Connection is one of the main experiences we seek and need as humans… When we feel disconnected, we don’t feel so good… The thing is that we go about connection in the wrong places, in the wrong way, and for the wrong reasons… In essence we are shooting ourselves on the foot and end up even more disconnected and not feeling well. Are you wondering about how to connect with your partner? Deep connection depends on us fully showing up.
We might seek connection through social media, through shallow friendships and acquaintances, and by putting a noose around our partner’s neck. Can you see how this could be extremely dissatisfying, further disconnecting, and even painful?
Did you know that social media interactions give you instant gratification and register only through your frontal cortex- the rest of your brain thinks you haven’t had an interaction? And that’s only one of the disregulating impacts of being on social media.
How about relationships that are built on gossiping, complaining, commiserating, and whining about life and everything in it? What about relationships that are focused on superficiality, materialism, and one-upmanship? And what about those laced with manipulation or focus on getting something from one another?
And even worse, within our own home when we try to force connection with our partner and end up doing things that sabotage our connection…
How to Connect with Your Partner
We live in such a phrenetic culture, that we live outside ourselves. We live on the go, on our devices, and in our heads. Thank goodness for the covid-19 pandemic for showing us how to slow down… We just need to hang on to that learning and cultivate it further.
Now, this cultivation doesn’t mean the silent resignation or quiet quitting, even though this is where people are taking it… It is actually quite the opposite. It is about fully engaging with our lives…
~ It has to do with actually showing up to our lives, by being attuned and fully present…
~ It has to do with living inside ourselves, with being in touch with our body, our breathing, our heart…
~ It has to do with embracing our life force, reveling in it, and flowing from it…
What if instead of scheduling a gazillion-million activities to do with your partner so you can connect, what if you just show up to an exchange? What if you show up with no agenda? What if you show up with just your energy? What if you show up with eye contact and openness? What if you just Be with your partner?
When was the last time you just interacted with your partner? Where you felt them? Where you took them in? Where you understood and accepted them? Where you just relished them? Even when they were showing up with their obvious imperfect perfect selves. We don’t much do this, even when our partner is being their most awesome…
We are all up in our heads with our agendas, expectations, to-dos, judgments, and constricted selves. We operate and try to connect from our fear-led-ego/head… This is impossible to do!
Not for nothing most partners feel disconnected and experience all the repercussions of that… What if instead we were to operate and offer connection from our love-led-radiance/heart?
~ What if instead of showing up like a tornado, you just slow down so your partner can feel you and you them?
~ What if instead of trying to prove yourself right, and your partner wrong, you just witness your partner?
~ What if instead of trying to knock out all your to-dos, you just spend a few minutes chatting and being with your partner?
For you see, creating/allowing, connection and a successful and radiant relationship doesn’t have to be work, challenging, or a struggle…
APPLICATION: Decide you will simplify and equalize your life to allow for joy, harmony, connection, and overall abundance…
~ Start by cutting out commitments, miscellaneous responsibilities, and tasks that don’t add value to your life
~ Remove overindulgences, excess, clutter, noise, and distractions as much as possible
~ Add quiet/silent time, being in nature, breathing sessions and the like
~ Cultivate Being with yourself, and Being with your partner…
When we slow down and remove the noise of life from our life, we can connect with ourselves, our partner and our life… Then we actually feel Connected…
For those wondering how to connect with your partner,
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It seems that it is so easy to abuse ourselves if we are not being intentional about loving ourselves… Self-abuse can take on so many forms that we might be abusing ourselves and we don’t even know it… Self-abuse is anything we do that doesn’t serve us, and directly or indirectly harms us… Abusing yourself takes on many forms and sabotages your life…
Yes, I know the word abuse is very loaded. And it tends to easily get thrown around. I’m OK with that as it highlights the severity of the matter or the users experience…
The thing is that it is our responsibility to take care of ourselves so that we actually live the life we are meant to live. We are on this earth to have a Human Experience and to evolve into the best version of ourselves, expanding our consciousness…
But the way we go about our life is in resistance to this… It creates friction, and dis-ease, and stuckness, and physical illness, and mental illness, and broken homes, and other suffering…
What is the kicker here is that we are carrying on with this unbeknownst to ourselves. Yikes!
