In case I haven’t directly made this point before, I believe that connection is pretty much the magic pill. I know I have also said that about meditation and other mindfulness practices. LOL But these practices are a means to connecting with ourselves, our higher self, and Love Consciousness, Oneness… So, it still boils down to Connection, and our awareness that we are all interconnected… In that Connection we feel the Love, the aliveness, the belonging, the acceptance, the radiance that we are, and so much more…
But without getting too philosophical and esoteric, suffice it to say that when partners feel connectedthey can work through anything… And the same is true for being in connection with our children…
When our parenting focuses on creating and safeguarding connection, our children thrive and the interactions and home life become smooth sailing…
What is beautiful about this conceptis that it goes both ways! Not only do we provide all that awesomeness for the other, be it our partner, our child, or someone else, but in doing so we are also receiving the same benefits…
This is co/creation at its best. This is one of the wonders and gifts of being in relationship.
In today’s episode I’m excited to share the remainder of the conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children. I loved this conversation as the points she made about raising neurodivergent children just apply to being in relationship in general…
Today’s episode is part 2 of our conversation, check out part 1 here, and here we cover how using specific language gets better outcomes with your child, how to set good boundaries without overusing the “no”, what to do with attention seeking behavior, how to coparent, and how to smoothly do transitions…
It’s packed with information on how to succeed at your parenting and create a harmonious and joyful home.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes our life feels like smooth sailing, at other times it feels like an uphill battle… Of course, we enjoy the easiness, the flow, the joy. We don’t question it much and wonder what’s working… But when we struggle, it’s not so pleasant. We wonder what the heck is happening and why things are so hard. I hear this all the time from couples that are having a challenging time in their relationship. They say things like, It should not be this hard…
But let me offer, that it doesn’t have to be hard! Yes, challenging times are rough, and nobody likes those. But we can make the challenging times worth the sticking through them… Though they are hard, they don’t have to be insufferable or devastating. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
The key is to fully embrace our Human Experience, to continue to become who we really are without all the muck covering our radiance. By being super intentional about how we do ourselves and our lives, we are able to create much more ease, joy, and love…
How do we do this, because sometimes we might think that’s what we are doing but yet our relationship and our life are still very challenging?
The answer is that it is not just about what meets the eyes… It’s not just about all the doing we do and how we do all the doing…
This is what is getting in the way. We get too focused on our conscious processes and our behaviors without addressing any of the drivers behind them… This is the surest way to spin our wheels and not make any progress. This is why our relationship and life feel too hard…
Our programming, patterning, and conditioning have their way with us if we don’t do something about them… They are the drivers of everything in our life. Everything about our life is created 95% by them, and 5% by our conscious mind… Yikes! We better get to straightening all that stuff out!
To that end, let’s address some of our shadows (disowned parts and unknown aspects of ourselves) today…
~ Disowned Parts – Have you noticed that there might be characteristics about your partner or other people that just irk you? Have you noticed that sometimes your partner or others do stuff that just get under your skin? In these instances, there is something about those characteristics or behaviors that resonate within you at some level… You might have these in you or some version of them that at some point and somehow you rejected or villainized. When they show up in others, they stick out to get your attention. It’s not the other person that’s getting on your nerves… It’s your own stuff calling out to you to come home…
~ Buried Aspects – This is where there is a lot of potential for healing and growing… These parts are aspects of you that were present when you had traumatic or very painful experiences and so had to be buried to survive the pain. When accessed and taken cared of through understanding, compassion, forgiveness, letting go and such, they release the stuck pattern and energy allowing for further evolution and expansion…
~ Golden Shadows – These are my favorite and not for the faint of heart. These are the ones that hold the lessons, the ones that are a gift to us, the ones that when we experience something we might say, Things happen for a reason… These are the ones that show up the most clearly in the form of repeating themes in our life… There is stuff there for us to use in creating our Best Life, in having our Grand Life Adventure, in having to do with our Purpose for being in this life…
Our shadows need to be identified, reclaimed, owned, and integrated for us to become whole… For us to undo programs and conditioning that our holding us back. For us to break out of repeating patterns that create our suffering. For us to be our full glorious selves, with warts and all. To us to be our perfect imperfect version of ourselves. For us to have a real awakened full Human Experience…
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional…
Let’s become more whole and who we really are, shall we?
