If you are like most people, you think that you can think your way out of your problems, situation, and issues… And you are right but not in the way that you imagine… Your circumstance is not a logical puzzle to be resolved… It is actually a creation of your habitual thinking that can change as soon as you change your perspective…
When you change your perspective, your feelings also change. With new feelings you create a different circumstance for yourself… Use the power of your thoughts to change your life…
I know that this is a significant shift in most people’s approach to life. Most are still muscling life to the ground to make things happen. They are grinding away, using old school principles to create the life they want… They are measuring success by old standards, as with the dollar as if it was still based on the gold standard…
But what if success and riches are actually measured differently now? What if they are measured by energetic currency? And, that this currency is what makes our life amazing… That this is where all the abundance is… Peace, harmony, joy, beauty, love, freedom… And, yes, this translates to financial riches as well…
The Key Is What We Focus On…
Remember what we focus on grows… We can get stuck in whatever state of being we are in if we are not mindful and intentional about it:
~ Some are stuck in not feeling well, being ill, and working the system. This person’s mindset, habits, and state of being, their feeling state, is riddled with pessimism, victim mentality, blame, jealousy, and envy. Their negativity bias is strong and they are in survival mode…
~ Others are more positive and empowered, they are accountable and responsible, they take charge of their situation and work hard to create what they desire. They believe in themselves, they are disciplined, and have strong will power. They operate from motivation…
~ Then, we have others who are like the motivated counterparts above but don’t operate from effort and grind. They are much better at self-regulation, they generate energy and wellbeing with ease, they flow and operate from inspiration. They have higher levels of awareness and impact…
Depending on where we are on our journey, we tend to operate more from one or another of these estates- Victim Self, Motivated Self, Inspired Self…
These states are fluid, we are not stuck in any of them per se. We can operate primarily from a motivation state but can get triggered and drop down, or we can access a great feeling state and get inspired and move up…
The more we move up in these states of consciousness, and the more we practice at being in the higher states, the better we feel and the better our life and relationship/s become…
Change Your Relationship and Your Life
To create the changes we want all we have to do is be mindful of what we allow to rent space in our head. Thoughts create feelings. Feelings lead to the habits and actions we take… This is how we create our life…
If we clean up our thinking we generate better feeling states that are more empowering, motivating and inspiring… These lead to better decisions and behaviors…
~ This is how we take better care of ourselves
~ These is how we show up better to our relationship/s
~ This is how we do meaningful work
We can generate better feeling states in other ways as well – movement, exercise, physical intimacy, pursuing our interests and the like, with self-love and self-care practices. These are challenging to do though if we get in our way with our thinking and can’t bring ourselves to do these things you see…
Same was for generating good feelings within ourselves. We can just grab the sense of these feelings that are already inside of us but that we are not attuned to… They are just a part of who we are, just because we are… They are part of the Universal Consciousness, Unity Consciousness, Love Consciousness. But most walk around blind to this truth…
We can easily access good feeling states if we so desire, choose to, and practice tuning into them.
We can easily access better feeling states by letting go of making a case for our limitations, for our circumstances, and for what we believe is possible… When we are open and Align, anything is possible…
Depending on where you are, clean up your thinking to move ever so slightly into the next higher level of consciousness. That is really all it takes. That tiny shift is a shift, and it starts to make the magic happen…
~ If you are in victim mentality – maybe start to see how you contribute to your situation…
~ If you are in the grind – maybe start to see how replenishing yourself makes work play…
~ If you are in inspiration – continue to cultivate this and share it with others…
This is how you create your radiant and successful relationship, and meaningful life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we are wrapping up January and turn towards the month of Love, things begin to look up… The mad pressure to hit the ground running in January and kicking off the year with a bang, is now behind us.
We can now truly embrace more self-compassion and set the right tone for the upcoming year… As we’ve been trying to be gentler with ourselves despite the New Year pressure, today’s Self-Love aspect drives this point home- let’s Embrace Self-Connection and Radiance.
Self-Connection is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right…
Self-Connection is about having a strong relationship with ourselves- with fully knowing and accepting all our parts, with having our own back, with being more present, with keeping our own company, with nurturing ourselves.
When we are connected with our Self, we are never alone… When we are connected with our Self, we are knowing… When we are connected with our Self, we are purposeful… When we are connected with our Self, we are inspired… When we are connected with our Self, we are radiant…
When we are connected with our Self, we are steady, powerful, unstoppable, brilliant…
This is the state we want to cultivate, as this is the Sparkle in our life. This is how our Journey is more than a grind…
Self-Connection and Radiance
Being in Connection with our Highest Self is our Soul’s directive if you may… When we are not in connection with our Self, we are banging around grinding through our life in our meat suit, aimlessly and exhaustingly, till we are six feet under. This is not the way to live!
