We all have dreams, wishes and goals. There are things we want for ourselves, our partner, our family. Sometimes though we find that it is difficult, if not impossible, to make our wish a reality.
We may want to start a new business, go back to school, learn a new trade, pick up a new hobby or project, throw a party, have the house a certain way, keep fit, enroll in activities with our children, have more intimate and fun moments with our partner, having another child, etc. But life gets in the way and we just dream about these and never see them materialize.
This is an ugly way to go about our days and our life. We are not really living when we barely make it through “reactive” tasks everyday and then the day is over. Some people go through their days just putting out fires and not getting anywhere.
The thing is that in partnership your wishes and dreams can come true. It is difficult enough to motivate ourselves and set ourselves up to achieve success without the added burden of fighting our partner in the process.
When our partner becomes our ally and a team player the energies that would normally go into convincing, cajoling, nagging, and compensating for them could be better put to use into making our wishes and dreams come true. Plus, when our partner works with us, life has a funny way of magically becoming a lot easier, fun and rewarding.
So, how can you invite your partner to team-up with you so you can create your dreams and have your wishes come true? Here are 10 ways to get your partner on your team:
Show appreciation for the things, efforts and sacrifices they do and make
Focus on the positive
Give constructive feedback, only when asked
Ask your partner to brainstorm alternate solutions when you are both stuck on how to resolve something
Compromise – give in an inch
Show kindness, gentleness and thoughtfulness
Give lots of TLC (tender, love and care)
Show them you are listening (repeat back what they say) and understand their point of view (from their perspective not yours)
Don’t do the tit-for-tat game
Trade favors
When you operate from this “nice” place your partner will want to spend time with you, be with you, make life easier and share it with you. They’ll be in your team and help you create the life and partnership you want. So, go ahead and “invite” your partner into partnership!
Happy Partnering!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Have a discussion about concrete behaviors you and your partner need to be of support to each other to allow each of you to accomplish and achieve your personal goals (i.e., trading babysitting, cleaning the house out of junk food, shopping for healthy foods and snacks, cooking healthy meals, sharing household chores, tweaking sleeping schedules, scheduling work out routines, putting certain amount of money for a specific endeavor, etc.)
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Often times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side.
This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget how to have fun together … Too often I hear couples question whether they still have anything in common or if they ever did, wonder how to rebuild that into their relationship, and struggling with it once they do.
Our partnership, long-term relationship or marriage, cannot be all business. This is the quickest way to fall out of love, take each other for granted, not feel each other or feel disconnected, get on each other’s nerves, lose attraction, and other crippling states.
It behooves us to make investing in our relationship a priority. This can take on many forms – nurturing gestures, spending quality time together, outings and trips, sharing dreams, completing joint projects, learning and using new relationship skills, building the tolerance muscle of allowing each partner to Be themselves and bringing that to interactions and fun time …
Create space to allow fun in your relationship and a system for making it happen! Watch the video above to guide you in immediately incorporating fun in your relationship.
5 Tips for Extra Relationship Fun:
1) Embrace differences
2) Create own Wish Lists of 10+ “fun” ideas
3) Pick from each other’s lists and plan the activity you each choose
4) Stretch to gift your partner from their list …
5) Systematize for ongoing fun … !
It’s time to have fun! Watch the video to learn about these steps and start applying them now. Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Enjoy your relationship like never before. Bring your uniqueness, interests, excitement and Self to your fun time. Be with your partner to have fun!
Happy Fun Times!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
How do you like to have fun? What are your interests? Are you pursuing them? How do you spend your down time? How do you recharge? How do you feel alive? How do you feel sexy? When are you super excited? What makes you laugh? What touches your heart? What are adventurous things on your must-dos-before-I-kick-the-bucket list? If you don’t have one, make one! Ponder these things, explore, pursue, share … Give your partner a preview …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Couples share one of the main issues in their relationship is their inability to properly communicate. They feel out of sync, not on the same page, disconnected, and not understood. To top it off their planning, getting things done, resolving conflict, making decisions and such are jeopardized by their lack of communication skill.
