Plenty of research shows that the way we communicate impacts our relationship’s success, and this is true for all communication across all disciplines and contexts. But do we really need the research to tell us that? Can’t we immediately tell when we are in an interaction with someone else if we are being heard and understood? Can’t we immediately tell if we are connecting and resonating? Yes, we can! If we pay attention, we can see that the way we show up to our interactions impact how those interactions pan out… The more authentic we show up the better the interactions go…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up whiny, judgy, critical, controlling, demanding and the like, that you encounter resistance from the other side…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up open, vulnerable, compassionate, understanding, accepting, collaborative and the like, that you encounter receptivity, willingness, cooperation, resonance, and flow…
The key then is in how we make sure we show up for better connection and more resonance…
We want to show up with a clear conscious, which means we take full ownership of ourselves and accountability for our actions, we stop the blame game and waiting for others to change, we do what we know is right without making others wrong, and we take the high road even when others insist on pulling us into the low road…
We want to show up with our Best Self, which means we are resourced (not hungry, tired, disregulated), mindful, available, present, attuned, interested, intentional about having a clean, meaningful and loving interaction…
We want to show up with our heart, which means we check our ego and notice our patterns giving us the ability to be caring, forgiving, compassionate, generous, kind and tender, and specially to be vulnerable, forthcoming, and to speak our truth…
For this is where the connection and resonance will happen… When we truly show up to an interaction without all the layers of protection, defenses, and pretenses, is when we are truly showing up as ourselves and that is when we can be truly seen, accepted, and loved…
Unfortunately, most interact from pretentiousness, superficiality and shallowness. Then they wonder how come they feel alone, lonely, unseen, rejected, unappreciated and such.
If you are not showing up, there is nothing to appreciate…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to connect…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to vibe!
So take stock of where you are suffering, what is bothering you, what is not working in your life, what you would like to change, and see how much YOU are really showing up to those situations…
Take a look at the quality of your presence… Are you being conscientious, showing up with your Best Self and speaking from your heart?
Note, speaking from the heart and honestly doesn’t mean you have no filters and you have a out-of-jail-free-card where you can let it rip and give unsolicited feedback and share all your grievances about how someone else such- you see how damaging and inappropriate this is?
No, speaking from your heart means speaking YOUR truth (not the truth about others LOL). It means sharing your inner world about yourself (not your critical thoughts and impressions about others). It means sharing your hurt, your desires, your dreams…
Speaking from your truth means putting yourself out there to be seen, to be known, to be loved…
This also means using your intuition and judgment about whom to share yourself with, when and how… This is very important- we don’t want to set ourselves up in any way… Discernment is a virtue…
Start taking stock and making your shifts to speak your truth, gently and lovingly, more assertively when necessary, making sure you show up with who you really are and share your heart…
Show up with love, be love, and you’ll receive more love…
APPLICATION: Identify have you haven’t been fully authentic and true to yourself…
~ Make a list of things you hide, keep to yourself, have never shared, secrets, parts of yourself you hide, dreams and desired you suppressed, and everything else that is significant about you that you don’t let out- that you don’t honor at the end of the day…
~ Make a commitment to slowly but surely start showing up with more integrity, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more truly yourself…
~ Mark the items you want to do this with first and set the intention to mindfully and intentionally go about sharing yourself more…
It is time to start really showing up more to your relationship and your life…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With the start of Spring, a New Season, just around the corner, it behooves us to get ready for a fresh start, so we can ride the wave into a New Beginning… The key is to create the space for this by letting go of the old…
That could mean anything from things in our environments, aspects of our routines and habits, commitments and attachments, mindset and limiting believes, even our identity as we covered in last week’s article… But most importantly, we can create a new beginning by letting go of resistance…
What we resist persists… and then we don’t have space for the new… Then uplevels, upgrades, and change can’t happen…
When we focus and complain about all the ways in which our day went wrong, how we didn’t stick to our diet, how we failed in our parenting, how our partner didn’t show up as the partner of our dreams, and so on, we are in a perpetual state of negativity…
This perpetual state of negativity keeps us focused on what doesn’t work or what is not working, making it bigger and bigger… And eventually all consuming. Have you noticed how bad a bad thing can get…
A negativity focus creates more friction and resistance…
But what if there is a different way… That of having a different focus, creates a different perspective, which in turn creates different possibilities… This loosens things up and now we are open for change…
What if we let go of focusing on how things should be, the principle of it, the unfairness of it, the discomfort and such. What if we focused on what is already working, what has improved, what could be, what is possible…
What if we focused on what is amazing, what brings us joy, what we love…
And no this is not about burying our head in the sand. This is about also noticing and being grateful for the good stuff…
From a fresher, cleaner, gentler, more open, and less resistant position and energy, we are more agile, expansive, resourced and able to allow the new to come in…
We are able to see new ways, new options, new opportunities and therefore Allow in and Receive Newness… From this more flexible and expansive stance and perspective we are able to create our New Beginning…
What if we stop constricting and contorting ourselves to fit into some ideological mold we are after…
What if we stop creating so much friction and resistance by controlling, forcing and pushing…
What if we let others be who they are and we Be who we are, freeing ourselves to continue to Become who we truly are and living a much more harmonious, peaceful, joyful, loving and abundant life…
This is accessible and possible for all of us at every moment… We just have to choose it, realign and course correct as necessary, and keep tweaking how we show up to honor ourselves more and more every day. Let’s let go of the dead weight, the friction, the resistance and let’s flow going forward.
