Our body is our most important possession. It houses, protects and enables our most precious possession – our brain. Our brain creates and generates our mind and the essence of us. It makes us who we are on a daily basis. It is the CEO of Me, Inc. It is the master mind of our life. Some say it is where our soul resides.
The beauty of it is that even after acknowledging this the brain still remains a mystery. Brain scientists have come a long way figuring out a lot about how the brain works, what different parts of the brain do and how it all fits together, but we still have longer to go. As a species, we only use a small percentage of our brain and its potential. The scary part is that most of us do not even fully tap into the percentage that we are supposed to be using!
One brain ability that most people might not be aware of and that is definitely not tapped into enough, is that of being in connection with our fellow human beings, and even the universe at large…, by ways other than talking, touching and the like. The brain can be likened to a radio transmitter where it is constantly sending and receiving messages. We are in constant communication with others whether we are aware of it or not.
This is a major concept to take in: Yes, we are constantly sending to and receiving messages from others – good and bad. Take a moment to take that in. The implications of this are massive. This means that all of humanity is interconnected. That we are all connected in the fabric of life.
That we are all connected as human beings and with the universe at all times. The application of this is infinite. When we tap into this tremendous resource we can conquer life!
This is obviously also true in your relationship. You are in constant connection and communication with your partner. The vibes you send out reach your partner loud and clear. Your energy in your relationship is picked up by your partner loud and clear. And, vice versa. What are you sending out? Are you sending desperate, needy, mean, aggressive, conniving, deceitful, isolating, rejecting, “leave me alone” kind of messages?
This can shed light into the common Maximizer (all is big, emotional) / Pursuer and Minimizer (all is small, appears emotionless until pushed to anger) / Distancer dynamic in couples. The Pursuer wants to do things together, the Distancer wants space. The pursuer says, “I haven’t even asked to hang out all week, and when I ask for 5 minutes all hell breaks loose.” The distancer says, “We spent all day together Saturday!”
But the Pursuer has been thinking about their partner 24/7, how little they get, how selfish their partner is, how little their partner gives them and the like. The Distancer has been thinking about how to get away, how to get a breather, how their partner is needy, how they would like 5 minutes to themselves and the like.
The partners’ vibes are speaking louder than their behavior (words and actions). The messages are loud and clear and not consistent with the superficial behavior. Partners are not aware that their energy is transparent, that their vibes are giving them away. In their interactions they unconsciously react using the knowledge picked up from the vibes.
The partners are left in a state of dissonance and feeling out of sync, disconnected, not on the same page, and misunderstood.
Partners are actually very in sync with one another. They are picking it all up. They know everything they need to know… All they have to do is mindfully and consciously tap into their invisible connection and source of knowledge and operate from this wisdom!
This is not about making assumptions, mind reading or owning our partner. This is about being in touch with our source of knowledge, our ability to intuit, and our hunches. This is about using our gut feelings. This is about being empathetic, compassionate and understanding. Our partner’s vibes and energy convey their turmoil, hurt and needs.
We can be consciously in touch with that and start feeling in sync and connected. We can be consciously in touch with that and do our share of the nurturing and healing. Remember, we are all interconnected – in giving to our partner we are also giving to ourselves…
Own your self and put your self to work. Harness your brain power. Let your mind do its magic. Tap into your energy, straighten out your energy, focus your energy and unleash it on the world!!
Happy Minding!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your partner into a Tapping into Our Energy couples project. You may create a couple ritual, add an activity into your routine as a couple or individually to assist you tap into your energies and use them to feel connected, in sync, understood and gotten. Here are some activities that can assist you tap into your energies:
1) Power walk, jog, run, ride your bikes, go hiking 2) Do Yoga, quiet your mind 3) Pray, meditate, self-hypnotize, positively and creatively visualize 4) Sit in nature, sit in front of a fire place in silence 5) Read scriptures, read other inspiring materials 6) Journal 7) Paint, draw, sketch, photograph 8) Listen to classical music, listen to sounds of nature 9) Cuddle in silence, hold hands 10) Get a massage, take a bubble bath, burn scented candles
BONUS TIP: Go to a silence retreat
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Our relationship is a great conduit to our inner world, core self and inner energy. Through our relationship we can learn about, heal, stretch, grow, and transcend ourselves! What a magnificent gift to ourselves, our partner, and the world!!
Of course we can get the most benefit out of this union if we are aware, mindful, and nurturing of our partnership, each other and ourselves. The union with our partner creates a possible context for safety and fertile ground for us to flourish individually and as a team. In relationship we can create the proper structure to support this development and encourage our authentic selves to come out and shower the world with our talents and uniqueness.
