Are you feeling like you are moving slow getting the New Year and your Best Year Yet started? The first couple of weeks of the year are always rough. Either we overcommit to new stuff to create our new life, or we just can’t seem to get it together to get moving… Either way we are not properly approaching the changes we want to make to get the results we want… But there is a better way and that’s Embracing Self-Management and Flow…
Self-Management is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love: Self-Honoring and Being Self-Management and Flow Self-Care and Resilience Self-Connection and Radiance
Self-Management has to do with taking full responsibility for ourselves- with learning how to properly manage ourselves and strive for excellence and high performance. It is about flowing through our days creating our Best Life…
Embracing Self-Management in our Self-Love Practice allows us to truly have our own back and support ourselves in our Journey…
Self-Management is a multifaceted endeavor, it includes managing our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, energy, time, space, and everything else…
For the purpose of our Self-Love Practice, I’m honing-in on how we set up and go about our days to effortlessly achieve our goals, experience joy and fully live our life.
Watch the video for 5 Tactics for managing yourself… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: Self-Management is a super skill. When we manage ourselves well, we are unstoppable! Here are tactics to help you easily start better managing yourself for more high-performance, productivity, and flow… Let your Core Values guide you as you work through this exercise.
Set some time aside to Design the Life You Want to Live…
🌟Time Mapping – Decide how you want your weeks to flow… Design your Ideal Week. Designate days with themes and part of the days for different Life Areas. For example:
–You can have writing or content creation days, client days, meeting days, admin days and such.
–You can have Self-Love/Me Time, Couple Time, Family Time, Chores Time, you get my drift.
This guides where you add your commitments in your calendar, where you focus your attention and what you work on, and helps you manage how you use your time, energy, and bandwidth… This is a one-time exercise that you tweak as you see fit.
🌟Time Blocking – Now, within your Time Map, you get to drill-in how you use any given time. You designate time chunks for tasks and commitments. This is a weekly task where you plop in what you want to work on and accomplish into specific times of your week.
Be sure to judiciously block time including buffer time and transition time. We want to allow for context shifting and build in grace for when things don’t work out as planned. This ensures more flow and ease in your days…
–This is a great activity to do on Friday before the closedown for the day, so you are ready for the next week and avoid the Sunday Scaries (AKA Sundaynitis in my home). Or, a Saturday Morning Reset activity, or a Sunday Afternoon Reset activity. Whatever makes sense for your life.
Decide when you’ll do your weekly Reset with Time Blocking. Add it to your calendar as a recurring event…
🌟Routines – This is my favorite. When we create rich routines, we can make any change we desire in our life. We don’t change in a vacuum. Creating change is very challenging and routines provide the context where the change can happen. It reduces friction, creates support and motivation. The things you are trying to do happen automatically without you having to white-knuckle your way.
–Choose a time of day where you and your family experience the most stress, where most conflict happens, where everyone ends up crying, yelling or both, or where you’d like to add more richness for a better life… This usually includes mornings, evenings, and bedtime, and other transition times like Friday evening, Sunday evening, before and after vacations or trips, and such.
–And, in terms of adding richness: Self-Care/Love Routine, Bedtime Routine, Skin Care Routine, Food Prep, Family Night, Couple Time, Date Your Partner, etc.
–Select your time by activity to improve, richness to integrate, most stressful to eliminate, by whatever you’d like to tackle first that will have the most immediate impact in your life…
Then design a routine that will address the friction and issues you encounter. For example, choose a time to start transitioning to the evening routine and what does that entail- daily review, organize for next day, closedown technology/work, connect with family members, discuss timing of next activity, start meal prep, etc.
Once you design the look and feel, tweak your schedule/calendar and your environments (declutter, layout stuff, set reminders, send notices, and such) to support your design…
🌟Habits – These are the ingredients of your routines!
Depending on what segment of the day or routine you are targeting to create more ease in your life, you can implement new habits to make that routine or time of day work better.
AND, to achieve your goals, you must have repeating targeted behaviors, tactics or habits to go along with them. Goals are achieved through taking consistent action…
—Health/Wellness Habits do very well as part of a morning self-care routine and part of weekend reset routine (meal planning, food shopping, food prep).
