fbpx
When you keep having the same fight…

When you keep having the same fight…

Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…

Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?

But the reality is that we are carrying on in a way that doesn’t allow us to create our best relationship and best life. Here are a few things that are getting in our way…

We have:

1 – A victim and powerless mentality, a negativity bias, poor boundaries and lack of personal ownership

2 – Lacking communication skills, inability to apologize or apologize well, no repair know-how and how to make amends

3 – Unresolved wounds and repeating patterns, poor self-regulation, no self-care practice

4 – A guarded heart, low connection and intimacy ability, lack of relationship prioritization

5 – Distractions, over commitment, disorganization, no collaboration system

When we don’t attend to our own healing, growth, development and evolution, we get in our own way of having the relationship and life we want. We are only able to create as far as how we are operating allows us to go…

We can only create as far as we have with how we currently are.

To continue to create our best relationship and our best life, we need to continue to create our best selves…

We can’t change our world if we don’t change first, it’s impossible:

1 – We can’t see the beauty that is our Partner if we continue to blame everything on them and lack personal ownership…

2 – We can’t communicate better if we don’t improve our communication skills.

3 – We can’t stay steady in the face of a trigger or a fight if we can’t self-regulate, if we lack resilience.

4 – We can’t connect and have intimacy, passion and fun if we don’t make time for our partner and relationship and have a guarded heart.

5 – We can’t have a joyful, peaceful, harmonious and lovely home if we can’t collaborate in running our joint life…

So, you see whatever is troubling you, whatever you haven’t been able to achieve yet, it’s because you are getting in your own way… Sorry, don’t shoot the messenger. LOL

But you can create what you want after all. You just have to go about it a bit differently than you have been…

 

When you keep having the same fight…

You keep having the same fight because:

1 – You keep looking at your partner the same way. You keep doing the same things that bother your partner.

2 – You keep addressing their disappointment or complaint the same way.

3- You chase them or push them away as usual.

4 – You don’t consistently give them love in their love language.

5 – And, your ego gets in the way about how things should be done.

Well? You see what predicament you get yourself in?

Do you see that any change in any of these areas would give you a different outcome? How you actually have control over how things play out…?

You are super powerful. When you decide that you’ll show up differently and set that intention, you do. And, when you do, so does your partner… Voila!

Of course, I don’t want to oversimplify this. I know that the best of intentions don’t always stick… But therein lays information for your use as well, to help you continue to heal, grow and develop.

The more you work your intentions and learn from what doesn’t work, the more you can change, and the more you change, the more you can address your world and your partner differently…

And that is all it takes to create something different, to create the relationship and life you want.

ASSIGNMENT: Decide that you mean business and that you will change so you can create change in your relationship and your life… 

I – Take note that the items in the lists above are related the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™:

1 – Context & Mindset

2 – Communication & Alignment

3 – Clarity & Dynamics

4 – Connection & Intimacy

5 – Collaboration & Partnership

II – Identify the Element that needs most of your attention

III – Play with that Element until you acquire some mastery, for example:

1 – Embrace a Relationship Enrichment Mindset (your partner is your Partner with a couple P…)

2 – Improve communication, apology and repair skills

3 – Identify your wounds and triggers, change your response to your partner’s, implement a rich self-care practice

4 – Set up Connection Habits, implement a Dating Partner Protocol, safe-guard couple time

5 – Simplify your life and cut down on commitments, establish a Collaboration System

IV – Move on to the other Elements that also need attention, keep cycling through them till you see your Transformation…

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on April 26th, at 5 pm ET:

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus.

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts:
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane?
Treat yourself, please your partner…
Experience the healing of a self-care practice
Use self-care as your way to Higher Abundance
Caring is not just for mothers
How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Implement pleasure and delight habits… (Video)

Implement pleasure and delight habits… (Video)

It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life. We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…

Why pleasure and delight habits? Great question. As I’ve been embracing the concept of doing my life with more Ease, these have been coming up… And, how glorious they are! They simply make life easier and more enjoyable… They profoundly add to creating our best life and relationship…

Now, I’m not talking about debauchery, far from it. I’m talking about creating space, grace and inspired flow in our daily routine. I’m talking about being gentle and compassionate with ourselves, and others. And, of course, I’m talking about enjoying simple pleasures.

It costs almost nothing to meditate, savor clean food, drink water, enjoy herbal teas, play with our pet, frolic in nature, witness a sunset, star gaze, take a bath, read a good book, be moved by music and such.

It definitely costs nothing to be present in a conversation and bask in the interaction with a loved one, and even a stranger.

And better yet, it really does cost nothing to do things we know will Delight our partner…

Watch the Video to learn more and complete the Assignment below!