When we are in Connection with our Highest Self, we embody our full Being, pursue our calling, embrace a full Human Experience that includes intentionally evolving… This is how we Radiate our Brilliance…
This is what makes us unique, special, magnificent, extraordinary, and exceptional. This is who we really are… Let’s embrace ourselves once and for all, shall we?
I. Fully knowing and accepting all our parts
We are complex human beings that have many parts that make up who we are. Not only do we have different aspects to our conscious self that make up our personality, but we have all sorts of parts that are subconscious that we are not aware of. These parts make up the bulk of who we are, and are the puppeteers behind the scenes… It behooves us to learn ourselves better in all regards to become more whole and who we truly are…
II. Having our own back
Nobody cares more about ourselves than ourselves… When we don’t love ourselves well enough, or take care of ourselves, that’s what we put out and that’s the kind of relationship/s and life we create… When we are not in touch with our Self and our needs, we don’t have our own back and therefore we feel alone and ravished…
It behooves us to own our needs and take care of them to ensure we are OK and have the opportunity to play full out…
III. Being more present
We are so used to all the noise in our lives that the mere thought of silence freaks us out. And, this is for the external world. The same goes for our internal world. We are SO noisy inside our heads.
We are even noisy in our bodies… How we set up our experience and environments, the information we consume, the thoughts we choose to have, and even the food and other substances we choose to consume all generate different levels of noise… This distracts us from our Self…
It behooves us to quiet down and become more present to authentically show up and be available for our life…
IV. Keeping our own company
Most people can’t stand it to be alone or to do things alone. And, if we are alone, we are super engaged with busyness and the noise we create in our lives… We don’t know how to keep our own company and savor being with ourselves. We miss out on the opportunity of enjoying our own company and experiencing our Beingness. We squander the opportunity for connecting more deeply with ourselves and truly knowing ourselves…
It behooves us to have experiences by ourselves to fully take them in, savor them and enrich more who we are…
V. Nurturing ourselves
Nurturing ourselves is how we show ourselves we know we are special. It’s a form of personal validation. When we neglect, or even mistreat ourselves, we sabotage our Human Experience and create a much more challenging life than is necessary…
If we don’t resource ourselves, but are constantly depleting ourselves instead, how are we to have a life full of energy, vitality, health, wellness, and longevity? Most don’t take care of the basic needs, never mind going the extra mile to make the Journey more exquisite…
It behooves us to sprinkle in the luxuries and the treats for a fuller Human Experience…
Self-Connection is the most neglected aspect of our Self-Love Practice and such a detriment to our wellbeing, our ability to create our Best Life and have our Best Human Experience…
Watch the video for more on these 5 Tactics to help you more easily embrace Self-Connection… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: If Self-Love was a cake, it’d be made of the first 3 Aspects (Self-Honoring, Self-Management, and Self-Care), and it would have Self-Connection as the icing. This is what makes the whole thing. 😋
We all need to have our cake to live a delicious life, a life well lived!
Review which Tactic in this Aspect resonates the most for you and complete the related process below…
I. Fully knowing and accepting all our parts – In your Journal, on a clean page, draw a circle. Divide the circle into 8 equal slices using horizontal, vertical, and diagonal lines, for a pizza effect.
In each slice capture different Parts of yourself, not roles you have but personality-like parts. Try to capture as many sides of yourself as possible, negative and positive, that you can see. Group characteristics as you see fit.
Then, identify what Parts you would like to have that you don’t already have or don’t recognize in yourself and add them to any available slices.
Finally, create two new Habits: One to counter a negative characteristic you’d like to eliminate, and another to cultivate a positive characteristic you’d like to embrace… This is how we own and evolve ourselves…
II. Having our own back – In your Journal, capture a stream of consciousness about your state- how you are feeling, what’s working, what’s not working, what pleases you, what annoys you and the like… Write for a couple of pages until you feel you have captured your current state (+/- a couple of days…). Go back to what you wrote and identify any themes.
Now, select the theme that is torturing you the most and address it with a conversation, new habit, environment tweak, additional support, etc. Make sure you address whatever need is screaming for attention.
