There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.
Because we might not be very aware or proactive about the health and wellbeing of our internal world, we might not be in the best shape to actually create the Life we desire. When we are clueless or in the know but not proactive, we neglect aspects of our care, maintenance and sustenance that eventually lead to breakdown.
Just like we clean house, go to the dentist, and do oil changes our inner world also needs routine care and attention. When we don’t invest in learning about our Self and our inner world, upkeeping and upleveling its functioning, and implementing best ways to show up in the outside world, we are leaving things to chance, bad habits and mishaps.
Lack of intention, attention, planning and implementation leads to malfunctioning cars, cavities, dirty houses, toxin laden bodies prone to illness and poor aging, and relationship dissatisfaction and break-ups. This is what living an unintentional and winging-it style to life gives you.
This is actually not living life, life is happening to you… You are not its Master and Designer. This is the way to go through life struggling because you are not in charge. If you are not the driver, you will never get to your desired destination. Being the driver includes choosing the destination, acquiring a well functioning mode of transportation and a road map. Now, that’s the Trip!
In this case the vehicle is our body and mind… It is our absolute responsibility to make sure that both are in optimal shape!!! It is up to us to ensure our Trip is awesome and that we make our destination. Now is the time to detox both your mind and your body of any unwanted toxicity lingering from foods and other ingested substances, poor mindset and mental hygiene, and unaddressed emotional pain.
Detox Your Body: Most things we ingest are not good for us. We are killing ourselves with food… Unless of course you are really mindful and intentional of what you eat and otherwise consume. But even still the body develops a deposit of toxins that get more and more sludgy and burden the body.
The more burdened the body is the less optimal it’s digestion, cleansing, rejuvenation and other functions. This is how we become ill and age poorly. If you don’t already have a cleansing regimen, now is the time to look into this. Explore your options. Decide to clean your body and make it beautiful from the inside out. Here is a book, philosophy, approach I live by:Clean.
Detox Your Mind: When left to its own devices, our mind is our worst enemy! Its conscious, subconscious and unconscious mechanisms can wreck havoc in our life if we don’t take charge of them. It is our job to mind our internal mental world, upgrade its programs, and rewire its functioning.
Our triggers, wounds and emotional baggage clog our unconscious mind with unresolved emotional issues, our belief system litters our subconscious mind with unintentional debilitating programming, and our Ego, negative thoughts, and poor mindset undermine our conscious approach to life and our relationship. If you want to be the Master of your Universe you need to align your 3 minds, actively manage them and put them on course to serve you.
Here is work by a colleague that is amazing at rewiring the brain…: Dan Siegel – Brain Lesson on YouTube. When you are “clean” you ensure your most optimal performance level and ability to create to your Heart’s content. Make a Commitment to having an awesome Trip and reaching your Destination.
Set the intention to lead a Clean life. Decide what you need to do to make sure you get and stay Clean. Invest on this now, invest in your Self now, to make sure this happens!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Cleaning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment Establish a Cleansing Practice™. Body: Select times of year when you want to do a “cleanse / detox” program. Schedule them into your calendar. After Holidays it’s a good time… Select two foods / substances that are not clean that you will eliminate from your diet. Keep eliminating bad things until you are ingesting primarily clean substances most of the time.
Mind: Select a new tool to implement to help you declutter, clean and rewire your brain: meditation, affirmations, vision board, prayer, visualization, self-hypnosis, appreciations, stop-thought-technique, rewriting dirty thoughts, sending others loving vibes, etc. Integrate this tool into your daily routine. Integrate others over time for a full on amazing brain. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Ok, so you’ve been together for a long time, or maybe not so long, and are feeling time just passing you by and your relationship not moving or progressing with it.
You find that you still have a lot of the same issues, unresolved concerns, repeating arguments, don’t feel connected, are living parallel lives, can’t seem to have fun together or enjoy each other’s company, are bored, and feel empty. You are just going through the motions and question your commitment to your relationship and your partner.
Unfortunately, this is a very common scenario. Couples get sucked in and chewed up in the power struggle and seem to be unable to get out of it. They go around and around in their cycle for what could be ever if nothing is done about it. Relationships don’t just get better or become enjoyable again on their own. The partners need to do something different to make this happen.
I know this is easier said than done when you are stuck in the cycle and your behavior and reactions appear to be on autopilot! This is the more reason to make a conscious effort to address your situation.
The hint to getting unstuck is to take a step back and do a perspective change. Look at your situation from your partner’s perspective: put yourself in their shoes with their mindset. How are they looking at the situation? How do their history, wounds, personality, wishes, expectations, etc. influence their view? From this place, what do they want and need? How do they see you? How are they experiencing you?
