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Intentional habits to glide into the New Year with ease

Intentional habits to glide into the New Year with ease

Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease. 

Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…

Last month we covered a whole process to help you wrap up the year and get set up to start the new one right. We:

~ Created space for the new by decluttering to lay the groundwork (step1)

~ Paved the way for the new by getting into the right frame of mind (step2)

~ Designed the strategy for the new by creating a vision and establishing goals (step3)

Now we get ready to ride the new ride well… We make sure we are resourced to do what it takes, to stay the course and to enjoy the way.

Now is the time to embrace a joy, connection and abundance mindset… To shift our focus from doing to Being… You can wrestle the thing to the ground and still make nothing happen, or not get the ultimate results you are looking for, if you approach it solely by doing… The key is to infuse it with your Being…

When you integrate doing and being in your life is when the Magic happens…

So, this is the focus of today’s message, how to live your life integrating doing and being to create a beautiful symphony…

The way I like to approach this is to first create the container for the experience, the music hall for the orchestra. Every instrument has its place and time to make its appearance in the masterpiece being played, so does everything in your life.

This is why I often write about Designing our Ideal Day, the music hall, and about embracing an Enrichment Lifestyle, the orchestra, and tending to it with Intentional Habits™, the instruments, so we can easily and masterfully create our Best Life, Transcendental music…

Using Habits to manage our doing and being is a brilliant way of staying focused on the right ladder against the right wall in all areas of our life while infusing it with our Presence… This is the easiest way to get all the right instruments in the right places so they can create their music…

Let’s say that you are focusing on upleveling your wellness (joy), connection (love) and success/creation/impact (abundance), as these are typically the areas people focus on improving… And, that you have goals for these for the year. And, that you are scratching your head as to how to achieve the goals. You might know what you need to do but are worried that you won’t stick with it to get the results desired.

This is where the Habits come in. They keep you focused and going without white-knuckling or depending solely on limited willpower. They help you effortlessly imbue your day with what is important to you, stay focused, and stay the course. 

Therefore, adding wellness, connection and success habits to your intentional ideal day that include Being mindful and present is the simplest and surest way to create Magic…

WELLNESS – this includes all kinds of tactics for increasing wellbeing, health, vitality, and longevity. This area is where I usually house the Self-Care Practice, which I strongly encourage includes a Mindfulness Practice

I place a strong emphasis on this area because it is extremely difficult to be able to connect with others and be successful if we are not connected to ourselves first… and functioning optimally…

Having a rich self-care practice, practicing loving ourselves…, not only keeps us healthy and energetic but it helps us with self-regulation and resilience. This is a huge aspect of personal development and evolution…

When we don’t abandon ourselves, we don’t worry about others not being there for us.

And, we bring cleaner energy and resourcefulness to our interactions… This is what helps us show up well for our loved ones, and enables us to create our meaningful and impactful life…

So, when you say you don’t have time for self-care, I say you don’t have time to not have time for self-care!

Some suggestions for your Wellness Habits:

  • Early rising
  • Meditation, prayer, affirmations, visualization, silence
  • Journaling, Morning Pages, inspirational reading or listening
  • Set an intention for the day
  • Skin brushing, face rolling, body rolling, massage, infrared light, cold showers, silk or satin sheets, eye-drops
  • Juicing, smoothies, warm lemon water (with turmeric, ginger, and cayenne pepper), green teas, structured water
  • Exercise Routine (weight training, HIIT, stretching), jaw exerciser, good posture
  • Supplements, probiotics, lectin shield, colon cleanse
  • Plant based gluten and lectin free nutrition
  • Reduce carbs, caffeine and alcohol
  • Intermittent fasting, early dinners, Sleep Healthy Brain Aid (2 tbl MCT Oil and 2 tbl of collagen powder 2 hours before bedtime), daily floss and mouth wash, brain exercises
  • Screenless time, social media detox, reduce blue light
  • Early to bed
  • Gratitude List, Gratitude Journal

