It saddens me to witness people’s struggles, to watch them get in their own way, to drown in a glass of water, to miss the bigger picture. Maybe this is compassion for my Self as I can certainly be in that place… This is one of the lessons I’m still learning.
This is part of my Journey. In its course I grow, heal, learn and further embrace my Calling… It is amazing to step back and take in the machinations, the alignments, and the perfection in how everything plays out, always for a reason… It all adds up…
At the end of the day, this brings me back to the sadness, compassion, for others for at least I can see the hidden gift, the blessing, and the opportunity. I draw strength and inspiration from this. This is what makes me a gifted healer and a leader in healing.
This is part of my Purpose… But for those who are not yet privy to this, all the tumultuousness of life is just pain. I can’t imagine not having the higher perspective. My heart truly goes out to those who struggle.
Having a higher perspective doesn’t exempt us from the happenings of life, and it is not always easy to hang on to it. But being able to see things from a different angle than merely seeing them as things happening to us makes a heck of a difference. This is where our human experience manifests.
Seeing the good in everything around us, even the so called “bad”, is where the opportunities abound, the promises lie, the gifts reside, the blessings are bestowed, the magic happens. This is where the beauty of the mystery of life can be found, if we can only but awaken…
Of course this applies to our relationship. Everything that happens in our relationship happens for a reason. The state of our relationship and everything that we get from our partner we have invited, we’ve co-created. Everything that goes on is a blessing, though sometimes a blessing in disguise.
When things are not to our liking or when we are in pain it is a sign that something different is needed. It is an opportunity to become intentional about our approach and our Being.
It is a call to realign, to stretch, to grow, to become whole and more empowered by adjusting our attitude, thoughts and behaviors. It is an opportunity to let go of Ego and defenses and to more fully embrace our Authentic Self. Thus creating the Awesomeness we wish and deserve.
This is why our Partner is a Gift to us. They provide the fertile playground where we get to play, stretch, develop, grow, heal, create and role model… Our interactions are blessings. They are all opportunities for us to embrace our human experience, and for us to be our Best Self.
In Relationship we have the opportunity to reach, embrace and engage our Authentic Self. Our directive is to look at everything through this lens and see where we need to stretch, grow and learn. It is ALL for us.
Everything happens for a reason. There are opportunities and blessings at every turn. Our job is to recognize them, to awaken to this Mystery and use it in our Journey. When we wake up and open our eyes, when we don the blessings lens on, and when we translate misfortune or aggravations into opportunities we recognize how Graceful and truly Bountiful life is. Go ahead, open your eyes, and be Thankful for all the Blessings in disguise.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Thanks Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take the high road. Step away from your (overt or covert…) steadfast position on an impasse with your partner. Put on Your Enlightenment Lenses™. If you were to look at your situation from a transcended perspective, what would you see? How would you say the situation is prodding you to change? What are you being taught? What are you supposed to learn? How are you supposed to grow?
How is this inviting you to become your Best Self? How are you to stretch to get there? Sit with what comes up. Hold off resentment and other Ego driven feelings and thoughts. Hang in there. Weather the uncomfortableness… Hang with the new perspective. Take a moment to design two concrete behaviors that you will implement consistently to honor this call and step into your new reality… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding are key ingredients in couple relationships. Partners feel important, content and loved when they know their partner practice these and are truly dissatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy when they don’t. The reason is that these characteristics aid couples in feeling connected. Their absence leaves couples fumbling to get their needs met and to “feel” their partner and the relationship.
The lack of these qualities is so prevalent and common that it’s a wonder we even have couples inhabiting the earth. Knowing how to give appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding is a daunting and challenging task as most of us were never really taught how to do this, but it’s never too late to learn and start practicing them.
I have seen what fabulous transformations in relating learning these can achieve. Couples come in to see me not really liking each other, not getting their needs met, being completely dissatisfied in their relationship, and on the verge of breaking up and once they learn these “skills” they metamorphose. They achieve a higher level of love and intimacy than they have ever experienced.
I want this for you, and all couples for that matter…, but let’s start with you. J I want you moving beyond the nastiness, dissatisfaction or plain old mere getting by in your relationship. I want you to have a live relationship that fulfills you and is rewarding.
One that meets your needs, is passionate and fun. I want your relationship to heal you and complete you. I want you to have a conscious relationship. You can achieve this by starting with observing our upcoming Holiday. Thanksgiving.
I want Thanksgiving to have an additional meaning for you: being thankful for your partner. I want you to celebrate your partner and show them appreciation for being in your life. Your partner is the missing link… They have the potential to heal and complete you.
Your partner was perfectly matched to you as your unconscious picked them just for this reason. In their opposite characteristics and coping, and similar characteristics to your caretakers growing up, they have the ability to recreate old wounds for healing and teaching you to reclaim your lost parts.
Getting answers and help you heal and become whole – now these are things to be grateful and thankful for, and your partner is the embodiment of them!! Be thankful for your partner!!
You can thank them with the gift of appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding starting on Thanksgiving, or earlier – why not?, and gifting them consistently in your everyday interactions and situations.