So here is list of ways we abuse ourselves to get you started identifying how you might be being mean to yourself without even knowing it…
You drink alcohol or have other substances most evenings
You go to sleep too late
You watch TV or have other blue screen time till the moment you fall asleep
You sleep plugged into your devices or with them running in the background
Your room is not set up for a restorative night sleep
You hit snooze several times or beat yourself up to get out of bed to get your day started
You barely have enough time to get ready in the morning before getting your children off to school, getting to or starting work
You start your day by pumping yourself full of caffeine and eating a sugary/carb-loaded something
If you happen to be fasting, you don’t properly break your fast and might be overdoing your fasting
You grab what you can for lunch and eat at your desk while working, scrolling on social media, or surfing the web, you barely hydrate, and don’t really see the sun
You go from meeting to meeting or staring at a screen for hours
You have some more caffeine and a sugary treat in the afternoon to keep you going till the end of the workday
You rush to get your kids from school and get them to some activity, to figure out dinner, and to get them to bed
You crash on the couch to do some Netflix binging, your partner might be sitting there with you, and start the whole cycle again
And this is just what happens on the outside…
On the inside:
You beat yourself up for being exhausted and for not having figured out a better evening routine- actually for haven’t figured out how to live your meaningful and joyous life
You complain to yourself about how your partner sucks because they don’t do half as much as you do, and they whine about and want a star for the little they do to boot
You give free reign to all your scripts and limiting believes about your body, your self, your partner, your finances, the government, the world and the rest of it
You live in your head, from the neck up
You criticize, judge, condemn, control, manipulate and other tactics inside your head (and outside) to manage your world
You live in other people’s circles and barely mind your own
You don’t take care of yourself or meet your needs, you might not even know what your needs are or how to meet them
You don’t feel or express your feelings
You put on a mask and live with it on, you don’t even know yourself
You have programs running your life that you are barely aware of, you just know you do because you feel stuck, dissatisfied or keep repeating unwanted patterns
Now, not all of the above might fit for you, and you might have your own to add to the lists. The point is thathow we are doing our life is not how we are supposed to do our life!
We think that all that doing and pushing is going to create our Best Self, our Best Relationship and our Best Life. Well, I got news for you- it ain’t.
There are lots that can be done with all the above:
But the key is to do these not from doing more, from working on improving ourselves, from trying to get somewhere else and the like. All that efforting has the same energy as all the items on the list… It is driven from judgement, from lack, from not deservingness and such…
It is driven from not being good enough, from not accepting ourselves, from not honoring ourselves. The activities are much better intentioned but all that doing won’t make that much of difference if it is still done from the head up, from fear and reactivity…
How about we just chill out for a bit?
How about we pause all the noise we usually make, and go about our life by living our life? How about we just Live?
How about we breathe? How about we feel? How about we experience?
How about we honor, and express, and forgive, and let go, and accept, and love, and savor?
What if we actually show up to our life? To our body? And unplug from the Matrix?
What if we no longer buy into all the constructions we’ve been fed? What if we just show up and enjoy?
What if by just showing up we actually create/allow our Better Self, Better Relationship, and Better Life?
What if we Allow the most magnificent expression of our Human Experience…
APPLICATION: Choose to start being kinder to yourself… In a couple of minutes upon waking:
~ Start your day by bringing your shoulders to your ears with a big inhale and release with a big ahh exhale
~ Then visualize taking a shower of white radiant light cascading over you and around you
~ Then identify a few things you are grateful for- such as having breath, having running water- don’t over complicate it
~ Finally set an intention for what you’d like to feel this day and cultivate that feeling as you go
~ Observe anytime when you might not be being kind to yourself and change the moment as possible
Remember life is about Being, not doing…
By being kinder to yourself, showing up to your life and allowing flow, you’d shift any funky energy and patterns you have running you… It’s time to create/Allow a life of overall abundance…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Complete the Relationship Enrichment Course to help you take your relationship to the next level!
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Break the impasse, be empowered, feel hopeful and inspired again
Improve your communication and deepen your understanding of each other
Change your patterns and better meet your and your partner’s needs
Enrich your connection, enhance your intimacy and truly enjoy being with each other
Strengthen your partnership, strive towards your Joint Life Vision, role model a radiant and successful relationship
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Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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