Sharing Archives - MetroRelationship

Vulnerability is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…

I believe it makes sense that if we do not share about ourselves that others can’t know who we are, yes? Yet, it is common for people to feel like a wallflower, unseen, misunderstood, unappreciated, or not valued even when they choose not to show up, not to open-up, not to share…

I get that it is challenging to do these things if we are afraid of being judged, criticized, mocked, or rejected. But how are we to be known and connect with others if we are not available? It takes courage to be vulnerable and to fully show up, to be authentic, but it is exactly this vulnerability that is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…

If we are seeking to deepen the connection with our lovey and to have more meaningful interactions, we have to figure out how to be more vulnerable…

Of course opening up and sharing from the depths of our soul, means sharing our personal views, thoughts, and desires, and even possibly our darkest secrets. Some of which we have kept private for so long that it feels threatening to share them, to let them be known…

If we are not feeling confident about ourselves, our situation in life, our status in our relationship, then it is more challenging to open-up and share our internal world. It is scary to be this exposed when we might already feel wobbly and uncertain of where we stand or how we’ll be perceived…

A lot of times our fear is totally warranted as we know our partner doesn’t agree with our views, thinks completely differently, or wouldn’t welcome our desires… We might think, What’s the point in rocking the boat, why risk being forsaken…

But here is where the rubber meets the road… If we don’t, we don’t create the opportunity for something different. We don’t create the chance at finding a common ground. We don’t allow for moving closer to each other from our opposing sides of the spectrum. We cheat ourselves of the opportunity to be seen, understood, and even cherished…

Not taking a risk takes away any chance of connecting, and connecting at a deeper level- this is a very lonely place…

At least when we disagree, when we are criticized, when we are judged, we have opened the door to have an exchange. We can massage our perspectives and invest in understanding each other in a way that we can’t do if we don’t take a chance…

Not Taking a Chance Gives Us NO Chance

When we take the risk all the cards are on the table, and we can finally play…

First, identify what is keeping you from showing up, from being more open, from being more vulnerable. What are you afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? And, if that’s the worst, is it really that bad? Note, that our fears can be founded but we really give them a lot more power than is warranted. What if it didn’t matter what your partner thinks about what you think? Ha, if you were minding your own circles, this would be the case and problem solved… Just saying…

Second, choose to do better for yourself and for your relationship… Choose to take a risk and work through what comes up. Now, we are talking… Now we have material to engage on, to play with, to practice at having our best human experience… Now we have the opportunity to interact, to dialogue, to be curious, to wonder, to understand, to tolerate, to accept, to shift, to integrate, to expand… Remember, our partner is our Life Partner– they are here to enrich our life and to help us evolve…

Third, stay super open when listening to your partner’s side. Create safety for them to show up, create safety for you to show up. Agree that it’s ok to disagree. That you’ll interact in the name of learning each other more and getting each other better… You don’t have to love everything you hear… Just focus on understanding your partner. The point of the exchange is not to force your views on each other, but to better understand each other. Understanding your partner’s side doesn’t nullify yours, it doesn’t nullify you…

Being vulnerable allows us to better understanding each other, and that is what creates connection and intimacy… This is why vulnerability is so important…

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With Much Love & Light!

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.

Do You Want to Succeed?

by Emma Viglucci

Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly?
Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly – you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance. How did we outgrow these strengths?

Somewhere along the way, we developed our Ego…
Which tells us that some things are beneath us, that what we want should be easy or it’s not meant to be…, that sticking through something is for chumps, that it shouldn’t be hard to get what we want, that we shouldn’t have to work so hard, etc. Even though there is some truth in these, how we frame them and apply them is what is important. For example, some things are beneath us. Being a jerk to less fortunate peeps is beneath us. At the end of the day we are all equal… Doing some tasks might be beneath us, but not because we are better than someone else but because we are wasting our talents and gifts… Get my drift?

The problem here is that we do not place these in the proper context and as a result we lose sight of our path and our innate strengths…
It is time to reclaim our inner child’s characteristics and strengths and lead with them. It is time to play a bigger game. And, yes, this does mean being persistent, focused and obsessed. This is how things get accomplished… This is how we get results. Any highly successful person will attest to this…

Highly successful peeps don’t give up at the first sign of disappointment, when they think they’ve tried it all – they still find something else to try…, they create habits and structures that support them, they ask for help when needed, they surround themselves with a success team… Right? This applies to all areas of our life, not just our career or business. It’s just like when we were kids, we practiced doing cartwheels until we could do them effortlessly. Why should our relationship be any different? Why do peeps give up on their partner? Treat your relationship like a cartwheel, keep trying to get it until you do. For if you go at anything with that much enthusiasm, investment and commitment you will get it! How many times did Thomas Edison try before he succeeded in inventing the light bulb?

I know that this sentiment might feel outdated, naïve, unrealistic, codependent, etc. in today’s society…
But I believe we give up way too easily on most things we want, especially our relationship. Now I’m not suggesting just staying in a relationship to say you had a long-term relationship… I’m whole-heartedly saying to make your relationship work. If you want your relationship to work, it will! If you go at it as if there is no option but for it to work, you’ll see the difference… This is my approach to my couples and it makes a massive difference…

Stop trying the same things, go at it from a different angle.
Get support. Put a success team in place to assist you: house cleaner, sitter, therapist/coach, routine massages and other self-care, etc. Treat your relationship like a goal… Decide how you want your relationship to look and go for it. Break it down to actions, behaviors, and investments. For every characteristic you wish in your relationship, there is at least one behavior you can do consistently to create it… Check it out: Trust – transparency, commitment – dated plans, intimacy – sharing, passion – vulnerability, connection – touching base; you try…

Go for it in terms of how you want to be as a partner…
Start being the partner you want to be by consistently carrying out actions to invest in your relationship bank. Make a deposit everyday. Create Relationship Success Habits…

The key is to stay focused, be persistent, and to make consistent targeted, relevant and concrete investments in your relating.

Focus on what YOU are investing and keep doing it… Complete the MetroRelationship™

Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog! Happy Investing! ~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment

Pick a Relationship Characteristic you’d like to experience and treat it like a goal… What skills, stretches, do you need to learn? What actions can you implement to become proficient? What concrete investments can you make? Integrate these consistently into your routine, daily interactions. Liken this to being an athlete and training. As an athlete you’d always invest in staying healthy, fit and on top of your game. Make the same kind of commitment in your relationship. Keep on investing, keep a consistent approach and always step it up a notch… Go for the gold! Add this to your Tool Kit…

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.

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About Emma

Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.