ASSIGNMENT: Embrace this opportunity for more pleasure and delight in your life…  

    • Clean up your daily routine. Reclaim and own your time! Get rid of time wasters. Make sure you have focus, transition and Free time.
    • Add a daily Simple Pleasure habit
    • Add a daily Delight Partner habit
    • Implement a Habits Tracking System as what you measure improves…

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on April 26th, at 5 pm ET:

Mothering for Relationship Success
A Grounding, Caring & Nurturing Approach to Uplevel Your Relationship

After the novelty wears off in a relationship, partners have a tendency to go back to business as usual. They go back to the business of doing their life where the relationship and their partner no longer are the primary focus. 

In this webinar, we’ll cover Mothering ourselves and our partner. When we employ Mothering, we increase acceptance, belonging, connection, and love in our relationship. Crucial ingredients for a successful relationship.  

Increase Self-Love
It is challenging to give and receive love when our own self-love is lacking… Learn how to better connect with yourself and grace yourself with gentleness, acceptance, and compassion.

Improve Self-Care
Too often we claim we don’t have time for self-care, or self-care is the first thing to go when things get hectic. Learn how to implement a rich and sustainable self-care practice.

Embrace Partner-Care
Our relationship and our partner usually don’t even make it to our priority list… Learn how to easily prioritize your partner and implement a partner-care practice and a nurturing approach.

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts:
Feeling stuck in your relationship?
How you perpetuate your stuckness
Keep having the same old fight?
Your partner not meeting your needs?
Is the dance of connection and disconnection driving you insane?
Treat yourself, please your partner…
Experience the healing of a self-care practice
Use self-care as your way to Higher Abundance
Caring is not just for mothers
How to reprogram yourself
Are you a strong partnership?
Do you support each other?
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Spring to a new level in your relationship and life

Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring to a new level in your relationship and life…

Does that sound scary, or empowering and motivating to you? Taking full ownership and being fully accountable for what we create in our life can be scary. It might seem easier to stick our head in the sand, to blame others or circumstances, and to settle than to play full out.

The truth is that when we live our life with lack of full ownership, our life is actually more challenging and more painful…

It is not easy to:

  • Constantly be blown with the wind and with the whim of others
  • Let others dictate our fate and live an unfulfilled life
  • Live inauthentically for fear of judgement, criticism and rejection
  • Commit, show up and engage only 99%,  allowing for waffling
  • Own our voice, our truth, our desires and our potential
  • Express all of ourselves
  • Shine our Radiance

I invite you to play full out! But to do that you need to know yourself, own yourself and apply yourself. Are you ready for that?

You might even be scared to say Yes… If this is you, no worries we are here to support you. We’ll go nice and easy, yet powerfully, so you can stick with us and honor your Journey…

The first thing to do is to start getting in touch with what you want your life to be like, truly… No hedging, no lip service, no settling, no excuses. If nothing mattered but to create the life you desired, what would it look like?

What would your life look like, if your life depended on it…?

This means really exploring your desires for the whole of your life… This means being curious, thinking deeply, visualizing and meditating on what is really in your heart and soul…

Make some time to be with yourself and to really play, explore and dream about these. We are taking this concept beyond identifying your Ideal Day and accumulating Ideal Days to create your Best Life. That is a hack to get you going and to get you on your right path…

Now, we are going for creating our Best Life 2.0!

 

The 8 Robust Life Areas™

Break down your life into specific Life Areas and flesh out what you desire in each.

  1. Spiritual – Spirituality/religion, mindfulness, Purpose, creativity
  2. Physical – Health including brain health, vitality, fitness
  3. Emotional – Resilience, self/co-regulation, managing states of being
  4. Mental – Mental health, mindset, intellect, character/virtues
  5. Relational – Love and romantic relationship, parenting, family
  6. Social – Friendships, community and networks
  7. Financial – Wealth, profession, business, contribution/legacy
  8. LifeStyle – Environments, routines, life engagement

 

The 3 Life Areas Hack™

I usually address the above in a condensed 3 Life Areas format with an overarching Self-care and Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle theme…

  1. Wellness – Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental
  2. Connection – Relational, Social
  3. Success – Financial

Regardless of where you are in your Journey, the approach you choose to play with, and your relationship status, it behooves us to prioritize our relationship/s as this is indicated for our Best Life

If we are not ok as a couple, everything in our life suffers… If we create a radiant and successful relationship then everything else in our life is easier… Everything in our life depends on it…

 

Visioning Your Best Relationship…

The relationship with our partner is one of the most important relationships in our life. Unfortunately, we usually don’t view it and treat it as such.