Here is to simply and beautifully letting go, and to New Beginnings…
APPLICATION: Take stock of how your relationship and your life feel… Where there is tension, friction, breakdowns, hassles, annoyances, disappointment, resentment…
~ Identify how you might be showing up with resistance- negativity, close mindedness, control, exertion and the like…
~ Identify their driver of what you identify- limiting believes, expectations, habits, lack of skill, support, attention, etc. and so on
~ Address the most prevalent one for immediate relief… Letting go of it, freeing and lightening yourself…
Cleanse yourself of old ways, allow the new to flow in…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We are living in strange times… We are living in a world where everything as we knew it is no longer… We are living in a world that is merely a construction, an illusion, a simulation, a matrix… A world where all the major institutions are just structures to provide some kind of order, but have turned out to be more stifling, constricting and enslaving than anything else…
We are living in a world where We are even constructions… Who we know ourselves to be is but an accumulation of thought patterns, belief systems, emotional patterns, defenses, and habits. We are stuck with the habit of playing ourselves… We created an identity, a persona, that we are using as the character in the story of our life…
This can be super sad, demoralizing, and scary, on one hand. But on the other hand, oh boy, it can be magnificently illuminating, empowering, and freeing…
Now we can choose to continue to live in this nightmare, hell on earth, and mass illusion, or we can choose to wake up and take charge of our own life. We can choose to become more and more who we truly are, embrace our Becoming. We can own our true identify and play a better Game of Life…
Life as we know it is so ingrained in us that considering anything else just seems ridiculous, out of a fiction book or movie, and for the crazy in an asylum…
Who we know ourselves to be is so ingrained in us that considering anything else is totally unthinkable, destabilizing, and ungrounding…
I know that the more I heal, upgrade, and deconstruct myself that the more I feel like I’m floating, flowing through my life, much lighter and unencumbered… It’s a bit surreal at times, a wondrous experience…
One of the side effects is disengaging from the rush, distractions, and drama we are used to living with, a good thing. And a much bigger desire to just take it easy… Really weird and different for me as you might know… The desire to help, guide, and inspire others remains minus the seduction for the grind, another good thing.
As I continue to shed layers of trauma, protection, defenses, programs, patterns, habits, and the like, it becomes more and more evident that who I knew myself to be was the identity I needed to assume to deal with myself and how I perceived my world…
When we allow ourselves to operate from our small and lower self, with blinders on, wearing a thick identity mask, we are but ensuring our own suffering and demise.
