After large numbers of deaths in NY/NJ, the outbreak seems to be slowing down and the curve flattening a bit in this area. Yay! This is just the beginning of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hey, I’ll take ANY good news. Focusing on the good is Good…
What insights have you gotten about yourself as a result of this experience so far?
How have you stretched outside your comfort zone to step up your game in self-management and positively responding to this crisis?
What are you seeing as possible personal lessons and takeaways up to this point?
We’ve been at this for give or take a month now with a few more weeks to go, at least… Have you hit your stride with being locked-down, or are you still adjusting?
Are you concerned about the sustainability of the temporary new normal? What are the things that concern you the most? How do you usually deal with things that trouble or worry you? Does your usual approach serve you, or do you need to uplevel to meet the demands of this time? How will the upleveling serve you in the future…?
How do you foresee possibly coming out stronger at the end of this?
Can you see what might end up being positives after all this is said and done?
I know it’s challenging to look for the good in the midst of a Pandemic… But, I see a lot of deconstruction happening, preempting ReConstruction. This is always a good thing…
Can you foresee how this might play out locally, nationally, and globally in all areas of life? How can you be part of the solution, of the reconstruction? What role would you play? What would be your place? How would you contribute? How can you start doing that now, if you aren’t doing that already?
This is the time to get out of our own way, to transcend the petty and the minutiae for the higher calling and for a more meaningful life…
Where are you in your Journey? What is the Pandemic spotlighting as the work you have do in your own life? Where is your growth place? What needs attention? What code do you need to crack? What are you proud you’ve accomplished or been able to do? What do you need support with to do better or change?
It’s during times of crisis that the big shifts happen and epic change is possible… What does this mean for your wishes for the world, and for yourself? How can you embrace this and ride this wave of transformation and new beginnings?
Yes, we are still in the muck. These questions might feel a bit premature… You might think this is completely missing the mark. But, I assure you that entertaining this lens, this mindset and this outlook is the way back to health and to a better tomorrow.
If you are not ready for this message, that’s OK. As I’ve been writing, we are all in different places, have been impacted to different degrees and with different flavors, and have different readiness levels. It’s all good. We are where we are in our Journey. Take what serves you right now, ignore what doesn’t.
But, regardless of where you are, I implore you to toy with some of these questions to help you align, regroup and prosper faster and better…
Regardless of what is happening out there, change starts in here…
Here are prior related Blog posts for your quick reference, for you to grab what fits your current state:
As we all do ourselves better, collectively we do better. Let’s step up our self-management, let’s show up better for ourselves, for our partner, for all our loved ones, for our community and for the world at large. Now that’s how we create a better world… It all starts with us…
ASSIGNMENT: Train your mind to look for the lessons, for the growth places, for how to do things better, for how to show up better, for how to step it up, for how to ask better questions, for how to look for better solutions, for how to see the silver-lining, for how to see the good, for how to see the beauty, for how to do our Human Experience in a worth-while way…
As we begin to entertain coming out on the other side of this, make this experience mean something and count for something… See how you can use it as part of your Journey…
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Transcending!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As the saga of Covid-19 continues and the outbreak is expected to peak in our area this coming week, now is the time to generate as much mental strength and fortitude as we can muster. It is not easy witnessing so much illness and death. Other parts of the country are trailing behind us, so these are going to be a couple of tough weeks. Turmoil and loss are not easy.
What’s really tough about all this is that we are experiencing so much loss in so many different ways. If you are not immediately impacted by the death of a loved one, it doesn’t mean that you are not also experiencing loss. Our very own way of life has been usurped. That in and of itself is a major loss…
We are all experiencing our own level and type of loss, some more than others, but we are all non-the-less experiencing some level of shock, numbness, sadness, denial, despair, anxiety, anger, guilt, loneliness, depression, helplessness. And, as this thing continues to ramp up, and the losses increase, the feelings are going to get more pronounced and prevalent.
We can be pro-active about how we manage ourselves to lessen the impact on our wellbeing and our lives.