III. Being more present – In your Journal, capture a day in the life (your life obviously). Then review it for your level of presence throughout the day…
-Do you have any mindfulness practices -Do you take intentional breaks? -Do you protect your focus from distractions? -Do you make time to connect and attune with loved ones? -Do you check-in with yourself about how you are doing and what you might need? -Do you consume inspiring and positive content? -Do you consume clean and nutritious food? -Do you minimize the noise in your life?
Rate yourself from 1-10 for how present you are daily, with 10 being super present (quite…).
Commit to increasing your score by a certain amount by a certain time, and identify a change you’ll make to achieve it: Routine tweak, new habit, better boundaries, more support, etc.
IV. Keeping our own company – Unless you are a complete introvert, you most likely have a hard time being alone… And this is true if you are an introvert as well where even if you are alone you are otherwise engaged… You are not keeping your own company…
When we are in constant interaction, with others and otherwise engaged, we don’t get to know, see and honor our Self… We don’t get to Connect with our Self…
Take stock of how often you keep your own company… Where you are engaging with your Self… I bet it’s almost never…
Let’s change that!
-Select a time in your weekly routine where you have Me Time… -Block off this time, create a recurring event for it, and protect it going forward… -Make a list of activities, you’d like to do by yourself keeping your own company… -Ahead of time, pull from this list to do during your Me Time. Complete any planning if your activities requires any scheduling, setting up, etc. This can be part of your Reset for the upcoming week.
Make sure nothing gets in the way of having an amazing time with You!
V. Nurturing ourselves – And this is the Sparklers on our cake! From the first Tactic in the first Aspect to this point, the focus has primarily been on making sure we honor and take care of ourselves well and to the fullest extent to ensure we can do famously in our Journey…
This Tactic is about adding more joy, fun, experiences and indulgences to make the journey more worthwhile!
-Make a list of the little things that give you joy.
Here are a few of mine that I grabbed from just my morning routine…
-Then, make a list of experiences you want to have, Bucket List like.
-Finally, make a list of indulgences, little and big luxuries, you want to add to your life.
Depending on your lifestyle and Practice, choose a good place to start for you:
-Adding little touches to your daily routine and life -Scheduling monthly experiences during your monthly resets -Planning the integration of more little and big luxuries into your life
Use these Tactics to keep things fresh and recharged in your life!
Voila! This brings us to the conclusion of our Self-Love Practice. We have covered a lot of ground in the past few weeks. You now have 20 Targeted Tactics to help you embrace a Self-Love Practice and help you upgrade your life!
A Self-Love Practice allows us to have better relationships with others…. More about creating amazing relationships next month!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: WEBINAR MASTERCLASS!
A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life-
Stop Self-Sabotage, Increase Resilience, and Generate More Joy
Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
This is about the toughest week of the year… This is when we have Blue Monday, supposedly the saddest day of the year. Bills come in from the holidays, attempts at new habits start falling to the wayside, hibernation is knocking on our door, and things just feel heavy. It’s rough to get going on creating our Best Year Yet… What’s needed is an influx of energy to set us on the right path. The best way to do that is by Embracing Self-Care and Resilience…
Self-Care is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right…
Self-Care is about taking good care of ourselves- with having a wholistic self-care practice that generates vitality, health and wellbeing.
There are a lot of definitions and information out there about how to do a Self-Care Practice. My Self-Care Practice is on steroids and became the Self-Love Practice we’ve been working on… LOL
I like to look at Self-Care as solely the activities that nourish and take care of our body and wellbeing: Sleep, exercise, nutrition/supplementation/hydration, grooming/hygiene and relaxation/mindfulness.
When we give these activities the proper attention, we are taking care of our “meat suit”, our human vehicle, so that it allows us to have a beautiful, full and long human experience…
When we take proper care of ourselves, we slowdown the aging process, we increase our health, vitality, longevity and ability to truly enjoy our life. Who wants to get to an advanced age and be decrepit? Or, worse be decrepit now or have a short-lived life?
Having a rich Self-Care Practice allows us to have boundless energy and larger bandwidth, be healthy and fit, look and feel amazing, have more focus and stamina, and the ability for higher performance in all areas of our life.
A rich Self-Care Practice gives us the ability to feel happy and joyous more consistently, to better self-regulate and to be less triggerable… It helps with our wellbeing and resilience…
Watch the video for Tactics to uplevel the 5 Pillars of your Self-Care Practice… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Some see self-care as a mysterious concept and have the mindset that only privileged or lazy people can afford it. They might consider it a luxury or a waste of time to do things to take care of themselves… Or, they truly believe they don’t have the resources for it… If this is you, I challenge you to consider that you can’t afford not to invest in taking care of yourself…
You don’t have to invest a tremendous amount of resources doing self-care tactics, you just need to make targeted investments to get the results you want.