—Connections Habits do well as part of transitions, evening routines, and weekend routines.
—Success Habits do well as part of targeted work time blocks…
🌟Special Days – These are the exceptions to your routines and the sparkle sprinkles! Think of different ways of playing hooky if you may. LOL These are theme days to take care of things and enjoy things outside your regular routines.
–Specials days can be used as: Fun Day, Me Day, Mommy-Daughter Day (or other family combos), Adventure Day, Admin Day, Reset Day, Shoot Day, Lazy Day, and so on.
Make a list of all the Special Days that would make sense and that you would enjoy in your life. Then add them to your calendar as recurring events or keep as things to be scheduled during reset or planning days.
And that is the powerful way of taking charge of your days and creating the flavor of your life.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
As we start a New Year, we are looking forward to a new chapter, and possibly a new book, in our life. The thing is that the person that got us here, our current self, is not the person that can get us there… The person that got us here and only do more of the same…
For us to create something new, we have to be able to Be in a new way… The new self can create our new chapter, our Best Year Yet. A way to the new self is through Embracing Self-Love and Being.
Part of our Human Experience is to continue to grow more into who we really are… To continue to evolve. Shedding the slumber, the character defenses, the defense mechanisms, and other unconscious patterns to become our Best Self. This is the pursuit of Self-Growth…
I’m looking at the pursuit of Self-Growth as having two key components:
🌟Self-Love Practice for our Being
🌟Personal Development Practice for our Becoming
This month’s series will focus on our Self-Love Practice with today defining Self-Love and setting us up for a deep dive into developing a rich practice that really honors who we are and takes care of us.
Self-Love has to do with:
💖 Self-Honoring – Respecting and honoring ourselves- our values, our needs, our body, our feelings, our intuition, our perspectives, our space, our time, our preferences, our wishes, our dreams and so on.
💖 Self-Management – Taking full responsibility for ourselves- with learning how to properly manage ourselves and strive for excellence and high performance.
💖 Self-Care – Taking care of ourselves- with having a wholistic self-care practice that generates vitality, health and wellbeing.
💖 Self-Connection – Having a strong relationship with ourselves- with fully knowing and accepting all parts of ourselves, with keeping our own company, with having our own back, with being more present, with nurturing ourselves.
Each of these can be a whole newsletter or blog in and of themselves. LOL Nonetheless, we’ll be covering some aspect of each in the coming weeks, starting today with respecting and honoring ourselves.
Watch the video for 5 Tactics for honoring yourself… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: You’d think it’d be easy to be us. To be who we are. To be ourselves… As you might be aware, this is actually not the case and our Journey is about learning and evolving ourselves… Therefore, it’s imperative that we integrate tackling this intentionally in our lives…
Set some time aside to give yourself some Self-Love…
💗Values – We have to know our Core Values to help us filter our decisions and pursuits in our lives… Complete the Identifying Core Values exercise, and let your discovery inform other practices and tactics for more cohesiveness… Get the guide HERE.
💗Essence – We have to choose what flavor human being we want to be. LOL In your journal, list qualities of people you admire and who you consider role models.
1️⃣Underline the qualities you have in common with them. 2️⃣Circle the qualities they have that you’d like to embrace more in yourself… 3️⃣Summon the essence of that quality and strive for integrating it into yourself… Do this when you need a little pick me up, inspiration or motivation.
💗Feelings – Thoughts lead to feelings… Therefore, we can generate whatever feelings we like!
1️⃣Decide what kinds of feelings you want to experience more in your life…
2️⃣What kinds of thoughts would you have to have to generate those feelings? 3️⃣In your Journal, capture the thoughts so you can reference them as needed if you are having a hard time generating them, and their related feelings, on any giving day… 4️⃣Make it a habit of choosing the feelings you desire for the day first thing in the morning and go about generating them…
💗Intentions – We can be pretty chaotic in how we show up to our life and the days in our life if we are not intentional about it… Intentions are a powerful thing… You can choose how you want to show up everyday, and self correct at any giving moment…
1️⃣In your Journal, make a list of intentions about different ways you’d like to show up in your life.
