Some people are still having the post holiday and winter blues and find this time of year challenging. When we have a personal challenge that affects everything in our life, including obviously our relationship with our partner. This Love Launch™ “mini program” is available to you through blog posts so you can nurture your relationship with ease. You don’t have to wrack your brain, here is very targeted interacting for maximum impact!
You might also want to visit our social media channels (see bottom of the page for links) as today we are starting a VDay Challenge™. So not only can you crush it with intentional power nurturing during your weekend with the Love Launch™ approach, but you can now also sprinkle your relationship with touching loving gestures everyday. Check them out!!
The Love Launch™ is a great for adding more fun, romance, connection, intimacy and flow into your relationship regardless of its status. Take what resonates for you, and fits your situation, and show your partner love. Feel free to tweak and apply the processes as you like. The point is to do more loving than usual!
When we show up with our Loving Self, when we focus on touching our partner’s heart, when we give just to give, we create Joy, Happiness, Abundance, and more LOVE. When we operate from a Loving place, feel Loving, and focus on seeing the lovable side of our partner this is where magic happens… Too often I hear partners say things like: they are not there, their relationship is too far gone, they currently hate or dislike their partner, they are embarrassed, they don’t know what to do, and a whole bunch of other “reasons” why they can’t be loving…
Seriously? We get what we put in. We perpetuate, worsen, the status quo if WE don’t do something different, stretch, transcend, take the higher road, and such. If we wait for the other to “step it up” first, and we are both waiting for the other, we are going to be waiting a long time, or not make it… I share this sentiment frequently. We have to take charge of how we choose to show up, how we choose to invest, how we choose to Be. I promise that when we do this, the rest comes along for we become more lovable, we invite more love, we inspire more Love…
So what do you say, ready to Love Launch™?
Love Launch™
During the 4 Weekends leading to Valentine’s Day (or another occasion, or just because!), you are to make a real concerted investment at nurturing your relationship. Do it with gusto and to please your partner. Put on the “dating lens” – remember you’d do anything for your partner then…? Go all out to make an impression. And, you enjoy the process as you go…
COUNTDOWN – Weekend #2
Invite your partner to “couple time” (of a length of time you think you’ll need), at a mutually agreeable time, with no distractions, and light refreshment, to Mastermind your Successful Relationship Lifestyle™.
Start nice and easy. You can add more aspects, details and richness as you get traction with some basics first. Here are areas to explore, flesh out, plan and integrate into your routine. Select two (2) to get started, and keep playing with this until you have the flow that makes your heart sing:
– Morning routine and rituals
– Staying connected throughout the day
– Evening routine and rituals
– Bedtime routine and rituals
– Couple time
– Dating
– Sexy time
– Adventure and exploration
– Joint hobbies and projects
– Getting memberships to activities that inspire you
– Getting season tix to activities that give you joy
– Planning out your vacation time for the year
– Planning out your couple stacation time for the year
– Choosing individual growth areas and supporting each other with them (that help you break your impasses and change your stuck dynamic)
– Implement ways of staying current, getting on the same page, and to effortlessly collaborate
– More Advanced: Explore and design your Legacy…
Go for the ones that are easy to integrate and have good follow through, to effortlessly build good will and positive momentum. Keep this process short and sweet. Let it be a rewarding experience. Congratulate each other once you have a plan of action. Celebrate your commitment to excel at your relationship!
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on Weekend #1 of our Love Launch™! Valentine’s Day weekend…
Complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Masterminding!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Put yourself in a real good mood before you meet your partner for any relationship activity or interaction… Bring good vibes. Show-up with your Highest, most Loving, Self…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Well? Did you give the Love Launch™ a try last weekend? How did it go? Remember, if you are struggling you are not alone… This is a real rough time of year… Please hang in there. Don’t make any rash decisions, and keep cultivating love in your relationship… What you sow will soon enough bloom…
And if you are not struggling, this Love Launch™ is just great for adding more fun, romance, connection, intimacy and flow into your relationship…
Either way, this is a golden opportunity to nurture your relationship!
