You know, we tend to over complicate things when we can easily be in love… We have this ideal of how we want our partner to be that we constantly measure them against… Our partner is also on a Journey and they are perfectly imperfect. For us to measure them against some ideal is totally unfair, not to mention that it also sabotages the success of the relationship… It’s so silly to do this when it is so simple to create your best relationship.
You’d think that because it is so simple that most relationships would be successful- amazing and long lasting… Unfortunately, as we very well know, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
But what if we were to focus on the simplicity instead of how challenging things are…
What if instead of analyzing everything, dissecting everything, talking about everything and such, what if we were instead to take the simple path?
This can be the danger of doing a ton of certain therapies and doing tons of certain programs- we get lost in the weeds…
I remember this one couple we worked with, they managed to turn all the tools and different approaches into weapons… Over analyzing and dissecting everything ad nauseum, policing each other as to who is doing things right, and trying to gain favor with their therapist… There was not redirecting them when they got on that train…
Being in relationship means we don’t try to win against our partner! If our partner loses, we lose and vice versa…
~ What if we were to just show up with our Essence, no scripts, no expectations, no judgements, no control or rigidity, no other fear and ego-based concoction? ~ What if we were to allow our partner to have their experience without making it about us? ~ What if we were to have our partner’s back and accept them fully? ~ What if we were to be well intentioned, be gracious, be compassionate, be curious, be open? ~ What if we were just to Be in our relationship without white-knuckling it, controlling it and being attached to outcomes?
What if we were to relate to our partner as if they ARE our Ideal Partner? Instead of measuring them against our ideal partner, treating them as if they are our ideal partner…
When we let go and show up with Transcendence like this, opening to the present moment, to what is, to who we are, and to who are partner is, that’s when we are in real connection, that’s when we Become One, and that’s when the magic happens…
Stop working so hard at making your relationship work… Invest in your relationship, by Being in your relationship…
APPLICATION: In your time of quiet, ponder, meditate, journal on defining your Ideal Partner-
~ Capture their characteristics, mannerisms, habits, strengths, growth areas, and so on
~ Capture how they’d behave towards you, how they’d treat you, how they’d connect with you
~ Capture how you’d feel about them, about being with them, and being with them
~ What kinds of feelings would you be feeling? How would you show up to your days? What kinds of things would you be doing? How would you be in your relationship? How would you be towards your partner?
Great- now generate those feelings for yourself, show up those ways, and be those ways…
We think our relationship awesomeness depends on doing all kinds of relationship stuff and on our partner being all kinds of specific ways… We have it all wrong…
Our relationship awesomeness, depends on us being our awesome selves and being awesome to our partner… It’s actually quite simple…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Connection is one of the main experiences we seek and need as humans… When we feel disconnected, we don’t feel so good… The thing is that we go about connection in the wrong places, in the wrong way, and for the wrong reasons… In essence we are shooting ourselves on the foot and end up even more disconnected and not feeling well. Are you wondering about how to connect with your partner? Deep connection depends on us fully showing up.
We might seek connection through social media, through shallow friendships and acquaintances, and by putting a noose around our partner’s neck. Can you see how this could be extremely dissatisfying, further disconnecting, and even painful?
Did you know that social media interactions give you instant gratification and register only through your frontal cortex- the rest of your brain thinks you haven’t had an interaction? And that’s only one of the disregulating impacts of being on social media.
How about relationships that are built on gossiping, complaining, commiserating, and whining about life and everything in it? What about relationships that are focused on superficiality, materialism, and one-upmanship? And what about those laced with manipulation or focus on getting something from one another?
And even worse, within our own home when we try to force connection with our partner and end up doing things that sabotage our connection…
How to Connect with Your Partner
We live in such a phrenetic culture, that we live outside ourselves. We live on the go, on our devices, and in our heads. Thank goodness for the covid-19 pandemic for showing us how to slow down… We just need to hang on to that learning and cultivate it further.
Now, this cultivation doesn’t mean the silent resignation or quiet quitting, even though this is where people are taking it… It is actually quite the opposite. It is about fully engaging with our lives…
~ It has to do with actually showing up to our lives, by being attuned and fully present…
~ It has to do with living inside ourselves, with being in touch with our body, our breathing, our heart…
~ It has to do with embracing our life force, reveling in it, and flowing from it…
What if instead of scheduling a gazillion-million activities to do with your partner so you can connect, what if you just show up to an exchange? What if you show up with no agenda? What if you show up with just your energy? What if you show up with eye contact and openness? What if you just Be with your partner?
When was the last time you just interacted with your partner? Where you felt them? Where you took them in? Where you understood and accepted them? Where you just relished them? Even when they were showing up with their obvious imperfect perfect selves. We don’t much do this, even when our partner is being their most awesome…
We are all up in our heads with our agendas, expectations, to-dos, judgments, and constricted selves. We operate and try to connect from our fear-led-ego/head… This is impossible to do!
Not for nothing most partners feel disconnected and experience all the repercussions of that… What if instead we were to operate and offer connection from our love-led-radiance/heart?
~ What if instead of showing up like a tornado, you just slow down so your partner can feel you and you them?
~ What if instead of trying to prove yourself right, and your partner wrong, you just witness your partner?
~ What if instead of trying to knock out all your to-dos, you just spend a few minutes chatting and being with your partner?
For you see, creating/allowing, connection and a successful and radiant relationship doesn’t have to be work, challenging, or a struggle…
APPLICATION: Decide you will simplify and equalize your life to allow for joy, harmony, connection, and overall abundance…
~ Start by cutting out commitments, miscellaneous responsibilities, and tasks that don’t add value to your life
~ Remove overindulgences, excess, clutter, noise, and distractions as much as possible
~ Add quiet/silent time, being in nature, breathing sessions and the like
~ Cultivate Being with yourself, and Being with your partner…
When we slow down and remove the noise of life from our life, we can connect with ourselves, our partner and our life… Then we actually feel Connected…
For those wondering how to connect with your partner,
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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