I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days.
They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there.Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!
This is a complete waste of a perfect partnership! And yes, you are a perfect partnership even if it doesn’t seem like it at the moment… You are a perfect partnership in that you complement each other, you trigger each other creating opportunities for growth, and have a vested interest in seeing each other (your “team”) succeed. No other partnerships meet these criteria to their full extent.
Not utilizing the partnership with your lovie to its full potential is such a crime! Everything you need is already built in. Your job is to learn how to use it for maximum results. And, the first step is to know how you want things to be. Have a very clear picture of this for now and for the future.
I know that this may seem unbelievable when you are struggling in your relationship. This might seem far-fetched and unrealistic. But, the way to go about this is to take a look at your relationship by being removed from it by looking AT it and not from within it. This enables you to see the bigger picture.
This allows you to see what is holding you back from your vision… Why is there a struggle in the relationship? If your struggle could talk, what would it say it is trying to teach you? What are the lessons in the struggle? What is the stretch? How does it push you to grow up, own yourself, learn new skills, address unresolved issues, change patterns, etc.?
For you see your relationship is a path to becoming your Authentic Self. When you start addressing, learning, resolving, growing, healing, etc. you become ready for creating your vision. You achieve the means for manifesting your Authentic Life
I understand how challenging this is for those of you who can’t even see a future with your partner. I implore you to not worry about deciding on the status of your relationship, nor to worry about the possibility of this. Instead, put that in a box on a shelf to be addressed at a later time.
In the mean time, as long as you are still with your partner… I want you to focus on Being with your partner… Give it your all! This is the only way – you will either create an awesome relationship or know sooner than later that this is no longer a viable path for you. So, don’t torture yourself “deciding”, you will know…
What does it mean to give it your all? It means you do targeted investing in your relationship – not “crooked trying”. I hear all the time how partners “have tried it all”… When exploring this – the partners did the same old over and over, stuck with their ego, waited for their partner to change, and in a nutshell didn’t really do much investing but wasted time and resources… No wonder they are tired and feel hopeless!
I want you to go at this from a different place. Stop your usual and give to your partner how they prefer to be given, how they like to receive… Focus on what you contribute, what you need to change and improve. Give this your full attention. Tweak and tweak. Do a “Groundhog Day” on your approach to your relating. You will crack the code.
You have the opportunity and all you need right now to go at this for ultimate results,manifesting your vision – creating your Authentic Relationship and Life. Don’t over think it! Just go for it!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Tweaking!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
If you are questioning your commitment: Stop it! Go at your relationship as if you are committed… Give it your all. If you are struggling: Take a moment to look AT your relationship, and look for how you need to be in it differently… If you want to make things even better: Create a relationship vision and a plan of action for investing in and nurturing it, and your Life… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The bottom line of the romantic relationship is feeling connected, loved and acknowledged. This is what we strive for in our relationship. This is of course not the only thing we want out of our relationship, but it sure is one of the top ones! This explains the need to partner up in life. We are social beings and need to live in relationship.
We know ourselves and exist in relationship with our partner. This is our mirror – we can see ourselves and know we exist in this reflection. Partners co-construct their existence. The romantic relationship’s inherent intimacy is fertile ground for feeling alive. It is, therefore, very scary and dismal to be alone in our relationship when one or both partners are absent. Our existence and aliveness becomes questionable.
This is why people feel distraught, hopeless, aimless, and stuck when their relationship is rocky. Their sense of self is shaken in the absence of a secure connection and their life appears meaningless, empty, and gloomy. It is difficult to behold our reflection, see with clarity and bear witness to the beauty, when looking into a shattered mirror.
For us to feel fully alive, revel in our relationship, and luxuriate in all life has to offer, we need to utilize this built-in existence co-creating mechanism in our relationship. When both partners are fully present in their relationship, they are accessible to each other and themselves. They bring forth all of themselves to play with. All the parts of themselves are activated and engaged. They can partake in all life brings them and attract all they want out of life. They can jointly co-create an amazing reality and life journey. They can be truly and fully alive and savor life!
But this is not a simple task. It is not easy to be fully present and available to ourselves and our partner. We have learned to loose, hide and deny parts of ourselves growing up, and we have created socially acceptable masks to wear. We have even developed coping mechanisms that keep us from one another and ourselves.
The Rx is to start being true to ourselves by exploring and developing ourselves, and then sharing this openly with our partner. Shine your mirror. Be present in your life and in your relationship, and experience Awakening! Plant and nurture the seeds of yourself in the garden of your relationship, and watch it bloom into life!