You might not like what you see. Our behavior, reactions and expectations make perfect sense from our perspective, but when looked at from another angle they are flawed, or better said, they don’t flow or make sense from that point of view. Not for nothing you and your partner are not seeing eye-to-eye and are disconnected.
When you look at your interactions from both your perspectives and the chasm between you is apparent but the views clearer, you have a chance to start closing the rift.
The usual inherent difficulty here is that it is very difficult to see our situation from our partner’s perspective and a tough pill to swallow at that. But once this is achieved, following the simple guidelines above, the reconnecting, and healing, can begin.
The first and most important part of this is to actually tell your partner how you see the situation from their perspective. You are hence validating their experience and bringing them back to life. They are no longer absent, invisible, detached, gone. You don’t have to agree with how they see things, but the mere fact that you are able to see how they see things allows them to come back into existence. They have a voice.
This is necessary to even the playing field and to be able to have a conversation. A partner without a voice can’t conversate and be present in a relationship.
Resurrecting your partner gives you a chance to give life to the relationship you want. With a live partner you can create a joint perspective from which change can flow. This perspective is created by mutually and consistently sharing each of your perspectives while validating the other.
From this place it is a lot easier to meat each other’s needs. It is a lot easier to tailor our behavior or reaction when we know how it hurts our partner than when we are feeling attacked, criticized, taken for granted and ignored!
Go ahead – give it a try. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and start dancing to a new tune!!
Happy Dancing!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Next time you feel getting sucked into your usual arguing listen for your partner’s hurts and disappointments hear their perspective. Put your reactions on hold and don’t listen for how this affects you, how you are hurt, what you need, etc. Put your stuff on HOLD!
Just listen to your partner and tell them what you are hearing them say (without making assumptions, interpretations or mind reading) and tell them how you understand their perspective and how they could be feeling as they do as a result (you don’t have to agree with it or see it the same way).
Now ask your partner what behavior change you can make to fix their complaint. Here you might need to coach them a bit on giving you very specific behavior change requests. For example, just be nicer to me, is too general, but, when I come home give me a kiss hello, and when I got to bed a goodnight kiss, is a lot more doable.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
What we resist persists. What we focus on expands.
We are super powerful creating creatures…
Our mind is a honing device for creating, a GPS for getting places… We create what we think whether intentionally or not. Left to its own untrained devices it creates the chaos and unruly inner experience with or without our consent… That’s just how the mind works.
It is our responsibility to train our mind, to have a fabulous inner world that can be reflected in our outer world. If we have bad inner world habits, we have chaotic energy, send out conflicting messages, and therefore create inconsistent results in our life… And, this of course, applies to our relationship.
This is a very messy and dissatisfying way to go about having the relationship we want. As a matter of fact, this ensures that we do not create an awesome relationship. It behooves us to explore our scripts and underlying subconscious believes around relationships to identify how they serve us. Unless attended, we usually have a mess here…
It is imperative that we clean house. It is imperative that we align our beliefs to our values and desires. It is imperative that we rewrite our scripts and mind our thought patterns.
It is imperative that we instill good mental hygiene, that we refresh our thinking to focus on what we desire. If we do not take charge of our most valuable and powerful tool that is our brain-mind in the game of life, we won’t win. We won’t create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship. Indeed we’d create exactly the opposite of what we set out to create.
Proactively programming and rewiring our brain, establishing a healthy and successful mindset, and having supportive mental habits ensures we create the life and relationship we desire and deserve, for I know that we are all here to experience a magnificent relationship as part of our human experience… It is our duty to fully follow our human directive and do whatever it takes to meet this challenge.
Set the intention now to upgrade your relationship and to experience its inherent synergy and magnificence. Take a moment to envision it in its full glory. In your minds eye, play the tape of your awesome and magnificent relationship with your partner on a given day. What happens when you gain awareness first thing in the morning? What do you do before you get out of bed? What is your morning ritual? How do you get ready for the day?
What Self care measures do you do? How are you relating with our partner? How do you go your separate ways? How do you stay in connection? How is the rest of your day set up? What recharges and inspires you? When do you touch base with your partner? How does it feel? How do you plan for reconvening? What special ritual do you have? How does the rest of your day or evening look like?
How are you enjoying your partner? How do you feel? How do you retire for the night? What ritual do you have in place? How do you set yourself up for restful, recharging and healing sleep? How does the next day go? The rest of the week? Weekend? Month? Quarter? Seasons? Year?
