Couples share one of the main issues in their relationship is their inability to properly communicate. They feel out of sync, not on the same page, disconnected, and not understood. To top it off their planning, getting things done, resolving conflict, making decisions and such are jeopardized by their lack of communication skill.
Their inept attempt at communicating makes things worse as they hurt each other’s feelings, widen the gulf between them, and feel further misunderstood and alone. Add to this all the other “funny” things partners do in their relationship that make it challenging to get along, and it makes sense they might feel in a slump …
Fear not, start getting out of the slump, addressing issues or simply creating a better relationship with improved communication. The video below gives you instructions on exactly how to do just that!
5 Tips for Better Communication:
1) Make sure you heard the message correctly
2) Show your partner you understand where they are coming from
3) Show your partner you understand how they “feel”
4) Make time to “chat” (dialogue)
5) Deal with your selves while you wait to talk…
Watch the video to learn about these steps and start applying them now. Complete the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want.
Go for it, start the year right with new communication skills and nurturing your relationship!
Happy Communicating!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Identify an item that you want to discuss or address with your partner. Invite them to dialogue about it following the instructions in the video above (share the video with them so you are on the same page!).
Before the “talk”, think about what it is you want to discuss and wrap your mind around your “story” or “point” so you speak your truth in a “clean”, respectful, and mindful manner: share how your emotions, how you are impacted by their behavior, your needs, etc. without beating up your partner. Speak about you, not how much your partner “sucks”…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interesting that we seek “togetherness” in our relationship, but this is exactly what brings about its demise and our general unhappiness … As a culture, we are experiencing numbness, a lack of Desire in our Relationship … Monogamy, exclusivity, our partner-meeting-all-our-needs, marriage for love is a fairly new phenomenon in our society, a conundrum actually.
We set up the institution of marriage to fail by bringing our archaic Being into it. Our un-evolved, wounded, low frequency, disowned Self has the prime directive to feel safe through attachment, and therefore approaches “togetherness” with a reactive balancing act of clinging and distancing for self preservation …
This is an Ego approach to togetherness, relationship, and marriage which creates physical and energetic space, distance and disconnect.
All while remaining psychically fused, enmeshed, symbiotic, codependent, “together” … The death of actual intimacy, excitement and Aliveness …
Our culture’s obsession with individualism, independence and autonomy creates attachment rupture early in life and then tops this injury with inadequate launching of its young breeding the Ego approach to life and relationships and preserving the underdeveloped psyche, Self.
As a result, we buy into the illusion of being “separate” (individual) and attempting to be “together” (close) when the opposite is true. We are fused and distant perpetuating disconnect, detachment, indifference, paralyses, dissatisfaction, stuckness, ambivalence, and apathy. Definitely not Desire and Aliveness …
We mean well. We have the right idea, to pursue togetherness (intimacy, closeness) while remaining separate (individual) but we are going about this all wrong. Our unmet emotional needs prompt us to seek “togetherness” through the clinging and distancing pattern we all know too well eternalizing the status quo with its continuous recreation of rapture and disregulation.
Our psychic investment in getting our emotional needs met tromps our ability to be effectively separate creating a missing the forest for the tree syndrome …
This proximity prevents us from seeing our Partner, from knowing them for who they truly are and vise versa. This proximity prevents us from genuinely showing up, from being who we are … It robs us of the opportunity to see the Man or Woman behind the label (boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, mother, father); to be the Man or Woman behind the label …
There is no faster way to kill Desire than by playing our everyday roles … They are familial, domestic, routine and restrictive. They are not sexy!
