Use fathering to create the changes you want in your life…


When we focus on ReParenting ourselves as a reprogramming and healing tool, most often the work is not broken down my Mothering and Fathering… But it is super helpful to identify what we need and give that to ourselves more specifically… With the Mothering comes the Nurturing, with the Fathering comes the Disciplining… If you are feeling alone, neglected and abandoned- you need Mothering… If you are feeling overwhelmed, stressed, unmotivated- you need Fathering… But let’s go deeper today with the stories and limiting beleives playing out in your life that are holding you back from what you desire…

It’s amazing that what we believe informs and creates what we experience… That’s how powerful our thoughts are…

I’m sure you are familiar with thoughts and believes that go something like this: We are not good enough, that we can’t make a difference, that no matter how hard we try we still can’t get what we want, that we’ll always be disappointed, that we have to work hard to make things happen, that we have to do things ourselves if we want them done well, and so on… These come from the Lack, Expectation and Control Ego Patterns

But there is nothing a little Fathering can’t do to reprogram this thinking and related habits that hold us back from creating the relationship and life we desire…


Give Yourself a Little Fathering

As Fathering has to do with safety, security, stability, structure, routine, and discipline, we can connect these to specific Ego Patterns to better understand what kind of fathering we need to give ourselves…

Safety & Security are related to the Expectation Ego Pattern. Here is where you feel let down, disappointment, and resentment, like you can’t count on others and like they won’t be there for you. Not knowing the status of the relationship, when you’ll connect next, plans, who will take care of what and the like create too much uncertainty. This doesn’t feel safe and so you might become demanding, owning, confrontational and such.

You might want to explore your scripts and believes around safety and security. About being able to count on people, about being able to be vulnerable.

You can reprogram this pattern by adding habits and tactics in your daily routine that provide consistency, reassurance, and connection to create that emotional safety and security…  

Stability & Structure are related to the Control Ego Pattern. Here is where you feel overwhelm, stress, and anxiety, and like you have to take care of everything and be the one to make things happen. Not knowing if others will follow through, keep their word, do a good job, or properly show up is just too stressful. This is when you micromanage, are overly involved, become controlling and such.

You might want to explore your scripts and believes around stability and dependability. About being able to let go, about being able to trust.  

You can reprogram this pattern by adding habits and tactics in your daily routine that provide sharing, updating and debriefing to create that stability and dependability…

Routine & Discipline are related to the Lack Ego Pattern. Here is where you feel alone, sad, and depressed, and like there is something wrong with you and like things are not good enough. Not knowing how to measure up, how to fix things, and how to get your needs met creates hopelessness. This is when you self-numb, become judgmental, make others wrong, and such.     

You might want to explore your scripts and believes around worthiness and personal power. About self-love, about being lovable.

You can reprogram this pattern by adding habits and tactics in your daily routine that are part of a self-love practice, partner-love practice, and gratitude practice to create abundance and personal accountability.


The Actual Reprogramming

Once you explore and clean up your limiting believes and debumk your scripts accordingly, the next piece is to add the habits and tactics into your daily routine, and other cadences, for the actionable part of creating change…

Note, as soon as you implement a new habit, you are automatically targeting your ego pattern… You undermine your ego, dismantle the pattern, with the new behavior…

Sometimes it’s difficult to figure out what the habits and tactics can be implemented to address the patterns… But this doesn’t have to be complicated. You can have your own back here by embracing a 30-Day Challenge that aligns with what you are trying to reprogram…

Personal Development, Relationship Enrichment, creating the relationship we want, creating the life we want, don’t have to require so much effort. We can actually have fun addressing things that might get in the way!  


WATCH RELATED VIDEOS: Successful Relationship on YouTube



Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!


PS: Related Articles
The more authentic we show up the better the interactions go
Embrace love as a verb, action your love…
Connection habits help enhance or rekindle love… (video)
Exponentially expand and deepen your connection…
Mothering vs fathering
Create safety, security and trust in your relationship
Do less and make more changes with self-fathering…

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
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About Emma

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of MetroRelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.

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