Take your time to fully envision and feel each desire, creation… Feel it in your bones, as if it’s already happening. In your mind and desires it already is, and so it is…
Quite down any resistance by observing it and letting it go. Go back to each question and flesh it out to your heart’s content… Imagine it’s next year at this time and your relationship has been upgraded… Your vision is a reality… How do you feel? Really, your vision is a reality – how do you feel? Expand this feeling… Feel it… Your sit with this…
This is your intention for the next year for your relationship… Repeat this exercise DAILY… Do not slack off. Stick with this… Make a commitment to strive and create the elements of your vision. Think, feel and behave EVERYDAY as if your vision is already a reality… Do whatever it takes to make this happen. It is up to YOU to make your masterpiece… And so it is…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Intentioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
One way to ensure we stick with our goals, resolutions and intentions is to create a new habit.
To create a new habit we need to automate how we approach the task at hand.
The way to automate our approach is to set up a Relationship InvestmentPattern-Repetition™ (RIP) around it.
Set up a RIP™ around investing in your relationship. Here are some ticklers…
– Sunday morning sex, breakfast in bed, brunch in different settings
– Synchronizing schedules and plans for the week on Sunday evenings to ensure weeknight(s) couple time
– Monday night couples session (coaching / therapy)
– Tuesday and Thursday joint exercise or neighborhood, park, beach, other walk
– Wednesday night special couple dinner
– Wednesday night Chat™
– Friday movie, game, hobby, outing, other night
– Saturday date night
Agree to your RIP™ with your partner and set it up by rearranging your schedules, making ongoing reservations, purchasing related memberships or subscriptions, calendaring babysitting, etc.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2014 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couples ™ programs and products that assist couples succeed at their relationship and life. To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive her weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
To get your downloadable relationship enrichment insights and receive our weekly successful couples articles, nurturing nuggets (sm) and other resources visit: www.metrorelationship.com
With the hustle and bustle of the year end activities and holiday preparations and festivities, it is no wonder that we might feel a little over extended and perhaps have been neglecting our selves and loved ones. With the New Year just around the corner, it is time to shift gears and change our focus. It is time for fresh starts and new beginnings.
If your relationship has been feeling deprived, stuck, troubled, or just needs a little pick me up, now is the time to infuse it with new life!Think on what you want your relationship to be like. Close your eyes and see it in your mind’s eyes. Take a moment to really see what your dream relationship with your partner would look like. Take a deep breath and take in positive energy, hope, wisdom and love. Exhale out any reservations, resentments and negative thoughts.
Try to see the ins and outs of your relationship: How do you relate? How do you make decisions? How do you resolve conflict? How do you have fun? How is your sex life? How are you otherwise intimate? How do you enjoy personal time? How do you enjoy couple time? How do you manage dual careers, jobs? How are your finances? How do you share responsibilities? Do you have children? How do you relate with them? What does your home look like? What are your couple and family rituals? How do you feel as a couple? How do others see you as a couple? How do you deal with your family-of-origin, in-laws, and friends? Really see your relationship. Feel it. Once you have a sense of it. Open your eyes. Put a smile on your face.
With the beginning of a new year comes the promise and hope for new, different, and better. The opportunity to start anew and fresh is here. In the New Year we usually feel recharged, hopeful, open minded, motivated, and open. Now is the time to tackle your Relationship Vision. Make a commitment to making your relationship vision a reality, and pour your refreshed and ready self into your Relationship Enhancement Journey! Make relating more intimately and connecting more deeply a priority. Start creating your relationship vision today!!
Happy Fresh Starts & New Beginnings, and Happy New Year!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Share your relationship vision with your partner, invite them to visualize their own, and then integrate the two to create a Joint Relationship Vision! Here is how to make your joint relationship vision a reality: Pick one of the items in your joint vision that you want to work on and make a reality right away (you can schedule in your calendars a session / date to review your vision and create more goals to keep the momentum going!).
Once you chose your target item create a concrete goal around it and get to it!! Your goal needs to be SMART: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time limited.
It needs to include who will do what, when, where, and how. Also, it is very important that you attach the sensory effect and emotions of your item to your goal (how will achieving the goal taste, feel to the touch, smell, sound, look like, and feel emotionally?).
For example, let’s say that your joint dream relationship includes having fun together but you are currently lacking in that department and want to enhance this part of your relationship first.
Your goal could look something like this: We will take turns scheduling weekly couple outings that are no farther than two (2) hours away, last three (3) hours in length, take place on Saturdays, for the next three (3) months.
Having accomplished our goal will taste sweet and bubbly, feel smooth and velvety, smell like pink and peach roses, sound like a running brook, and feel exciting, alive, connected, safe, and loved.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Have a discussion with your partner about how to make the Holidays meaningful for you as a couple. Create a couple ritual that captures the essence of your partnership. Have fun!
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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