What does this mean? This means a few things, that we:
Maintain control over the things we can control – Trying to control the circumstance that are happening around us is a futile effort. We can’t control what we can’t control and if that is your approach to your current experience you are having a more difficult time than is par for the course.
Don’t try to control the circumstance, focus your control on your immediate environment and how you are choosing to look at what’s happening, let it impact you and what you do about it…
The more you are bogging out, the more you need to dial this in and focus on your most immediate physical environment. Tidy up the messes, clean up, organize, and create systems in your home and work. This will give your brain a focus and your body an outlet. Get to work!
Manage our lives in smaller bites – Because things feel so big, we are trying to solve all the problems of the world at once. Or, at least all the things in our lives that are not working or that are affected. Chill cookie. Pick one issue or concern at a time, focus on it to resolution or completion.
If you have to wait on others for responses and such, then you can move on to the next one while you wait. Don’t start or engage in too many of these at once. The juggling will only create more stress and anxiety. We have less bandwidth than usual, be kind to yourself. Don’t overdo it and crash yourself. We are not going anywhere, and this Pandemic is temporary. It’s OK, to move slower…
Are gentler, more compassionate and more forgiving – Seriously, watch the shaming, the criticizing, the judging, the blaming, the complaining, the controlling, the resenting, the demanding, arrogance, the perfectionism, and such. These are not nice to inflict on others or yourself, outspoken or in your head. Mind your expectations of yourself and others.
These are poison to your body, mind and spirit / energy. Nothing good comes of entertaining and partaking in these thoughts, feelings and actions. Monitor yourself closely and eradicate these as soon as they pop-up. This in and of itself will increase your mental, emotional and physical resilience… Clean up your act immediately!
Balance retreating and connecting – Create alone time to regroup, process, get grounded, and recharge. This is just as important as Connection time. Because we are in lockdown and deprived of our usual interactions, we are super focused on connecting. Nothing wrong per se with this. But, we have to make sure we have enough separateness and respite to Connect with ourselves also…
Step up our gratitude and mindfulness practice – Set some time aside every day, more than once a day if you can, to meditate, journal, listen to affirmations, be in gratitude, show appreciation, pray, engage with inspirational material, and the like.
For real, limit your social media and news consumption. I don’t care what your profession is, you need to remove the alarm and stimulation that’s coming at you. If for some reason this is not feasible, then counter the polluting and triggering material with enriching and recharging positive material… You just have to do this to neutralize the junk taken in…
Embrace activities with repetitive movements and exercise – These are ways to not only release pent up energy and circulate and change body, but they also engage the brain differently providing soothing benefits. There is plenty of exercise and working-out apps and advise online. If you are not working out yet – get moving, literally. LOL
Aside from exercise things like coloring, painting, knitting, vacuuming, brushing a pet, braiding hair, shooting hoops, swinging, bike riding, etc. provide a rhythmic hypnotic experience that soothes.
Also, try Havening… It’s a specific form of caressing oneself that sends calming signals to the brain… It’s doing a downward caressing motion form the top of your thighs to your knees, from the top of your arms to your elbows, form your elbows to your wrists, from the top of your forehead to your chin. Don’t rub back and forth. Use a downward motion. Great to teach children too who have difficulties falling asleep or who are very active…
Play in nature, with children and pets – Build into your routine outdoor and play time. The sun, fresh air and naivety of children and pets are blessings. Rejoice!
Engage in creative expression – Find a creative outlet… This gives the problem solver, analytical and data focused part of our brain a break. And, it activates more feel-good parts. Hey, maybe now is the time to learn a new instrument or pull out the brushes and canvases.
Help and contribute – Changing the focus to a more positive endeavor is mana for the brain and Spirit. Choose to contribute in ways that are inspiring and come natural to you. Share your gifts, passions and strengths. Don’t offer to help in ways you know will deplete you. What’s the point in that? You have special talents and specific resources that others can benefit from, put them to good use!
Where you are in your own personal development, in your Journey and pandemic timeline, will determine which of these resonate more for you and which make sense to integrate into your repertoire as you go along.
