I don’t know about you, but my wheels are always turning about how to make a Better Future… I apply this lens to EVERYTHING: relationship with my husband, relationship with my daughter, relationship with family members, relationships with others and in our joint ventures, home and other environments, health, personal development, spirituality, self-care, practice with clients and serving, and humanity as a whole…
This is why I treat my work with clients as Sacred. When they feel better and empowered, collaborate and synergize, they become unstoppable… Once we get over the hump (address what initially brought them to work with us) and clients start getting traction in the direction they desire, it’s interesting how conversations start to change… It’s so exciting and inspiring to see clients Transcend what brought them in, and start creating their much larger life…
We start talking about integrating more Spirituality into their lifestyle. We start talking about opening their homes to less fortunate children. We start talking about their Gift/Contribution to the world and capturing it in a book. We start talking about team development in their business and inspiring leadership.
We start talking about their Social Justice project and how to structure it and launch it. And, the list goes on. It’s so marvelous how “relationship therapy” is a gateway for creating a better future…
Inspired by conversations this week, and lead by my curiosity and approach to life, I’m stepping up my game to further Transcend the everyday… Have you heard of the 100-year Vision Plan?
The idea of this has been such a transformative concept… Regardless of how old you are now reading this, you won’t be alive in 100 years… So, to have a 100-year plan seem ridiculous, right? But, let’s think about what happens when we plan as if we were to be around in 100 years… [Or, how we plan for things in 100 years regardless if we are to be around…]
We’d have to tackle our life as if we were to live that long… The first order of business would be to make sure we are around – to tackle our life to ensure the most longevity… That in and of itself has a ton of implications, doesn’t it?
For starters, we’d make sure we have a super healthy lifestyle, so we don’t break down half way… Which in my book, we should be doing now anyway to ensure an as-long-as-possible, healthy, productive and enjoyable life… I’ll let you in on a little secret, one of my goals is to live to 120! Yeah!
Then, we’d have to make sure we can support ourselves, we’d have to make sure we are still productive contributing members of society, we’d have to make sure we have a rich life to enjoy, what else?
Now, isn’t all this interesting? What is coming up for you? The lifespan has been increasing, and with-it people’s “contributing” years. But, we still hold the mindset of “retirement”, pensions, the golden years, retirement/nursing homes, deteriorating health, decrepit aging, and such… If you were to live 100 more years, how would you approach your life differently?
If you had my goal of living to 120, what would you be doing differently? Would you be closing shop at 65? Who said that the last few decades of our lives need to be spent wasting it away? Most people don’t have amazing lives after “retirement.” They look to retirement and then life is downhill from there… What?! This doesn’t make sense as an approach to life… What about going about our life as if it were a scenic marathon, not a traumatic sprint?
Now, let’s take this a step further. We know we won’t live that long. So, we settle for living well for as long as we can, but with the intention of having impact beyond our years… What would it mean to live our life planning for contributing for another 100 years… Bam! And, that’s the thing… How do we live a super amazing life that has meaning beyond our humanness…
In playing with this concept, I came across this video: The 100 Year Vision.
I know all of this can be a lot to take in, and you might not be ready or interested in it. And that’s ok, we are all on our own specific Journeys. But, regardless of where you are, think about how this concept can enrich your life. If you ponder as much as, how do I live my most healthiest and meaningful life?, then that’s a homerun in my book. That in and of itself is a transformative takeaway… So, start there.
What small change can you start with to start living an even healthier and more meaningful life? This is a tremendously satisfying project, and I wish you much fun and success with it! Enjoy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Visioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Select an area of your life where the minutia and having constant fires to put out just drain you and are a thorn in your back.
Think about what purpose/need this is fulfilling for you… And, how entertaining this is sabotaging where you want to be…
Identify a more proactive, healthier, and effective way to meet the purpose/need, and make the switch immediately.