Our partner is our Life Partner… They are a Gift to our Journey…

Together we are better than alone. Together we are better than one. Together we create something bigger than ourselves and can make a larger Impact… There is Synergy in our togetherness and what a waste not to tap into it…

To create your Best Relationship, you first have to know what your Best Relationship would look like… Then you can go about creating it.

Below is a guide for things to consider when envisioning and designing your Best Relationship. They are of course presented as the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ developed to assist couples create the relationship they desire…

Element1 – Context & Mindset

Here is where you explore what you believe about attracting your mate, being in a romantic relationship, the purpose of the relationship, commitment, trust, devotion and loyalty, priorities, partnership, expectations, interdependence, synergy, contribution, impact and anything else important to you.

What would a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle look like for you? What would prioritizing your partner look like for you? What would being all in look like for you…?

Element2 – Communication & Alignment

Here is where you explore what being on the same page with your partner would look and feel like. You’d explore beliefs and preferences about communication and being aligned. And, on what topics you would want to get on the same page.

How would communication take place? How would you safeguard your bond and eliminate communication roadblocks? What communication skills and tools would you acquire?

Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics

Here is where you explore what you believe and understand about relationship dynamics, repeating patterns, and getting stuck. And what kind of relationship dynamics you’d prefer. You’d also explore your beliefs about feelings, emotions, and needs. Including thoughts about worthiness and self-esteem, vulnerability and shame, sympathy and compassion.

How would you build resilience and increase self-esteem? How would you increase your EQ? How would you meet your own and each other’s needs?

Element4 – Connection & Intimacy

Here is where you explore what you believe about and your preferences for togetherness vs separateness, connection, love, bond, masculinity and femininity, romance, sensuality, attraction, desire, passion, intimacy, sexuality, stimulation, play, fun, adventure, and friendship.

How would you increase your connection, intimacy and fun? How would you need to Be to experience a deep, synergistic long-lasting love? How do you need to stretch to allow the love you want?

Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership

Here is where you explore what Life Partnership, creating a Strong Partnership, and collaborating mean to you. You’ll explore what kind of family and life you want to create. How you’d want to be a strong partnership. How you want to design and approach creating the life you desire.

How do you want to run your business of life? What kind of parents do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? What kind of legacy you want to leave?

By reading the above, you are already ahead of the game… You can’t unread it and unearth the seeds planted… Your brain already has the instructions to take stock of your life, and your relationship; and, to strive for more…

You’ll start picking up momentum and getting massive traction in your transformation by:

  • Exploring what’s informing your current experience in your relationship
  • Exploring what kind of relationship you desire
  • Consciously and intentionally choosing how to create your Best Relationship  

It all starts with a Vision. That’s what you are doing today. You are fleshing out and owning how you truly want your relationship to be. This is the first step in making it happen…

 

ASSIGNMENT:  Choose the approach that best resonates for you at this time, playing with:

  • The 8 Robust Life Areas™
  • The 3 Life Areas Hack™
  • Visioning Your Best Relationship™ using the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™

The mere exercise of bringing light to these will start you on your transformation…

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Start anew with a good detox and spring clean!

Start anew with a good detox and spring clean!

Spring is almost here. Yay! Do you know what that means? It means it’s time to get ready for New Beginnings… As everything in nature will slowly be coming back to life and starting anew, so can we. We can take this opportunity to come Alive, to engage more with our life, to create new beginnings, to reset, to recharge… We can start anew in any area of our life we choose. The best way to start anew is with a good detox and spring clean!

We can’t build on rubble. We have to clear the site first, then we need to establish a strong foundation, then we build the structure, and then we fill in the details and finally we make it pretty. We have to do the same thing in our life. This is how we keep upleveling our life, and creating our Best Life…

A good detox and spring clean help us to get rid of any rubble, clutter, toxicity, excess and no longer desired elements we accumulated since our last reset. This allows us to start fresh so we can update or create a new vision to serve as our guiding star as we go about creating the life we desire. This includes our relationship of course…

Clearing the way creates space for the new. This concept is applicable to all areas of life… This is what allows us to have a New Beginning… It’s a best practice to do this every so often to keep our life fresh and always evolving…

So, today’s focus is to do a super good job at really clearing the no longer needed or desired… This is where you get to put on your big person’s pants and roll up your sleeves. The work you put in now will determine what you are able to design and create afterwards…

This is a great exercise to do amidst/post the deconstructing we’ve been doing in our current Pandemic laden world…

Here is to a good cleaning, with ease and compassion…

A Deep Scrub is in Order

Oh boy, I love me a good scrub! LOL Hey, I have written a few posts directly related to this topic already. Check some of them below for additional inspiration, guidance and assignments to help you along. And I’m ongoingly encouraging to keep things simple, to clear the decks and to streamline…

Detoxifying for Relationship Success
Start a new relationship, with your partner   
Resource yourself, uplevel your marriage    
Reenergize your Life   
Spring clean your soul  
What do you need to declutter?  
Detox your life and your relationship  
Spring clean your relationship  
How do you renew yourself?