When you take a step back from your relationship and view your partner as a gift and when you gift them back with appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding, you’ll start seeing changes in your relationship that will suit you just fine…
Happy Being Thankful!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding are shown when we put ourselves in our partner’s shoes and look at our context, situation and relationship from their perspective and see their efforts, sacrifices, gifts, views, concerns and needs from where they stand.
Armed with this insight it is a lot easier to meet your partner where they are and show them you get them. Also, from this place it is a lot easier to meet their needs – there is no guessing or trial-and-error necessary. Make a date with your partner and share with them your insights and new level of “getting it.”
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I hear how every year appears to go quicker and faster for some as their lives get busier and more complicated in their attempt to keep up with the pace of our ever moving society. This is a challenging pull to evade fraught with consequences for the relationship. We become distracted from our partner, our connection, and our love and in so doing we loose sight of each other and move away from our happiness.
Recently I had a client question why partners become disconnected. In the discussion that ensued, she very creatively metaphorsized. the relationship between partners as being like the tide, with partners moving in and moving out.
She envisioned the partners being in sync with one another in their need for closeness and space, and problems occurring when the partners back away from the incoming tide and thus getting out of sync. (Thanks Sandie for the great image!)
As we get side tracked with life and get busy not making time surf we get out of practice with being intimate. When we see the waves rolling in, we become frightened and either don’t move in to join them or run away from them. Our insurmountable daily tasks and chores usually keep us from being fully present in the moment and available to ourselves and our partner.
We keep pace without taking moments to be in our life. Inevitably, we loose sight of who we and our partner are. It is scary as heck to be intimate with a stranger and not knowing what we are even bringing to the interaction! This is dissatisfaction in the making!!
Therefore, I want to invite you to resist the pull to do more and faster. I want you to slow down and start savoring each moment. Become aware of your state of mind and physical being as you do this. Just check in. Look for the beautiful in your day. Get reacquainted with yourself. Recognize the blessings in your life – there are many as you start to pay attention, be grateful.
Feel contentment envelop you as you acknowledge what you already have and the beauty in the world around you. We work very hard for more but we can’t have more until we acknowledge and savor what we already have. We are usually spinning our wheels. Stop the madness now!
A more grateful and appreciative, relaxed, attuned, aware, and awake you makes for great company for yourself and your partner! This is a place of abundance. This is a place of Joyfulness and Peace where Giving becomes spontaneous!!
Happy Giving!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Slow down! Clean out your to do list. Simplify tasks and projects. Automate. Delegate. Hire out. Streamline. Declutter. Make your new mantra: Less is More. Organize and keep order. Create systems to make doing easier. This creates more time, space, and serenity – wonderful resources to gift to your relationship.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is a wonder that couples figure out how to get along and create a joint life together. Partners usually experience love, attention, intimacy, communication, conflict, money, holidays, time, space, and everything else differently. They bring to their experience their history, upbringing, culture, spirituality and many other influences. Yet, they still have one very important thing in common, their need to feel loved, valued and accepted.
The kicker is that even though this is one of our prime directives, and a main objective of our human experience, we manage to botch this. We want love, attention, affection and connection, but we do everything in our power to actually not get this… We sabotage our relationship satisfaction, our happiness, and the success of our Experience every chance we get.
We walk around with blinders on oblivious to our brilliance, oblivious to the gift that is our partner and to all the opportunities for growth, healing and creating that are thrown our way. If only we could just wake up. Oh wait, we can!
Unfortunately, I’ve been acquainted with those that want to stay asleep and love blaming their misfortune on everything and everybody else. The pity is that they are not aware that they are sleeping and refuse to see anything remotely telling… They sit in their self-righteousness, entitlement, ignorance, and arrogance. They love their box.
Oh, do they love their box! These are the partners that do really funny stuff in their interactions and do all kinds of funky behaviors in the name of “normalcy” and “self-care”… These partners cross boundaries, dishonor themselves, have poor accountability and live as victims…
All it takes is to say – NO MORE! Make a commitment to opening your eyes, to embracing your full Authentic Self, to partnering with your Partner…
Do you want to connect more deeply and intimately with your partner? The strategy around this is to remain flexible. Often times we control the plan, event, situation, interaction, routine, and ritual in order to supposedly get what we want. And wanting we’ll remain…
The trouble with this approach is that it guarantees just the opposite for in rigidness we can’t show up and be our Authentic Self. To boot, there is no space for our partner to show up either. We set up this perfect conundrum over and over, and then wonder how come our relationship and our life are not working.
So, in flexibility there is opportunity for slowing down, syncing up, seeing each other, witnessing the other’s brilliance,receiving our Partner, enjoying the beauty of the moment, getting grounded, Being present. This is what makes up all the little moments that create our relationship.
This is what allows for larger and more meaningful moments to take place. This is what allows for spontaneity to happen and therefore Life. When we are flexible our energy flows, we are Alive.
The opportunities to be flexible are endless. Our job is to make sure we are flexible where it counts. Most of the time we are flexible in areas that harm us and are inflexible in areas that enrich us. We’d have no problem eating an extra cookie, but should our partner ask to spend time with us when we are busy we are quick to deny the request.