Everybody is impacted differently and to different degrees. What works for you, might not work for somebody else, possibly not even your partner… Stay open and flexible. We are all in this together, but we all have our own experiences…
Here are prior related Blog posts for your quick reference:
Here are some pointers I recently shared to my list on how to do your life to minimize the upheaval you might be experiencing. These are good practices for personal and relationship wellbeing… Some might sound basic, others not applicable, and yet others impossible for you to consider given where you are. Take what serves You…
Create a daily structure that supports who you are, your family and current needs. Build-in Wellness, Connection and Success Habits into the routine… Include time for
On Sundays, implement a more robust Self-Care practice and set up time to review the upcoming week with your partner to synchronize about anything that needs to be addressed.
Every evening plan and get ready for the next day – what’s needed, activities, workflow, etc.
Give yourself time to whine down before going to bed in the evenings. Create a soothing night-time routine for yourself… Eliminate electronics and other stimulants for at least one hour before bed.
Every morning, start the day earlier than your usual and do your Self Care Practice… Start the day strong and grounded…
Honor your Habits to keep taking care of yourself and your life… Include spiritual and religious practices. Connecting to your Higher Self and your Higher Power. Being in mediation and prayer.
Be intentional about separating your work from your personal time – day into evening, weekday into weekend. They might be different because there is no work or school, but bring in different activities and energy into the flow…
Be mindful that being in the same space with your partner does not necessarily mean you are Connecting… More on this below. Implement different ways of connecting with others, don’t just depend on your partner and immediate family for connection.
Be super vigilant of your thoughts, don’t take yourself on rides no matter how juicy, dire, or triggering the situation. This only makes things worse. I promise. (I know, this is much easier said than done. If you are struggling, get support!).
As things get more tough with loss and other trauma, be extremely mindful of being compassionate, soothing and loving to yourself and your loved ones… Build up as much reserve and resilience as possible now to minimize the impact you might experience. Prepare for what’s to come the best you can, trust that you will be OK in the end…
Take charge of your own wellbeing. Be prepared for the long-haul but take one day at a time. Keep everything simple. Focus on recharging and staying positive. Be witness to what is still beautiful in the world.
ASSIGNMENT: Take a few minutes to plan out your week to include more ease, intentionality, positive habits, and lots of self-care. Get rid of any excess that creates stress. Get rid of everything that depletes energy and creates unnecessary worry. Combat the fatigue with positive, recharging and inspirational content and activities. Keep the eye on the long-game, take a higher perspective. Don’t miss the forest for the tree. Remember, this too shall pass…
Focus on building resilience and stamina. And, hey, give yourself a little treat or kind words. Now, is the time to be super nice to yourself!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Strengthening!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Because things are challenging it doesn’t mean we have to lose our s*t. This is the most important aspect of managing the current crisis. That is, to manage how we choose to process information and how we choose to look at the facts. How well are we able to separate the facts from the stories we tell ourselves about the facts… We are really good at taking ourselves on rides…
When we allow our thoughts to get the best of us, we flood our bandwidth with noise, we get whirly, we trigger ourselves, we cut off access to our higher thinking and problem solving capabilities and creativity, we don’t see the opportunities and the good in front of us. And, there is always good…, no matter what!
If we allow ourselves to get nutty, and allow the above to get the best of us, how are we to make good decisions, not react (different from respond), stay resourceful, take care of ourselves, stay healthy and embrace wellness, take good care of our kids, show up for our partner, see the opportunities to serve and help, become an innovator. Get my drift?