Love Launch™
During the 4 Weekends leading to Valentine’s Day (or another occasion, or just because!), you are to make a real concerted investment at nurturing your relationship. Do it with gusto and to please your partner. Put on the “dating lens” – remember you’d do anything for your partner then…? Go all out to make an impression. And, you enjoy the process as you go…
COUNTDOWN – Weekend #3
Invite your partner to “couple time” (of give or take 60 minutes), at a mutually agreeable time, with no distractions, and light refreshment, to:
Reminisce about how you met or the early days
Share characteristics about your partner that you love
Share things you really enjoy your partner does
Share things you’ve enjoyed doing together over the course of your relationship
Share an untold fantasy
Share a desire
Share something new about yourself
Share a dream
Share your definition of romance
Share your ideal date
Create safety for openness and to allow closeness. Remember to listen to your partner’s side without judgment or criticism. Be open to receiving your partner and getting a glimpse of their inner world. It is a privilege to be let it. Treat it as such…
Don’t take it personally, be offended or get upset if you have different ideas on the above. Most likely you will, so be prepared for that.
This exercise is to build acceptance, knowing and cohesiveness. This is an opportunity to respect the differences, enjoy the similarities and build a bridge between your worlds. Welcome the adventure of playing in two worlds!
Stay tuned for next week’s issue on Weekend #2 of our Love Launch™!
Complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Happy Talking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Add a little kick to this weekend’s Love Launch™ by having props to go with your talk!
Photos from around the time you met or your wedding day
A poem about things your love about your partner
A poem or love letter about when your partner makes you feel awesome
A book to start a Couple Appreciation Diary™ to share things you each enjoyed or appreciated that day (with your first entry!)
A collage of pictures and mementos of fun times in your relationship
An outfit, costume, or toy to represent your fantasy
Anything that speaks to your desires, dreams, preferences and such
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship:tm: philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple :tm: content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected:tm: with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’ve been told that I’m a hopeless romantic and that my steadfast positive outlook could be nauseating. LOL Yes, I believe people can change for the better. Yes, I believe relationships can change for the better. When people waiver, they can find this annoying or experience it as a pillar of strength… What team are you on?
Believe me, sometimes it is better to call it quits. But I find that some don’t put in enough well concerted nurturing to create a change in their relationship before they give up. They rather feel tortured, or give up, than do something different themselves… We only have control over what we contribute…
This time of year is really challenging for couples. “Blue Season” is harsh on relationships. Your struggle might feel more daunting than usual. It might feel like it is time to call it quits. How do we know when it’s time to call it quits?
Well, I teach our couples not to make a decision when not feeling well, when in transition, during a rough patch, when intoxicated, during a fight and such. When people chill out and the storm has passed, they usually regret their decision. This is why you see couples that break-up, make-up, break-up, make-up, and so on. When partners tell me they broke-up, I take that as a grain of salt.
The key is not to stay together for the sake of staying together. What’s the point in that? I’m talking about staying together and creating an amazing relationship. This takes focus, intention, nurturing, kindness, mercy, appreciation, gratitude, and personal accountability. It doesn’t work when you complain about the other not having personal accountability…
When we focus on what the other is doing or not doing, we miss the boat. Then we wonder how come we can’t get traction… If you are complaining about your partner even if only to yourself in your head, STOP. You are just torturing yourself and won’t be creating an amazing relationship any time soon…
SO, around now I like to combat the Blues and relationship woes with a Love Launch™, in the name of what I usually call the Valentine’s Day Season. J This Love Launch is about stepping it up in showing love, starting today!
Love Launch™
During the 4 Weekends leading to Valentine’s Day (or another occasion, or just because!), you are to make a real concerted investment at nurturing your relationship.
COUNTDOWN – Weekend #4
This weekend you are to do at least three (3) of the following:
Select a chunk of time to Gift to your partner for their personal use – you take care of all the responsibilities that go along with the selected time (give a chunk that your partner would appreciate not that is convenient for you – make it count!)
Give a chunk of time with your undivided attention to your partner to do something they want
Do a chore or take care of a responsibility you normally wouldn’t do
Cook, order, set up, make reservations, whatever for all of your partner’s favorite foods
Do a pampering gesture that you know your partner enjoys
Give extra affection the way your partner likes it
Be generous with appreciations, acknowledgements, compliments, and praise
Tell your partner a bunch of things you love about them
Pick up a little treasure gift that will touch your partner’s heart
Pick up a practical, luxurious, fun, sexy, or what makes the most sense right now gift or your partner
You can:
Ask your partner which three (3) they want if they are all the same to you, or if you are OK being stretched
Choose the three (3) you want to do and give your partner the heads up
Choose and do your three (3) without telling your partner what’s up (see what happens…)
In any case, the investment is Fun. Do it with gusto and to please your partner. Put on the “dating lens” – remember you’d do anything for your partner then…? Go all out to make an impression. And, you enjoy the process as you go…
Let’s keep rocking more Love not only to combat the blues but also obviously to create our successful relationship!
