Stop withholding when you have an issue with your partner. You can still be nice… Unfortunately, when we are upset with our partner, we tend to closedown shop. We are no longer open for business. And this is not just about being intimate.
We take this to the next level. We lose our courtesy, we can’t appreciate, we get mean, and we can even become uncaring, underhanded, and spiteful. When the opposite is required to sustain a radiant and successful relationship… Being super generous…
I’m sure you can identify with the above. There is actually a spectrum of this experience. Sometimes when we are upset, we might even want to ditch the relationship…
I want to make a distinction about being upset and annoyed with our partner and being triggered.
Things might bother us, we might not agree with something, we might be disappointed, we might be put out or inconvenienced, and the like – such is being in relationship.
But when we get triggered, different filters come on… We forget who we are, we forget who our partner is, we forget the moment and we are thrown into an abyss of pain…
~ It’s like we got kicked in the chest and we can’t breathe… ~ It’s like we are thrown off a cliff and are free falling…
Our very survival feels threatened at some level…
When we are triggered we forget the current year, we forget we are not interacting with our caretakers from growing up, we forget we are radiant energetic beings, that we are awesome, that we have everything we need inside ourselves, and that everything is OK…
We get thrown into our little story of our little/lower self with our little life where everything is scary…
So, it makes complete sense that it would be very challenging to care about our partner’s feelings and their needs when our survival feels threatened… We can’t possible concern ourselves with being nice when we are in that state…
This requires lots of self-love, compassion, understanding and grace…
But this is not what I’m talking about here…
~ I’m talking about our regular upset and annoyance that we can easily address. ~ I’m talking about arguing for argument’s sake. ~ I’m talking about making points out of principle. ~ I’m talking about proving yourself right and your partner wrong… ~ I’m talking about trying to win over your partner. ~ I’m talking about doing relationship math, keeping score cards and doing tit-for-tats… ~ I’m talking about holding our ground just because we think it’s our boundary. ~ I’m talking about operating from our lower self because we are too lazy to clean up the moment!
This is not way to create our amazing relationship. What’s the point in all that?
How about we embrace the higher road, align with our higher self, and operate from generosity instead? When we are triggered, we are not ourselves – this requires special attention. But when we are just upset or annoyed, we can do a lot better!
And please know that I know that even this request might be too much for you. If you are finding that you are struggling, and it feels impossible to be generous because you are too depleted, then that’s the place to address. Focus on repleting yourself first.
Have a hooky day, a self-care day, a slower day. Be gentle, be compassionate. Give yourself lots of love…
Be super generous with yourself, and then with your partner….
APPLICATION: Maybe it’s time to rethink generosity… Maybe it’s time to reconsider the Law of Reciprocity…
~ How about we give just to give ~ How about we give with gusto ~ How about we concern ourselves with giving vs what we get ~ How about we actually receive what we are giving… ~ How about we appreciate what we get…
Gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, giving and receiving are not as simple as they seem. Some have to be more intentional about these to enrich their relationship, and their lives…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Honor your Self. What does that mean? In my book, it means getting in touch with our Core, True, Authentic Self, our Soul, and operating from it in all we do.
This means being in connection with our Self, knowing our Self. Most of the time we are in a fog and cacophony of daily minutiae, mired in our ego approach to our relating and our life. We are shut down and completely disconnected from our Self.
Who are you? What is the point of you? Why are you here? What is the purpose of your life? I know these are huge questions, and one has to be ready to tackle them… If this feels too esoteric or out there right now, let it be and instead ponder its more basic form:
How do you want to live your life? How do you want your daily routine to look like? How do you want your surroundings to look like? Who do you want in your life? How do you want your relationships to look like? How do you want to spend your time? How do you want to be of service or give back to the world?
Honoring our Self means owning our Self. We usually have a hard time responsibly, responsively, mindfully and lovingly sharing our position on things and preferences. We instead manipulate, control, coerce, reject, dismiss or underhandedly try to get our way and make others do our bidding.
Operating from our Authentic Self means being open, honest, forthcoming, transparent, accountable, honorable, trustworthy, loyal, Clean. It means sharing our Self, being vulnerable and available.