And, when we are all twisted up inside our head, we feel all twisted up, and then we act all twisted up. How is that for clinical language? LOL
When we are all twisted up, this is how you may show up in your relationship:
WARNING – this might look normal to you… But these are not qualities of a Successful Relationship and that’s why you are struggling…
Mindset
You complain about how your partner is doing themselves, the choices they make, how they show up, and how they contribute
You might pick at them, put them down, criticize, undermine, undo and the like whatever efforts they are putting in
You might not even see what they contribute, choosing to look at everything as an issue or it being done wrong
You might feel compelled to tell them how they need to think, feel and show up
Communication
You want to talk and address things even if they don’t want to, regardless that you might be triggered or it might not be the right time
You go into a conversation making your partner wrong, blaming, putting down and the like
You think you are right and go in with your gloves off, because you are upset you think it’s OK to throw out all skills, tools and civility
You don’t see, own or acknowledge your part in it, never mind apologize
Dynamics
You respond the same way to situations and try to solve them the same way, even if that didn’t work before; and the focus is to prove your point, meet your own needs, and get your way
You lose sight of the fact that your partner is also human and imperfect, and on their own Journey
You expect your partner to anticipate your needs, meet all your needs, know what’s up and address things as if they were you or an extension of you
Connection
You give your partner love the way you like to receive love, have no clue that they might want something differently
You expect your partner to want to do everything you want to do, when and how you want to
You want your partner to be there when you need and want them to, regardless of if they are able to
You want to spend a lot more time with your partner than they want to spend with you, and you take this personally or fight it
You assume your partner is not attracted to you or interested in being intimate so don’t even attempt any physical closeness; or, you assume your partner only wants one thing and is not really interested in you or respect you otherwise
Partnership
You take on the brunt of the homemaking and joint life responsibilities (regardless of whatever good reason you think you have for this…) and become resentful about it and negative, whiney, passive aggressive, controlling and all kinds of not so awesomeness about it…
You create a chaotic or military like home and complain your children are out of control (all other things happen with the children as well)
Your home life feels overwhelming, exhausting, stifling, burdensome, irritating, joyless
Your partner has all kinds of reasons for not being home, and if they are home they don’t feel like they are home…
What do these mean? They indicate poor self-management, unresolved issues, lack of sills and tools, and more… Poor:
Mindset, expectations, personal ownership and sovereignty, and boundaries [Context/Mindset]
Communication, conflict resolution and repair [Communication/Alignment]
Understanding of self, drivers, needs, defense mechanisms [Clarity/Dynamics]
Know-how on connecting, sustaining connection, receiving and giving love, being emotionally and physically intimate, having fun together (couple fun, not just family fun…) [Connection/Intimacy]
Habits, routines, plans, resources, structures and systems [Collaboration/Partnership]
So, if you are not satisfied in your relationship (which you will be at some point or another in its lifespan – that’s just the way it is) and you are experiencing pain and aggravation, it doesn’t mean you have to endure it and suffer through it…
This is the time to be proactive, get attentive and invest in enriching and nurturing your relationship. This is the time to get support if what you’ve been trying hasn’t been working. Don’t wait till you do more damage! It’s hard to come back from severe damage, don’t become another statistic… It’s best to get on it early!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a hard look at your relationship and how you are showing up to it. Put yourself through the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ — Context, Communication, Clarity, Connection and Collaboration — and identify where you are not showing up with your Best Self… Note, if you need to:
Clean up how you look at things and learn how to set effective boundaries
Improve your communication and other interactive skills
Heal and address some unresolved issues and change your patterns
Learn how to Be with your partner
Put systems in place to create a collaborative environment and joyful home
Creating a Successful Relationship is not difficult, it just requires Commitment… We don’t want you curious or interested in creating a successful relationship. To have an amazing relationship you have to be Committed to making that happen. Just as with anything else in life…
Let’s rock your relationship. Let’s create your Successful Relationship – now is the time…
Learn how to do this with our upcoming Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB)!
As you might already know, given the current crisis in NYS I felt compelled to rework the REB virtual event, scheduled for on April 4th, to make it more accessible not only financially but also practically:
I’m condensing the whole experience into a 1.5-hour presentation
It’ll have a replay, downloadable material, and all the other perks
(You’ll get an account and access on our Member Site as if you were purchasing the event!)
If you are struggling, why keep white-knuckling it? Support is here now and very accessible. Please take advantage of this opportunity. See you inside!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Enriching!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Yep, it’s official. We, NYS, have received the “Major Disaster Declaration”. These are tough times. How are you making out as this crisis continues to ravage our area and the world?
