Much can be said with a four-letter word! Love… There is so much encompassed in that lovely word and concept… Love can be considered a noun, a verb, an adjective and even an adverb… There are many kinds of love depending on its context, and even within the same context… And, love is an emotion, a feeling, an experience, a decision, an action, and a state of Being… It is said God is Love… Any of these views or usage convey its Essence… There isn’t any other word or concept that is as coherent, complete, and Unifying…
Isn’t this such a gorgeous idea to contemplate and play with? Let me tell you, it’s just grand… I find it so fascinating, illuminating, and downright inspiring, nourishing and enlivening!
~ When we allow ourselves the opportunity to ponder the bigger questions in life ~ When we allow ourselves the luxury of exploring concepts that are esoteric in nature ~ When we allow ourselves the gift of other possible views and perspectives
… We allow and realize ourselves into a grander life experience…
For you see we tend to keep a very narrow, outdated, and limiting perspective and approach to how we understand life and go about creating the relationship and life we desire. We let our programming run the show…
This is why we have the painful, history/pattern-repeating, conflictual experience of the world and interactions with our partner…
But what if we were to open up to new possibilities, to a new reality… To the idea that Love is just magnificent and can be found literally everywhere…
The thing is that we love to argue for our limitations and our smallness, for the reality that we know through our senses which is completely subjective anyway depending on how we perceive and process information…
There is no one true reality as we think we know it… We can make a case for anything. We can connect whatever dots we want to make any case we want. We truly are the creators of our reality…
What if we were to let this sink in and chose to expand our perspectivefor the possibility of a more peaceful, harmonious, joyful, and loving experience? How would you go about expanding your perspective?
~ We’d let go of preconceived notions ~ We’d let go of stubbornness, judgement and control ~ We’d let go of righteousness ~ We’d let go of polarizing and binary thinking ~ We’d let go of exertion, separatism, divisiveness, manipulation, competition, assertion, exploitation, subjugation, domination and the like…
We have created toxic and destructive ways of living, but we don’t have to continue to subscribe, support and engage in these. We have a choice. One that we have to continue to make when we get seduced back into our old ways, when the programs demonstrate their hold on us…
We take notice, realign, and course correct as needed.
And, we’d do this over and over and over until we deprogrammed as much as possible… Until we are no longer showing up as a habit of our old limited/ing perception and programs… Until we realize our new reality… Until we see Love everywhere and feel the love all the time… Until we Become Love itself…
At the end of the day, this is as simple as making a decision, transcending our noisy mind, and connecting with our heart. And it can happen instantaneously… This is the Art of Loving…
Wishing you much love this Valentine’s Day and Always!
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PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Plenty of research shows that the way we communicate impacts our relationship’s success, and this is true for all communication across all disciplines and contexts. But do we really need the research to tell us that? Can’t we immediately tell when we are in an interaction with someone else if we are being heard and understood? Can’t we immediately tell if we are connecting and resonating? Yes, we can! If we pay attention, we can see that the way we show up to our interactions impact how those interactions pan out… The more authentic we show up the better the interactions go…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up whiny, judgy, critical, controlling, demanding and the like, that you encounter resistance from the other side…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up open, vulnerable, compassionate, understanding, accepting, collaborative and the like, that you encounter receptivity, willingness, cooperation, resonance, and flow…
The key then is in how we make sure we show up for better connection and more resonance…
We want to show up with a clear conscious, which means we take full ownership of ourselves and accountability for our actions, we stop the blame game and waiting for others to change, we do what we know is right without making others wrong, and we take the high road even when others insist on pulling us into the low road…
We want to show up with our Best Self, which means we are resourced (not hungry, tired, disregulated), mindful, available, present, attuned, interested, intentional about having a clean, meaningful and loving interaction…
We want to show up with our heart, which means we check our ego and notice our patterns giving us the ability to be caring, forgiving, compassionate, generous, kind and tender, and specially to be vulnerable, forthcoming, and to speak our truth…
For this is where the connection and resonance will happen… When we truly show up to an interaction without all the layers of protection, defenses, and pretenses, is when we are truly showing up as ourselves and that is when we can be truly seen, accepted, and loved…
Unfortunately, most interact from pretentiousness, superficiality and shallowness. Then they wonder how come they feel alone, lonely, unseen, rejected, unappreciated and such.
If you are not showing up, there is nothing to appreciate…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to connect…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to vibe!
So take stock of where you are suffering, what is bothering you, what is not working in your life, what you would like to change, and see how much YOU are really showing up to those situations…
Take a look at the quality of your presence… Are you being conscientious, showing up with your Best Self and speaking from your heart?