Further more, this level of “proximity,” trying to get our emotional intimacy needs met and following societal definitions of our prescribed roles, thwarts curiosity, mystery, and longing elemental to Desire. So, not only do we not get to see our partner, we also don’t get to miss our partner… And, we don’t even know what we might be missing! We just stew stubbornly in our unhappiness …
The key is to ride the uncomfortable edge, to straddle the line between closeness and space, with mindfulness, respectfulness, receptiveness, acceptance, openness, flexibility, compassion, forgiveness, humanity, responsiveness and progressiveness …
No longer be me- or other-focused, just Be. Bring your Self to the in-between … Expand the in-between, Play there … Now this is sexy! This unleashes Attraction, Desire, Passion, Aliveness … And, in this space you are One … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Playing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
What makes you You? What is unique and beautiful about you? What are your interests? What grabs your attention? What’s your philosophy in life? How is your lens different? How does this manifest in your surroundings, opportunities, relationships and how you carry your Self? How do you show this to your partner? Do you show this to your partner? Does your partner get to see you? Make two “moves” that will allow your partner to see you …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
How hot are you in your relationship? Do you allow your Self to be hot? Are you in touch with your hotness? Does your hotness come out and play? If you are like most partners in a long-term committed relationship, the answer to these questions might not very positive which does not bear well for the passion quotient in your relationship.
What is passion? Do you need it in your relationship? Do you want it? You might be thinking that you can do without it and what’s the big deal anyway.
For some of you this is obvious and the answers are something like, I have a hard time being hot and yes, I want the, or more, passion in my relationship. But, for others this might be a foreign concept to even consider …
The fact is we all want to be Hot and have Passion – however you want to define these for your Self. For in being “hot” we Are ourselves and for in being “passionate” we are Alive … And, what better place is there than our intimate relationship for this playground of life?
But, hotness and passion go out the window, or can’t even enter it, when partners start adopting the socially prescribed notions of being androgynous, egalitarian and independent (worse, become codependent!) in their committed relationship.
These make everything a blur, muted, dull. The relationship becomes an undifferentiated energy mass of sameness, neutrality, PC attitude, and “togetherness” … Yet, partners don’t feel intimacy or connection, never mind passion, Aliveness, as in fact they are choosing not to exist, not to fully show up …
Now, don’t misunderstand me. There is nothing wrong with partners embracing stereotypically non-gender specific behaviors, roles, expectations, and attitudes; and, for partners to be equal in their relationship. This is not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about pursuing egalitarianism to the point where we lose ourselves, we become something unrecognizable in the pursuit of fairness, equality and justice.
We mute ourselves to squelch stereotypes, disowning what might make us unique and special. And, in our pursuit for independence, to avoid dependence and being “needy”, we live parallel lives not showing up in our relationship and for our partner. Yet, this breeds codependence, stuckness and dissatisfaction.
Let’s get back to the basics. We are Energy. We have a unique vibrational frequency and “flavor”. This uniqueness comes in part from how we balance our male and female energies and own the different aspects of our Selves. The more out of balance, disintegrated and disowning we are, the lower our vibrational frequency and therefore the more muted and dead we are … This is obviously not attractive, never mind Hot!
So, an initial prescription is to own your inherent predominant femininity or masculinity for in this oppositeness is where the magnetism, the attraction, happens. And, own your uniqueness, the characteristics that define you, not your characterological defenses or defense mechanisms, but the Authentic you. This is what makes you Hot.
Explore your energy identity. What does it mean to be masculine or feminine? What does that look like? What does that feel like? How might that come out? How can you expand, enrich, how that shows up? How can you invite your partner’s opposite energy to come out and play? What would be Attractive to your partner? What would draw your partner out? What would excite your partner?
But, before you go focusing on your partner, remember that you are energetically as Attractive and Hot as you feel … Hence, focus on your Self …
Feel your femininity or masculinity. Feel your Self in your body. Feel your body. Take care of your body, and appearance. Pamper your senses. Connect with Nature. Enliven and enrich your environment. Surround your Self with beauty. See the beauty around you.
Connect with your uniqueness, gifts, talents, magic. Let the Light shine through. Honor, gift, your partner with your Presence. Share of your Self – your experience, observations, learnings, dreams, vision, mission.