CONNECTION – this is about connecting with our higher power, with our self, with our loved ones, with our community and with the world at large… The relationships we create are the strongest indicator of resilience, vitality and longevity… Our connection to other people and our relationships are what give our life meaning

Connection gives us safety, security, and belonging primal drivers in our Human Experience. Connection is what makes relationships special, what gives us joy, what makes our heart sing. In connection we know we exist…

In connection we know we are having a Human Experience…

When partners complain about feeling disconnected from their partner they are not just whining, they are sharing they are in pain. They are in existential pain… Specially as they are also disconnected from themselves… Which we know they are because they feel disconnected from their partner…

You see when we complain we are feeling disconnected from our partner, we are actually complaining we are disconnected from ourselves…

We can’t fully connect with our partner if we are disconnected from ourselves…

 So, for those of us who are super achievers in an effort to be known and to meet the need of knowing we exist… we are shooting ourselves on the foot with all the doing… All the doing is holding ourselves back from being in relationship with ourselves and others… All the doing is holding ourselves back from Being itself…

This is why a Self-care Practice is paramount in personal development and relationship enrichment work… This allows us to Be, to be with ourselves, and to know we exist… Then we can have a relationship with our partner and enhance the level of intimacy in our relationship

When people set goals for the year, they usually neglect setting goals for their relationship… When people design their Best Life, they usually don’t flesh out how they want to Be in their relationship… When people think about their Lifestyle, they don’t necessarily think of a creating a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™

A relationship enrichment lifestyle means we keep our connection and our partner forefront in our mind. The easiest way to do that without being consumed with our relationship at the expense of what we are trying to live is to create Connection Habits™

Some suggestions for your Connection Habits:

  • Meditation
  • Morning Coffee
  • Midday Check-in
  • Midday Connection Outreaches
  • Random Check-ins
  • Late Afternoon Sync
  • Anytime Connection Outreaches
  • Evening Reentry Ritual
  • Dinner
  • Weekly Special Dinner
  • Woo Wednesday
  • Family Night
  • Couple Time
  • Evening Ritual
  • Bedtime Ritual
  • Sexy Time
  • Friday Friends Night
  • Volunteer/Impact Projects Time
  • Saturday Date Night
  • Special Date Night
  • Sunday Ritual

SUCCESS – is whatever makes us feel we achieved what we are Meant to achieve, what we Desire, what our Purpose is, what we want our Human Experience to be… Success is not about having a gazillion dollars… Though being wealthy and financial freedom can very well be part of our definition, in and of itself is empty and not rewarding…

Financial success is more meaningful and rewarding when achieved through providing value…

Success as it is usually measured and at the expense of health and relationships is not success in my book. The degrees, awards, companies, assets, material things and the like don’t necessarily make for a richer Human Experience… They might, depending on how they are achieved and utilized…

Pursuing this success for its own sake defeats the purpose of Life… So, when you are told you have to sacrifice, that something needs to give and such to be successful, I say be weary. Don’t let that limiting mindset pollute your mind and hold you back from your fullest potential…

Being intentional about your life allows you to create your Best Life! 

The key here is to go big on the experience you want to have… To identify and own your Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), to own your brilliance, to own all of you and to put it to work as wisely as possible… It’s not about doing more… It’s about doing it better…

Doing it better means we use our PPD as a filter for commitments, projects, activities, tasks and all the rest of it. It means we are selective and focused on the target of our attention. And, it means we are resolute in our approach…

Some suggestions for your Success Habits:

  • Embrace Graceful TimeMapping™
  • Plan your week flow on Sunday
  • Share any important scheduling with your partner on Sunday
  • Join the 5 AM Club (this means you go to sleep earlier also!)
  • Have an empowering Morning Routine
  • Review your goals
  • Use the first hour on Monday to plan out your work for the week
  • Schedule your work into your TimeMap (batch work, chunk work)
  • Build in margin and transition times into your routine
  • Build in bio and recharge breaks into your routine
  • Protect your focus work time from distractions
  • Assign time to read email and return calls
  • Assign minimal time to check the news and social media
  • Attend 1-3 networking events per week
  • Have 2 coffees or networking conversations per week
  • Connect with 3 center of influence contacts per day, nurture your connections
  • Use templates, check lists and/or automate repeatable tasks
  • Subscribe to Smart Delegation
  • Delegate or outsource items outside your brilliance
  • Have outstanding follow through, keep your word
  • Wrap-up the workday and the week, do daily and weekly reviews
  • Use a MasterMind, a coach, and other support
  • Always be learning and growing
  • Learn to be comfortable with being uncomfortable, develop courage

Now the three habits list can be a bit overwhelming at first glance if you are new to building habits and taking charge of your life…

Don’t worry, Rome wasn’t built in a day… You don’t have to do all of them or too many to start getting results in your life, and certainly you don’t have to start too many at once. The key is to start somewhere and keep going. You’ll be making incredible leaps in upleveling your life in no time!

ASSIGNMENT: Select one tactic from each list to add to your repertoire…

1.  With each tactic create a corresponding Wellness, Connection and Success Habit. Each habit is to be a concrete quantifiable repeatable behavior at the frequency of your choice that gets plopped into your Daily Routine.

2. Calendar your Habits – build then into your schedule… Adjust your schedule as necessary…

3. For each habit make sure you prep before you are to start them – have all the information, instructions, supplies, gadgetry, tools, resources, etc. to make sure the behavior can be carried out at its allotted time…

Getting good at creating habits makes a world of difference when it comes to upleveling your life… This ensures you implement and carryout consistently and effortlessly anything your heart desires. Before you know it you are Living your Best Life!

Happy Living!

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, now on replay:
Get Ready Now to Start the New Year Right-
3 Steps for Hitting the Ground Running in 2021 

-Do the Prep work – declutter and clean, wrap-up and closure, acknowledge and celebrate 
-Do the Vision work – align, dream, envision 
-Do the Plan work – set the right goals and intentions…

This is an extremely powerful process you can’t do without… It’ll help you align with your authentic and higher self, your purpose, your brilliance and your values, and create a plan for more results, wellness, and connection… Start the new year right! 
Sign Up Here! 


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:
Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™


PS3 – Get your
Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

End-of-year vision, strategy and intention (Step3)

End-of-year vision, strategy and intention (Step3)

Wow, we made it. The end of 2020… And, what a year it has been. Are you excited to close what some are calling the “lost year”? I actually refuse to look at it this way and choose instead to look at it as a Transition Year into our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… To that end, we’ve been closing and letting go of 2020, and getting ready to properly set up 2021. Today we’ll do the last step in this process: End-of-year vision, strategy and intention… 

It behooves us to shift our energy from the trauma, lack and frustration to one of joy, connection and abundance… For how we show up to our daily life is what we end up creating…

So, far we’ve:

Today, we’ll choose what we actually want to focus on and create in 2021… Woot!

We’ll create a vision, a strategy and an intention

~ The purpose of having a vision, a strategy and an intention is so that we don’t spin our wheels, run around like a chicken with its head cut off, or lean the ladder against the wrong wall…

~ The purpose of doing this exercise before the New Year is to set the tone for how to start the new year right and prevent the post holidays blahs and the winter blues…

~ The purpose of doing this is to take ownership of our own life and create what we desire vs banging around and hoping to hit it big.

By living a life by default you’ll never create what you desire and live the life you are meant to Live… Living an Intentional Life is the way to go…

I love creating the Vision… This is where the sky is the limit. Where we get to let loose. Where we dream our Big Hairy Audacious Goal (our BHAG!). Where we get in touch with our Purpose and create our Mission… Where we activate our Personal Prime Directive™ (PPD), and create purpose for our everyday life. Where we get the inspiration, the juice, the drive, the motivation… This is where we generate energy from within and we can be the energizer bunny…

Doing the legwork around our PPD is a foundational process for this step for it informs the overall Vision… And, so fun! Connecting with our purpose, values and virtues, and our brilliance is key to creating an Aligned Vision and then our Life Strategic Plan 

I love creating the Strategy… Don’t let the terms Aligned Vision and Life Strategic Plan scare you. Processes need a descriptive name, right? I outlined these to their simplest form in their corresponding blog posts linked above to make it really easy for you to do.