Then, turn your full focus to where you want to be… Start by dreaming and feeling good about it…
Transcend the daily for the Vision…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I have written before, and you probably already know from your own knowledge base, that we are all Energy, that everything is a form of energy… We are not actually solid. Though because we use our “humanness”, we experience reality as we do… Reality as we think it is, just “isn’t”… If reality isn’t as we think it is, this has implications for everything in our lives… Give this a listen for some background and other resources on this concept…
Everything is energy, even our thoughts are energy. Energy particles/waves vibrate at different frequencies embodying different forms… Remember chemistry class? Medium vibration produces water, in high vibration produces steam/gas, and low vibration produces ice. This is a crude analogy, but the same concept applies to thoughts…
The higher the vibration of our thoughts (positive), the lighter the outcome – more gaseous, vaporous, ethereal, subjective, non-physical, spiritual, expansive…
The lower the vibration of our thoughts (negative), the heavier the outcome – more material, concrete, specific, measurable, objective, corporeal, finite…
Thoughts/energy produce (create, manifest) at the frequency they vibrate… This is how we create our own reality. This is how we create our life. We literally think and create. What we observe and focus on, we create more of… What we expect (think will happen), we’ll get…
If we have a few different thoughts/expectations (vibrations) on the same subject, we muddy the waters if you may, and we don’t get clear outcomes… We don’t get water, steam or ice, we get mud!
The implications of this are huge as you can already surmise. If we have negative thoughts/expectations, they have low vibrations, and create their negative content… Obviously the opposite is also true.
If we have positive thoughts/expectations, they have a high vibration, and therefore create their positive content… You can probably see where I’m going with this in applicability to your relationship, but before I connect the dots here are a couple of other points on this.
I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, Mind Over Matter. The more post-modern version of this is, Mind Over Mind. We get/create what we Mind/Think… Doesn’t it behoove us to be Mindful…? Doesn’t it behoove us to make are dominant thoughts what we want, not what we don’t want nor to have rampant and unintentional thoughts??
And, let’s take this a step further. How about we stop minding/observing how things supposedly are…? How about we stop minding/observing our Self as we think we are…? Read that again… How about we stop minding/observing our Partner as we think they are…? How about we break this thinking habit, the habit of thinking that reality is…?
How about we open up to the possibilities? How about we open up to new expectations? How about we open up to expect what we want? How about we open up to the possibility of Being how we want to be…? How about we Are as we wish…? How about we operate from who Are…? And, that my friends is immediate Transformation…
If we Mind our life from this place, all our dilemmas disappear… I promise… Just mind your opposing, conflicting, ambivalent, muddy expectations… If you are clean, you’ll get clean outcomes… And, the Universe is the limit…
What does this mean for your relationship? Take a guess… What would happen to your conflict? What would happen to your disagreements? What would happen to the fighting? What would happen to your connection? What would happen to your collaboration? If you no longer observe/expect your partner to disappoint you, let you down, betray you, annoy you and such, they won’t…!
The truth is in the eye of the beholder… You observe/interpret/decide “what is”, you assign the meaning, you Be and operate as you wish, you create the relationship you want… You create… You are that powerful… … Don’t take my word for it. Experiment and see for yourself…
Choose today to stop fighting, and act/Be as you wish you Are. See your partner as you wish they Are… Address the moment from this new vantage point… Stop the drama. Stop the fighting. Enjoy the new Being, and creating of the relationship you want…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Minding!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Take a beat to ponder about who you Are… Transcend your usual view of your Self…
Really connect with who you Are… Grab all parts of yourself, all the parts you love, and mush them together. Now feel your creation. Feel the essence of what you created.
Feel the Essence of you. Feel You. Embrace You. From now on, flow from this You…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What keeps you entertained and engaged in your life? What professional or personal projects are you tackling? Are you excited about these? Are you proud of what you are accomplishing? Are you inspired by what you are involved in? How is your life journey going? How are your personal goals coming along? Are you creating with your Partner?
Creating with our Partner is at the corner stone of our life… This is one of the reasons we couple… How do you create with your Partner? What do you create? Do you have a strong partnership? Do you have systems in place to easily and effortlessly collaborate at the business of life?
