Sometimes we might wonder how much our partner actually loves us, and it at all… This is not an uncommon thought when we are having relationship issues, when we are fighting a lot, and even if we are just triggered… Our bond, our connection and our love is that vulnerable…
We have to remember that our partner and our relationship are happening in our head… As weird of a concept as that is, and as much as we can argue for the existence of them in our external world, our experience of them is still internal…
This is good news and a super empowering concept… This means that as soon as we choose to look at our partner and our relationship differently that we have a different partner and a different relationship! This is how we create new beginningsas well…
Isn’t this incredible? Let’s test it out…
~ Have some loving thoughts about your partner ~ Think about all the wonderful qualities about them ~ Notice what an amazing human they are ~ Recognize that they are also on a Journey ~ Realize that they are perfectly imperfect and a perfect match to you in your Journey…
Think some more along these lines.
Be grateful. Be joyful. Be so happy to have them in your life…
Notice how you now see your relationship and your partner in a better light…
I know that this is harder to do when we not getting along, when we are fighting or when we are struggling in our relationship, and specially when we are triggered even if everything is otherwise copacetic.
This reinforces the concept further of how susceptible we are to our feeble mind and the importance of not taking ourselves on a ride… Not taking ourselves too seriously. Not believing everything we think. Not getting sabotaged by our feelings, which flow from our thinking…
Our whole life is a construction! We are in charge of what we construct. Including the partner and relationship we have…
Realize this – if you have awesome thoughts, you have awesome feelings and therefore awesome actions, responses, and presence… This invites, seduces, induces your partner to reciprocate…
Yes, we can do all the nurturing, loving and romantical behaviors but we go much further when we do the internal loving first…
In today’s episode, I share how to recognize and address the culprits to low desire, transform your relationship dynamics that keep you stuck, and do all the tending and loving gestures to keep the love and the spark alive. It’s a must episode!
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PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I believe it makes sense that if we do not share about ourselves that others can’t know who we are, yes? Yet, it is common for people to feel like a wallflower, unseen, misunderstood, unappreciated, or not valued even when they choose not to show up, not to open-up, not to share…
I get that it is challenging to do these things if we are afraid of being judged, criticized, mocked, or rejected. But how are we to be known and connect with others if we are not available? It takes courage to be vulnerable and to fully show up, to be authentic, but it is exactly this vulnerability that is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…
If we are seeking to deepen the connection with our lovey and to have more meaningful interactions, we have to figure out how to be more vulnerable…
Of course opening up and sharing from the depths of our soul, means sharing our personal views, thoughts, and desires, and even possibly our darkest secrets. Some of which we have kept private for so long that it feels threatening to share them, to let them be known…
If we are not feeling confident about ourselves, our situation in life, our status in our relationship, then it is more challenging to open-up and share our internal world. It is scary to be this exposed when we might already feel wobbly and uncertain of where we stand or how we’ll be perceived…
A lot of times our fear is totally warranted as we know our partner doesn’t agree with our views, thinks completely differently, or wouldn’t welcome our desires… We might think, What’s the point in rocking the boat, why risk being forsaken…
But here is where the rubber meets the road… If we don’t, we don’t create the opportunity for something different. We don’t create the chance at finding a common ground. We don’t allow for moving closer to each other from our opposing sides of the spectrum. We cheat ourselves of the opportunity to be seen, understood, and even cherished…
Not taking a risk takes away any chance of connecting, and connecting at a deeper level- this is a very lonely place…
At least when we disagree, when we are criticized, when we are judged, we have opened the door to have an exchange. We can massage our perspectives and invest in understanding each other in a way that we can’t do if we don’t take a chance…
Not Taking a Chance Gives Us NO Chance
When we take the risk all the cards are on the table, and we can finally play…
First, identify what is keeping you from showing up, from being more open, from being more vulnerable. What are you afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? And, if that’s the worst, is it really that bad? Note, that our fears can be founded but we really give them a lot more power than is warranted. What if it didn’t matter what your partner thinks about what you think? Ha, if you were minding your own circles, this would be the case and problem solved… Just saying…
Second, choose to do better for yourself and for your relationship… Choose to take a risk and work through what comes up. Now, we are talking… Now we have material to engage on, to play with, to practice at having our best human experience… Now we have the opportunity to interact, to dialogue, to be curious, to wonder, to understand, to tolerate, to accept, to shift, to integrate, to expand… Remember, our partner is our Life Partner– they are here to enrich our life and to help us evolve…
Third, stay super open when listening to your partner’s side. Create safety for them to show up, create safety for you to show up. Agree that it’s ok to disagree. That you’ll interact in the name of learning each other more and getting each other better… You don’t have to love everything you hear… Just focus on understanding your partner. The point of the exchange is not to force your views on each other, but to better understand each other. Understanding your partner’s side doesn’t nullify yours, it doesn’t nullify you…
Being vulnerable allows us to better understanding each other, and that is what creates connection and intimacy… This is why vulnerability is so important…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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