I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings… I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.
A way to use this is to “grow our wings”. This means doing whatever it takes to become a better version of ourselves: heal any past trauma or emotional wounds, pass your stuck development stage (grow yourself up), re-parent yourself, learn any lacking or improve any weak skill that you wish to have, break any debilitating habits, wrap any unfinished business, close any exits leaking energy, stop or remove any excuses or reasons holding you back.
Embrace your stretch to break your patterns, figure out what makes you the better person and go that route…
Once you’ve tackled growing your wings as mentioned above, the next level of this is to “grow your wings” by leveraging – using others’ wings, systems, and structures to expand your reach. We can only go so far by ourselves. We need leverage to create our World Class Life, for life not to be a struggle but a joy.
We want our life to be a true reflection of our Core Self. We want to own and honor our Authentic Self and live accordingly… We tend to live such small lives… We drown in a glass of water… We miss the forest for the tree…
I have come to know, the hard way unfortunately, that we cannot leverage unless we grow our own wings first… I’ve seen this in my own life, and see this day in and out in my work with clients… Doing our own growing is challenging, some fight even this, so imagine how challenging it is to embrace the higher level of growing by leveraging.
I find that we hold ourselves back in all areas of our lives. If we pursued our becoming our best Self with gusto, then the Universe becomes the limit…
I’m sure this can seem daunting right about now, but don’t let it overwhelm you. This is a special area where your relationship becomes indispensable and the gift it’s meant to be… You have untapped resources inherent to your relationship:
What is a recurring hurt in your relationship with your partner? What is the theme that keeps playing out?
What are things that keep coming up in your relationship that alert you to a growth place?
What is a way in which you hurt your partner that indicates a stretch for you…?
View yourself through your partner’s eyes (this can be painful!)…
Identify how you sabotage your relating and make a parallel to the rest of your life, for how we do anything is how we do everything…
What do you love about your partner that you can emulate? What is an awesome characteristic that makes your partner stand out that you can learn from?
How are you rejecting exactly what you are asking for? How are you shooting yourself on the foot?
What is your partner’s unique gift that you keep squashing?
How can you support your partner’s growth, healing and thriving? (Practically and by working through the questions above…)
How are you dishonoring your Souls’ Contract…?
Did you know that your relationship is a lot more than just a place for fun, paying bills and having children? It’s time you give it is due reverence! Your relationship is the key to your World Class Life… Give it a whirl. Embrace this concept, apply it, work it, invest in it, live by it, honor it with gusto and watch your wings grow… Watch your life become a World Class Life. Live your Authentic Life!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Growing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pay very close attention to how your partner actually does support your Souls’ Contract and stop taking them for granted. Pay attention to how your partner colludes with you for your growth… Call it what it is and appreciate your partner for their gift. Approach challenges with this new take in mind… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Without even realizing or knowing how it happened sometimes couples find that they have gotten themselves stuck in a rut. This is very common and it can happen cyclically in the relationship. The couple’s rhythm inevitably sets this up to happen.
Some things that affect this phenomenon include:How the couple manages itself around the calendar year: Does it take into consideration the inherent high and lows that come with different months, seasonal work, school being in session, and holiday season busyness to prevent burnout and power struggles and reenergize and rejuvenate?
Does it take a look overtime to better manage and schedule demands, activities, vacations, and personal business (i.e., surgeries)? Does it prepare for difficult times and get additional help? Does it take advantage of down times by planning time-off from the everyday and doing fun and stimulating things?
How the couple uses opportunities for fun: Are the partners open to try new things, meet new people, and do something different? Do they accept social invitations? Do they entertain? Do they have a joint hobby? Do they take advantage of what the seasons offer to spice up their interactions and routines? Do they consistently schedule and allow time for fun?
The way the couple structures their activities and routines: Does the couple take into consideration the partners’ different circadian cycles, styles of processing information, learning styles, tolerance levels for stimuli, individual basic needs for sleep and eating, and preferences for relaxing so both their needs are met on a consistent basis?
Does the couple set a consistent routine in the home so there are less power struggles and inefficiency and therefore less wasted energy and resources? Do they have assigned and negotiated chores and responsibilities to prevent areas of conflict? Is their household organized and warm inviting relaxed interactions?