It is imperative that we are extremely proactive in helping not spread the virus and that we are extremely proactive on how we set ourselves up to weather this storm…
I strongly encourage you to read last week’s issue for the mindset and strategies for not only surviving but thriving during this terrible time. It’s on our Blog: 9 Tactics for weathering your quarantine
I know that when our immediate surroundings and everyday life are thrown into a tizzy and our very security, safety and even survival are threatened, that it makes sense to feel a bit freaked out. To feel panic. To feel overwhelmed, anxious and whirly. To feel desperate. To feel powerless and paralyzed. To feel discouraged and hopeless. To feel devastated.
You might feel some or all of these feelings. You might cycle through them. You might still be in denial or resistance or you might be in shock and these feelings haven’t kicked in yet. Please know they will, and they are totally normal. These are uncertain and scary times. It makes sense they affect how you feel…
But this is not an out of jail free card in that because you are impacted you let yourself and your stuff go. You let your feels take over and derail you… You allow yourself to sink down. You put your life and what’s important to you on hold, or just down right neglect it… You give up your self-agency. You let the wind blow you around… This makes things worse for yourself and your life… Don’t do this!
As the infection is ramping up in the states and we expect a longer-term impact, it behooves us to be mindful of building emotional resilience, mental spaciousness and bandwidth, and physical stamina:
1) Police your thoughts: Become vigilant of what kind of thoughts you allow yourself to have, to rent space in your head and to take you on a ride…. Watch out for apocalyptic, doomsday, major disaster, financial depression, and the like thinking that just trigger more panic, paralyzes and survival-mode.
Yes, we live in dire times, but tapping into compassion, gratitude, creativity and problem solving mitigates this… We don’t have to feel like crap!
2) Honor your feelings: Do feel your feelings, acknowledge them, and learn from them. They tell you what kind of thinking you are having and how you are able to cope. They serve as informants for how to better manage yourself. Feel your feelings. Heed them. And, take care of what they suggest – clean your thinking and be proactive about properly taking care of yourself…
3) Become super conscientious: Move your thinking from drama, fatality, reactivity and such to thinking outside the box and resourcefulness… Any obstacle you encounter, think on how you can get around it. Whatever issue you face, find a creative solution for it. Stay ahead of what’s coming.
Not by overreacting and being an alarmist, but by accessing your higher-level thinking and intuiting what will be needed, what will be impacted and how to respond conscientiously and industriously. Be proactive. Be responsive. Be intentional. Be progressive.
4) Transcend the noise: Now is the time to become aggressive about streamlining, simplifying and minimizing everything in our life. We live such a life of excess, in all areas of our life… From how much stuff we buy, including food and toilet paper (ha!), to how much we do, to how much entertainment we need… It is not uncommon for people to not be able to be alone and in quiet, to be with themselves, to entertain themselves…
To require constant engagement and stimulation. I say there is an opportunity for growth here with the imposed Social Distancing and Quarantining… If you can’t go outside, go inside… Here is where Juice is anyway… BE with what is and Transcend the crisis… Then operate from an Inspired state…
5) Practice health, wellness and self-care: Now is more important than ever to ensure our physical health. It goes without saying to minimize exposure! If you are usually pretty mindful of your health and wellness habits, make sure you stay the course. Don’t let the upheaval throw you off.
Tweak your routine and details of your practice as needed, but make sure you do right by yourself. If you have been slacking on your health and wellness, and self-care practice, Dude, what are you waiting for? Now, is the time to step up your game. You can use this as a new area of focus to keep yourself engaged and stimulated…
It is important that we pay attention to what gets triggered for us, how we like to cope, and what defense mechanisms we use…
All kinds of things get triggered in disaster or crisis situations – trauma, lack and scarcity, abandonment and aloneness, unworthiness, survival and existentialism, visibility, guilt, anger, etc.
We might turn to self-soothing with more consumption like any and all kinds of shopping, eating, drinking, using substances and other kind of indulgent or reactive behavior.