It’s interesting how many go through life haphazardly, putting out fires, being stressed out and overwhelmed, getting on each other’s nerves and being resentful… Running your joint life and Creating together doesn’t have to be so. It can actually be seamless, enjoyable, fun, rewarding, and inspiring.
Becoming a strong partnership doesn’t just happen. It requires patience, understanding, acceptance, communication, transparency, open-mindedness, flexibility, compromise, grace, and appreciation for starters.
Becoming a strong partnership means wanting to be a strong couple. Having a clean relationship mindset… Owning ourselves and our power while being mindful, intentional, and cooperative.
It means improving our personal habits, stepping up our game, learning relationship enrichment skills, integrating personal development into our lifestyle, addressing any recurring negative patterns, mutually meeting our needs, subscribing to a relationship nurturing approach, and being collaborative in our everyday.
Becoming a strong partnership means operating as a Team. It means creating a structure in our home and routine that support us and the journey we want to have. It means creating an amazing lifestyle that makes life worth living. It means putting in place the systems to allow us to make that happen. Why struggle and beat our head against the wall. What life hacks do you subscribe to? How do you make your life easier?
It’s time to do these seamlessly consistently:
Provide healthy and nutritious meals and snacks
Have a self-care practice built into daily routine
Glide from one activity to the next
Address and prevent clutter
Have quality family and couple time
Be prepared for activities and for the next day
Have a connected and efficient bedtime routine with children
Have a connected and intimate evening routine with partner
Have a soothing and replenishing personal turndown routine
Have agreed shared responsibilities
Have methods for synchronizing, staying current and in the loop, and collaborating
Have a check-in and staying connected mechanism with partner
Have approach to connection, intimacy, passion and fun that honors both partners
Have approach for accomplishing projects and achieving goals and milestones…
Are cooperatively pursuing your joint life vision…
You are a role model to other couples and families, and an inspiration to those around you…
If you have a lot of the above in place, good for you! See what else you’d like to make easier and work it.
If you feel overwhelmed by the above, it means your life is probably a bit overwhelming and chaotic and could stand to have some organization and structure. Pick 2 items from the list above that when implemented your life would immediately feel like a different life. These are that powerful.
Keep tackling the list. Automate the workings of your life, and see how much easier and rewarding it becomes!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Automating!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Go through your daily routine in your head and identify the times when you are stressed, annoyed, resentful, overwhelmed. Note, what time of day it is, who is involved, where you are, and what’s involved. Pick the one item that calls to you the most and put a system in place to automate it and take the edge off. Enjoy!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interested that I’ve been finding myself saying to my daughter and husband, To get the right answer (answer to what we really want to know), we have to ask the right question. This has come up in situations in our personal life.
But, as I heard myself say this for the nth time, I realized there was actually something more meaningful and deeper going on for me than addressing a mundane activity or fact in relationship with my family.
I observed that working in supporting people create the relationship and life they desire, that we usually start in a place that is not feeling so good for them. They come see us because they are struggling, they are stuck, they are feeling hopeless, or simply not feeling well. There is Gap between where they are, and where they would like to be…
Actually, there is a gap between how they are Being and experiencing themselves and their world, and who they really are and the blessings they already in their world… There is a gap between themselves as they know themselves and their Higher-Self, Authentic Self… They are not really owning their brilliance, gifts, power, worthiness and such. They are usually victimizing themselves and operating from ego and defenses… I call this being dirty. LOL
When we operate from a clean and fully owned sense of self, our life becomes instantaneously amazing…
So, this brings me back to the asking of the right questions…
Consider these:
What’s the problem?
What’s bothering you?
What’s wrong?
What’s the matter with you?
Why did you do that?
Don’t you love me anymore?
Why are you so lazy?
To mention a few.
These questions are terrible! They imply brokenness, lack of resources, blame and criticism, and more. If we were to answer these questions, we’d answer with disempowerment, defensives, and such…
In my having my moment with this, I further embraced proper questioning as a therapeutic and general life changing approach, as this can be done outside the therapy room by and with anyone.
