If you are a growth and achievement oriented kind of human, I’m sure you are always looking for how to do things better, and how to improve everything you do and everything around you. Right? I know I’m like that. I’m constantly focused on evolution, expansion and growth.
My profession makes complete sense for me in that I help couples and individuals improve how they do themselves and each other (pun intended LOL). I help them continue to grow, develop, and evolve as individuals. I help them have better interactions with each other, and others. I help them create the relationship and life they desire.
In our work together, I make sure we don’t get hang up on the problems and what doesn’t work… I have a strict rule of not allowing the partners to beat on each other. I have a strict rule for looking for positives and things to appreciate. I have a strict rule for focusing on personal accountability and contribution…
This creates an amazingly safe and fun space for the partners to address, processes, explore, co-create and implement to their hearts’ desire. It’s a privilege and honor to witness their Journey.
I often find that initially in our work partners focus on everything that sucks and how much their partner sucks… They lost sight of the other’s, and usually their own, awesomeness… They lost sight of what works, their attraction, and Why they are together in the first place… Their approach is to have the other change and to fix problems. This is the approach that doesn’t work when we are trying to create the relationship we desire.
There is another approach that doesn’t work, but it’s much less obvious and possibly keeps partners stuck in the name of working on the relationship (something to watch out for when in a therapeutic relationship as well…). And, that is of focusing on the solution…
Implementing solutions in and of itself doesn’t work. If it did people wouldn’t need therapy / coaching. You are smart. You can think through a problem. You can figure stuff out. Then how come change doesn’t happen or hold?
For starters, we need to focus on Why we want the solution… This is driven by our values… When we identify, focus and flow from our values life becomes much easier… When we focus on the why as opposed to the what and the how, we remove resistance and create flow… This is how we create what we desire. It can’t be forced into existence…
So, when we focus on what we like, what we appreciate, what we enjoy about our partner we are reprogramming ourselves to see the positive and not the negative, and therefore to not be impacted by the negative… How about that? Give it try and see how fast things turn around!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Focusing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Identify your 5 top values…
Use these as a lens as you review what areas need more TLC in your life…
Use these to cut out miscellaneous activities, commitments, belongings, and such in your life…
Use these to stay focused on what is important to you, and to ignore the rest…
Have a Gorilla in the Middle Approach™ to your life!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Aside from being submerged in a current project involving databases, queries, scripts, spreadsheets, and data entry tasks I’m of course still doing my usual. This past week found me also playing with a different kind of data. Brain data, one of my favorites as you might know.
I came across the work of Dr. Daniel Amen (psychiatry and brain imaging…) close to two decades ago with tremendous impact in my work and approach to life. It heavily influenced the self-care and wellness angle I integrate into my relational work…
Over time I have recommended one of his books, “Change Your Brain, Change Your Life”, and have taught its concepts to our clients. They are so ingrained and integrated at this point that referencing their origin seems silly.
But nonetheless, I wanted to bring this incredible and powerful resource to you for a more thorough and scientific background on why it’s important to have a healthy lifestyle… Everything we do impacts our brain, which is single handedly our most prized possession!
So, today’s writing is about encouraging you to be super mindful of your lifestyle and what impact it has on your brain. For the health of your brain will ultimately impact your success and quality of life… The health of your brain impacts your overall health, your mood, your memory, your relational abilities, and more. A healthy brain supports your Being:
Happier
Healthier
Wealthier
Wiser
More Creative
More Innovative…
Dr. Amen’s basic premise has always been that we are not stuck with the brain we have, and that we can be proactive in maintaining our brain’s health – actually bringing it back to health… In going back to this source, I came across his more recent plan for Repairing the Brain. It does not have to be all downhill as we grow older! From his imaging work, he can see the before and after of brain health as one takes on a healthier approach to life…
His plan includes 5 Pillars of Healthy Living:
Faith – spirituality and connection to higher power
Food – nutrition and clean eating
Fitness – physical activity and exercise
Focus – attention, purpose, meaning
Friends – connection with others and fun
What does all this mean to you? How is the health of each of your pillars? Where can you stand to put a little more attention and energy? What do you need to tweak in your lifestyle to strengthen your pillars? Pick one area to play with and take it on!