STEP 1 – Decide what is it you want in terms of your fitness, health, and wellness. How are you doing in these areas and how would you like them to be, how would you like to feel?
Take stock of your energy level, mood, health, fitness, and appearance. What can use some upleveling?
STEP 2 – Review the Pillars below and choose one to focus on that will address the area you want to target and that will give you the most immediate results.
Depending on your current state and lifestyle, you might need to start with the basics, or you might want more advanced and nuanced strategies.
I provide a range of ideas here to get you going, feel free to do additional research to take charge of the Pillar you identify as your current focus.
Pillar 1 – Sleep: Research shows that most people are sleep deprived. When sleep is the thing that detoxes and cleans, repairs and heals, and recharges us. We tend to short-change ourselves when it comes to sleep.
At the end of the day, it’s not really about the amount of sleep but the quality of sleep you get that allows you to go through all the sleep cycles several times a night to get the most benefit from your sleep.
The key is to have good Sleep Hygiene:
💤 Reverse engineer what time you want to get up in the morning, and back up to what time you’d need to go to bed to get up at that time while giving you an average of 7 hours of sleep.
💤 Start shifting gears for sleep two hours before your bedtime – no food, drinks, blue light
💤 Start your night routine at least 30 min before you want to be asleep – account for all the things you want to do before you fall asleep…
Like: Prepping for the next day, doing your skin care routine, activating your soothing bedroom environment, gratitude journaling, connecting with your partner, reading
💤 Commit to lights out and shutting down by your sleep time
💤 Set your alarm to wake you up at the time your chose and turn off snooze, get up when your alarm goes off
Pillar 2 – Exercise: You might be doing everything right, but if you are not exercising you won’t achieve your fitness, health and wellness goals… Which are needed to support the rest of the goals in our life and to truly live a well-lived life…
There are tons of myths about exercise, and exercising as we used to understand exercising is more harmful than good. For example, spending hours doing cardio to lose weight has proven to be an ineffective tactic (you lose muscle mass which slows down your metabolism)…
What seems to be better supported is a combination of:
🏃♀️ High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT) 🏋️♀️ Resistance Training 🧘♀️ Flexibility Training
You can create a basic workout routine that incorporates all 3 per workout session or on rotation that makes sense for your life and that is enjoyable for you.
And you can choose what types of activities to do for each. You can put in as much or a little into this as you wish as long as you cover your basics.
*Consult your doctor if you have any medical conditions.
Pillar 3 – Nutrition, Supplementation and Hydration: The key here is to understand your goal and to feed yourself accordingly in a nutritious and healthy manner… There are so many ways of eating and so many different diet protocols and they all contradict each other- your head can explode trying to figure out how to eat…
My suggestion is that if you are just now beginning to take charge of your consumption that you start small and with the basics:
🤩Reduce your caloric intake- consume calories in relation to how you spend calories, reduce to a reasonable intake that still provides you with enough energy and nutrition (for women an average of 1500 cal/day does the trick but do your own research to match your situation)
🥙Eat cleaner- just stop eating all the processed foods and junk, and greatly reduce your alcohol consumption!
🥗Step it up to even cleaner eating- reduce any inflammatory foods you recognize your body doesn’t like (bloat, pimples, constipation, foggy brain, etc.)- like gluten, dairy, soy, eggs, peanuts/other nuts, corn, cruciferous vegetables, beans, nightshade vegetables, sweeteners, onion/garlic, caffeine (increases cortisol levels!).
📞Consult a nutritionist or functional doctor– get specific guidance if you are lost, confused or need additional support for creating a plan that works for you and your body… And for proper supplementation.
💧Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate- Shoot for 32 to 64 onz (1 to 2 liters) of water per day and you can step it up as you desire… I’ve been using this bottle to give me a visual of how I’m doing…
*Consult your doctor if you have any medical conditions.
Pillar 4 – Grooming and Hygiene: This is totally a personal choice of course. But I have it here as part of taking care of our body. A groomed body looks better, is more youthful and lasts longer…
👁Taking care of our skin, hair, teeth, eyes (hydrating with eyedrops helps maintain good vision!), etc. goes a long way.
💄Minding our products is super important as we try to become radiant from the inside out and minimize the toxins we put in our bodies…
🧹Adding a detoxing routine is a great practice – like body rolling, face rolling and skin brushing.