We love being busy. We believe that if we Do we Exist, so we do more. We derive our worth from our “busyness” all but forgetting to Be. In our Doing we become rigid getting ourselves stuck and disconnected. Being flexible allows us to Be, to Live, to Love and to Be in Connection.
The next time your partner approaches you trying to connect, stay open and flexible. Slow down. Allow yourself the luxury of Being with your Partner. Enjoy your Gift. Enjoy your Connection!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Connecting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Flexibility enables connection. Strengthen your flexibility muscle by considering different options when opportunities arise. Choose outside of your usual repertoire. Try this in all areas of your life for a fuller experience and expedited development. Be extra generous when entertaining the options in relation to your partner’s attempts at connection… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
In most relationships usually one partner wants more closeness and togetherness than the other. The partner that wants the togetherness and closeness derives their safety, meaning, and joy from being in relationship and in connection.
They are the ones that do the “relationship work”, make the plans and keep the social calendar, they make sure everything in the home runs smoothly and that everyone has what they need, and are the ones that need to be in “touch”. When this is disrupted in anyway they don’t feel safe, comfortable, grounded, happy, important or valued. In their worst moments, they have the experience of being pushed off, or falling off, a cliff.
These partners tend to be controlling to prevent having this experience and come across as “nuts”, bossy, demanding, critical, mean, uncaring, selfish, reactive, needy and the like. What an irony when their underlying feelings are so raw and vulnerable, when they are feeling so powerless and unloved. Because of their approach to getting love, feeling connection and being together they actually create the opposite.
They push their partner away. They shut down their partner. They are usually a force to be contented with, which their partner is not equipped to do… For you see, they tend to attract a partner who is sensitive to feeling smothered, criticized and not feeling good enough… Therefore with the approach at hand they end up shooting themselves on the foot.
To make matters worse, these partners have a difficult time receiving love, attention, care, appreciation, nurturing, and other niceties… So, even if their partner is able to Stretch to stay in the intensity and stay connected, they are usually not received well… This creates a catch 22 for them, leaving the partners in pain.
The partner seeking the connection has a difficult time trusting the connection being offered because they know it won’t last and the anticipation of the impending “separation” is too much to bear. Also in connection they are “seen” and “see” themselves kicking-up (triggering) all sorts of goodies (shame) exacerbating this dilemma. Connection involves showing up…
This is the challenge. They need to show up for their partner and in their interaction, when they don’t even have their Self… The partner seeking attention and connection is so used to doing for others and caretaking that they are not fully in touch with their Self.
Their sense of Self is not fully developed or strong, making it difficult to bring it out to play… The thing they desire most, connection and attention, is then very scary and threatening. They end up doing funny business when they do get what they desire, giving their partner mixed messages and rejecting the very thing they are after. What a conundrum!
At the end of the day the partner that complains that their partner is not available is not really available either… Ha! This angle on the dynamics is very challenging for the “connecter” to see. They are all about connecting, feeling their partner and being together that at first glance this doesn’t seem to fit…
They’ll make all sorts of claims about how much they wait for the other, how much they reach out, how they do all the nurturing, how the make all the plans, how they do all the asking and taking care of things, and on and on. And, they are right.
They do all that, but that doesn’t make them available… When their partner responds they are met with criticism, nagging, demands, Doing, and such. They are not really Showing-up. They are not Present. They are not Available.
The trick here is to Be, to be available, to be able to feel the other. When we are present we can connect. A lot to times our “disconnector” partner is looking for us and they can’t find us, they can’t “see” Us… Our shell, our body, our noise, our Defenses are there – but We are not… We are busy Doing because we can’t sit with the uncomfortableness of not doing.
We don’t know how, we feel lonely, alone and unworthy – noise and stuff is better to our untrained psyche, our Ego. But in stillness and quiet we can Be, we can feel and know our Self. We get to connect with our Self… We can feel the bond with our Authentic Self, our Higher Self…
When we feel our Self, connect with our Self, we are not alone. Not only do we have our Self, but we are also connected to our Higher Power… We are NEVER alone… When we connect to our Self, our Authentic Self, our Awesomeness is available. And, it is not only available to us, for our Purpose, but to our Partner. They can now feel us. They can now connect with us. They can now be safe around us…
It is time to stop complaining that your partner is not available… Turn to your Self instead and really see if You are available. Do this when you are open and receptive, and in a Self Growth Place™. Doing it at any other time is counterintuitive and defeats the purpose for you won’t See… When you do get in touch with this, you will have moved to a new phase in your Journey.
Investing in your life and relationship becomes Fun… You’d have transcended the stuckness, and now you’d have a blank canvas in front of you to create Connection to your Heart’s content…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Connecting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a moment to review the last two weeks and notice when you were not available to your partner. Go deeper than just not being around or being busy… Even when you believe you were available, assess if you really were… How are you not fully available? How are you not Showing-up?
How are you not Being your Authentic Self? How are you rejecting connection from your partner (who is supposedly the unavailable one…)? Take a deep breath and give your Self compassion… Think of 3 things you can do differently to become available… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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