Go all out and crack this. Work on cleaning or upgrading your current approach – fine tuning your routine (i.e., intermittent fasting), removing junk (i.e., toxins), increasing resources (i.e., nutritious food), keeping it interesting (i.e., different cuisine), and so on.
Think on what kind of life you want to have. Think on how to be proactive about creating the life you want. A lot of times we either create life by default… Or, we dream up the life we want to create, but we take no tangible or consistent steps to creating and sustaining that life…
Therefore, my encouragement and challenge to you today: Make a commitment to proactively creating the life you want, which inherently means having a healthy brain and thereby a healthy lifestyle… Make a move now towards your healthier lifestyle. Have fun with this and enjoy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Repairing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Choose the area of your life you usually give TLC with the intention of finally cracking the code…
Faith – spirituality and connection to higher power
Food – nutrition and clean eating
Fitness – physical activity and exercise
Focus – attention, purpose, meaning
Friends – connection with others and fun
Tackle it with purpose and commitment. Tackle it by looking at it from a different angle than you usually might… Use a different context or lens to design your new approach… Keep reconnecting to it as you implement the changes…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I don’t know about you, but my wheels are always turning about how to make a Better Future… I apply this lens to EVERYTHING: relationship with my husband, relationship with my daughter, relationship with family members, relationships with others and in our joint ventures, home and other environments, health, personal development, spirituality, self-care, practice with clients and serving, and humanity as a whole…
This is why I treat my work with clients as Sacred. When they feel better and empowered, collaborate and synergize, they become unstoppable… Once we get over the hump (address what initially brought them to work with us) and clients start getting traction in the direction they desire, it’s interesting how conversations start to change… It’s so exciting and inspiring to see clients Transcend what brought them in, and start creating their much larger life…
We start talking about integrating more Spirituality into their lifestyle. We start talking about opening their homes to less fortunate children. We start talking about their Gift/Contribution to the world and capturing it in a book. We start talking about team development in their business and inspiring leadership.
We start talking about their Social Justice project and how to structure it and launch it. And, the list goes on. It’s so marvelous how “relationship therapy” is a gateway for creating a better future…
Inspired by conversations this week, and lead by my curiosity and approach to life, I’m stepping up my game to further Transcend the everyday… Have you heard of the 100-year Vision Plan?
The idea of this has been such a transformative concept… Regardless of how old you are now reading this, you won’t be alive in 100 years… So, to have a 100-year plan seem ridiculous, right? But, let’s think about what happens when we plan as if we were to be around in 100 years… [Or, how we plan for things in 100 years regardless if we are to be around…]
We’d have to tackle our life as if we were to live that long… The first order of business would be to make sure we are around – to tackle our life to ensure the most longevity… That in and of itself has a ton of implications, doesn’t it?
For starters, we’d make sure we have a super healthy lifestyle, so we don’t break down half way… Which in my book, we should be doing now anyway to ensure an as-long-as-possible, healthy, productive and enjoyable life… I’ll let you in on a little secret, one of my goals is to live to 120! Yeah!
Then, we’d have to make sure we can support ourselves, we’d have to make sure we are still productive contributing members of society, we’d have to make sure we have a rich life to enjoy, what else?
Now, isn’t all this interesting? What is coming up for you? The lifespan has been increasing, and with-it people’s “contributing” years. But, we still hold the mindset of “retirement”, pensions, the golden years, retirement/nursing homes, deteriorating health, decrepit aging, and such… If you were to live 100 more years, how would you approach your life differently?
If you had my goal of living to 120, what would you be doing differently? Would you be closing shop at 65? Who said that the last few decades of our lives need to be spent wasting it away? Most people don’t have amazing lives after “retirement.” They look to retirement and then life is downhill from there… What?! This doesn’t make sense as an approach to life… What about going about our life as if it were a scenic marathon, not a traumatic sprint?