This is when we get sick, our relationship is stagnant, our children have issues, things break, we hit a career wall, we can’t get rid of debt, and so on. We experience lack in all areas of our life in spite of the evidence of abundance all around us…
So, we have a choice, continue to hang on to the identity of who we think we are and continue the struggle, the grind, the enslavement we currently buy into in this world. Or we choose freedom, we choose to own the radiant Beings we are without the masks and the illusion of the identity we forced on ourselves…
We can choose to own our vulnerabilities, our perfect imperfections, our pain, and all the mechanisms we used to survive the world we believed we were in… We can choose how we look at our world and to show up to it with our full authentic selves. This goes without saying, that we’d do this in our relationship as well… And what a different relationship that becomes…
When we disentangle ourselves from the constructions, the illusions, is when we are truly free, empowered, and sovereign… This is when we are truly living the life we are supposed to live, and when we win at the Game of Life…
You have a choice to continue to hang on to your identify as you know it, or to start taking off the mask for a more real and magnificent life experience…
APPLICATION: Ponder on how you identify yourself, the positive and the negative characteristics, how you create your appearance, how you choose to show up to your life, how you choose to do your days…
~ Note, that these are all choices…
~ Note, that you can choose a different perspective, to feel differently, and to operate differently…
~ Note, that you can create the relationship and life you want…
Take an immediate action to shift the course you are on to win at the Game of Life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Oftentimes we get so mired in the everyday doing that we forget the everyday Being. We forget to actually show up to our lives, we might bring our bodies, maybe even our minds to a commitment, to an interaction, to a moment. But we hardly bring our heart, our Essence… This is where we are going wrong…
This is what is keeping up spent, unmotivated, fearful, disconnected… This is what is creating the rest of our suffering and turmoil… WE are missing from the equation! Bring presence. Then you can exponentially expand and deepen your connection…
If we are looking for happiness, joy, health, vitality, peace, harmony, connection and love, it is actually quite simple to attain… The way is through our presence…
When we connect with ourselves, with our core, authentic, Higher Self, we are connected to all that is, to the now, to Oneness, to Unity, to Love. We are connected to Unity Consciousness, to Love Consciousness… From this Connection, we just are the highest and best version of ourselves… And so much easier for our partner to feel us and connect with us…
From this expanded connection the universe is the limit…
When we fully embrace who we are in this way, we transcend the petty, the minutia, the fears, the defenses… This is powerful. We are so much bigger and magnificent than what we show up with every day. Our life is so much bigger and important than what we focus on every day…
We are here to have a Human Experience and evolve into who we truly are, NOT to get stuck in our human experience… To get stuck in the ins and outs of our little self, looking at our world through our ego. Interacting with all our defenses, habits and out of fear…
This is why the relationship with our partner is beyond gorgeous, regardless of the state it’s in… Our partner, our relationship, and our life, are a projection of our inner world… When our partner gets on our nerves, hurt us and the like, that is information about what is going on for us inside ourselves irrelevant of our partner… Yeah, a hard truth to embrace.
But this is why our partner is a Gift – they get to show us where we still need to heal, grow, and evolve…
When we are in touch with this, and together play with this, now that is where the depth is in our relationship… Being understood, known, respected, cherished and appreciated at this level is so massive.
When you are playing at the Game of Life from this angle, not just to amass accomplishment and fortune and to check things off your to-do or bucket lists, is when you are truly living your life. This is when you feel Alive. This is the inspiration, the juice, the sparkle. This is who You are…
Showing up to interactions, engagements, projects and even all the mundane with the Essence of who you are, give you a completely different experience…
What does this mean for how to do our lives every day? This means having a rich Self-Love Practice so you Connect with yourself consistently… Then you design how you want your days to go, prioritizing you and your relationship, Being over doing… Then you tackle the rest… And the rest becomes so much easier, smoother, fun and glorious…
APPLICATION: Make a commitment to shift the focus of how you do your life for a richer and more delightful experience…
~ Shift the focus from work and doing to your life and being…
~ Design your day to Align with the shift and embrace a self-love practice
~ Bring your partner into the fold of awareness, and gently and compassionately play at embracing your Higher Selves more and more…
Luxuriate in the expansiveness of this relating…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is common for partners to struggle at being partners in their relationship, specially at being partners in Love. They take their love for granted which can fizzle out if it is not frequently stoked… Partners make time for most things in their life, including going out with friends. But they are not great at making time for a self-love practice and for a partner-love practice- for a romantical practice…
When the connection and romance are not nurtured, the partners feel like just coparents and roommates. They struggle feeling the spark and aliveness in their relationship, and in their life. They might not have a joint vision and approach to life that enriches their existence, and never mind a strong sense of Us… They struggle feeling each other, feeling special and cherished, and like they really matter to their partner…
But this doesn’t mean that they should never have gotten together/married, that the relationship has run its course, or that this is what happens to mature love…
This just means that the relationship needs some TLC… It means that the essence of the couple is getting lost through the shuffle of life… It means you are too focused on the mundane, your children and/or other goals instead. It means you are operating through your titles and roles, and not You.
When your relationship struggles, it means YOU are missing from the equation… Are you showing up with your higher self, with compassion, kindness, and generosity? Are you showing up with your funny, cute, flirty, playful and loving self? Probably not…
It’s time to step up your game of investing in your relationship by delighting, wooing, and courting your partner… That’s right. If you don’t have time for the most important person in your life, then we have other issues. LOL
Decide to upgrade your relationship…
Set loving intentions
Make the time
Get in the mood
Show up with the Essence of you
It is not enough to be a We in your relationship, you need to cultivate the Us… This is where you each feel special, wanted, desired, cherished, and like the most important person in the other person’s life.
A strong partnership and a Radiant Us, doesn’t just happen. These need to be nurtured and cultivated:
The experience will help you get unstuck or get over the hump to upgrade anything that is holding you back in your relationship… And, to take your good relationship to the next level!
You CAN create the relationship you desire.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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