How they set up and pursue goals: Do the partners have clear individual, couple and family goals? Are these negotiated fairly and revisited often to ensure they still meet their needs? Are they realistic? Are they pursued in a balanced effort? Does their decision making flow from their plans and goals?
Do they align themselves with resources and take advantage of opportunities so ensure they achieve their goals? Do they take calculated and informed risks? Do they follow their dreams?
How they manage projects and time: Do the partners have individual interests and demands that are stimulating and challenging? Do they have proper support in their endeavors? Do they take on realistic tasks in terms of skills required, time allotted, and number?
Do they give appropriate time to different tasks, demands, and needs? Are their efforts focused and targeted? Do they take necessary breaks from their endeavors to engender new perspectives and allow flow of creativity?
How the partners maintain their individuality, take care of themselves and their personal needs: Do they have individual and couple friends? Do they have their own hobbies or interests?
Do they pursue personal growth and accomplishments by attending conferences or seminars, going back to school, going to tournaments or doing races or walks, going to psychotherapy, doing avid reading, getting a life coach or a personal trainer, joining a support group, journaling, being involved in their religion, meditating and praying, getting involved in their community, or volunteering?
Do they ask for help? Do they enlist support? Do they establish appropriate boundaries? Do they express their needs and feelings? Is their life balanced? Do they address self-defeating habits? Do they establish and maintain healthy habits? Do they pamper and treat themselves?
How they demonstrate their Affection and Love towards each other: Do the partners have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills? Can they express their needs, wants, wishes, likes and dislikes? Can they get their needs met? Can they ask for what they need? Can they be there for each other?
Do they resolve conflicts? Do they reserve judgment and are accepting and forgiving instead? Are they patient and tolerant? Are they free with their compliments? Do they easily show appropriate affection? Are they warm, sensitive and empathic?
Are they emotionally and physically available? Do they say I Love You? Do they do loving gestures? Do they give appropriate gifts? Are they gentle and caring? Do they pamper and treat each other? Are they respectful and considerate? Are they thoughtful? Do they make love at least once a week?
Do they take care to look their best for each other? Do they make romantic gestures? Do they spring surprises? Are they playful? Do they sensually tease? Do they add mystery to some of their interactions? Do the partners do these on a consistent basis?
Couples can go through a couple of ruts a year or can be stuck in a huge rut for a long time. The more neglect the relationship experiences the more likely these ruts are to happen and stick around. The above categories show areas where couples can be neglectful setting themselves up for a potential rut.
Don’t fall into this trap! Take stock of your approach to relating and creating a life together and see where you might need to start making some changes!
Happy Drumming!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Review the above list with your partner and together identify a category you believe is leading your relationship to a rut. Identify three behaviors you can each do to start creating changes in this area.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly – you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance. How did we outgrow these strengths?
Somewhere along the way, we developed our Ego… Which tells us that some things are beneath us, that what we want should be easy or it’s not meant to be…, that sticking through something is for chumps, that it shouldn’t be hard to get what we want, that we shouldn’t have to work so hard, etc. Even though there is some truth in these, how we frame them and apply them is what is important. For example, some things are beneath us. Being a jerk to less fortunate peeps is beneath us. At the end of the day we are all equal… Doing some tasks might be beneath us, but not because we are better than someone else but because we are wasting our talents and gifts… Get my drift?
The problem here is that we do not place these in the proper context and as a result we lose sight of our path and our innate strengths… It is time to reclaim our inner child’s characteristics and strengths and lead with them. It is time to play a bigger game. And, yes, this does mean being persistent, focused and obsessed. This is how things get accomplished… This is how we get results. Any highly successful person will attest to this…
Highly successful peeps don’t give up at the first sign of disappointment, when they think they’ve tried it all – they still find something else to try…, they create habits and structures that support them, they ask for help when needed, they surround themselves with a success team… Right? This applies to all areas of our life, not just our career or business. It’s just like when we were kids, we practiced doing cartwheels until we could do them effortlessly. Why should our relationship be any different? Why do peeps give up on their partner? Treat your relationship like a cartwheel, keep trying to get it until you do. For if you go at anything with that much enthusiasm, investment and commitment you will get it! How many times did Thomas Edison try before he succeeded in inventing the light bulb?
