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Metro Relationship

METROPOLITAN MARRIAGE & FAMILY THERAPY, PLLC

You can prevent conflicts and triggers this holiday season [VIDEO]

You can prevent conflicts and triggers this holiday season [VIDEO]

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Yes, we want beautiful and magical holidays, yet that expectation in and of itself creates stress and overwhelm for us. The holidays can be challenging for many for a lot of different reasons including having to deal with family-of-origin dynamics, unresolved issues, toxicity, and other triggers. 

We can go about the season differently in that we can be mindful of our end-of-year and new year planning approach, and how we actually plan the holidays to reduce stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. And, we can go about them with the intention of minimizing conflicts and triggers. 

When we go about things without intentionality and mindfulness we might experience life and relationships as mine fields… Where the less care we put into how we tread, the more likely we are to blow things up…

Things that might create conflict and that can be triggering can be related to:

  • Contribution, collaboration, support, accomplishments, achievements, impact, success, gifting, spending, appearances, weight, body image, self-esteem, transitions, life changes, aging 
  • Disconnection, cut offs, estrangement, anger issues, lying, disloyalty, jealousy, comparison, sibling ribaldry, parenting, elderly parents, crossing boundaries, enmeshment, generational patterns, affairs, chronic illness, infertility, grief and bereavement, abusive tendencies and/or history of abuse
  • Wellness, self-management, mental health concerns (anxiety, phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention-deficit disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bipolar and other mood disorders, borderline and other personality disorders, eating disorders, addictions and substance abuse, and others)  

When these things are part of one’s life in some shape or form, they have an impact on how we feel and experience interactions and events.

We might end up feeling and experiencing: not being good enough, put down, put out, pressured, criticized, blamed, let down, rejected, neglected, unsupported, misunderstood, not valued, disrespected, taken for granted, ignored, dismissed, unimportant, incompetent, powerless, and so on… 

Whether we choose to respond, staying calm and collected, or react, getting agitated and thrown off, it’s up to us… 

In the moment and in the face of being triggered it might not feel like we have a choice. It is almost impossible, biologically, to respond well in the face of a trigger. Therefore, it is imperative that we have our own back and mitigate conflicts and triggers by anticipating them. We can exercise our power to choose proactively and get ahead of these things to be preventative. 

Of course, we can’t prevent all conflicts and triggers, but we can sure stave off a lot by mindfully and intentionally addressing our circumstances and needs. 

Check out our latest podcast episode for more specific circumstances and triggers and how to go about managing them for a more wonderful season and upcoming year.

 

 

Watch our previous Podcast Episodes on our YouTube channel

Get this FREE End-Of-Year & New-Year Planning™ (ENP) Process…

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Numbing for coping with stress specially during the holidays…
Holidays thoughts stressing you out?
Having a letting go practice for lightness and joy
Uplevel your holidays with enriching traditions
What would you like to have more of in the New Year?
Blast the winter blues with more love
Are you achieving your relationship goals?

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
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   Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com. 

Prevent Blows to Your Relationship!

Prevent Blows to Your Relationship!

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Most relationships have to endure a history of trauma experienced by one or both partners and a current trauma(s).

Traumas include abandonment, neglect, abuse, rejection, control, accidents, assaults/attacks, catastrophes, infidelity, infertility, loss, relocation, birthing and becoming parents, substance abuse, chronic illness, eating disorders, depression, extreme emotionality, obsessions, PTSD, unemployment, disability. Some of these are symptoms of a past trauma, but when experienced in the present they create a current trauma to the relationship.

As partners experience their relationship and each other, they are affected by what is going on with each other. Partner’s personality, coping, expectations, visions, perceptions, needs who they are as people is largely composed and influenced by their history, and current context. Therefore, what each brings to the table has an impact on the nature of the relationship and therefore on the satisfaction quotient of the relationship.

When partners have unresolved past traumas, not only do these influence who they are as people and what they bring to the relationship, but they are bound to be symptomatic. These two factors are major sources of stress, tension, friction, and conflict in relationships.

Partners with unresolved traumas are easily triggered and not fully present in their life and relationship. They also have a host of symptoms and additional stressors that manifest as a result. The current relationship keeps getting hit.

These are the couples that appear to walk around with a black cloud over their head when anything happens to them. They go from one problem to the next, from one crisis to another. The reason for this is that their inherent make-up, coping and relating are crooked attracting negativity and creating situations that are more of the same. They are in a negative cycle that is difficult to break away from.

When one of the partners is the one that is the most symptomatic, it doesn’t mean that the other partner is any less traumatized. It takes two individuals to have a relationship however that relationship turns out. Here the saying, It takes one to know one, fits well. Partners collude with each other to create their reality and their current context.

When one partner is having a real difficult time and appears to be carrying the brunt of symptoms (is less well functioning), this is a sign of unresolved past traumas and a sign for the need to have things change in the current relationship so that it is healing. Remember, our current relationship is a venue to our healing past wounds and becoming whole.

If one or both partners are not doing well, they are not utilizing the relationship well to serve its purpose.

Here is the opportunity to do something different. The signs are there it is time for a change!!

Happy Changing!!!

 

~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment

Plan a Talking Date where you each get to share how you are doing and how you’ve been. Together determine what your traumas were and how they are traumatizing your relationship today. Employ acceptance and caring in your discussion. Please don’t use blame or criticism.

Create a safe environment to bring forth areas that might need some looking into. Then, make a commitment to make specific and concrete changes to address and heal your traumas.

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com. 

 

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