But, today has the focus of clearing as part of deconstructing and continuing to create our New World, including our New Marriage/Relationship… Buckle your seatbelt!

1- Rubble

I’m sure you’ve experienced some kind of a pivot, regrouping or upside-down-life as a result of the ongoing Global Pandemic we are living through. There have been many challenges associated with it, but also tremendous opportunity to course correct and Align with the life we are meant to live…

What rubble has the pivoting, regrouping and being upside-down created in your life? There might be very practical and material items, or more ideological and esoteric items. Like having moved, let go of office space or closed down businesses, and like time splitting between homes, home schooling, and online educating are children.

What stuff have your changes and impact created that might still be sitting there and needs to be cleaned out to free up energy, space and time…?

2- Clutter

As we continue to exist in this semi lockdown world and are still spending a lot of time at home in close quarters with our loved ones. Including doing a lot more of our life from home – kids and other activities, receiving services, etc.

Therefore, we are bound to have more chores and maintenance to do to keep up with our living environment. It is super easy to have stuff around us pile up if we are not intentional about our routines and keeping things tidy and streamlined.

The transition times we used to have to shift focus and help us manage and create our lives are a lot blurrier – days run into evenings, and weekdays run into weekends, and seasons run into the upcoming seasons.

Without these delineations we are bound to get sloppy and not mind routines and their related upkeep as much, creating a build-up of stuff that impinge on our wellbeing… What part of your routine or lifestyle needs more delineation and what build up do you have to clear out?

3- Toxicity

Here is a doozy. Unless you’ve taking up a focus on Personal Development as part of your strategy for Deconstruction-Reconstructing and Thriving as a result of this Pandemic Experience, most likely you’ve indulged during this time…

This means that you might be watching more TV, spending more time on social media, eating more take out, doing more snacking, drinking more, and so on…

Take stock of how you’ve been managing your life and where you have let yourself go that is creating a toxic build up… What is off about your wellbeing, your relationship/s and your life that can benefit from a detox?

Are you gaining weight? Are your hormones off? Are you experiencing other health issues? Is your sleep compromised? Are your mood and mental health at risk? Are you at odds with your loved ones and other people in your life?

4- Excess

This can go both ways… This can go towards over spending, indulging, doing and functioning, and towards taking unnecessary risks, to being frugal, depriving, bumming around, and being super cautious… Either extreme doesn’t serve us.

In either case we are having a reaction and overdoing the side we chose. We might have aspects of both sides, but they are still extreme in nature and therefore create an imbalance…

Take a look at how your approach is impacting your life and your wellbeing… What are you doing to extreme that is creating frustration and pain in your life?

5- Undesirables

I’m fascinated by the impact our current global situation is having on so many institutions and the world structure at large. I realize some are more aware of it than others, and that people have different value systems around everything that is happening.

Regardless of where you stand, take a step back and look at the big picture and its impact on your life philosophy… Take a look at how you view the institutions in your life, how you promote them and the impact they have in your life, and the world at large…

What lens, believes, scripts, approach, and habits have become outdated in your life that are now holding you back from living your Best Life?

Giving these 5 categories a serious review for any clearing and detoxing needed is incredibly powerful. Shedding light on anything we do unconsciously, out of habit, in reaction to and such is a massive exercise in personal ownership and self-empowerment.

Once you get the lay of your land, the next step is to do the clearing and detoxing… As you tackle this, watch the surge in energy, opportunities and lightness return to your life… This is good stuff, don’t cheat yourself of this Gift by taking the lazy way out…

ASSIGNMENT:  Select the category that is the messiest and tackle it with gusto. Determine what is needed to free you up to uplevel yourself, your relationship and your life… What is sucking up your energy that could otherwise be better invested in your life and relationship/s?

    • Do you need to set time to tackle the remnants of a pivot?
    • Do you need to take a weekend to clean your house from top to bottom?
    • Do you need to upgrade your routines and habits?
    • Do you need to have a food or substance, screen-time, social media, technology, or other detox?
    • Do you need to clean up your mindset about your coping and life approach?

As with anything where we focus our attention energy goes, let’s focus positively and have our energy flow. Let’s remove roadblocks and energy sucks so that we can better invest them in creating our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… We’ll be tackling these in the coming weeks to embrace New Beginnings. So get ready!