We might become more dramatic, needy, naggy, controlling, emotional, reactive, shutdown, withdrawn, absent, unfeeling, uncaring, callous, impatient, intolerant, self-righteous, etc.
The more we exercise personal awareness, the more we can be proactive about putting in place structures, systems, routines, practices, rituals and the like to help us better manage ourselves. This ensures we inoculate our physical and mental health, so we are better prepared to withstand the onslaught of this crisis.
It behooves us to be proactive in creating health and wellness. I say this is our number one priority as we weather this storm, for from this place we can handle the rest of it…
It is Mental Health Month after all… Yes, weird times we live in…
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of how you are doing… Take a moment to gain more awareness about how you are really doing, what comes up for you, and how you usually deal.
Knowing who you are and how you do you, be proactive in putting in place what you need to prevent triggers, use positive and healthy coping tactics, and prevent your defense mechanisms.
Please know that your indulging and negative coping tactics and defense mechanisms make things worse. These creating vicious negative cycles that are more difficult to address when they go unchecked… These will impact your overall health and wellness and the rest of your life from your work to your marriage.
Be proactive and intentional about how you do you…
Let’s be super intentional, proactive and progressive. Let’s take care of ourselves properly to minimize how sideways our lives can go. Life it was well said in Pretty Woman, Take care of you.
AND, IF THIS RESONATES… Now might be the perfect time to strengthen your relationship. To learn new skills, tools and tactics to be preventative and proactive in reducing stress and creating resiliency in your home…
This is great way to spend time with your partner in a fun, productive and super conscientious way, and from the safety of your own home… LOL
In a nutshell, informally and in dynamic Emma style, I’ll teach you:
1 ~ How to get unstuck & break your impasse –> Context / Mindset work for setting effective boundaries, personal ownership, personal empowerment
2 ~ How to improve your communication & easily get on the same page –> Communication / Alignment work for deescalating fights, resolving conflict, detailed communication protocols
3 ~ How to change your patterns, get your needs met, & resolve recurring issues –> Clarity / Dynamics work for self-healing and growing, self-reprogramming, self-regulating
4 ~ How to increase your connection, intimacy & fun –> Connection / Intimacy work for feeling connected, rekindling desire, dating and enjoying each other
5 ~ How to create a strong partnership & a peaceful and joyful home –> Collaboration / Partnership work for synchronizing, sharing the load, creating your dream home, relationship and life
This is really a not to miss event. You get a whole process in one day… Plus targeted tactics to easily implement for immediate results. Can’t beat it!
A couple of things to note:
You should both register for better access
There will be a replay for your future and ongoing reference
You can attend separately (on different devices/locations)
You can attend individually (if one is not available)
There is no interaction with others, you only participate by posting comments or questions if you like
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Well-Being!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is a crazy time in the world, and it behooves us to take care of ourselves well to properly weather this storm and come out as unscathed as possible after this is over. Let’s make smart decisions and set ourselves up to actually thrive. Yes? Let’s do this also!
The coronavirus pandemic is impacting every thread in the fabric of our lives from where and how we work, to how our kids are educated, to how much internet bandwidth we need, to what food we have available, to how we entertain ourselves. Even to how much toilet paper we have to wipe our butts. LOL (a little humor never hurts!)
How we initially choose to respond to this challenge will have a trickling effect in all areas of our lives. While we don’t want to overreact, be alarmists, and trigger panic, we do want to be responsible in all our actions and decisions.
It goes without saying that some behaviors and reactions are just not acceptable – like racial distancing, violent, illegal, and completely immature behaviors. There are some crazy arrest stories in the news. Seriously?
For those that have been lagging in taking this situation seriously because “you are not worried”, you are putting yourself and others at risk. You don’t have to believe this is a dire situation if you don’t want to. But why not be proactive and responsible, nonetheless. Just in case. There is nothing to lose in been precautious. The saying, better be safe than sorry came to be for a reason…
For example, I rarely come down with anything or get sick. Therefore, I’m not one to worry about getting sick. I can be exposed to sick people and not catch what they have (or at least not be symptomatic!). Yet, I moved all our in-person sessions online to protect clients from each other. Also, I could be a carrier and infect others and not even know it. So, I’m doing my part in reducing the chances of additional spread.