Welcome your partner witnessing your journey … Allow their influence and support … Let them show up for you … They are your cosmic partner. There is a reason for their being in your life. Revel in the partnership. Let it flourish and fulfill its purpose …
This is where you become Alive. This is where your Partner becomes Alive. This is where Passion resides. This is where there is Meaning and All makes sense … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Passioning!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Shine. Sparkle. Nurture your inherent predominant Feminine or Masculine Energy … Own it, live it: Sway or sturdy your body, undulate or embolden your voice, soften or invigorate your approach. Enliven your presence: Amplify your mannerisms, embellish your language, bolster your appearance and wardrobe, expand your repertoire of behaviors, broaden your preferences, tantalize the senses. Embrace the moment, flirt with it …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Time is a commodity in short supply depending on how you approach it … If you are strict about measuring time by the clock and calendar, there will never be enough hours in a day to create a lifetime of pleasure and purpose …
On the other hand, if you choose to Experience time, Being in the moment, you’d transcend the time-space-reality barriers and instead join the Vastness that Is. Here is when time becomes limitless and where all Abundance resides … Here is where joy, happiness and contentment happens. Here is where we make the difference and fulfill our Destiny …
The challenge is that we get distracted from the moment, from Being, by all the noise we create by doing! We put ourselves in a hamster wheel and then wonder why life, and our relationship, feel meaningless and exhausting. To top it off, partners are in their own wheels! We make it impossible to fulfill our commitment to our Journey …
This is detrimental to our relationship. It is impossible to synchronize, connect, feel each other, and feel our love if we are in separate worlds and in constant motion. We are moving targets!
It’s time to recognize the reality of this, acknowledge its impact, and do repair and rebuilding before the “clock runs out”.
First off, get off the hamster wheel! Take a ruthless look at your situation and how you are creating chaos and noise in your life. Be honest. Identify the demands, distractions, obligations, inefficiencies and redundancies that are energy suckers and black holes in your life.
Take a look at your commitments, routine and situation. Do these honor you? Do they add to the quality of your life? Are they in alignment with your Authentic Self, your core values, and your purpose in life?
We have a tendency to operate with blinders on convincing ourselves that how we do things works, that we need the things we have, that the world will fall apart if we don’t do everything on our to-do list, that more is better. Stop the race. Life is not a marathon. Slow down the pace, remove the noise,clear out the clutter, restructure the routine – free up your Energy. When you remove the shackles you have Time, the possibility, to Be.
And this is Magnificent, for in your Being you are grounded, available, connected and abundant. You are Splendid. You are infinitely attractive … This is the partner your partner is attracted to. This is the partner your partner can relate to. This is the partner our partner enjoys. This is the Partner your Partner Loves.
Let’s take this a step further and get a little crazy. How about making Time for our Partner!? (sarcasm …) Imagine you align your schedules, calendars, routines, rhythms … Imagine that you bring You, in all your Splendor, to the places of convergence. Imagine how Glorious those interactions can be … This does not have to reside in your imagination only, for once you imagine it you can create it … Trust me …
Start with this:
1) Set the intention to have this – make the picture really vivid with colors, feelings and meaning …
2) Start creating Time
3) Invite your Partner to synchronize
4) Show up in your Splendor
When you choose to get off the hamster wheel with your doing and decide to Be, Live, you have All the Time in the Universe … Time, Abundance and Love are then not a scarcity … Remember to look for the MetroRelationship (sm) Assignment below to assist you effortlessly make changes and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Timing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Take stock of where your divergent point(s) happen in your relationship. Where in time and space do you find you miss each other? Where are you ships crossing in the night? When do most of your fights or disagreements happen? When do you feel the worst about your relationship or your partner (lonely, rejected, critical, hopeless, stuck, etc.)? These are all opportunities for creating Magnificence – you are not in sync or attuned, there is no space, and you are not showing up … Line up your Timing and approach your partner in your Splendor …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Do you experience déjà vu, broken records and same old stories in your disagreements with your partner? Do you feel stuck and find yourself repeating patterns and fights without knowing how to break the impasse? You are not alone … This is an unfortunate common experience in relationships.
I have cracked the code for breaking the impasse … and want to help you apply this in your relationship.