2️⃣Keep this handy to draw from as needed to bring more intentionality and personal engagement in your life… 3️⃣You can use these as daily intentions, weekly themes, sprinkles for kicks and to keep things fresh
💗Roles – This one is super important. I often discuss this in our work with clients in terms of what kind of people they want to be regardless of how the people in their lives are being…
1️⃣Ponder on what kind of human you want to be, what kind of man, woman, or other gender, what kind of partner, what kind of parent, what kind of “child”, what kind of sibling, what kind of in-law, what kind of friend, neighbor, boss, and so on… 2️⃣In your Journal, capture your musings. 3️⃣Identify where you’d like to tweak how you are being in any relationship and get to making the corrections or upgrades…
Isn’t this work just so delicious!? This is a quick way to embrace you and Be more of who you want to be, who you really are… You’ll just be intentional about really Being you…
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
If you are juggling taking care of small children, giving attention to your relationship, caring for your home, rocking it at work or your business, and managing other responsibilities, you probably have a hard time finding time for yourself.
Do you often feel like there is too much to do and not enough time in the day? Do you feel overwhelmed, exhausted and anxious? Do you lack proper support to boot? It is common for couples with young children to struggle finding time for self-care.
When the partners don’t take care of themselves:
1. Their nerves are frayed, become impatient, inflexible, hypersensitive, and closed minded
2. They have a hard time having productive conversations, making decisions, and solving problems
3. They are running on empty, their health and wellbeing deteriorate, and they don’t have the bandwidth or energy to meet each other’s needs
4. They become disenchanted with one another, they lack desire and even start losing attraction for the other
5. They have a harder time figuring out ways to support each other and collaborate
Partners find themselves in a vicious cycle that is very discouraging for the success of the relationship, and the partner’s overall life…
Lack of self-care has a huge impact on the wellbeing of the partners, the relationship and the family…
Implementing More Self-care
The partners’ lack of self-care has an overarching impact on different parts of the family. Some ways in which the lack of self-care manifests:
💫 Wellbeing of the partners – Individually the partners experience an impact to physical and mental health, resilience, vitality, appearance and fitness, productivity, performance, and zest for life
💫 Wellbeing of the relationship – There is an impasse and stuckness that permeates the relationship, poor communication and frequent disagreements and arguing, recurring issues, disconnection, lack of intimacy and suboptimal support and collaboration
💫 Wellbeing of the family – There is tension, chaos, disorganization, things falling through the cracks, difficulty keeping up with chores and preparing healthy meals, children with frequent health ailments, acting out, and/or poor grades
How can the partners do more self-care when they are already so strapped for time?
About time…
Our to-do list, responsibilities and demands seem to grow every day. Just the thought of having to find the time to add anything else to an already jammed packed day seems a laughable matter.
But it is not about finding the time, but about making the time… Making the time is a lot easier than it seems!
📣 Mindset – For starters, the way we choose to look at time, our responsibilities, our abilities, our lifestyle, our support, and so on influences how we gatekeep, prioritize and manage our time.
If we believe that we should be all things to all people, that being nurturing, loving and supportive means doing more and saying yes to everything, that we are the only ones that can take care of things the way we want them, and such, we are more likely to be burning the candle at both ends.
On the other hand, if we don’t need to prove our worth, value ourselves, play to our strengths, don’t need to micromanage, trust we can count on others, believe that others want to please us and do right by us, stay in our own circle, and such, we are more likely to not be spread too thin…
📣 Routine – When we don’t get in our own way with a funky mindset, we are a lot more likely to create an Ideal Day routine that supports our Best Life. We are able to design our day so what’s important to us gets our attention and our best selves. And it feels like we have all the time in the world…
We are able to create a routine and a flow to our days that enables us to tackle our responsibilities seamlessly and with ease. There is a time for everything… We are not overly scheduled, we are not crammed, and we are not running around like a chicken without a head. There is gracefulness to the day and transitions built-in to allow for staying present, grounded and attuned…
📣 Habits – And then, we add wellness, connection and success habits to the routine that allows us to take care of everything we want to take care of. When we intentionally set up leveraged habits, we get more milage out of our efforts. We become superhuman, we have more time, and we take care of a lot – seamlessly!
Being intentional in our approach to our days, buys us time!