Their inept attempt at communicating makes things worse as they hurt each other’s feelings, widen the gulf between them, and feel further misunderstood and alone. Add to this all the other “funny” things partners do in their relationship that make it challenging to get along, and it makes sense they might feel in a slump …
Fear not, start getting out of the slump, addressing issues or simply creating a better relationship with improved communication. The video below gives you instructions on exactly how to do just that!
5 Tips for Better Communication:
1) Make sure you heard the message correctly
2) Show your partner you understand where they are coming from
3) Show your partner you understand how they “feel”
4) Make time to “chat” (dialogue)
5) Deal with your selves while you wait to talk…
Watch the video to learn about these steps and start applying them now. Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want.
Go for it, start the year right with new communication skills and nurturing your relationship!
Happy Communicating!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Identify an item that you want to discuss or address with your partner. Invite them to dialogue about it following the instructions in the video above (share the video with them so you are on the same page!).
Before the “talk”, think about what it is you want to discuss and wrap your mind around your “story” or “point” so you speak your truth in a “clean”, respectful, and mindful manner: share how your emotions, how you are impacted by their behavior, your needs, etc. without beating up your partner. Speak about you, not how much your partner “sucks”…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How hot are you in your relationship? Do you allow your Self to be hot? Are you in touch with your hotness? Does your hotness come out and play? If you are like most partners in a long-term committed relationship, the answer to these questions might not very positive which does not bear well for the passion quotient in your relationship.
What is passion? Do you need it in your relationship? Do you want it? You might be thinking that you can do without it and what’s the big deal anyway.
For some of you this is obvious and the answers are something like, I have a hard time being hot and yes, I want the, or more, passion in my relationship. But, for others this might be a foreign concept to even consider …
The fact is we all want to be Hot and have Passion – however you want to define these for your Self. For in being “hot” we Are ourselves and for in being “passionate” we are Alive … And, what better place is there than our intimate relationship for this playground of life?
But, hotness and passion go out the window, or can’t even enter it, when partners start adopting the socially prescribed notions of being androgynous, egalitarian and independent (worse, become codependent!) in their committed relationship.
These make everything a blur, muted, dull. The relationship becomes an undifferentiated energy mass of sameness, neutrality, PC attitude, and “togetherness” … Yet, partners don’t feel intimacy or connection, never mind passion, Aliveness, as in fact they are choosing not to exist, not to fully show up …
Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with partners embracing stereotypically non-gender specific behaviors, roles, expectations, and attitudes; and, for partners to be equal in their relationship. This is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about pursuing egalitarianism to the point where we lose ourselves, we become something unrecognizable in the pursuit of fairness, equality and justice.
We mute ourselves to squelch stereotypes, disowning what might make us unique and special. And, in our pursuit for independence, to avoid dependence and being “needy”, we live parallel lives not showing up in our relationship and for our partner. Yet, this breeds codependence, stuckness and dissatisfaction.
Let’s get back to the basics. We are Energy. We have a unique vibrational frequency and “flavor”. This uniqueness comes in part from how we balance our male and female energies and own the different aspects of our Selves. The more out of balance, disintegrated and disowning we are, the lower our vibrational frequency and therefore the more muted and dead we are … This is obviously not attractive, never mind Hot!
So, an initial prescription is to own your inherent predominant femininity or masculinity for in this oppositeness is where the magnetism, the attraction, happens. And, own your uniqueness, the characteristics that define you, not your characterological defenses or defense mechanisms, but the Authentic you. This is what makes you Hot.
Explore your energy identity. What does it mean to be masculine or feminine? What does that look like? What does that feel like? How might that come out? How can you expand, enrich, how that shows up? How can you invite your partner’s opposite energy to come out and play? What would be Attractive to your partner? What would draw your partner out? What would excite your partner?
But, before you go focusing on your partner, remember that you are energetically as Attractive and Hot as you feel … Hence, focus on your Self …
Feel your femininity or masculinity. Feel your Self in your body. Feel your body. Take care of your body, and appearance. Pamper your senses. Connect with Nature. Enliven and enrich your environment. Surround your Self with beauty. See the beauty around you.
Connect with your uniqueness, gifts, talents, magic. Let the Light shine through. Honor, gift, your partner with your Presence. Share of your Self – your experience, observations, learnings, dreams, vision, mission.