These are so simple, inspiring and motivational you’ll really miss out and shoot yourself on the foot if you don’t play with them… They are simple and easy to complete yet super powerful, a must have for every end-of-year and new year…

You can easily develop your strategy and seamlessly integrate it into your life with the Daily Routine and Habits protocols… Everything ties together for easy applicability and results. You no longer have to worry about not having goals, about not sticking with your new year’s resolutions and all of that…

I love creating the Intention… I have noticed that people defy and forego setting goals and new year’s resolutions for setting intentions… I love myself setting intentions and using Focus Terms any day (and, we all know new year’s resolutions don’t work). But not at the exclusion of having a blueprint, a strategy, a plan to Focus on and serve as our guiding North Star…

It has been well documented that people that set goals are more likely to achieve them and create what they set out to create than those that don’t. Why not allow yourself your best chance of creating the relationship and life you want? Because we are setting Intentions you are not off the hook from Visioning and Strategizing!

Setting Intentions is the softer side of this process that puts icing on your cake. That infuses it with love. That makes it easy to stay focused and working it, with ease and compassion for yourself… This is what makes the whole thing Pretty… Do set your Focus Intention, your Focus Term.

Now is the time to play at setting up next year for a smooth transition into the New Year, preventing the winter blues, and effortlessly staying on track on achieving your goals while enjoying your life…

ASSIGNMENT: It’s Play Time!

      • Play at discovering your Personal Prime Directive
      • Play at creating your Vision
      • Play at establishing your Strategy
      • Play at selecting your Intention
      • Play at committing to create your best relationship and best life!

When you play with these ahead of the New Year and set yourself up with Direction, you’ll prevent starting the new year with angst, fear, uncertainty, ambivalence, lack of motivation, and such.

You’ll know exactly what to do. You’ll look forward to each day. You’ll stay the course. You’ll create your Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life!

I hope you enjoyed this 3 Step End-of-Year Process version of our Holiday & Year-End Process™ (HYP).

However you choose to do your end-of-year, I hope it’s intentional so you are set up to start the next year right! This is your ticket to your amazing 2021!

Wishing you a Happy New Year!

Happy Starting!

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, 12/18 at 5 pm ET: 
Get Ready Now to Start the New Year Right-
3 Steps for Hitting the Ground Running in 2021 

1~ Do the Prep work – declutter and clean, wrap-up and closure, acknowledge and celebrate
​​2~Do the Vision work – align, dream, envision
​​3~Do the Plan work – set the right goals and intentions…

This is an extremely powerful process you can’t do without… It’ll help you align with your authentic and higher self, your purpose, your brilliance and your values, and create a plan for more results, wellness, and connection… Start the new year right! 
Sign Up Here! 
(also available in replay!)


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:
Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™


PS3 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

End-of-year closure, clearance and celebration (Step2)

End-of-year closure, clearance and celebration (Step2)

Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year. 

In the last issue I covered decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right… That allowed us to create wiggle way for maneuvering and Being… It created space for new flow, new energy, new creations…

Before we fill up our new wonderful space again with any kind of stuff, it behooves us to align with our desires and purpose so we lean the ladder against the right wall… And, we have to be on the right frame of mind to do that… Today’s topic is about getting on the right frame of mind…

We have to: 
~ Close and wrap unfinished business. 
~ Clear and let go of what’s already passed. 
~ Celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness. 