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS1 – This month’s Themed Webinar is on March 29th, at 5 pm ET:

Spring Your Relationship to Life-
Embrace a New Beginning, Create the Relationship You Desire

It’s very easy to fall into a rut, numb out, shut down and disengage from your relationship… Especially nowadays with the crazy world we are living in…

Develop Your Vision
Enough with playing small and settling for a stale and mediocre relationship. You CAN have a radiant and successful relationship! Learn to dream it up. If you can imagine it, you can create it…

Change Your Approach
Enough with the drama, the judgment and the pointing fingers. Take charge of how you show up, what you contribute, and how you invest in your relationship. Bring your extraordinary and dazzling…

Uplevel Your Habits
Enough with the neglect, lack of focus, and minimal effort. Prioritize your partner and your relationship. If you want an amazing relationship, you have to create it. What you nourish, flourishes…

Start creating your Radiant & Successful Relationship!

Sign Up Here!

 

PS2 – As always, we are here for you! If you need more support creating your successful relationship and meaningful life, we are here to help. I’d be honored to speak with you about how we can help you. Schedule a Get Acquainted Call to connect, discuss how we can help you and how to get started. Look forward to Connecting with you!

 

PS3 – Related Posts: 
Is your partner always late? 
Are you controlling? 
When your partner baits you 
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?  
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want? 
How do you show your commitment?   
What about compassion?  
Are you tapping into your partnership synergy? 
The 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™  
Embrace a life-changing mindset  
Enhance your life with better boundaries!  
Step up your communication skills!   
Change your repeating patterns and stuckness!  
Are you mastering how to connect?   
Create your strongest partnership possible

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

3 Tactics to increase connection in your relationship

3 Tactics to increase connection in your relationship

I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.

I usually like to connect working and improving on our life areas with creating new Habits to make it really easy to concretize, implement and sustain new behaviors… This is how we create change, through repeatable measurable behaviors.

I also usually like to advise that it’s not all about the doing, but the Being as well… It’s how and what we bring to our behaviors that create the results we desire. We can white-knuckle or willpower anything, really focus on our relationship, and work till we drop to still end up not creating the results we are after… With our Being we align, make the right choices, and connect…

We are still early in the year that you can take advantage of the possibilities inherent in this new beginning… You can still decide you will make this your best year yet and create a plan for making it happen.

When you make a decision and create a plan, you are more likely to achieve what you desire… This also means you can create the relationship you desire!

Creating the relationship you desire means bringing the Best You to your relationship… I have recently written extensively on this and guiding you on how to: become You 2.0, increase self-regulation and resilience, establish a rich self-care practice, take charge of your days, implement Intentional Habits™ and the like. Feel free to search for related topics on the Blog.

Creating the relationship you desire also means having to stretch to meet your partner…

For your relationship to be successful, you have to focus on you. You have to focus on what you need to change, improve, uplevel, and how to show up with the Best You. Now, now. This doesn’t mean you turn yourself into a pretzel to please your partner… And, that you change who you are to please your partner… It actually means exactly the opposite…

It means you become more authentically you, that you drop the defenses, the ego, the scripts, and such, to please your partner. AND, to create the relationship YOU want!

For your relationship to be successful, you also have to focus on your partner… What? We actually have to invest in our relationship? We actually have to enrich it? We actually have to nurture it? [Sarcasm…] Yes! If you don’t water a plant it dies, doesn’t it? What do you think happens to your relationship when you don’t tend to it?

Creating a Successful Relationship means implementing a Successful Couple Strategy™:

1. Embracing a Relationship Enrichment Mindset™ and a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™ (join our complimentary private community!), fully owning your contribution to the status quo and setting effective boundaries.

2. Getting and staying on the same page by minding your communication style, skills and tools. Preventing arguments, fights and escalations. Learning how to apologize and repair. Following healthy decision-making protocols.

3. Avoiding creating repeating dissatisfying patterns. Improving self-regulation and resilience so you are not so easily triggered and can more easily receive love. Getting each other’s needs met.

4. Increasing your connection, intimacy and fun. Creating, protecting and sustaining your connection, establishing reciprocal loving, and generating closeness. Eliminating the blocks to desire, increasing attraction and implementing a Successful Date Night™ protocol. Becoming more compatible.

5. Becoming a stronger partnership. Creating a Shared Life Vision, dreams and projects. Embracing a collaborative approach and implementing systems for taking care of responsibilities. Developing inspiring rituals and traditions, your Couple Brand™, and leaving a legacy.

So, if you are struggling in your relationship, there is plenty you can do to turn things around!