Pillar 5 – Relaxation and Mindfulness: Can you believe that we forget to breathe? LOL
We might shallow-breath to get air in for survival, but in general we don’t breathe well. We don’t get enough clean air circulating through our body.
Additionally, we don’t stop to smell the roses. We are always on go mode or mindlessly taking a break or so called relaxing.
We don’t properly restore, recharge and rejuvenate.
Our daily routine needs to include practices for being present and grounded, intentional breaks, and restorative activities like:
• Meditation • Visualization • Breath Work • Taking a break from our computer and other devices • Stretching • Connection calls • Pursuing an interest or hobby
Regardless of where you are with your Self-Care Practice, it’s always nice to shake things up, spruce them up and uplevel them. Focus on the Pillar that makes the most sense for you to address first, then tackle the rest as you make progress.
Don’t take all this on at once. It can be very overwhelming to make so many changes at once, and you won’t be able to fully integrate them into your life if you start slipping up (which you will if you do too much at once).
Once you selected your Pillar, do the research, set up the routines, set up the supportive environments, put all the things in place to help you work your Pillar.
Have fun with this. This is a lifelong pursuit. Enjoy the process!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Are you setting yourself up for your Best Year Yet? I want to help, this is what we’ll do…
First though, I’d like to point something out. I’m sure you’ve noticed that even though we specialize in working with couples, that my writing focuses on bringing out your Best Self to play… I cover this from a lot of different angles bringing it back around to the context of the relationship…
The reason for this is that we have a tendency to get in our own way, and then are not able to show up with our Best Self to our Relationship… The focus is on taking charge of ourselves to create the relationship and life we desire. This personal development is hugely important if we are to have our Best Life.
So, for the next several weeks to ease us right into the New Year, I’ll be covering very specific Relationship Success topics with the usual personal angle and flair. The idea is to prime the pump if you may to setup your relationship for its next level of awesomeness in the New Year. Eh?
Today’s topic – Feeling Stuck. Feeling Stuck is a very common feeling for couples. Partners feel stuck in a variety of ways. Here are some popular ones:
Not moving to the next level of commitment – moving in together, getting engaged, getting married
Not feeling close – feeling like ships passing in the night, disinterest from the other, not being a priority
Not feeling supported – having different preferences for leisure, in-laws issues, conflicting parenting styles, financial management concerns, general disapproval
Not progressing in life – having children, getting the first home or moving out of a starter home, having better jobs or positions, increasing business revenue or impact
Not feeling great in the relationship – experiencing a general sense of dissatisfaction, boredom, apathy, unhappiness
Feeling Stuck is par for the course in relationship at some point or another in its lifespan. Being in a successful relationship is one of the most challenging undertakings in life, with successful parenting being a close second… It is bound to have difficulties, challenges, and ups-and-downs. It is not easy to create a Radiant Joint Life where there is just the right balance of coupling and individualism, and of merging of two lives…
The fact that Feeling Stuck is normal at some point in our relationship doesn’t make it any easier. And, the fact that it’s normal doesn’t mean that we grin and bear it and wait for it to pass. We have to be intentional about addressing it properly or it can end up having severe consequences on the relationship and our life.
Of course, it would be even better to be preventative and hardly at all if ever have to experience this. But usually we learn how to be preventative of future stuckness by going through this at least once… It’s not something we usually start with, “Hm, let me make sure I don’t Feel Stuck at any point in the relationship”…
So, if you are Feeling Stuck, don’t worry you are not alone and know that you can change this. Sometimes when the feeling strikes it feels so numbing, uncomfortable, devastating, hopeless and such that the only way to alleviate the feeling is to get the heck out. But, don’t be rash in making this decision. Stuckness doesn’t have to be pervasive. You can get beyond it and create the relationship you desire… Only you can decide if it’s worth the investment.
It takes commitment to weather the storm, to hang in there, to address the uncomfortableness, to make changes. This is definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes courage to have faith and stay committed when faced with what seem indicators to the contrary.
Others in your life might question your sanity. You might question your sanity. But, it’s during this hesitation and ambivalence that we need to let go of ego and soften our heart…
It’s during our ambivalence that we are the most vulnerable and make rash decisions. I hear often that people wish they would have tried harder or differently to save a prior marriage or relationship.
Note, this is trickier to do when there are severe issues in the relationship – affairs, addictions, mental illness, or others. It doesn’t mean it can’t be done but be prepared for an intense ride. In this platform, I’m not talking to these situations for they require a little more TLC.