Our authentic self can be invited to come out and play when we can be still and open; when we don’t mire our being with noise, doing, and reactivity. When our environment and relationship are relaxed and safe, our defenses go down and we can show up to our relationship and our life.
We can tap into our core and authenticity and bring them forth. When both partners are able to accomplish this and integrate their gifts, amazing things can happen. They can co-create a joint vision and a phenomenal life!
Here are tips to inspire and assist you tap into your core self and let your authenticity come out and play:
Allow your partner to be themselves and not who you want them to be
Accept your partner with warts and all
Own your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and stop owning your partner’s
Contain your reactions and allow your self time and space to RESPOND to your partner
Share your wishes, goals and dreams
Share yourself from your strengths, uniqueness, gifts, talents, passion, wisdom
Stretch and grow yourself by giving your partner something that is difficult for you to give
Gift your partner with thoughtful and nurturing quasi, or full-blown, romantic gestures
Pamper and stimulate yourself physically, socially, spiritually, and intellectually
Be mindful of your internal and external dialogues and interactions: Take out the noise and clutter!
BONUS TIP 1: Use some of your leisure time to sit with your self in quiet reflection
BONUS TIP 2: Create a nurturing fun ritual with your partner
Go ahead, create safety, tap into your core self, and bring your authentic self to play in your relationship and your life! Live and enjoy your relationship and life to the fullest!!
Happy Inspiring and Tapping!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take on a joint summer activity, hobby, project or venture with the agreement that you will each bring to the table your unique strengths, talents, skills and gifts.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What do you usually think of when you think of the “f…” word? We probably both think of the same four-letter word, but for today let’s make our “f…” word a more meaningful word. F is for Focus. F is for Freedom. I’ve written before that what we focus on persists.
What we focus on either enables us or enslaves us… We have the power to create our awesome ongoing experience… All we have to do is choose. We have to exercise our freedom of choice. This applies to everything in our lives.
Choose. Focus. Create. This is the power of freedom. When we choose to focus on things we value, appreciate and that make sense to us we enable, activate, expand, manifest our creativity, passion, uniqueness, gifts, Life. When we forgo our power of choice and proceed on automatic we usually focus on lack, things that go wrong, problems and disappointments, how others are not leaving up to our expectations and how unhappy we are.
It’s even worse when you consciously choose to focus on these! For guess what? You won’t have an awesome life or relationship, and certainly not happiness if you live your life with these shackles on. What we focus on persists…
Exercising intentional choice creates happiness. Doing otherwise is to crush our spirit, not honor our Soul. Here is the trick. Choose what you want. Choose how you want to feel. Choose how you want things to look like. Choose the experiences you want to have. Choose what the picture on the canvas of your life and relationship is to be. Don’t have a general or vague idea about these. Actually Choose, for then that is what Is…
Dream, choose, focus, and take massive decisive action. This is the formula to creating the life and relationship you want. You can create anything you want. When you make intentional choices, set goals, put plans and systems in place and invest in them consistently there is no way you can not create what you set out to, or something better…
This is the beauty of owning our freedom. When we exercise our freedom of choice, magnificent things happen. This is the beauty of owning our free will. When we exercise our free will we are in alignment with our Soul (Higher Power, Universe…).
This is where the magic is. Don’t be bound by limiting and narrow expectations, mindset, views, skills, scripts, legacies – take charge, clean these up and expand them. Stay open. Follow your gut (your Core Self, Authentic Self, Soul) talking to you and guiding you… Allow the magic in. Choose to have a magnificent life and relationship. And, so it is…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Choosing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment This weekend take inventory of areas in your life where you’ve lost your voice, or haven’t developed your voice yet… This business of not having a voice is holding you back from creating the life and relationship you desire…
Pick an area where you’ve allowed your Self to be muted and unmute yourself… Learn to mindfully share and express your voice in this area to develop it to your liking… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong?
You are close to having your car paid off and you total it, you are about to win a sports competition and you get injured, you are about to take the trip of a life time and you get sick, you decide you purchase a new home and have other unexpected expenses, you are about to get a promotion but loose your nanny and want to stay home with the baby.
You finally decide to scale down on the hours at the office and your assistant quits, your business is about to make it big and your partner pulls out, your body starts trimming and looking fit and you stop going to the gym and eating healthy, you get the drift.