Stay tuned for next week’s post on Weekend #3 of our Love Launch!
Complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Happy Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Plan out how to carry out your Love Launch™ nurturing behaviors to build anticipation, for follow thru, for a richer experience so you both get tons from the investment!
For example:
Make a list of things to share if you are doing the Words of Affirmation type of nurturing
Plan out meals ahead of time – don’t leave it as a spur of the moment choice or decision…
Get on the same page early about chores, childcare, and such
Go shopping early – don’t leave it for Sunday night…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I frequently witness partners’ devastation when feeling stuck in their relationship. They share about their pain and hopelessness. They believe things are as good as they are going to get, and think there is nothing that can be done to change them.
The pain is great because if this is as good as it’s going to get, then they think they shouldn’t be in it. And, with that come feelings of failure, betrayal, resentment, anger, loss, sadness and such. In this dooms day perspective they perpetuate their pain…
What’s interesting is that this happens when they are triggered. If asked at other times how things are going, it’s usually far from dooms day. But, when we are triggered it is very easy to miss the forest for the tree. Partners put on blinders and only see the episode that hurt them or threw them off track, and all the previous similar ones.
They are great historians and skilled at threading this negative pattern… They focus on this one dimension of their relationship and refuse to see the rest that’s good, or even amazing.
When partners focus on what is not working as a theme and really harp on what goes wrong, they are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy. They are looking for things that don’t work. They are looking for their partner’s mistakes. They are looking for things that bother them. And, find they will because nobody is perfect.
They are hyper-vigilant and on alert against their partner… Donning this lens is nothing but self-and-other-defeating, relationship sabotaging, limiting and down right abusive of our Self and our Partner.
The ruminating on the events and interactions that hurt us just serve to retraumatize ourselves. It keeps us stuck in a negative thinking loop, that generates hurtful feelings and that keeps us from acting from our Authentic and Highest Self… This promotes nasty behavior towards our partner and neglectful behavior towards our Self. It is very difficult to set effective loving boundaries and maintain our self-care practice when we are in this place.
We are reactive, and sometimes don’t even realize it… If we continue to nurture our grouch, our lens gets dirtier and dirtier to the point where we lose our sight period. We lose our perspective completely. Then of course it’s hard to imagine there is coming back from the current experience or that something different is possible…
The first item of business here is to suspend all judgment, slow down the recursive thinking, and put ourselves on a time-out. Imagine you can hit a pause button where the movie can stop playing, do that… Do whatever it takes to stop ruminating, analyzing, fact-finding and the like…
This squirrely activity is just like you drinking the poising and expecting your target to die. Stop poisoning yourself! Do any activity that releases positive chemistry in your brain and helps you change your state. You are responsible for how you feel…
From this place you are more resourced and are now able to address your trigger. But don’t go at it until you are able to see your partner’s experience. If you can’t or as soon as you start thinking about it you get retriggered, then you are not ready to address this with your partner. Keep at this until you are ready. Otherwise, you’ll keep hacking at your bond and creating more damage that becomes harder and harder to repair.
Do whatever it takes to see things from your partner’s viewpoint and experience. Understand what is happening for them and the pain they are also in. Access your compassion for their side. Then you’d be ready to effectively and productively address the initial trigger.
Your job is to keep yourself in a resourced state as much as possible, or more and more, for your relationship to work. If you are intent on being right, being resentful for how you’ve been wronged, and upset then there is little chance to make changes in your relationship. Might as well quit now and save yourself a lot of aggravation. But, please know that this does not have to be your outcome! You CAN push through this veil and enjoy the Light on the other side…
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
The boundary in this instance is of containing yourself. If we refuse to take the hook our partner is casting and if we refuse to take ourselves on a ride, we minimize the damage we usually do. When a trigger happens, take a moment to regroup, change your state, gather what’s happening for you and for your partner, put it all in perspective and then you are ready to go back.