It’s during the ambivalence that we have to put our Feeling Stuck into proper Context and not lose sight of the forest for the tree… It is during this time that we have to Transcend our noise, our nitpicking, our stubborn position, our judgement and criticism, our arrogance and high-horse, and such.
It is during this time that we get in touch with what is important to us, why we are in this in the first place, who we actually are and the possibilities, who are partner actually is and the possibilities, the potential…
This is not so easy to do, but boy is it empowering if you are able to get out of your own way and see… For this becomes your Why, the inspiration, the driver, and the strength. This is what’s needed to stay the course. This is how it’s easier to stay committed…
From a committed place you have strength to do what it takes to create change. A key approach is to deconstruct the stories and scripts you have running through your mind, and see how you are cocreating the Stuckness… It is imperative that you take full ownership of your side in it. This is the only place you have control and power. When you exercise your agency, you can create change…
ASSIGNMENT: Make a date with yourself to have an empowering sit down. Create a time free of distractions that is cozy, soothing and restorative.
During this time, explore the story of your relationship. Look at it from every single angle. The only caveat is that you look at it as to how you’ve been in it, from inception until now…
What have been your strengths, your contributions, and your gifts?
What have been your weaknesses, defenses, and erosions? It’s ok to see how your partner might have induced these from you… But it’s NOT ok to blame your partner for the state of things, or for how you chose to react and be… All of that is ultimately on you!
Take full ownership for your side of things… This is where the Transformation starts…
Once you get a taste for how liberating and empowering this is, you’ll feel like a new person. This is how the Stuckness starts to breakdown… This is where the juice is! This is a worthy undertaking for from here anything is possible… Milk this feeling and keep coming back to it. Carry it into the New Year and beyond.
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on a Communication topic…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Deconstructing!
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…
And, I love applying this lens to our Relationship… This is a time for recommitting to our partner and for starting a new chapter in our relationship, maybe even a new book! Regardless of the status of your relationship, here is another opportunity to reinvest in creating the relationship you desire.
You have a chance to create a new relationship with your partner. You have a chance to start new. I’m all for milking any and all opportunities in front of me. How about you?
So, what does this mean for our relationship? Of course, feel free to run with this concept as fits your life, relationship, current status, style, creativity, and such, but for my priming let’s entertain the idea (don’t overthink this!) of how different things could be if you had no choice but to succeed at your relationship…
How would you show up if all of a sudden:
Your relationship is brand spanking new and you’d inherit trillions of dollars if you create a successful relationship…
You only have a few days left to live and want to enjoy a successful relationship experience…
You lost your relationship memory but know you love and enjoy your partner and have a successful relationship…
You are in a gameshow where you win big bucks if you are selected as the best couple with the most successful relationship…
You are the poster couple for relationships being showcased to teach children about successful relationships…
You are the last couple post-apocalypse and have to role model a successful relationship for the future of humanity…
You are going on a very dangerous mission and want to leave a recorded year-in-the-life of Mom and Dad’s successful relationship for your children…
You are in a foreign world where the inhabitants are to be terminated unless they learn from you how to be an amazing couple, and create a successful relationship…
Your life is threatened, unless you engage your partner creating a successful relationship…
You swap identities with the partners of the most well-known/public, wealthy and successful relationship in the world…
What is the common denominator in the above?
To be the best you can be in your relationship, no matter what… It’s interesting what comes up when you entertain this (again, play along, don’t logic this!).
How would you be in your relationship, if you had no choice but to show up with your best self? It’s also interesting to see what happens when we do show up with our best self… This is what I teach our couples. It makes a huge difference once the partners focus on what they contribute and step up their own game…
Your Assignment this week: Right about now is the perfect time to commit anew to your Partner, the Relationship, and to creating a Successful Relationship. Dust-off your yearly goals and see what you had for Relationship Enrichment. Tweak those as necessary to capture the recommitment, starting new, the gorgeous meaning of the season, and properly kick off Q2!
Your relationship is what you make of it… Your relationship depends on the attention you give it… Your relationship depends on what you put in it… Your relationship depends on how you treat your Partner… Your relationship depends on how you show up… Commit to creating a New Relationship with your Partner… It CAN be done…
Be the partner you want to be… Be your best… Regardless of how your partner is being… You always have the option of no longer being in the relationship. But if you are in it, Be ALL in!
Stay tuned for the next issue on how to create your New Strategy.
Share your insights and impact by leaving a comment below! I’d love to learn what you are able to accomplish and create when you are resourced.
Happy Committing!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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