In our society Freedom is one of our most valuable assets and one we tend to take for granted. How we perceive and define our freedom is directly correlated to our sense of power and our ability to design the relationship and life we want. When we get stuck looking at our situation with a murky set of glasses and limited parameters, it is inevitable that we’d feel stuck, boxed in, without options, and even controlled.
It is crucial to your wellbeing to explore your definition of freedom and expand your parameters. If you have a limited perspective, you’ll get a limited outcome!
One’s independence and ability to be oneself, assert oneself, have one’s own life, and do what one may with it is essential to the survival of one’s spirit. When these are, or we believe these are, compromised our human essence is crippled. Our very survival is at stake. We have to take care of our Self to survive.
The problem then arises that we forget (because we are triggered) that we are Free. We forget that we do have Power. We forget that we can make things happen, and Exist and Be Okay. In so doing we operate in survival mode and resort to primitive coping mechanisms of fight, flight or freeze. Our old brain kicks in and our modern brain shuts down.
What does this mean? This means that we do funny stuff! To our partner and others we look selfish, inconsiderate and even unloving. Even though we are trying to survive, our behaviors might be downright injurious. We might resort to over indulgences and other dangerous acts.
We might pick fights, run away, or become otherwise unavailable. We feel stuck and unable to affect in any way. We feel so powerless, confused and lost that we question everything and yet can’t do anything about anything – or so we think. Stop this nonsense now before you do some real damage!
Stop blaming your circumstances for your situation and your partner for your dynamics. This is codependent and very limiting. Don’t give your power away. Expand your perspective and become creative with your interpretations and perceptions. Stop playing the old record…
Own your independence, your freedom, your Self and you’ll see your choices and options. You can make changes. Start authoring your life and write your happy ending. You can design and live the relationship and life you want. And, you can do this now!
Happy Independence!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Your situation, relationship and life are a product of what you put in. What you put in depends on how you look at it all. You can choose what you see and how you interpret it. Choose wisely! Put in something different. Contribute from your individuality and uniqueness. Create space for your partner to put in something different if they so choose to. It is Ok to be independent individuals – we are all interconnected in the end anyway…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Unless we live in a cabin isolated from the world, grow our own veggies, and paint all day, we pretty much rely on our left brain (logical, technical, verbal brain) to live our lives, and even then we would still need our left brain to carry out life’s most basic functions.
It is when we predominantly use our left brain and shut out our right brain experience (instinctual, intuitive, empathic, feeling, creative brain) that our existence is out of balance and we don’t do so well…
Living life from a predominantly left brain approach robs us of the opportunity to be in touch with our wholeness, authentic self, brilliance, wisdom, and personal power and therefore from fully showing up to our life and our relationships!
When we allow ourselves to use our right brain, to be in touch with and develop its abilities, life becomes a richer and more meaningful experience. Allowing our right brain to have a more significant role in our approach to life helps us transcend the mundane, mechanical, obsessive, empty, isolated and task oriented world to an enlightened world of beauty, peace, mindfulness, elation, excitement, tenderness, love, connection and altruism.
Imagine bringing these abilities to your relationship on a daily basis! Imagine heeding your instincts, intuiting needs and wishes, feeling your full range of emotions, empathizing with your partner, feeling and getting each other, genuinely interacting with one another, creatively journeying through life together. What a magnificent relationship that would be!!
This magic is already a part of you. It is inherent in your humanness. It is your Aladdin’s Lamp waiting to be shined to make your dreams come true. This is where the essence of you lies patiently awaiting to be summoned into the game of life. Integrate your left and right brain functions. Call forth your right brain lore to your everyday ways and to participate in your relationship. Surprise your partner with an enlightened you!
Happy Summoning!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
To integrate our right and left brains, we have to draw out our shy right brain and exercise its atrophied muscles. Here are some simple ideas and resources to assist you access your right brain and all it has to offer:
6) Get the energy flowing in your body with holistic work: Get body massages, see a chiropractor, visit an acupuncturist, consult a nutritionist (for proper nutrition, supplementing, cleansing and necessary fasting), etc…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Our body is our most important possession. It houses, protects and enables our most precious possession – our brain. Our brain creates and generates our mind and the essence of us. It makes us who we are on a daily basis. It is the CEO of Me, Inc. It is the master mind of our life. Some say it is where our soul resides.
The beauty of it is that even after acknowledging this the brain still remains a mystery. Brain scientists have come a long way figuring out a lot about how the brain works, what different parts of the brain do and how it all fits together, but we still have longer to go. As a species, we only use a small percentage of our brain and its potential. The scary part is that most of us do not even fully tap into the percentage that we are supposed to be using!
One brain ability that most people might not be aware of and that is definitely not tapped into enough, is that of being in connection with our fellow human beings, and even the universe at large…, by ways other than talking, touching and the like. The brain can be likened to a radio transmitter where it is constantly sending and receiving messages. We are in constant communication with others whether we are aware of it or not.
This is a major concept to take in: Yes, we are constantly sending to and receiving messages from others – good and bad. Take a moment to take that in. The implications of this are massive. This means that all of humanity is interconnected. That we are all connected in the fabric of life.