Happy Blooming!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Make a list of ten things you would like to try out or experience that you have not pursued or entertained. Include items to tantalize the senses. Be creative and don’t hold back. Now hop to it and enjoy!!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Our body is not just a receptacle that houses our Self. It is how the Self manifests itself. The flesh that we refer to as our body is actually all-knowing pulsating molecular energy – the material of the Self, our Being.
Here we store information such as our histories, experiences, their impact, our wishes and desires, feelings, and have access to Knowledge, choices, best options, outcomes, a sense of others and community, and even love.
When we are not in-tune with our body we are disconnected from ourselves, miss out on the possibilities, and are out of touch with our full, authentic Self. This is worsened when we don’t take care of our body by resting, nourishing, and appropriately stimulating it.
Therefore operating from a grinding mode (imagine your car without all necessary liquids and other maintenance) that generates hiccups, blips, static and other noises. We our operating from a suboptimal state.
Our energy’s waves and strength get stuck in that muck. We get stuck. We don’t fully know our Self or use our Self to live a full life. When our energy is bouncing around within our constrictive immediate space it can’t shine through and show Itself. Or, it leaks out in distorted opaque dribbles – not a magnificent radiation.
Most of our efforts in our life then get used to manage this state and the symptoms, chaos, and stuckness it creates. What a waste!
Not for nothing most people struggle at life, and their relationships. How can you possibly have a satisfying relationship with your partner in the midst of this? Your partner can’t fully feel and engage You (and vice versa)! It’s time to clean up your act. Take care of your body, get rid of the noise, tune-in to your Self and start shining through. Radiate to your partner and bathe them with Love.
Happy Shinning!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take up an activity that soothes you, calms down your insides, and settles you down.
Trade an unhealthy habit for a healthy nourishing one.
Establish a connecting ritual with your partner.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings… I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.
A way to use this is to “grow our wings”. This means doing whatever it takes to become a better version of ourselves: heal any past trauma or emotional wounds, pass your stuck development stage (grow yourself up), re-parent yourself, learn any lacking or improve any weak skill that you wish to have, break any debilitating habits, wrap any unfinished business, close any exits leaking energy, stop or remove any excuses or reasons holding you back.
Embrace your stretch to break your patterns, figure out what makes you the better person and go that route…
Once you’ve tackled growing your wings as mentioned above, the next level of this is to “grow your wings” by leveraging – using others’ wings, systems, and structures to expand your reach. We can only go so far by ourselves. We need leverage to create our World Class Life, for life not to be a struggle but a joy.
We want our life to be a true reflection of our Core Self. We want to own and honor our Authentic Self and live accordingly… We tend to live such small lives… We drown in a glass of water… We miss the forest for the tree…
I have come to know, the hard way unfortunately, that we cannot leverage unless we grow our own wings first… I’ve seen this in my own life, and see this day in and out in my work with clients… Doing our own growing is challenging, some fight even this, so imagine how challenging it is to embrace the higher level of growing by leveraging.
I find that we hold ourselves back in all areas of our lives. If we pursued our becoming our best Self with gusto, then the Universe becomes the limit…
I’m sure this can seem daunting right about now, but don’t let it overwhelm you. This is a special area where your relationship becomes indispensable and the gift it’s meant to be… You have untapped resources inherent to your relationship:
What is a recurring hurt in your relationship with your partner? What is the theme that keeps playing out?
What are things that keep coming up in your relationship that alert you to a growth place?
What is a way in which you hurt your partner that indicates a stretch for you…?
View yourself through your partner’s eyes (this can be painful!)…
Identify how you sabotage your relating and make a parallel to the rest of your life, for how we do anything is how we do everything…
What do you love about your partner that you can emulate? What is an awesome characteristic that makes your partner stand out that you can learn from?
How are you rejecting exactly what you are asking for? How are you shooting yourself on the foot?
What is your partner’s unique gift that you keep squashing?
How can you support your partner’s growth, healing and thriving? (Practically and by working through the questions above…)
How are you dishonoring your Souls’ Contract…?
Did you know that your relationship is a lot more than just a place for fun, paying bills and having children? It’s time you give it is due reverence! Your relationship is the key to your World Class Life… Give it a whirl. Embrace this concept, apply it, work it, invest in it, live by it, honor it with gusto and watch your wings grow… Watch your life become a World Class Life. Live your Authentic Life!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Growing!
~Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Pay very close attention to how your partner actually does support your Souls’ Contract and stop taking them for granted. Pay attention to how your partner colludes with you for your growth… Call it what it is and appreciate your partner for their gift. Approach challenges with this new take in mind… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Without even realizing or knowing how it happened sometimes couples find that they have gotten themselves stuck in a rut. This is very common and it can happen cyclically in the relationship. The couple’s rhythm inevitably sets this up to happen.
Some things that affect this phenomenon include:How the couple manages itself around the calendar year: Does it take into consideration the inherent high and lows that come with different months, seasonal work, school being in session, and holiday season busyness to prevent burnout and power struggles and reenergize and rejuvenate?
Does it take a look overtime to better manage and schedule demands, activities, vacations, and personal business (i.e., surgeries)? Does it prepare for difficult times and get additional help? Does it take advantage of down times by planning time-off from the everyday and doing fun and stimulating things?
How the couple uses opportunities for fun: Are the partners open to try new things, meet new people, and do something different? Do they accept social invitations? Do they entertain? Do they have a joint hobby? Do they take advantage of what the seasons offer to spice up their interactions and routines? Do they consistently schedule and allow time for fun?
The way the couple structures their activities and routines: Does the couple take into consideration the partners’ different circadian cycles, styles of processing information, learning styles, tolerance levels for stimuli, individual basic needs for sleep and eating, and preferences for relaxing so both their needs are met on a consistent basis?
Does the couple set a consistent routine in the home so there are less power struggles and inefficiency and therefore less wasted energy and resources? Do they have assigned and negotiated chores and responsibilities to prevent areas of conflict? Is their household organized and warm inviting relaxed interactions?
How they set up and pursue goals: Do the partners have clear individual, couple and family goals? Are these negotiated fairly and revisited often to ensure they still meet their needs? Are they realistic? Are they pursued in a balanced effort? Does their decision making flow from their plans and goals?
Do they align themselves with resources and take advantage of opportunities so ensure they achieve their goals? Do they take calculated and informed risks? Do they follow their dreams?
How they manage projects and time: Do the partners have individual interests and demands that are stimulating and challenging? Do they have proper support in their endeavors? Do they take on realistic tasks in terms of skills required, time allotted, and number?
Do they give appropriate time to different tasks, demands, and needs? Are their efforts focused and targeted? Do they take necessary breaks from their endeavors to engender new perspectives and allow flow of creativity?
How the partners maintain their individuality, take care of themselves and their personal needs: Do they have individual and couple friends? Do they have their own hobbies or interests?
Do they pursue personal growth and accomplishments by attending conferences or seminars, going back to school, going to tournaments or doing races or walks, going to psychotherapy, doing avid reading, getting a life coach or a personal trainer, joining a support group, journaling, being involved in their religion, meditating and praying, getting involved in their community, or volunteering?
Do they ask for help? Do they enlist support? Do they establish appropriate boundaries? Do they express their needs and feelings? Is their life balanced? Do they address self-defeating habits? Do they establish and maintain healthy habits? Do they pamper and treat themselves?
How they demonstrate their Affection and Love towards each other: Do the partners have healthy communication and conflict resolution skills? Can they express their needs, wants, wishes, likes and dislikes? Can they get their needs met? Can they ask for what they need? Can they be there for each other?
Do they resolve conflicts? Do they reserve judgment and are accepting and forgiving instead? Are they patient and tolerant? Are they free with their compliments? Do they easily show appropriate affection? Are they warm, sensitive and empathic?
Are they emotionally and physically available? Do they say I Love You? Do they do loving gestures? Do they give appropriate gifts? Are they gentle and caring? Do they pamper and treat each other? Are they respectful and considerate? Are they thoughtful? Do they make love at least once a week?
Do they take care to look their best for each other? Do they make romantic gestures? Do they spring surprises? Are they playful? Do they sensually tease? Do they add mystery to some of their interactions? Do the partners do these on a consistent basis?
Couples can go through a couple of ruts a year or can be stuck in a huge rut for a long time. The more neglect the relationship experiences the more likely these ruts are to happen and stick around. The above categories show areas where couples can be neglectful setting themselves up for a potential rut.
Don’t fall into this trap! Take stock of your approach to relating and creating a life together and see where you might need to start making some changes!
Happy Drumming!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Review the above list with your partner and together identify a category you believe is leading your relationship to a rut. Identify three behaviors you can each do to start creating changes in this area.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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