Honoring our Self means setting up our life for Success. Most people run a haphazard life without intention. They come and go without a plan. They live day-by-day barely managing daily responsibilities and running themselves into the ground without enjoying or actually living their life.
They live putting out fires, having others own their time and resources, and never fully using their Gifts or creating much with their Life. Here our job is to set up proper boundaries, routines, systems, support, beautiful spaces, ways to meet our needs, a guiding vision, and to stay focused on our goals.
Honoring our Self means embracing our Humanity. We overly identify with our mind, ego, achievements, physicality, and possessions. We get stuck in our human experience as opposed to embracing our Humanity… We get stuck by our human limitations and do our life as if we are in a fish tank… We see, think, and operate small. We allow our human body to dictate our abilities, focus, and possibilities.
When in truth we can transcend this by operating from our Soul. Our body and mind are tools to help us carry out our Soul’s Will… We embrace Humanity through understanding, compassion, love, and giving; and by living an intentional and meaningful life.
Honoring our Self means being grateful, abundant, and a beacon of Light. We question why things happen to us. We struggle. We repeat patterns. The pain in your life is a spotlight on a code that you need to crack. This is your lesson. This is your opportunity to learn and grow for in so doing your Gift, that is to be shared with others, manifests.
Be grateful for the opportunities in your life, see the Good in them, as this is where your life’s purpose originates. Figure out what is the lesson you are to be learning, and learn it. Then share this with others. Be a beacon of Light.
Our relationship is fertile ground for Life Lessons… Our partner is our Life Partner. Together we learn, crack codes, grow, decipher and manifest our Gifts. Open your eyes. Place things in perspective. How are you to grow. What are you to learn. Get to it already. Before you know it you’ve created an Awesome Relationship – a MetroRelationship™, an Authentic Relationship, and an Authentic Life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Life… Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Honoring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pick a way in that you need to start Honoring your Self more.
Explore what this means to you and how it impacts the current status of your relationship and your life.
Identify two actions you would like to implement to start Honoring your Self, and implement them.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You have to be happy with yourself first… You cannot be happy in your relationship if you are not first happy with your Self… If you are not your Authentic Self, your Soul Self, you are just a robot completing daily tasks and missing the whole point of life… This is not Living…
What is the purpose of your Life? Why are you alive, today, right now?
I believe we all have a Purpose and we have unhappy and dissatisfying lives when we are not living our purpose, when we are not living from our Authentic Self, when we are not in alignment with our Soul. We are “embodied energy” living a human experience. Liken it to being on a mission and donning a costume, or uniform. You are the Hero of your Story. What is your Story? What is your Mission? What is the point of You?
We waste so much time and effort going about life with blinders on and focusing on unimportant things. We miss the point completely! We create mediocre lives at best, lives without purpose. We get stuck in our little perspective, drag our partner into it, and battle there. Wow, are we ignorant and blind. This is painful to witness. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
It is our job to WAKE UP to our Life, to open our eyes, to take off the shades. When we start getting in touch with who we REALLY are, how magnificent we are, how important we are, how needed we are and humbly accept our “assignment”, mission, Purpose, then everything changes…
We transcend daily nonsense (Ego) for the beauty (Blessings) in it all, for it is all beautiful… There is a reason for everything… Our job is to translate our experiences into lessons and use them for the greater good… There is something in each of us that is a Gift waiting to be shared.
Take a moment to thread your experiences and find the common denominator. What is the theme in your life? What situations, circumstances, lessons keep creeping up? What is getting louder and louder in your life? What is the message that you are not getting? What is the code you have to crack?
Stop blaming your partner for the quality of your life… Stop waiting for your partner to create the life you want… Own your Self. Be your Authentic Self. Show up in your relationship. Be Understanding and Accepting in your relationship. Be Compassion in your relationship. Be Abundance in your relationship. Be Love in your relationship. No “Buts”…! Stop it and own your Self!
Stop waiting for your partner to do something different. See your partner’s Core. Don’t get hang up on their appearance, on their behavior, and especially not on their defense mechanisms (protective behaviors). Look beyond all this and see the purity of your partner. Witness your partner’s Soul… They have a code to crack as well after all, but that’s on them… Don’t get hand up on the minutiae of your interactions. Be with your partner!