That we are all connected as human beings and with the universe at all times. The application of this is infinite. When we tap into this tremendous resource we can conquer life!
This is obviously also true in your relationship. You are in constant connection and communication with your partner. The vibes you send out reach your partner loud and clear. Your energy in your relationship is picked up by your partner loud and clear. And, vice versa. What are you sending out? Are you sending desperate, needy, mean, aggressive, conniving, deceitful, isolating, rejecting, “leave me alone” kind of messages?
This can shed light into the common Maximizer (all is big, emotional) / Pursuer and Minimizer (all is small, appears emotionless until pushed to anger) / Distancer dynamic in couples. The Pursuer wants to do things together, the Distancer wants space. The pursuer says, “I haven’t even asked to hang out all week, and when I ask for 5 minutes all hell breaks loose.” The distancer says, “We spent all day together Saturday!”
But the Pursuer has been thinking about their partner 24/7, how little they get, how selfish their partner is, how little their partner gives them and the like. The Distancer has been thinking about how to get away, how to get a breather, how their partner is needy, how they would like 5 minutes to themselves and the like.
The partners’ vibes are speaking louder than their behavior (words and actions). The messages are loud and clear and not consistent with the superficial behavior. Partners are not aware that their energy is transparent, that their vibes are giving them away. In their interactions they unconsciously react using the knowledge picked up from the vibes.
The partners are left in a state of dissonance and feeling out of sync, disconnected, not on the same page, and misunderstood.
Partners are actually very in sync with one another. They are picking it all up. They know everything they need to know… All they have to do is mindfully and consciously tap into their invisible connection and source of knowledge and operate from this wisdom!
This is not about making assumptions, mind reading or owning our partner. This is about being in touch with our source of knowledge, our ability to intuit, and our hunches. This is about using our gut feelings. This is about being empathetic, compassionate and understanding. Our partner’s vibes and energy convey their turmoil, hurt and needs.
We can be consciously in touch with that and start feeling in sync and connected. We can be consciously in touch with that and do our share of the nurturing and healing. Remember, we are all interconnected – in giving to our partner we are also giving to ourselves…
Own your self and put your self to work. Harness your brain power. Let your mind do its magic. Tap into your energy, straighten out your energy, focus your energy and unleash it on the world!!
Happy Minding!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your partner into a Tapping into Our Energy couples project. You may create a couple ritual, add an activity into your routine as a couple or individually to assist you tap into your energies and use them to feel connected, in sync, understood and gotten. Here are some activities that can assist you tap into your energies:
1) Power walk, jog, run, ride your bikes, go hiking 2) Do Yoga, quiet your mind 3) Pray, meditate, self-hypnotize, positively and creatively visualize 4) Sit in nature, sit in front of a fire place in silence 5) Read scriptures, read other inspiring materials 6) Journal 7) Paint, draw, sketch, photograph 8) Listen to classical music, listen to sounds of nature 9) Cuddle in silence, hold hands 10) Get a massage, take a bubble bath, burn scented candles
BONUS TIP: Go to a silence retreat
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Our relationship is a great conduit to our inner world, core self and inner energy. Through our relationship we can learn about, heal, stretch, grow, and transcend ourselves! What a magnificent gift to ourselves, our partner, and the world!!
Of course we can get the most benefit out of this union if we are aware, mindful, and nurturing of our partnership, each other and ourselves. The union with our partner creates a possible context for safety and fertile ground for us to flourish individually and as a team. In relationship we can create the proper structure to support this development and encourage our authentic selves to come out and shower the world with our talents and uniqueness.
Our authentic self can be invited to come out and play when we can be still and open; when we don’t mire our being with noise, doing, and reactivity. When our environment and relationship are relaxed and safe, our defenses go down and we can show up to our relationship and our life.
We can tap into our core and authenticity and bring them forth. When both partners are able to accomplish this and integrate their gifts, amazing things can happen. They can co-create a joint vision and a phenomenal life!
Here are tips to inspire and assist you tap into your core self and let your authenticity come out and play:
Allow your partner to be themselves and not who you want them to be
Accept your partner with warts and all
Own your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and stop owning your partner’s
Contain your reactions and allow your self time and space to RESPOND to your partner
Share your wishes, goals and dreams
Share yourself from your strengths, uniqueness, gifts, talents, passion, wisdom
Stretch and grow yourself by giving your partner something that is difficult for you to give
Gift your partner with thoughtful and nurturing quasi, or full-blown, romantic gestures
Pamper and stimulate yourself physically, socially, spiritually, and intellectually
Be mindful of your internal and external dialogues and interactions: Take out the noise and clutter!
BONUS TIP 1: Use some of your leisure time to sit with your self in quiet reflection
BONUS TIP 2: Create a nurturing fun ritual with your partner
Go ahead, create safety, tap into your core self, and bring your authentic self to play in your relationship and your life! Live and enjoy your relationship and life to the fullest!!
Happy Inspiring and Tapping!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take on a joint summer activity, hobby, project or venture with the agreement that you will each bring to the table your unique strengths, talents, skills and gifts.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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