Your Self-care Practice
Once you’ve shifted how you look at the importance of self-care and how to tackle the time concern, you can ease into integrating more self-care activities into your routine to build your rich self-care practice.
Below is a list of suggested items to sprinkle into your routine, creating habits of them to carry them out consistently:
• Meditation, Journaling, Affirmations
• Listening to inspiring content, motivation speeches, music
• HIIT, yoga, weight training, walking
• Nutritious eating, hydration, supplementation
• Connecting with loved ones
• Mani/pedi, bath, massage
• Tantric meditation visualization and practice
• Soothing nighttime routine
Investing in shifting your perspective on this topic, on creating time and prioritizing self-care, and integrating more self-care activities into your routine is a must to support you in your Journey…
APPLICATION: Take a moment. Yes, you have a moment – before you jump out of bed, while you brush your teeth, when you are on the toilet, when you are in the shower, when you are nursing or giving a bottle, while you are making food, while you are folding laundry, while you are driving, etc…
Hey, I know some moms feel they don’t even have this – they skip brushing their teeth, showering, and even eating. They go to the bathroom with little ones hanging onto them. I get it. If this is you, I’m sending you lots of love and encouragement to steel a moment from somewhere – if you look, you find…
Use the moment to make a commitment to make a change – it doesn’t have to be like this!
Think on the impact of not taking care of yourself, dare to look at time differently…, and dream about what self-care activities you’d like to enjoy…
Pick one self-care activity that you will integrate into your life in the next couple of days…
You get a gold star! 🌟
We create our own hell and promote our own demise sometimes… Let’s empower ourselves and approach self-care differently… Let’s give this a good shot, as if our life depends on it – for it does!!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life.
We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…
Why pleasure and delight habits? Great question. As I’ve been embracing the concept of doing my life with more Ease, these have been coming up… And, how glorious they are! They simply make life easier and more enjoyable… They profoundly add to creating our best life and relationship…
Now, I’m not talking about debauchery, far from it. I’m talking about creating space, grace and inspired flow in our daily routine. I’m talking about being gentle and compassionate with ourselves, and others. And, of course, I’m talking about enjoying simple pleasures.
It costs almost nothing to meditate, savor clean food, drink water, enjoy herbal teas, play with our pet, frolic in nature, witness a sunset, star gaze, take a bath, read a good book, be moved by music and such.
It definitely costs nothing to be present in a conversation and bask in the interaction with a loved one, and even a stranger.
And better yet, it really does cost nothing to do things we know will Delight our partner…
Watch the Video to learn more and complete the Assignment below!
ASSIGNMENT: Embrace this opportunity for more pleasure and delight in your life…
Clean up your daily routine. Reclaim and own your time! Get rid of time wasters. Make sure you have focus, transition and Free time.
Add a daily Simple Pleasure habit
Add a daily Delight Partner habit
Implement a Habits Tracking System as what you measure improves…
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real… There is even a thing as “Anti Valentine’s Day Week”… This week is not just for those that don’t believe on the mushy holiday, but also for those who are disappointed by it. Regardless of what camp you are in on the holiday and your Valentine’s Day experience, you can use this week to enrich your relationship. I say you – do it again, do it over, or do it after all…
This idea has to do with not wasting any opportunities to be loving, nurturing, and generous. So, whether you don’t care about Valentine’s Day, had a phenomenal experience, or had a terrible experience here is another opportunity to celebrate and enjoy each other…
~ Now, I get that you really might not give a hoot about Valentine’s Day – to that I say forget the Valentine’s Day concept behind this suggestion. Instead focus on the message.
The message is to do something amazing for and with your partner. Yes, you can do that anytime you don’t need this holiday for that. True. So, again, ignore the holiday and take the prompt to do something special and enjoy each other. Partners are neglecting each other more than ever right about now. So, whatever it takes, feel the nudge. Why not take a nudge to be loving any time, even this time?
~ You might have had an amazing Valentine’s Day. You get a Gold Star! It is not easy to plan, make the time, nurture and give, and enjoy good things… Specially with our partner…
So, why not do it again? And again? And again…? The point in this scenario is not to keep doing Valentine’s Day, but to keep nurturing your relationship just as much and as well. If we only gave our relationship as much attention and nurturing as we give other things in our life… Can you see the possibilities for your relationship?!