The reason for this is that we scare ourselves off from getting what we want, moving forward with our life, achieving our dreams. We are afraid of the unknown. We know what to do and how to be in a mediocre life. We don’t know what to do and how to be in an amazing life. We believe we don’t deserve or we are not good enough for more. We believe we can’t do better. We can’t fathom a better life, never mind how to get there.
So whenever we are close to a breakthrough we unconsciously sabotage it. We induce disasters, we shoot ourselves on the foot, we invite drama and chaos, anything to distract us from getting to our intended destination.
We do the same in our relationship. Have you noticed that whenever you are getting along great, have been on the same page and feeling close, or are ready for the next level of commitment, that you have a major fight or experience a set back? It is too scary for our unconscious mind to be intimate, satisfied and happy.
It is afraid that this too shall pass like it did when we were children. It sabotages attempts at closeness and satisfaction to protect itself from additional pain and disappointment. It creates conflict, space and disconnect. Even though these states hurt, they are what we know and hence easier to endure.
Remember, our unconscious mind is time, place and people stupid. It doesn’t know you are in 2008, that your partner is your partner, and you are in your adult home. It believes your partner is your less-than-perfect-caretaker(s), back when you were young, in the home you grew up in. Imagine operating from that state and trying to create the life and relationship you want!
What a conundrum this is. We work hard at having a great life and relationship, but are operating at a less than resourceful state and do anything possible to undermine ourselves. Talk about spinning our wheels!
We can stop this ridiculous cycle and actually start creating and enjoying the life and relationship we want:
1) Soothe your unconscious mind by tending to its fear and reassuring it. Feel and name the feelings, put them in perspective, understand what triggered them and why. What do they remind you of growing up? Identify what the broken record in your head is saying and where it comes from. Soothe your self with understanding, acknowledgement and acceptance.
2) Meet your global needs by making sure you get the antidote to your hurts from childhood. Translate the feelings and story you identified above into emotional needs and diligently go about having them met. By believing in yourself, doing for yourself, pampering, nurturing, and cherishing yourself. Ask for what you need from your partner and set them up to be able to give it to you. Once you do get what you asked for – receive it, accept it, take it in!
3) Grow yourself up by becoming whole again. Become mindful of situations, events, and interactions that trigger you and your usual responses to them. Stretch yourself by activating a different more resourceful part of you to use to cope and respond. Try using more parts of you more frequently and consistently. Stretch yourself further by gifting your partner with what is usually difficult for you to give them. Integrate these into a grown up you.
Bestow your life, your relationship and your self with the care and attention of a grown up you. Don’t sabotage, support yourself instead. Watch your life and relationship flourish! Live the life you want to live!!
Happy Bestowing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Manage your internal reactivity to triggers with:
1) Exercise
2) Journaling
3) Creative Visualization
4) Meditation
5) Affirmations
6) Positive Self Talk
7) Reality Checks
8) Understanding and Acceptance
9) Appreciation
10) Letting Go and Ownership
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Every once in a while we need to acknowledge how far we’ve come in our relationship. Think back on how things were, when you were having a hard time in your relationship and had not started making a conscious and guided effort to make things better.
If your relationship is fairly new and you don’t have that much history together yet but are having a difficult time, if you just started working on making things better, or if you are new to this publication and to “consciously” working on your relationship, you might feel like there really hasn’t been that much progress yet. That’s ok – your time shall come, I promise.
But for those of you who have been putting in an “appropriate” effort – I’m sure you are seeing the results and therefore I want to congratulate you!! I want YOU to also acknowledge how your relating has improved and how things are looking up. Mind you, the relationship doesn’t have to be completely satisfying yet for you to take credit on the changes that have been made. After all, “Rome wasn’t built in a day”!
By “appropriate” effort I mean that you are able to see things from your partner’s point of view also and that you are not just entrenched in yours and how much you do, and that you are able to give your partner credit for their efforts. Remember, “It takes two to tango.”
However small are the results you’ve gotten thus far, I want you to acknowledge that there has been a change. I want you to give yourself credit for your paradigm shift – how you are using a different lens to look at your partner and your relationship. I want you to take credit for trying and for looking for resources.
Take credit for putting in more time and effort. Take credit for the baby steps taken. Take credit for noticing that, in their own way, your partner is trying.
In noticing the small changes, you are aware that movement is happening and that you are on your way to creating a satisfying relationship. This is empowering, motivating and heart lifting. This is the fuel needed to keep you going and on the right track.
So, go ahead and pat yourself on the back and do something nice for yourself to reward your efforts. A little acknowledgement goes a long way!
Happy Acknowledging!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Make a date with your partner to acknowledge and celebrate your relationship enhancement and how far you’ve come. Just have fun together!!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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