Now, let’s take this a step further. We know we won’t live that long. So, we settle for living well for as long as we can, but with the intention of having impact beyond our years… What would it mean to live our life planning for contributing for another 100 years… Bam! And, that’s the thing… How do we live a super amazing life that has meaning beyond our humanness…
In playing with this concept, I came across this video: The 100 Year Vision.
I know all of this can be a lot to take in, and you might not be ready or interested in it. And that’s ok, we are all on our own specific Journeys. But, regardless of where you are, think about how this concept can enrich your life. If you ponder as much as, how do I live my most healthiest and meaningful life?, then that’s a homerun in my book. That in and of itself is a transformative takeaway… So, start there.
What small change can you start with to start living an even healthier and more meaningful life? This is a tremendously satisfying project, and I wish you much fun and success with it! Enjoy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Visioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Select an area of your life where the minutia and having constant fires to put out just drain you and are a thorn in your back.
Think about what purpose/need this is fulfilling for you… And, how entertaining this is sabotaging where you want to be…
Identify a more proactive, healthier, and effective way to meet the purpose/need, and make the switch immediately.
Then, turn your full focus to where you want to be… Start by dreaming and feeling good about it…
Transcend the daily for the Vision…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I have written before, and you probably already know from your own knowledge base, that we are all Energy, that everything is a form of energy… We are not actually solid. Though because we use our “humanness”, we experience reality as we do… Reality as we think it is, just “isn’t”… If reality isn’t as we think it is, this has implications for everything in our lives… Give this a listen for some background and other resources on this concept…
Everything is energy, even our thoughts are energy. Energy particles/waves vibrate at different frequencies embodying different forms… Remember chemistry class? Medium vibration produces water, in high vibration produces steam/gas, and low vibration produces ice. This is a crude analogy, but the same concept applies to thoughts…
The higher the vibration of our thoughts (positive), the lighter the outcome – more gaseous, vaporous, ethereal, subjective, non-physical, spiritual, expansive…
The lower the vibration of our thoughts (negative), the heavier the outcome – more material, concrete, specific, measurable, objective, corporeal, finite…
Thoughts/energy produce (create, manifest) at the frequency they vibrate… This is how we create our own reality. This is how we create our life. We literally think and create. What we observe and focus on, we create more of… What we expect (think will happen), we’ll get…
If we have a few different thoughts/expectations (vibrations) on the same subject, we muddy the waters if you may, and we don’t get clear outcomes… We don’t get water, steam or ice, we get mud!
The implications of this are huge as you can already surmise. If we have negative thoughts/expectations, they have low vibrations, and create their negative content… Obviously the opposite is also true.
If we have positive thoughts/expectations, they have a high vibration, and therefore create their positive content… You can probably see where I’m going with this in applicability to your relationship, but before I connect the dots here are a couple of other points on this.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, Mind Over Matter. The more post-modern version of this is, Mind Over Mind. We get/create what we Mind/Think… Doesn’t it behoove us to be Mindful…? Doesn’t it behoove us to make are dominant thoughts what we want, not what we don’t want nor to have rampant and unintentional thoughts??
And, let’s take this a step further. How about we stop minding/observing how things supposedly are…? How about we stop minding/observing our Self as we think we are…? Read that again… How about we stop minding/observing our Partner as we think they are…? How about we break this thinking habit, the habit of thinking that reality is…?
How about we open up to the possibilities? How about we open up to new expectations? How about we open up to expect what we want? How about we open up to the possibility of Being how we want to be…? How about we Are as we wish…? How about we operate from who Are…? And, that my friends is immediate Transformation…
If we Mind our life from this place, all our dilemmas disappear… I promise… Just mind your opposing, conflicting, ambivalent, muddy expectations… If you are clean, you’ll get clean outcomes… And, the Universe is the limit…
What does this mean for your relationship? Take a guess… What would happen to your conflict? What would happen to your disagreements? What would happen to the fighting? What would happen to your connection? What would happen to your collaboration? If you no longer observe/expect your partner to disappoint you, let you down, betray you, annoy you and such, they won’t…!