From a less escalated, regrouped, and resourced place you can more easily repair, get back on the same page, and move on. A key element here is that when you take your leave from the situation, that you still remain connected… Otherwise, the triggering continues…
How do you usually keep retraumatizing your Self? Make a commitment now to stop that! Give your Self a lot of love and compassion.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Regrouping!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Escalation-proof your relationship to prevent stuckness and hopelessness:
Make an agreement with your partner on how to implement time-outs to prevent escalations, and discuss how to reentry.
Identify items that easily put you in a positive state and integrate them into your routine.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I love observing couples. I’m always intrigued by how they operate, especially if it works for them. I’m always learning from the couples around me. I’m in awe and inspired by couples that are dedicated and devoted to making their relationship work better. I’m honored to work with the partners I work with.
Their commitment to their relationship and each other is unparalleled. I love working with them. Sometimes though, the things that partners tolerate surprise me. And, the things they find egregious doubly surprise me. This is when I do education moments during our work so partners don’t end up torturing themselves and each other…
Here are some basic Relationship Best Practices™:
Know and remember your partner is your ally, not your enemy. Don’t assign negative motives.
Understand your partner is a Gift, a mirror…, to help you heal, grow, and evolve… If you don’t like something, you have to change something – not the other way around!
Don’t own your partner – don’t tell them how to be, how to operate, what to do, how to feel, what to believe, what to eat, how to dress, etc. Even in your internal dialogue! This generates animosity and doesn’t serve anyone…
Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s intentions, feelings, thoughts, etc. Don’t run away with the story you concoct about what is happening… Mindfully and respectfully check-in about what is going on for them.
Listen to your partner’s side with understanding, compassion and acceptance. Don’t listen to give advise, fix, judge, make a counter argument, or waiting to give your side…
Be smart about the timing of your communication. Don’t push if either of you is triggered. Build-in time-outs if things start getting heated, and always come back to wrap things up.
Understand your partner’s hot buttons, wounds / triggers, and be mindful to avoid these. When your partner is triggered give a response that meets the need underneath the trigger… This is one way we heal.
Intentionally go about meeting your partner’s needs.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for getting and staying connected, increasing intimacy, and having fun.
Intentionally set up structures and systems for operating like a well-oiled machine and creating an amazing life.
It goes without saying that showing up with courtesy and respect is of utmost importance. We build and add the other skills from here. This means no: yelling at, cursing at or name-calling, physicality, blaming, criticizing, and other things we wouldn’t necessarily do in other relationships or to other people…
I find that when couples are struggling they throw right out the window basics things like respect, courtesy, understanding, benefit of the doubt, grace, compassion, appreciation and the like. It’s as if they never learned manners, sensibility and how to be nice. As sad as it sounds, coaching partners to treat their partner as if they were strangers does the trick during stubborn times…
If you do some of these, make it your business to clean this up now and keep it clean no matter what your partner is doing… If you are feeling antagonized then it’s not a good idea to continue the interaction. Take a break and resume addressing your concern, and/or addressing the interaction, at a later time…
You each have relationship rights and responsibilities. Here are some to get your wheels turning, to:
Be treated well
Be yourself
Have needs met
Have loyalty and honesty
Have transparency
Have privacy
Have freedom
Have accountability
> Boundary setting and getting needs met:
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to expand our capacity and skill for being tolerant, accepting, and compassionate towards our partner while being accountable and having appropriate boundaries ourselves… We don’t want to freak out over mundane things, and we don’t want to overlook inappropriate and harmful behavior and attitudes.
The best approach to having an amazing relationship is to really mind what we put into it… We tend to focus on what our partner puts in, victimizing ourselves… We pat ourselves on the back for putting in things we want to put in, as opposed to things that nurture the relationship and that our partner prefers.
What’s the point of that?! We don’t have to work so hard or invest so much. We just have to do the right kind of investing, giving in our partner’s love language. It goes a longer way… There is a saying in networking circles: “Givers, Gain”…
Stop fighting it and power struggling. Just start giving more!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome and radiant relationship, and authentic and meaningful life…
Happy Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Find an area in your relationship where your ownership is skewed and your boundaries can use some recalibrating. Note sure where?
Think on times when you are frustrated and annoyed with your partner. This is a strong indicator that you are owning them and not taking care of yourself properly. Make a list of these times and find pattern(s) or recurring issue(s).
Select one and use Relationship Best Practices™ to address it and make a change.
Own your Self, transform your interactions!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
You have Successfully Subscribed!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.OK