Today let’s focus on creating more connection as feeling disconnected can be an unbearable feeling that undermines our overall wellbeing, which can already be threatened this time of year…

Create, protect and sustain your connection – The easiest way to increase connection is to implement Connection Habits™. This ensures whatever intention you have to nurture your relationship and love on your partner, that you actually follow through consistently… I’m sure you are aware that our partner tends to fall to the bottom of our priority list, if they even get on it at all…

Create space in your routine for connection time and don’t let yourself be distracted from Being with your partner. Protect this space, time and focus but actually scheduling time, setting reminders, blocking distractions and such.

Make note that you might have the best of intentions, might have set up the best Habits, and mean well, but when it comes time to connect it fizzles… Why? Take a look at the energy you bring to the interactions… Make sure you show up without expectations, not in your partner’s circle, and with your Best Self

Establish reciprocal loving – It is a given that we usually give love the way we like to receive love… This is the surest way to disappoint our partner! For they don’t necessarily like to receive love the way we do, they almost most certainly like to receive love differently than we do… If you’ve been beating your head against the wall thinking you do all this for your partner and they don’t even see it, this is why. And, this is also why you might not get how come they think they are doing all this for you when you don’t see anything…

The key is to identify your preferred love languages and for each of you to give love to your partner in the way you each like to receive love… Their love language might be foreign to you, but this is what is required… And, in stretching to give love in their love language you are expanding your repertoire and expanding yourself… A win-win after all!

Check out the Love Nudge app to help you, it’s from the creator of the 5 Love Languages concept. Let me know what you think.

Generate closeness – You might be setting up Date Nights and Couple Time to yet find that the time is filled with awkwardness, anxiety, disconnect, and even fighting. The purpose was to feel more connected and close, and by the end of it you feel worse. One of you might even be shutdown, creating additional distance…

The key here is to go deeper than superficial conversation or talking about the children or problems. And this is not the time to “talk about the relationship”!

To generate closeness the key is to share of your internal world… And, to equally induce your partner’s sharing of their internal world. Note, I used the word induce… We don’t want to force this- demand that they share. The sharing happens more naturally when there is safety… Your job is to show up inquisitive, inviting, open, accepting, trusting, and the like. Leave your criticism and judgement out the door.

Share openly, but wisely… Inquire curiously, but mindfully…

Connection can’t be forced. It happens when there is trust and safety. Make sure you are inviting and creating that for yourself and that you are creating that for your partner. When you do this, you’ll see the shift… And, they’ll reciprocate…

ASSIGNMENT: Make a commitment to nurture your relationship and love on your partner. Set the intention to increase your connection…

    • Choose one approach to start with to increase your connection:
      • Implementing Connection Habits™ 

      • Embracing your Love Languages 

      • Sharing your Internal World

    • Focus on your approach with gusto, share it with your partner, make time for it, get resources, go all out.
    • Do keep in mind that with gusto doesn’t mean obnoxious. Go at it with ease, presence, and mindfulness. This is not about controlling and doing a ton of stuff. This is about Being with your partner…

It’s not easy to shift our attention to nurture, to give love, to be loving. Whatever approach you chose, even the intention as a whole, might be a stretch for you and/or your partner… Be easy, gentle and compassionate about it. This is a good focus. Enjoy it.

Happy Connecting!

PS1 –This month’s complimentary Themed Webinar is on January 29th, at 5 pm ET. You can sign-up for it now! 

3 Key Ingredients for Rekindling Love & Desire- Learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, lonely, taken for granted, neglected, bored, boring and blah, and like roommates or ships passing in the night, this webinar is for you. All relationships experience slumps where there is disconnect and low or lack of intimacy. Where the partners question their compatibility, their attraction, and even their commitment. In this webinar you’ll learn how to increase your connection, intimacy and fun for more love, spark and joy in your relationship.

Increase Connection – Learn how to create, protect and sustain your connection, establish reciprocal loving, and generate closeness 
Increase Intimacy – Learn how to eliminate the blocks to desire, increase attraction and implement a Successful Date Night™ protocol
Increase Fun – Learn how to become more compatible, enjoy each other’s company, and have amazing experiences

You can create a radiant relationship!
Sign Up Here!


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:

Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Intentional habits to glide into the New Year with ease

Intentional habits to glide into the New Year with ease

Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease. 

Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…

Last month we covered a whole process to help you wrap up the year and get set up to start the new one right. We:

~ Created space for the new by decluttering to lay the groundwork (step1)

~ Paved the way for the new by getting into the right frame of mind (step2)

~ Designed the strategy for the new by creating a vision and establishing goals (step3)

Now we get ready to ride the new ride well… We make sure we are resourced to do what it takes, to stay the course and to enjoy the way.