~ Right now, I actually want to support those who didn’t have a great experience for Valentine’s Day. They wanted to. They tried. But it was still a flop and didn’t get what they desired.
If this is you, you are not alone.
Why You Didn’t Have a Great Valentine’s Day
You might have set out to have a great Valentine’s Day or you got the flowers and the sweets, yet it all felt mechanical, empty and flat.
Valentine’s Day, or Anniversaries, or Mother’s and Father’s Days, or Birthdays for that matter, don’t have to do with the doing and the buying… This is partly where partner’s go wrong. Partners get hang up on the hoopla, or lack thereof, and miss the point of these celebrations…
The point to any celebration is to celebrate the people involved.
These celebrations have to do with acknowledging a partner’s brilliance, uniqueness, commitment, devotion, loyalty, contributions, accomplishments and how they make a positive difference in our life.
When we have celebrations, we might not do a great job of acknowledging and celebrating the people, and the relationship.
Celebrations become about the stuff and not the experience of spotlighting the awesomeness… Therein lies the rub…
People usually have a strong negativity bias, unless they are from Mars. Just kidding. Unless they are in the minority who don’t, for varied reasons. Or, if they’ve worked on reprogramming themselves and continue to be very intentional about focusing on the positives vs. the negatives…
When a person has a strong negativity bias, they filter every experience with a fear-based lens as a survival mechanism. They live in a blind-like state missing out on the awesomeness and the possibilities…
They notice and focus on everything that’s out of place, everything that’s wrong, everything that can be improved, everything that can be different or better, and such… This is not coming from a desire to continually evolve. This is coming from lack and deprivation and as a survival tactic… Very different.
So, I’m sure you can see how this plays out in our relationship… If one or both partners are constantly negatively focused, they’ll have a tendency to complain, nitpick, criticize, control, nag, micromanage, and the like.
And do you know what happens when partner’s do this? The other dismisses, minimizes, shuts down, withdraws, or chooses not to contribute (intentionally or not…).
You might take turns showing up with these defenses. Or, more likely you have polarized into one or the other style.
What happens when partners polarize? Their dynamics get stuck. They keep having the same recurring arguments, the same way. They can’t seem to resolve concerns or issues. They have a hard time getting on the same page and collaborating.
And, most importantly, when partners polarize, they feel disconnected, unloved, taken for granted and the like… They don’t know how to connect, have fun together and enjoy each other…
Well then, doesn’t it make sense that if a partner, or both, have been in a funk of any kind pre-pandemic, and even more so now with our global situation, that they’d have their negativity bias running rampant? And, if that’s the case, that they’d create funky dynamics and feel stuck in their relationship?
Then how are they supposed to see and acknowledge the beauty in their partner? How are they to celebrate their partner when they barely see them?
And, how are they to celebrate their relationship when they might not feel there is anything great to celebrate?
Doesn’t it make sense then that Valentine’s Day was rough??
How to Get Back to Loving…
The key here is not to go at Valentine’s Day or any celebration with a traditional approach. The solution is to address the state of your relationship…
And this is not by talking about the relationship… This is by focusing on Enriching Your Relationship. It’s about turning up the dial on how you show up, what you put in, and how grace-full and gracious you are… It’s about:
Minding your minds
Working at communication
Addressing triggers and meeting needs
Creating and nurturing connection
Cracking collaboration
Then you see your partner. Then you see their beauty. Then you love the relationship.
When you mind your relationship, you can celebrate your partner and your relationship…
This is a work in progress, so in the meantime the simplest thing to do is not to run the other way and to ignore the disappointing Valentine’s Day.
The thing to do is to try a celebration again… You don’t have to do the pink and red, but rather set up time to spotlight any awesomeness you are able to see and share the love you know you have… You might not be feeling the love right about now, but you know it’s there…
Set up the opportunity to connect and enjoy.
Here is another chance at Love. Take a risk, take advantage. There is nothing to lose.
ASSIGNMENT: Invite your partner to a Date. Include all the elements you know they enjoy. And, show up with your Best Self and best of intentions to please and be pleased. Look for and bask in what’s great. Enjoy!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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