Consider these:
What aspects of you would you like me to see more?
What part of you is trying to come out and play?
How can I create safety for how you are trying to be yourself more?
How can I support your Authentic Self?
What topics can we talk about that highlight who we really are?
What can we put in place that pleases our Higher Self?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, how might we see this differently?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, what would we do differently?
If we have a higher-road approach to this, how would we respond?
If we consider the larger impact, how might we tackle this differently?
If I put my ego aside and used my heart right now, I would see that…
Eh? Isn’t that much better?? This is your H.W. Play with this concept. Ask everybody higher level questions… For in the asking something different, we create something different… In the better answers, we instantaneously experience something better… You’ll be surprised how well people respond and what inspiration ensues…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Questioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Think of a topic or situation, and have a brainstorm of how to ask productive and inspiring questions about it…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’ve been hearing the scenario of a person’s partner feeling like a roommate. Sometimes they barely even feel like that much! This is actually just another take on the theme of not feeling Connected to our partner… These partners feel challenged to experience their partner as their Romantic Significant Other (RSO).
Feeling Like Your Partner is a Roommate
The partners complain that they:
don’t have much time to spend with each other
don’t have any interests in common
like or enjoy different things
are no longer attracted to their partner
are no longer in love with their partner
don’t enjoy intimacy
don’t feel close
don’t know who their partner is anymore, or don’t understand their partner
believe their partner has no interest in them
believe their partner doesn’t understand or get them
believe their partner doesn’t care about them
can’t get along
can’t enjoy each other’s company or have fun together
If you are a person whose partner feels like a roommate, do any of these resonate for you? You don’t necessarily need to experience your partner as your roommate or be disconnected to be acquainted with some of these…
For you see, unfortunately, these are part of being in relationship at one point or another… Relationships are not perfect or bullet proof. It is not easy to synchronize, feel connected and sustain connection post the infatuation phase of a relationship… Once we are committed to each other and our joint life becomes more complex, it is easy for the relationship to become less of a priority and to fall to the wayside.
Most assume that love and a commitment are good enough to create a great relationship. They are disappointed later when they realize that not investing in the relationship, giving it TLC or nurturing, has a major impact on its quality. The result? First, the list above. Second, breakup or divorce.
And, to make matters worse, this is not the only factor playing a role in the status quo. What is even more significant, is that most partners bring unresolved past issues, poor habits, lack of relationship building know-how, and inadequate personal development to their relationship mindset and interactions. This plays a huge role on how partners got here, and in their ability to turn things around.
But, there is no need to panic or throw in the towel. It is never too late in my book! No matter how much of the list above feels true for you, you can turn this around. All of the above can be changed… I’m often asked, What happens if we are not in love anymore? Or, he/she says they are not in love with me anymore, shouldn’t I leave? Or, I’m not in love with him/her anymore doesn’t that mean it’s over?
It could mean those things, if that is what you want it to mean… I’ve seen couples come back from the unimaginable though. We are pretty powerful, influenceable, likeable, attractive and lovable when we own and operate from our Awesomeness (core-self, inner-being, authentic-self, higher-self)… When we are connected to our Self, we can more easily connect and stay Connected with our partner… This is the key… There is no need to give up…
If we are not Connected, in touch with our Self, how can we possibly use our self to connect with another? And, if we are not using our Self to connect with another, we are using our defenses and our noise in our interactions and in our attempts to connect. Well, then not for nothing those go south or don’t exist…
Our focus in our quest to create a successful relationship and feel the connection with our partner, needs to be connecting with our Self first. And, to own and flaunt our Awesomeness. Not cockiness, just our pure Light.
So? What’s your takeaway? Get grounded, Connect to your Self. Then, look at your “roommate” and feel the Love…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Explore different techniques, exercices, and activities to continue to increase your Connection to your Self.
Make this a daily practice, and a lifelong habit…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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