Now is the time to embrace a joy, connection and abundance mindset… To shift our focus from doing to Being… You can wrestle the thing to the ground and still make nothing happen, or not get the ultimate results you are looking for, if you approach it solely by doing… The key is to infuse it with your Being…

When you integrate doing and being in your life is when the Magic happens…

So, this is the focus of today’s message, how to live your life integrating doing and being to create a beautiful symphony…

The way I like to approach this is to first create the container for the experience, the music hall for the orchestra. Every instrument has its place and time to make its appearance in the masterpiece being played, so does everything in your life.

This is why I often write about Designing our Ideal Day, the music hall, and about embracing an Enrichment Lifestyle, the orchestra, and tending to it with Intentional Habits™, the instruments, so we can easily and masterfully create our Best Life, Transcendental music…

Using Habits to manage our doing and being is a brilliant way of staying focused on the right ladder against the right wall in all areas of our life while infusing it with our Presence… This is the easiest way to get all the right instruments in the right places so they can create their music…

Let’s say that you are focusing on upleveling your wellness (joy), connection (love) and success/creation/impact (abundance), as these are typically the areas people focus on improving… And, that you have goals for these for the year. And, that you are scratching your head as to how to achieve the goals. You might know what you need to do but are worried that you won’t stick with it to get the results desired.

This is where the Habits come in. They keep you focused and going without white-knuckling or depending solely on limited willpower. They help you effortlessly imbue your day with what is important to you, stay focused, and stay the course. 

Therefore, adding wellness, connection and success habits to your intentional ideal day that include Being mindful and present is the simplest and surest way to create Magic…

WELLNESS – this includes all kinds of tactics for increasing wellbeing, health, vitality, and longevity. This area is where I usually house the Self-Care Practice, which I strongly encourage includes a Mindfulness Practice

I place a strong emphasis on this area because it is extremely difficult to be able to connect with others and be successful if we are not connected to ourselves first… and functioning optimally…

Having a rich self-care practice, practicing loving ourselves…, not only keeps us healthy and energetic but it helps us with self-regulation and resilience. This is a huge aspect of personal development and evolution…

When we don’t abandon ourselves, we don’t worry about others not being there for us.

And, we bring cleaner energy and resourcefulness to our interactions… This is what helps us show up well for our loved ones, and enables us to create our meaningful and impactful life…

So, when you say you don’t have time for self-care, I say you don’t have time to not have time for self-care!

Some suggestions for your Wellness Habits:

  • Early rising
  • Meditation, prayer, affirmations, visualization, silence
  • Journaling, Morning Pages, inspirational reading or listening
  • Set an intention for the day
  • Skin brushing, face rolling, body rolling, massage, infrared light, cold showers, silk or satin sheets, eye-drops
  • Juicing, smoothies, warm lemon water (with turmeric, ginger, and cayenne pepper), green teas, structured water
  • Exercise Routine (weight training, HIIT, stretching), jaw exerciser, good posture
  • Supplements, probiotics, lectin shield, colon cleanse
  • Plant based gluten and lectin free nutrition
  • Reduce carbs, caffeine and alcohol
  • Intermittent fasting, early dinners, Sleep Healthy Brain Aid (2 tbl MCT Oil and 2 tbl of collagen powder 2 hours before bedtime), daily floss and mouth wash, brain exercises
  • Screenless time, social media detox, reduce blue light
  • Early to bed
  • Gratitude List, Gratitude Journal

CONNECTION – this is about connecting with our higher power, with our self, with our loved ones, with our community and with the world at large… The relationships we create are the strongest indicator of resilience, vitality and longevity… Our connection to other people and our relationships are what give our life meaning

Connection gives us safety, security, and belonging primal drivers in our Human Experience. Connection is what makes relationships special, what gives us joy, what makes our heart sing. In connection we know we exist…

In connection we know we are having a Human Experience…

When partners complain about feeling disconnected from their partner they are not just whining, they are sharing they are in pain. They are in existential pain… Specially as they are also disconnected from themselves… Which we know they are because they feel disconnected from their partner…

You see when we complain we are feeling disconnected from our partner, we are actually complaining we are disconnected from ourselves…

We can’t fully connect with our partner if we are disconnected from ourselves…

 So, for those of us who are super achievers in an effort to be known and to meet the need of knowing we exist… we are shooting ourselves on the foot with all the doing… All the doing is holding ourselves back from being in relationship with ourselves and others… All the doing is holding ourselves back from Being itself…

This is why a Self-care Practice is paramount in personal development and relationship enrichment work… This allows us to Be, to be with ourselves, and to know we exist… Then we can have a relationship with our partner and enhance the level of intimacy in our relationship

When people set goals for the year, they usually neglect setting goals for their relationship… When people design their Best Life, they usually don’t flesh out how they want to Be in their relationship… When people think about their Lifestyle, they don’t necessarily think of a creating a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™