These can get you started, and join our membership for much deeper dives into all this!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interesting how the way we are raised has a pretty significant impact on how we turn out as people… There are other factors at play as well of course captured by the big debate on nature vs nurture… Regardless of which side gets more points on that debate, the way we are parented and our relationship with our caregivers during our formative years do play a major role on how we develop and who we become… They inform our programming, our patterns, and even our personality which can all boil down to the habit of being ourselves…
Just how we were parented impacted us, how we parent impacts our children…
There are a few key things to be on the lookout that impact their resilience, programming, and what kind of relationship they have with themselves and others as they grow up and as they settle down with a future partner…
These are the same things we can think back on and deprogram, depattern and decondition in ourselves for our own healing, development, wellbeing, and happiness… And for creating our Best Relationship and our Best Life…
Let’s take a look at how parenting / caregiving plays a role on our make up through some specific parenting styles and tactics:
Regulation – Is the child assisted in regulating and taught how to self-soothe and self-regulate through safe, consistent, and nurturing interactions during tough moments, hard feelings, and triggers
~ If the adult is or gets dysregulated themselves, if they get agitated, angry, or triggered, they can’t assist the child with their own regulation. This means more agitation for everyone and escalation of the situation… The child doesn’t learn how to feel and own their own feelings, self-regulate, and use effective boundaries, and experience delayed emotional and other development…
Messaging – What types of messages are giving for example about feelings, personal characteristics, abilities, appearance, body, affection, sexuality, connection, independence, accomplishing, success
~ If the adult judges, criticizes, discourages and the like any particular aspect of the child’s make up or behavior, they are giving messages that have a negative impact the child’s self-esteem and personality development… The child subscribes to limiting belief systems, ideas about themselves, others and the world…
Acceptance and Belonging – Is the bond between parent and child safeguarded and unconditional- is the child shown that they are accepted and loved no matter what
~ If the adult uses shaming, control, rigidness, time outs, and other punitive tactics to get the child to behave and comply, they are making their emotional safety, belonging and love conditional… The child takes on disempowering ideas about themselves, their self-worth, and how to be in relationship…
These are key parenting aspects to consider as we parent to raise health, resilient and happy children.
In today’s episode I have a super-rich conversation with Polina Shkadron, a Play Therapist, about parenting neurodivergent children, which apply to all parenting also… Our conversation was so informative that are turning it into a 2-part episode to share all the wisdom with you. In today’s part, we cover the importance of play for the child’s growth, development and wellbeing and how understanding the dynamics involved in play is beneficial for the parent-child relationship. We also cover why children have tantrums and how to manage them, and the importance of self-regulation. The key aspects mentioned above are illustrated in our conversation. You are in for a treat!
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Yes, we want beautiful and magical holidays, yet that expectation in and of itself creates stress and overwhelm for us. The holidays can be challenging for many for a lot of different reasons including having to deal with family-of-origin dynamics, unresolved issues, toxicity, and other triggers.
We can go about the season differently in that we can be mindful of our end-of-year and new year planning approach, and how we actually plan the holidays to reduce stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. And, we can go about them with the intention of minimizing conflicts and triggers.
When we go about things without intentionality and mindfulness we might experience life and relationships as mine fields… Where the less care we put into how we tread, the more likely we are to blow things up…
Things that might create conflict and that can be triggering can be related to:
Contribution, collaboration, support, accomplishments, achievements, impact, success, gifting, spending, appearances, weight, body image, self-esteem, transitions, life changes, aging
Wellness, self-management, mental health concerns (anxiety, phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention-deficit disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bipolar and other mood disorders, borderline and other personality disorders, eating disorders, addictions and substance abuse, and others)
When these things are part of one’s life in some shape or form, they have an impact on how we feel and experience interactions and events.
We might end up feeling and experiencing: not being good enough, put down, put out, pressured, criticized, blamed, let down, rejected, neglected, unsupported, misunderstood, not valued, disrespected, taken for granted, ignored, dismissed, unimportant, incompetent, powerless, and so on…
Whether we choose to respond, staying calm and collected, or react, getting agitated and thrown off, it’s up to us…
In the moment and in the face of being triggered it might not feel like we have a choice. It is almost impossible, biologically, to respond well in the face of a trigger. Therefore, it is imperative that we have our own backand mitigate conflicts and triggers by anticipating them. We can exercise our power to choose proactively and get ahead of these things to be preventative.
Of course, we can’t prevent all conflicts and triggers, but we can sure stave off a lot by mindfully and intentionally addressing our circumstances and needs.
Check out our latest podcast episode for more specific circumstances and triggers and how to go about managing them for a more wonderful season and upcoming year.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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