Note, speaking from the heart and honestly doesn’t mean you have no filters and you have a out-of-jail-free-card where you can let it rip and give unsolicited feedback and share all your grievances about how someone else such- you see how damaging and inappropriate this is?
No, speaking from your heart means speaking YOUR truth (not the truth about others LOL). It means sharing your inner world about yourself (not your critical thoughts and impressions about others). It means sharing your hurt, your desires, your dreams…
Speaking from your truth means putting yourself out there to be seen, to be known, to be loved…
This also means using your intuition and judgment about whom to share yourself with, when and how… This is very important- we don’t want to set ourselves up in any way… Discernment is a virtue…
Start taking stock and making your shifts to speak your truth, gently and lovingly, more assertively when necessary, making sure you show up with who you really are and share your heart…
Show up with love, be love, and you’ll receive more love…
APPLICATION: Identify have you haven’t been fully authentic and true to yourself…
~ Make a list of things you hide, keep to yourself, have never shared, secrets, parts of yourself you hide, dreams and desired you suppressed, and everything else that is significant about you that you don’t let out- that you don’t honor at the end of the day…
~ Make a commitment to slowly but surely start showing up with more integrity, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more truly yourself…
~ Mark the items you want to do this with first and set the intention to mindfully and intentionally go about sharing yourself more…
It is time to start really showing up more to your relationship and your life…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Oftentimes we get so mired in the everyday doing that we forget the everyday Being. We forget to actually show up to our lives, we might bring our bodies, maybe even our minds to a commitment, to an interaction, to a moment. But we hardly bring our heart, our Essence… This is where we are going wrong…
This is what is keeping up spent, unmotivated, fearful, disconnected… This is what is creating the rest of our suffering and turmoil… WE are missing from the equation! Bring presence. Then you can exponentially expand and deepen your connection…
If we are looking for happiness, joy, health, vitality, peace, harmony, connection and love, it is actually quite simple to attain… The way is through our presence…
When we connect with ourselves, with our core, authentic, Higher Self, we are connected to all that is, to the now, to Oneness, to Unity, to Love. We are connected to Unity Consciousness, to Love Consciousness… From this Connection, we just are the highest and best version of ourselves… And so much easier for our partner to feel us and connect with us…
From this expanded connection the universe is the limit…
When we fully embrace who we are in this way, we transcend the petty, the minutia, the fears, the defenses… This is powerful. We are so much bigger and magnificent than what we show up with every day. Our life is so much bigger and important than what we focus on every day…
We are here to have a Human Experience and evolve into who we truly are, NOT to get stuck in our human experience… To get stuck in the ins and outs of our little self, looking at our world through our ego. Interacting with all our defenses, habits and out of fear…
This is why the relationship with our partner is beyond gorgeous, regardless of the state it’s in… Our partner, our relationship, and our life, are a projection of our inner world… When our partner gets on our nerves, hurt us and the like, that is information about what is going on for us inside ourselves irrelevant of our partner… Yeah, a hard truth to embrace.
But this is why our partner is a Gift – they get to show us where we still need to heal, grow, and evolve…
When we are in touch with this, and together play with this, now that is where the depth is in our relationship… Being understood, known, respected, cherished and appreciated at this level is so massive.
When you are playing at the Game of Life from this angle, not just to amass accomplishment and fortune and to check things off your to-do or bucket lists, is when you are truly living your life. This is when you feel Alive. This is the inspiration, the juice, the sparkle. This is who You are…
Showing up to interactions, engagements, projects and even all the mundane with the Essence of who you are, give you a completely different experience…
What does this mean for how to do our lives every day? This means having a rich Self-Love Practice so you Connect with yourself consistently… Then you design how you want your days to go, prioritizing you and your relationship, Being over doing… Then you tackle the rest… And the rest becomes so much easier, smoother, fun and glorious…
APPLICATION: Make a commitment to shift the focus of how you do your life for a richer and more delightful experience…
~ Shift the focus from work and doing to your life and being…
~ Design your day to Align with the shift and embrace a self-love practice
~ Bring your partner into the fold of awareness, and gently and compassionately play at embracing your Higher Selves more and more…
Luxuriate in the expansiveness of this relating…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Is our partner really separate from us, or are they a part of us? It is obvious that our partner is a separate entity from us. They have their own body, their own brain, their own most things… Yet, we treat them as if they are a part of us that we own… But maybe they are a part of us in a different way… And we just don’t know how to better relate to them from that perspective… Maybe the answer is to embrace your partner as a blessing…
It’s interesting what happens in relationships when the partners still have a codependency operating system… They lack boundaries and personal ownership. They suffocate their partner by entrapping them, and by spilling and projecting their stuff onto them. They control, manipulate, and coerce. They act as if the partner belongs to them, and they live in the other’s circle…
This is unfortunate as it mucks the beauty and gift inherent in their partner and the relationship…
When partners operate dirty like this, it’s very challenging to make heads or tails of what’s happening in the relationship. So, the first order of business is to establish some effective loving boundaries and increase personal ownership, so the spinning, looping, and drama can stop.