Welcome your partner witnessing your journey … Allow their influence and support … Let them show up for you … They are your cosmic partner. There is a reason for their being in your life. Revel in the partnership. Let it flourish and fulfill its purpose …
This is where you become Alive. This is where your Partner becomes Alive. This is where Passion resides. This is where there is Meaning and All makes sense … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Passioning!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Shine. Sparkle. Nurture your inherent predominant Feminine or Masculine Energy … Own it, live it: Sway or sturdy your body, undulate or embolden your voice, soften or invigorate your approach. Enliven your presence: Amplify your mannerisms, embellish your language, bolster your appearance and wardrobe, expand your repertoire of behaviors, broaden your preferences, tantalize the senses. Embrace the moment, flirt with it …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
At the beginning of a new year we usually set New Year’s Resolutions or set goals for the upcoming year. I’m not a strong believer of Resolutions, as I’m sure a lot of you are not as well. I don’t believe in them, because they are like hats with nowhere to be hang. They are difficult to stick with because they are superficial commitments not grounded in a larger context, value system or mental shift. That’s why I prefer Goals and Intentions.
Whatever you focus your positive energy you’ll see movement, progress and growth. It has been proven that successful people set goals and faithfully pursue them. They achieve and create the life they want.
When we set goals we tend to focus on individual personal dreams, or work, professional or business related items. Unless one is really into setting goals, has a coach or is very ambitious and organized, other areas of one’s life usually don’t get attention during this process. I want to invite you to change this and put positive energy into your Relationship area as well.
What we focus on grows, evolves. We want to place positive focus and attention into our Relationship and interactions with our partner to create the Dream Relationship we want with our partner. Most partners look for what is wrong with their relationship, how their needs are not met, and how their partner was jerky today.
They have a pretty well developed radar for these things, and when prompted they have no problem sharing a litany of complaints. We do not want to do this. This is a sure way to undermine our relationship, beat up our partner, rapture our connection and be thoroughly dissatisfied in our love life.
Instead, we need to focus on nurturing and enriching our relationship with positive energy and attention for it to be what we want it to be.
1) Dream (dream): Set some time aside with your partner to share your wishes and dreams for your relationship – review these relationship areas: Communication, Intimacy, Sexuality, Fun, and Partnership/Support
2) Deepen (vision): Discuss how you would like each area to be: How would it feel, look, sound, taste, smell? What emotions would it create?
3) Capture (goals): After you have shared your ideas, create a sentence for each area that captures what you discussed.
4) Ground (tasks): Then for each of the areas clarify how you will make that statement come true. Pick one action for each area to implement this week. Here are some ideas:
Communication: how often and how to touch base daily, when to have more meaningful conversations, how to stay current, how to address concerns and issues, what hot (trigger) words to avoid, when to take a breather, promise to stay respectful …
Intimacy: sharing daily happenings, sharing thoughts and feelings, sharing dreams and wishes, setting time aside to be together, synchronizing schedules and routines, making joint plans, sharing personal / professional goals …
Sexuality: how often to have sex, what kind of sex to have, preferences, expanding the repertoire, attending to different body, gender and personal needs and wishes, creating a sensual haven in the bedroom, how else to be physically connected (affection, touch, etc.) …
Fun: what kind of fun to have, expanding the repertoire of fun things to do, trying new things, expanding couple circle of friends, scheduling dates and getaways, joining teams, clubs, or other organized groups together, working out together, starting a joint hobby or project …
Partnership: create a joint calendar to get and stay on the same page, set life goals and create systems to achieve them, assign household chores and other responsibilities by skill and preference, tweak routines and household flow to support each other’s needs …
5) Empower (fuel): When you are done, close your eyes, take a deep couple of breaths letting out any fear, concern, ambivalence, resistance… Letting in love, acceptance, understanding, compassion, patience, strength, resolution… Send your body the message that it’s Ok to be in an intimate connection with your partner… Take another deep breath… Send your partner, and the Universe, the Intention to stay available, safe, supportive, and connected with your partner today and through out the year…
Happy New Year!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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