plan and nursery set up before your third trimester. Have everything packed, movers and organizers, utilities, and deliveries set up before move-in day. Have back to school clothes, supplies, routines, and activities set up before the end of the summer. Have the first quarter products and launches developed and scheduled before the end of the year. Get my drift?

Get Out the Sparklers – Sometimes we have a hard time transitioning because we can’t let go. We enjoy the current status, situation, location, activity, moment, season, and anything else too much that the thought of no longer having it is unbearable. We can’t think of the next thing because we don’t want to let go of the current thing. Because we worry about it ending, we don’t get to enjoy it… We are neither here nor there. What a waste.

The best antidote for this is to go out with a bang! What would make enduring the end worthwhile? What would make a memorable closure? How can you REALLY enjoy the last of it? What ritual can you put in place to let go and say goodbye? How can you celebrate or acknowledge the change? Having a rocking last experience assists the wrapping up process.

It helps cut the cord. It helps to let go. So, go ahead and set up a feast of an experience to start moving on. Go nuts. You’ll be happy you did later

Hint – Why not go Out with a bang by absolutely devouring, enjoying, living and celebrating every last morsel of your present? Make the last day at the job a pranks day. Move on to your promoted position by taking out your current team for decadent gourmet desserts.

Celebrate completing a training program or higher education with a themed dinner party with classmates. Throw a block bash before moving to your new home. Have a rocking New Year’s Eve masquerade party. Give your family a philanthropic, adventurous, luxurious, creative, you name it unique experience to wrap up their summer. Get my drift?

Whether you choose to mastermind what’s coming, orchestrate a closure bash, or both, you will be ahead of the game in managing any transition you are currently facing. This level of intentionality is the meat and potatoes of creating a meaningful life. This allows for living and enjoying. No efforting. No noise. No drama. No nonsense.

When we invest in actualizing and celebrating through transitions, we manifest what we desire with ease, calm, peace, tranquility, security, satisfaction, gratification, strength, joy, and bliss. This is how things should be. This is what it means to live Authentically, to actually Live our life. This is the point…

Don’t miss out on the point… Have your full human experience by noticing, proactively creating, and living your life… At every turn you have a chance to create the life experiences your desire. At every turn you have the opportunity to enjoy the experiences you create. Enjoy them all… Live Authentically…

Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…

Happy Transitioning!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Identify a transition you are currently facing that you would like to crush. Invite your partner to be your crushing partner! Decide if you’ll mastermind what’s coming, orchestrate a closure bash, or both. Get really organized, thorough, resourceful, creative, and innovative. Really go for it. Invest in actualizing and celebrating in a big way. Pull out all the plugs. Enjoy the partnering process and the smashing outcome… Add this to your Tool Kit…

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Connecting and Getting More Intimate

by Emma Viglucci

A common complaint in relationships is partners feeling disconnected from each other. I hear this as one of the primary concerns couples present with in my practice, aside from fighting a lot and not communicating.

As a couple is composed of two different individuals who have different histories, upbringings, personalities, ways of looking at things and processing information, styles of communication and many other individual characteristics, it is easy to get disconnected. This gets even further compounded with current dynamics and contexts if an effort to stay connected is not made.

As partners are different from each other in all these areas, it comes as no surprise that they are different in what they need to feel connected and to connect as well. I have come across three different styles of connecting:

ACTIVE (doing)- The partner wants to do fun activities, projects, or other endeavors together. They look to feel like a partnership, a unit, or a team. They seek to have a common sense of purpose, a shared destination. They want approaches, goals, tasks spelled out. These partners are on the go and are busy.

PASSIVE (being)– The passive partner enjoys being around the other regardless of whether they interact. They can sit together doing individual activities or a joint one that does not require interaction (i.e., watching T.V.). They feel connected as long as they are physically close to one another. I’ve even heard this type of partner feeling connected by just carrying the thought of the other with them.

EXPRESSIVE (talking) – These types of partners need to explore and share feelings and thoughts. They need to analyze and process their interactions, relationship, vision, needs, wishes, etc. These partners are very emotionally expressive and usually very verbal. Issues, concerns or ideas need to get discussed.

What I often see happening with couples is that the partners have different connecting needs and styles and are not really aware of it or have not figured out how to work out this kink.

When partners remain entrenched in their different styles they have difficulties connecting, meeting each other’s needs, getting on the same page, achieving joint goals, and feeling satisfied in the relationship. These partners also have a hard time being more intimate both emotionally and physically as they constantly miss each other.

The task of the partners, to ensure this kink does not cause havoc in their relationship and future together, is to first become aware that they have different styles of connecting, and different needs, and then to try connecting in their partner’s style and meeting their partner’s needs.

As I’ve written before, one partner always needs to start first taking responsibility for changing the status quo (or situation at hand) and getting things moving in a better direction. If both partners continue to wait for the other to start making changes, they’ll be both waiting a long time.

Once, the ball starts rolling, it picks up momentum: the other partner follows suit. Believe me it is true. I’ve seen this happen more often than not. Granted, the other partner might need some guidance, but because they are being showed love and interest they are willing to learn and stretch themselves. Give it a try and watch your bond flourish!

Happy Flourishing!!!

~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Think on your connecting styles and identify how these promote your missing each other. Come up with specific examples for when you appeared to be out of sync. Approach your partner with this understanding and have a discussion about how to take turns using each of your styles, incorporating a new one, or in some other way compromising, so that you do get to connect and have your needs met.

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.

How to Rock in Your Relationship!

Are You On Your Partner’s Priority List?

Sustenance for a Thriving Relationship

How to Crush Transitions

Connecting and Getting More Intimate

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