A relationship enrichment lifestyle means we keep our connection and our partner forefront in our mind. The easiest way to do that without being consumed with our relationship at the expense of what we are trying to live is to create Connection Habits™

Some suggestions for your Connection Habits:

  • Meditation
  • Morning Coffee
  • Midday Check-in
  • Midday Connection Outreaches
  • Random Check-ins
  • Late Afternoon Sync
  • Anytime Connection Outreaches
  • Evening Reentry Ritual
  • Dinner
  • Weekly Special Dinner
  • Woo Wednesday
  • Family Night
  • Couple Time
  • Evening Ritual
  • Bedtime Ritual
  • Sexy Time
  • Friday Friends Night
  • Volunteer/Impact Projects Time
  • Saturday Date Night
  • Special Date Night
  • Sunday Ritual

SUCCESS – is whatever makes us feel we achieved what we are Meant to achieve, what we Desire, what our Purpose is, what we want our Human Experience to be… Success is not about having a gazillion dollars… Though being wealthy and financial freedom can very well be part of our definition, in and of itself is empty and not rewarding…

Financial success is more meaningful and rewarding when achieved through providing value…

Success as it is usually measured and at the expense of health and relationships is not success in my book. The degrees, awards, companies, assets, material things and the like don’t necessarily make for a richer Human Experience… They might, depending on how they are achieved and utilized…

Pursuing this success for its own sake defeats the purpose of Life… So, when you are told you have to sacrifice, that something needs to give and such to be successful, I say be weary. Don’t let that limiting mindset pollute your mind and hold you back from your fullest potential…

Being intentional about your life allows you to create your Best Life! 

The key here is to go big on the experience you want to have… To identify and own your Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), to own your brilliance, to own all of you and to put it to work as wisely as possible… It’s not about doing more… It’s about doing it better…

Doing it better means we use our PPD as a filter for commitments, projects, activities, tasks and all the rest of it. It means we are selective and focused on the target of our attention. And, it means we are resolute in our approach…

Some suggestions for your Success Habits:

  • Embrace Graceful TimeMapping™
  • Plan your week flow on Sunday
  • Share any important scheduling with your partner on Sunday
  • Join the 5 AM Club (this means you go to sleep earlier also!)
  • Have an empowering Morning Routine
  • Review your goals
  • Use the first hour on Monday to plan out your work for the week
  • Schedule your work into your TimeMap (batch work, chunk work)
  • Build in margin and transition times into your routine
  • Build in bio and recharge breaks into your routine
  • Protect your focus work time from distractions
  • Assign time to read email and return calls
  • Assign minimal time to check the news and social media
  • Attend 1-3 networking events per week
  • Have 2 coffees or networking conversations per week
  • Connect with 3 center of influence contacts per day, nurture your connections
  • Use templates, check lists and/or automate repeatable tasks
  • Subscribe to Smart Delegation
  • Delegate or outsource items outside your brilliance
  • Have outstanding follow through, keep your word
  • Wrap-up the workday and the week, do daily and weekly reviews
  • Use a MasterMind, a coach, and other support
  • Always be learning and growing
  • Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, develop courage

Now the three habits list can be a bit overwhelming at first glance if you are new to building habits and taking charge of your life…

Don’t worry, Rome wasn’t built in a day… You don’t have to do all of them or too many to start getting results in your life, and certainly you don’t have to start too many at once. The key is to start somewhere and keep going. You’ll be making incredible leaps in upleveling your life in no time!

ASSIGNMENT: Select one tactic from each list to add to your repertoire…

1.  With each tactic create a corresponding Wellness, Connection and Success Habit. Each habit is to be a concrete quantifiable repeatable behavior at the frequency of your choice that gets plopped into your Daily Routine.

2. Calendar your Habits – build then into your schedule… Adjust your schedule as necessary…

3. For each habit make sure you prep before you are to start them – have all the information, instructions, supplies, gadgetry, tools, resources, etc. to make sure the behavior can be carried out at its allotted time…

Getting good at creating habits makes a world of difference when it comes to upleveling your life… This ensures you implement and carryout consistently and effortlessly anything your heart desires. Before you know it you are Living your Best Life!

Happy Living!

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, now on replay:
Get Ready Now to Start the New Year Right-
3 Steps for Hitting the Ground Running in 2021 

-Do the Prep work – declutter and clean, wrap-up and closure, acknowledge and celebrate 
-Do the Vision work – align, dream, envision 
-Do the Plan work – set the right goals and intentions…

This is an extremely powerful process you can’t do without… It’ll help you align with your authentic and higher self, your purpose, your brilliance and your values, and create a plan for more results, wellness, and connection… Start the new year right! 
Sign Up Here! 


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:
Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™


PS3 – Get your
Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Pin It on Pinterest