Embrace Your Partner
Once the partners have this under their belt, once they more fully own themselves, not the other, and can stand still, then they can witness their partner… They couldn’t see their partner before as they only saw projections of themselves and were only privy to the other’s resulting reactivity and sensitivities…
With cleaner interactions, the partners can start understanding their relating and dynamics better. They can also now better see their partner… And what a beautiful sight that is!
Now they can see the gift that their partner is– how they are a mirror that reflects us, how they provide the opportunities for growth and evolution, and how they provide a safe haven for exploration and practice…
This is a true Partner, beyond a partner with whom we create a practical daily life… With this Partner, expansion is possible…
Through this partnership, we are not separate… Through this partnership we commune at a higher level where we are One…
By owning our seemingly separateness we are able to experience our true togetherness, our Oneness…
When we can transcend the mundane, the triggers, the ego in our interactions with our partner, that’s when we can truly commune with them and witness our wholeness in our Oneness…
And this is how our partner is a Blessing in our life…
APPLICATION: Take a beat to reflect upon your relationship and your partner…
~ How do you entrap them? How do you control, manipulate, or coerce them- how do you jedi-mind-trick them? What do you project onto them? How do you invite them into the drama?
~ Where can you own yourself more and take full ownership of yourself?
~ How does the Blessing of your Partner, enable expansion in your life?
When we stop the spinning and looping, we have a cleaner experience with ourselves which allows us to have a clearer and more expansive experience with our Partner…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
You know, we tend to over complicate things when we can easily be in love… We have this ideal of how we want our partner to be that we constantly measure them against… Our partner is also on a Journey and they are perfectly imperfect. For us to measure them against some ideal is totally unfair, not to mention that it also sabotages the success of the relationship… It’s so silly to do this when it is so simple to create your best relationship.
You’d think that because it is so simple that most relationships would be successful- amazing and long lasting… Unfortunately, as we very well know, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
But what if we were to focus on the simplicity instead of how challenging things are…
What if instead of analyzing everything, dissecting everything, talking about everything and such, what if we were instead to take the simple path?
This can be the danger of doing a ton of certain therapies and doing tons of certain programs- we get lost in the weeds…
I remember this one couple we worked with, they managed to turn all the tools and different approaches into weapons… Over analyzing and dissecting everything ad nauseum, policing each other as to who is doing things right, and trying to gain favor with their therapist… There was not redirecting them when they got on that train…
Being in relationship means we don’t try to win against our partner! If our partner loses, we lose and vice versa…
~ What if we were to just show up with our Essence, no scripts, no expectations, no judgements, no control or rigidity, no other fear and ego-based concoction? ~ What if we were to allow our partner to have their experience without making it about us? ~ What if we were to have our partner’s back and accept them fully? ~ What if we were to be well intentioned, be gracious, be compassionate, be curious, be open? ~ What if we were just to Be in our relationship without white-knuckling it, controlling it and being attached to outcomes?
What if we were to relate to our partner as if they ARE our Ideal Partner? Instead of measuring them against our ideal partner, treating them as if they are our ideal partner…
When we let go and show up with Transcendence like this, opening to the present moment, to what is, to who we are, and to who are partner is, that’s when we are in real connection, that’s when we Become One, and that’s when the magic happens…
Stop working so hard at making your relationship work… Invest in your relationship, by Being in your relationship…
APPLICATION: In your time of quiet, ponder, meditate, journal on defining your Ideal Partner-
~ Capture their characteristics, mannerisms, habits, strengths, growth areas, and so on
~ Capture how they’d behave towards you, how they’d treat you, how they’d connect with you
~ Capture how you’d feel about them, about being with them, and being with them
~ What kinds of feelings would you be feeling? How would you show up to your days? What kinds of things would you be doing? How would you be in your relationship? How would you be towards your partner?
Great- now generate those feelings for yourself, show up those ways, and be those ways…
We think our relationship awesomeness depends on doing all kinds of relationship stuff and on our partner being all kinds of specific ways… We have it all wrong…
Our relationship awesomeness, depends on us being our awesome selves and being awesome to our partner… It’s actually quite simple…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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