I know that this sentiment might feel outdated, naïve, unrealistic, codependent, etc. in today’s society… But I believe we give up way too easily on most things we want, especially our relationship. Now I’m not suggesting just staying in a relationship to say you had a long-term relationship… I’m whole-heartedly saying to make your relationship work. If you want your relationship to work, it will! If you go at it as if there is no option but for it to work, you’ll see the difference… This is my approach to my couples and it makes a massive difference…
Stop trying the same things, go at it from a different angle. Get support. Put a success team in place to assist you: house cleaner, sitter, therapist/coach, routine massages and other self-care, etc. Treat your relationship like a goal… Decide how you want your relationship to look and go for it. Break it down to actions, behaviors, and investments. For every characteristic you wish in your relationship, there is at least one behavior you can do consistently to create it… Check it out: Trust – transparency, commitment – dated plans, intimacy – sharing, passion – vulnerability, connection – touching base; you try…
Go for it in terms of how you want to be as a partner… Start being the partner you want to be by consistently carrying out actions to invest in your relationship bank. Make a deposit everyday. Create Relationship Success Habits…
The key is to stay focused, be persistent, and to make consistent targeted, relevant and concrete investments in your relating.
Focus on what YOU are investing and keep doing it… Complete the MetroRelationship™
Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog! Happy Investing! ~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick a Relationship Characteristic you’d like to experience and treat it like a goal… What skills, stretches, do you need to learn? What actions can you implement to become proficient? What concrete investments can you make? Integrate these consistently into your routine, daily interactions. Liken this to being an athlete and training. As an athlete you’d always invest in staying healthy, fit and on top of your game. Make the same kind of commitment in your relationship. Keep on investing, keep a consistent approach and always step it up a notch… Go for the gold! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What do you usually think of when you think of the “f…” word? We probably both think of the same four-letter word, but for today let’s make our “f…” word a more meaningful word. F is for Focus. F is for Freedom. I’ve written before that what we focus on persists.
What we focus on either enables us or enslaves us… We have the power to create our awesome ongoing experience… All we have to do is choose. We have to exercise our freedom of choice. This applies to everything in our lives.
Choose. Focus. Create. This is the power of freedom. When we choose to focus on things we value, appreciate and that make sense to us we enable, activate, expand, manifest our creativity, passion, uniqueness, gifts, Life. When we forgo our power of choice and proceed on automatic we usually focus on lack, things that go wrong, problems and disappointments, how others are not leaving up to our expectations and how unhappy we are.
It’s even worse when you consciously choose to focus on these! For guess what? You won’t have an awesome life or relationship, and certainly not happiness if you live your life with these shackles on. What we focus on persists…
Exercising intentional choice creates happiness. Doing otherwise is to crush our spirit, not honor our Soul. Here is the trick. Choose what you want. Choose how you want to feel. Choose how you want things to look like. Choose the experiences you want to have. Choose what the picture on the canvas of your life and relationship is to be. Don’t have a general or vague idea about these. Actually Choose, for then that is what Is…
Dream, choose, focus, and take massive decisive action. This is the formula to creating the life and relationship you want. You can create anything you want. When you make intentional choices, set goals, put plans and systems in place and invest in them consistently there is no way you can not create what you set out to, or something better…
This is the beauty of owning our freedom. When we exercise our freedom of choice, magnificent things happen. This is the beauty of owning our free will. When we exercise our free will we are in alignment with our Soul (Higher Power, Universe…).
This is where the magic is. Don’t be bound by limiting and narrow expectations, mindset, views, skills, scripts, legacies – take charge, clean these up and expand them. Stay open. Follow your gut (your Core Self, Authentic Self, Soul) talking to you and guiding you… Allow the magic in. Choose to have a magnificent life and relationship. And, so it is…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Choosing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment This weekend take inventory of areas in your life where you’ve lost your voice, or haven’t developed your voice yet… This business of not having a voice is holding you back from creating the life and relationship you desire…
Pick an area where you’ve allowed your Self to be muted and unmute yourself… Learn to mindfully share and express your voice in this area to develop it to your liking… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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