When your Souls team up… now that’s where the Awesomeness is. That’s where your untapped Synergy is. That’s where the Purpose is… Your partner is your Partner! Don’t take them for granted. They are not your enemy, they are your ally. It’s time you recognize this and treat them like Royalty. Humbly embrace your Kingdom and uplift the world. Be the Hero in your Story. The Universe is the limit!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship. Share your thoughts and progress on our blog page!
Happy Uplifting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
How do you know if you are on the right track? What’s the best way to go about your Life?
Listen to your Feelings… Not your Ego! Your Feelings… Make your feelings your compass. They are the language of the Soul. That’s your Authentic Self’s built in guiding mechanism… Follow your Heart… At every juncture ask, “What would make me feel Good?”
Honor your Self. Pursue Happiness. Add simple pleasures. Give and Receive TLC freely… Make this part of your daily approach to life and your relationship.
Make Meditation a part of your daily life as well. This is your direct line to your Self, your Soul…
When you start aligning with your Authentic Self, Soul, things begin to make sense…, your life becomes more beautiful… It’s actually this simple…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You might not have a chance if you keep this up: A tendency to look for weaknesses, gaps, holes, things to improve, deficiencies and the like, and miss the boat on capitalizing on strengths in your relationship. We bring this tendency to how we view our partner and how we relate with them. We look for their shortcomings, what they forget to do, what they could do better, and what else they can do for us. We use a lack and negative expectations lens. We filter our experience to prove our negative expectations. We expect our partner to fail before they even try.
It is imperative that we stop using this destructive lens and reprogram our thinking. When partners struggle in their relationship, they usually have a proclivity for assuming the worst about their partner’s motives and how they feel. They sell themselves short believing their partner does not like them or care about them, then go about relating from this perspective…
Can you imagine how differently you’d relate if you believed you are cherished as opposed to hated? You’d be a lot more open and giving, and a lot less defensive and mean.
It is imperative that we give our partner the benefit of the doubt, the opportunity to show us their greatness, and take a risk letting them show us their love and care. I know it is challenging to do this, especially when our partner has been operating with defense mechanisms, which are usually hurtful to us. But they can’t give us something different if we don’t give them the chance.
I encourage partners to do Appreciations to start reprogramming this undermining habit. This forces them to focus on the positives in their partner, interactions and relationship. They get to search, find and acknowledge their partner’s good qualities, efforts and investments. This shift in focus assists in rewiring the brain, creating a different brain circuitry, which allows a different experience to emerge…
Learning to focus on the positive and things we is an essential skill. It engages the gratitude center of the brain, which cannot be in a state of gratitude and a state of fear at the same time. We usually operate from a fear state that is driven by egotistical thoughts… It is time to make a concerted effort at operating from a gratitude state. This means operating from an appreciation and abundant position that is driven by Loving and accepting thoughts…
We are not our mind… We do have control over our thoughts… We get into trouble when we overly identify with our mind. We don’t realize that our mind is just a tool for Self expression, that we don’t use well at that. We create incessant noise with our negative thinking, ugly pictures and low or unrealistic expectations. We end up creating an unsatisfying self-fulfilling prophecy and prevent our self from Being! It is time to properly engage your mind.
Take charge of what you think, what scripts you run, how you interpret things, what meaning you assign, and what pictures you conjure.
Remember that what we focus on perseveres, what we imagine we create, and what we expect we get. Create the most outrageous vision of your most fabulous relationship, and then carry on as if it already is… The more adept you get at engaging your mind the more wonderful your life and relationship are.
Happy Conjuring!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™Assignment
Let’s do better with focusing on the good and new…
Pay attention to the things you like throughout the day
Focus on the qualities you are attracted to in your partner
Identify your partner’s strengths and how they make your life better
Notice anything new your partner is trying to implement, any efforts put forth and any nurturing gestures (focus ONLY on what is, NOT what is not!)
Observe how you allow the good to come to you and how you are able to receive the good that is given…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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