There are three steps to this process:
1) Recognizing the pattern (observation and acknowledgment)
2) Stopping the pattern (insight and stretch)
3) Repairing, Rebuilding, and Revitalizing (skill and action)
Recognizing the pattern is a massive first step. I know that you know when you are in it. I know you recognize the repetitiveness of it, and the stuck and hopeless feeling. So, recognizing the pattern as the first step might seem silly to you, but stick with me as there is actually a lot more here…
Couples feel stuck when they start arguing and can’t resolve their disagreement. They recognize the pattern here: how they feel, their approach, and the outcome. I want to challenge you to dissect, deconstruct, this further in order to identify opportunities for “doing” something different and therefore allowing, inviting, and creating a different outcome and the possibility for something amazing.
The pattern has typical elements. Here is a basic overview to get you started:
Resistance and ambivalence: The disagreement actually happened way before the fight … If you are fighting, consider yourself lucky as the disagreement is now overt and can be addressed …
The first sign that you are entering the twilight zone is when your partner is non-compliant, non-responsive, and you experience either of you doing aggressive, intrusive, controlling, flaky or flighty or wishy-washy, forgetful, manipulative, passive aggressive or other non-self-owing behavior. This is the sign that you are not on the same page.
Tension and intensity: Things start feeling weird. Physical symptoms might manifest (head, back, stomach or other ache, allergies, cough, losing one’s voice (literally), diarrhea, cramps, etc.). Negative emotions start to escalate (anger, frustration, despair, hopelessness, rejection, overwhelm, etc.).
Circularity: You want to address what is going on and get to some resolution, but don’t know how. You start tip-toeing around, or possibly lashing out, in an attempt to synchronize, connect, get on the same page, get your needs met, or prevent a fight. You start saying the same old things, repeating yourself, you hear the same old from your partner – historical loaded words, phrases or requests show up.
You both become stubborn. Your logic becomes very rigid, narrow, black-n-white, loopy, but most importantly, your internal process becomes a broken record … If you pay attention, you’ll notice your “story” showing up, your script, your saga, your rules and expectations … This “mindset” makes up your overarching relationship pattern …
Defensiveness and reactivity: At this point you are in the middle of if. You know you are in the pattern and you go around and around. You become defensive and lose sight of your partner and the bigger picture. Responses become reactive and attacking. Inappropriate, acting out, behavior might be thrown into the mix. This can become the point of no return in this round …
You can prevent this. When you start observing and decoding what’s happening, you are already intervening in both your behalf’s and starting the “pattern interruption.” You are on the right track to resolving the impasse!
The next step is to go a little deeper and understand the trigger, the point of divergence. This is the root of the disagreement. This is where old hurts, projections, identification, internalizing, mind-reading, assigning of negative motives, assumptions, unexpressed expectations and needs, etc. come into play.
This is the fertile ground for growth and healing. This is where your stretch is needed to break out of your mold to do better for your Self, and activate parts of yourself that allow you to be there for your partner in the way they need it … Once you transcend your fight and bring this to the table, you’ll be having a very different conversation … You can now address the source of the disagreement and get resolution …
But even more magnificently, this is where you get to create the relationship you want. This is where the fun begins. This is where the “relationship work” is exciting, captivating, alluring, inviting, seductive, enthralling, seamless, effortless. This is the intentional relationship where you put in the good stuff and create pure awesomeness.
This is the possibility after you get out of your own way … You are ready to repair, rebuild and revitalize. You can learn how to do this and apply it. You look forward to learning and applying it. You start breaking your own rules and thinking outside the box. This is where the magic is unleashed. This is where your vibrant relationship is created. It is absolutely breathtaking to be in this place!
Get out of our own way, break your own rules and be blown away by what lies just up ahead … !
Complete the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly do this and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Rule Breaking!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Invite your partner into a dissection discussion. Review a prior fight looking for places where you each could have responded differently and how to foster togetherness, team work and support, cohesiveness, understanding, compassion, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, closeness, and intimacy …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
You have Successfully Subscribed!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.