Thus, being proactive and responsible means: Self-quarantining at any indication of exposure or infection. It means avoiding unnecessary risks and practicing conscientious Social Distancing with respect and compassion. It means following all the guidelines presented by authorities, and where we believe they are lagging taking our own preventative actions.
We do have the whole world east of us exemplifying what to expect. We are smart, we can make our own inferences. We don’t have to wait for all planes to get grounded to cancel travel plans or for other govermental measures. It is our responsibility to enact personal agency and take proactive initiative for our own and others safety.
Once you are onboard with doing your part in the face of craziness, the next thing is to set yourself up to seamlessly weather the storm. I’ll even go as far as suggesting, to make the most of this situation and look for possible opportunities to enhance your and your loved ones’ lives in the end…
From Surviving to Thriving…
Setting up your family: With everybody in the family possibly being stuck at home for the next couple to few weeks, adjust your daily routine, home spaces and activities to account for all family members’ needs.
You might want to get up earlier to take care of chores and other responsibilities that would take longer to do with everyone underfoot. You might build in special lunch and snack times. You might want to tweak the night routine to still mark transition times but make them more soothing and attuned…
Working from home: When working from home coordinate work schedules and childcare coverage with other adults (partner, family member, friend, nanny/sitter – swap favors even…) to maximize productivity and great care. Don’t try to juggle both. This creates overwhelm, chaos, reactivity, acting out, anxiety, stress, and exhaustion…
Be flexible on how you tackle your “work hours”. Depending on the nature of your work, discuss with your supervisor a flexible plan to “put in your time” and get your work done that’s not necessarily the traditional 9-5.
If regular office hours presence is required, discuss covering the 9-5 in shifts by your teammates or coworkers and to have meetings scheduled during certain times of the day to allow for more flexibility for everyone. Other work can be completed off hours as needed.
Getting work done: Also, when working from home, protect your work time by allocating a workspace that’s free from distractions. If you live in close quarters get creative on how to create a reduced distraction space and time-chunks…
Of course tackle all the other practicalities – have supplies and everything you need in one place and organized, have passwords and access to all platforms and accounts handy, use online shared spaces/apps to collaborate, up your internet speed, upgrade your software as necessary, and have a backup system in place.
This will eliminate multitasking, lack of focus and frustrations helping manage stress and time wasters and increase productivity. You might get your work done quicker and actually free up time…
Kids schoolwork: Just like you are setting yourself up to be productive with work, you have to do the same for school age children. They might require different supervision during “schoolwork” time than during “free-time”. This is to be managed by the “covering” adult. Use your judgement on who covers what time during the days…
Also, set up children for cooperation. Explain that this is serious, and they are expected to cooperate, behave and be responsible for themselves and their work. This might be a good time to revisit your parenting style, how you discipline, guide/teach, support, encourage and inspire your children…
Be careful not to be too different from the usual as that’ll create more resistance and potential acting out. Keep things light, simple, and reassuring while providing guidelines and structure. Children do best when they know what’s expected and what’s going to happen. Layout the day in front of them to create security. Remember, they are affected by the upheaval too. Praise and celebrate cooperation.
Creating flow: Aside from managing routines and time, you can manage and use your space to flow through the day with more ease. Use different parts of your home (even if different corners of a room…) for different types of activities.
Designate rooms or spots for work, schoolwork, projects, fun and play, downtime and relaxation and such. This helps the brain get with the program and cooperate. This helps manage mood, focus, energy, etc.
Beyond the basics: Outside of responsibilities and doing the business of life, here is where things can get really amazing… This is where we can look for possibilities for great things to come from these tough times. The silver lining if you may. I see people bogging out about having to entertain children longer than usual. This is where we can be role models, inspire and help them thrive.