The truth is in the eye of the beholder… You observe/interpret/decide “what is”, you assign the meaning, you Be and operate as you wish, you create the relationship you want… You create… You are that powerful… … Don’t take my word for it. Experiment and see for yourself…
Choose today to stop fighting, and act/Be as you wish you Are. See your partner as you wish they Are… Address the moment from this new vantage point… Stop the drama. Stop the fighting. Enjoy the new Being, and creating of the relationship you want…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Minding!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Take a beat to ponder about who you Are… Transcend your usual view of your Self…
Really connect with who you Are… Grab all parts of yourself, all the parts you love, and mush them together. Now feel your creation. Feel the essence of what you created.
Feel the Essence of you. Feel You. Embrace You. From now on, flow from this You…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What keeps you entertained and engaged in your life? What professional or personal projects are you tackling? Are you excited about these? Are you proud of what you are accomplishing? Are you inspired by what you are involved in? How is your life journey going? How are your personal goals coming along? Are you creating with your Partner?
Creating with our Partner is at the corner stone of our life… This is one of the reasons we couple… How do you create with your Partner? What do you create? Do you have a strong partnership? Do you have systems in place to easily and effortlessly collaborate at the business of life?
It’s interesting how many go through life haphazardly, putting out fires, being stressed out and overwhelmed, getting on each other’s nerves and being resentful… Running your joint life and Creating together doesn’t have to be so. It can actually be seamless, enjoyable, fun, rewarding, and inspiring.
Becoming a strong partnership doesn’t just happen. It requires patience, understanding, acceptance, communication, transparency, open-mindedness, flexibility, compromise, grace, and appreciation for starters.
Becoming a strong partnership means wanting to be a strong couple. Having a clean relationship mindset… Owning ourselves and our power while being mindful, intentional, and cooperative.
It means improving our personal habits, stepping up our game, learning relationship enrichment skills, integrating personal development into our lifestyle, addressing any recurring negative patterns, mutually meeting our needs, subscribing to a relationship nurturing approach, and being collaborative in our everyday.
Becoming a strong partnership means operating as a Team. It means creating a structure in our home and routine that support us and the journey we want to have. It means creating an amazing lifestyle that makes life worth living. It means putting in place the systems to allow us to make that happen. Why struggle and beat our head against the wall. What life hacks do you subscribe to? How do you make your life easier?
It’s time to do these seamlessly consistently:
Provide healthy and nutritious meals and snacks
Have a self-care practice built into daily routine
Glide from one activity to the next
Address and prevent clutter
Have quality family and couple time
Be prepared for activities and for the next day
Have a connected and efficient bedtime routine with children
Have a connected and intimate evening routine with partner
Have a soothing and replenishing personal turndown routine
Have agreed shared responsibilities
Have methods for synchronizing, staying current and in the loop, and collaborating
Have a check-in and staying connected mechanism with partner
Have approach to connection, intimacy, passion and fun that honors both partners
Have approach for accomplishing projects and achieving goals and milestones…
Are cooperatively pursuing your joint life vision…
You are a role model to other couples and families, and an inspiration to those around you…
If you have a lot of the above in place, good for you! See what else you’d like to make easier and work it.
If you feel overwhelmed by the above, it means your life is probably a bit overwhelming and chaotic and could stand to have some organization and structure. Pick 2 items from the list above that when implemented your life would immediately feel like a different life. These are that powerful.
Keep tackling the list. Automate the workings of your life, and see how much easier and rewarding it becomes!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Automating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Go through your daily routine in your head and identify the times when you are stressed, annoyed, resentful, overwhelmed. Note, what time of day it is, who is involved, where you are, and what’s involved. Pick the one item that calls to you the most and put a system in place to automate it and take the edge off. Enjoy!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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