Vulnerability is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…
I believe it makes sense that if we do not share about ourselves that others can’t know who we are, yes? Yet, it is common for people to feel like a wallflower, unseen, misunderstood, unappreciated, or not valued even when they choose not to show up, not to open-up, not to share…
I get that it is challenging to do these things if we are afraid of being judged, criticized, mocked, or rejected. But how are we to be known and connect with others if we are not available? It takes courage to be vulnerable and to fully show up, to be authentic, but it is exactly this vulnerability that is at the core of deeper and more meaningful interactions…
If we are seeking to deepen the connection with our lovey and to have more meaningful interactions, we have to figure out how to be more vulnerable…
Of course opening up and sharing from the depths of our soul, means sharing our personal views, thoughts, and desires, and even possibly our darkest secrets. Some of which we have kept private for so long that it feels threatening to share them, to let them be known…
If we are not feeling confident about ourselves, our situation in life, our status in our relationship, then it is more challenging to open-up and share our internal world. It is scary to be this exposed when we might already feel wobbly and uncertain of where we stand or how we’ll be perceived…
A lot of times our fear is totally warranted as we know our partner doesn’t agree with our views, thinks completely differently, or wouldn’t welcome our desires… We might think, What’s the point in rocking the boat, why risk being forsaken…
But here is where the rubber meets the road… If we don’t, we don’t create the opportunity for something different. We don’t create the chance at finding a common ground. We don’t allow for moving closer to each other from our opposing sides of the spectrum. We cheat ourselves of the opportunity to be seen, understood, and even cherished…
Not taking a risk takes away any chance of connecting, and connecting at a deeper level- this is a very lonely place…
At least when we disagree, when we are criticized, when we are judged, we have opened the door to have an exchange. We can massage our perspectives and invest in understanding each other in a way that we can’t do if we don’t take a chance…
Not Taking a Chance Gives Us NO Chance
When we take the risk all the cards are on the table, and we can finally play…
First, identify what is keeping you from showing up, from being more open, from being more vulnerable. What are you afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? And, if that’s the worst, is it really that bad? Note, that our fears can be founded but we really give them a lot more power than is warranted. What if it didn’t matter what your partner thinks about what you think? Ha, if you were minding your own circles, this would be the case and problem solved… Just saying…
Second, choose to do better for yourself and for your relationship… Choose to take a risk and work through what comes up. Now, we are talking… Now we have material to engage on, to play with, to practice at having our best human experience… Now we have the opportunity to interact, to dialogue, to be curious, to wonder, to understand, to tolerate, to accept, to shift, to integrate, to expand… Remember, our partner is our Life Partner– they are here to enrich our life and to help us evolve…
Third, stay super open when listening to your partner’s side. Create safety for them to show up, create safety for you to show up. Agree that it’s ok to disagree. That you’ll interact in the name of learning each other more and getting each other better… You don’t have to love everything you hear… Just focus on understanding your partner. The point of the exchange is not to force your views on each other, but to better understand each other. Understanding your partner’s side doesn’t nullify yours, it doesn’t nullify you…
Being vulnerable allows us to better understanding each other, and that is what creates connection and intimacy… This is why vulnerability is so important…
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Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Related Articles
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