Aside from looking for more toys, games, crafts, TV shows and movies, and gaming apps, how about looking for opportunities for growth and development – this can range from learning how to play an instrument, explore a new language or culture, binge watch the science, history or documentary channels, focus on an interest, take on a new hobby, etc.
This can go as far as taking a talent or gift, such as music, art, writing, entrepreneurship, technology, debate, caring for others or anything else and creating a project of it. The project can be just for kicks or for higher accomplishment and impact. The sky is the limit. This is specially a great idea for middle and high schoolers. They can take something on and get consumed with it…
Enjoying connection: Another terrific benefit of this imposed togetherness is the togetherness… LOL We usually have such filled and hectic lives that we don’t slow down enough to Be with each other. With less extracurricular activities, commitments, events, travel, commuting, etc. We have more free time in our hands and more free time with each other.
I know this is scary for most… But this is a gem when done properly… Create specific times that are designated family and couple time regardless that you are all together all the time… The different designation implies different focus, energy, activities and such. This is how you’ll move from a blob of togetherness and potentially getting on each other’s nerves, to enjoying being with each other.
This also means, creating separate times to be individuals… Can’t be part of the whole all the time, it can get to be too much… Intentionally build this into the routine and honor it. This is for everyone…
Our daughter, Vanessa, is already amazing at carving out and protecting her NessyTime. She knows she needs down-alone-time and she’ll make sure she gets it. LOL
Your partner and relationship: And, of course, take advantage of the Couple Time… You’ll have a chance to connect differently than usual, seize the moment. Here you can explore common interests, different fun, deeper intimacy, more TLC, and more… This covers a whole spectrum of being with each other:
-From increasing fun by exploring interests like cooking different cuisines, learning new skills, exploring topics or concepts, taking on a new hobby or project, listening to influencers or fun podcasts, reading the same book, being playful and lighter.
-To nurturing the relationship with doing Appreciations, keeping a Positivity Journal, creating a Vision Board, stepping up caring gestures with your Love Languages, being super intentional about being present and attuned, flirting and increasing affection, ensuring moments to be intimate…
-To enriching the relationship by reading relationship success material, learning relationship tools and skills, working through any kinks and areas that usually trip you up, focusing on changing and upgrading how you show up to create the relationship you want…
~> Check-out our upcoming 1Day Virtual Event, the Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB), on 4/4, where I delve into the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ and share specific tools, processes and protocols easy to implement but super powerful for creating the transformation in your relationship… Oh yeah, it’s a super-rich day! Don’t miss the bonuses and debut rates,learn more HERE.
Paramount Self-care:And, it goes without saying to not forget the self-care… It is imperative that you don’t forgo your usual self-care practice (tweak as necessary). And, if you don’t have one that you create one!
It doesn’t have to be an intense lineup of things you do. But do be mindful to create some moments to recharge and reconnect with your Self… The world is a better place when you do…
This can mean soaking in the tub before going to bed, keeping a Gratitude Journal, meditating before you jump out of bed, getting a workout app to replace the gym, giving yourself “spa treatments” from facials, to scrubs, to mani/pedis, seating with a cup of tea, whatever…
This challenging time doesn’t have to be the undoing of us. It could be a blessing in disguise, and the doing of us… How about we operate with that mindset from now on? You’ll be surprised at the yumminess that starts flowing…
ASSIGNMENT: Take note of what your go-to thoughts are, how you are feeling, and how you are managing yourself, your family, your home, and your work…
Identify where you can stand to clean up and align your approach for better outcomes. Where you can be more intentional and proactive. No need to overdo anything and overcompensate. Just notice, realign, and take gentle, caring and yet swift action.
Think on how this imposed lifestyle change can actually be a blessing in disguise and full of opportunities to design the life you want…
Embrace the change…
ADDITIONAL ASSIGNMENT: Support businesses that are losing foot traffic by purchasing gift certificates to be used at a later time.
Think on how else you can be proactively supportive in your community.
AND, IF THIS RESONATES…
Register for our upcoming 1Day Virtual Event on 4/4:
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Thriving!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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