When we ready ourselves and take the time to pave the right path is when we have an easier Journey…

Our Journey has in it exactly what it’s supposed to have – the gifts, the loved ones, the connections, the resources, the challenges and all the rest of it. It is all for us… We signed up for this human experience to have a full Human Experience… So, let’s do that. Let’s make sure we don’t miss what’s under our noses and don’t live our life by default just banging around…

When we intentionally show up to our life is when we are able to create our successful and radiant relationship with our Partner and our meaningful and all-around abundant life…

End-of-year Step2 helps us get in the right frame of mind, in our right mind…, to set and pursue the right intentions for the life we want and create an amazing relationship with our partner…

We have to close and wrap unfinished business – This can refer to different things for each of us depending on what is happening in our lives. It can range from finally choosing a wedding date, to putting our house on the market, to getting a full medical check-up, to closing the deal, to wrapping up projects, to addressing childhood wounds or resentments…

It’s important to identify for yourself what is taking up the most space, time, energy, and other resources and making a commitment to finally addressing this. Get the monkey off your back!

The best way to do that is to pay attention to what’s the first thing that came up for you as you read the above… Or, to get quiet and ask yourself what needs closure… Pay attention to what comes up for you. Don’t question it, whatever comes up needs to get addressed if you are to make headways in creating the relationship and life you want…

Make a Wrap-Up Plan to address this – completing the project, having the tough conversation, setting more effective boundaries, taking a specific action, and so forth. Crank it baby!

We have to clear and let go of what’s already passed or is keeping us stuck – This is challenging as a lot of feelings are tied up with this one… And, the things to let go can take on any flavor as well. They can range from feeling angry for how we were raised, feeling let down for not getting engaged yet, feeling disappointed or frustrated at not getting pregnant, feeling jealous about the attention someone else is getting, feeling envious of somebody else’s successes, feeling resentment for being passed on for a promotion or not getting a contract, feeling devastated or grief over a loss, and so on…

All this angst is heavy. It is imperative that we clear the air and let go to allow for lightness, flow and ease…

The best way to do this is to select the thing that keeps running in your mind and torturing you. If you have a running script riddled with negativity, lack, and heaviness, you are probably not feeling very well… And, you are probably not doing very well… This will show up in your health, relationship, finances and the rest of your life… Do a letting go process or ritual to let go…

Write a Goodbye Letter about the situation (not be sent to anyone), really fleshing out your feelings and addressing the grievance. This is an empowering way to get it out of your system and externalizing it. Make sure you cover everything that’s bothering you and then close it with understanding for it, compassion for yourself and a gesture to release your grip on it…

We have to celebrate and acknowledge our efforts, accomplishments and awesomeness – Yay, finally on to the good one! This is the one that even though it’s wonderful we still take it for granted. It is so important to validate ourselves, to recognize our contributions, to acknowledge our efforts, investment and dedication, to celebrate our accomplishments and to own our awesomeness.

But do we do it? No. We are really good at checking things off our list and moving on. We are really good at being humble. We are really good at not taking credit. We are really good at minimizing our efforts and contributions. We are really good at putting ourselves down, looking for the flaws and what needs improvement. We are really good at using our lack filter and honoring our negativity bias… Being good at these things is not good! LOL

The best gift we can give ourselves, our loved ones and the world at large, is to turn this on its head. So, the best approach is to target that negativity bias, lack mentality and self-deprecating mindset…

It really is time to stop this… It is time to love on yourself… Make a Love Myself List of all that you weathered this year, all that you accomplished, all the ways in that you stretched, learned, and showed up with the best self you could muster… Delight in the awesomeness. Give yourself a pat on the back!

When you start tackling these processes, you’ll automatically start feeling a shift… It might feel very uncomfortable at first as you’ll be stirring stuff up… This is worthy price to pay, I promise. Stay the course regardless of how uncomfortable you get…

You’ll soon see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you’ll start experiencing the positives of the shift… If you get too uncomfortable before the light at the end of the tunnel and it becomes challenging for you, by all means get support. Don’t just stop and quit your transformation… We want you ready for 2021 and to keep creating your best life!

ASSIGNMENT: This assignment is super powerful when done to completion, please don’t cheat yourself:

      • Create undisturbed time to play with this Step
      • Create an inspiring setting to play in – bring a candle, essential oil, journal, preferred day beverage, wrap or blanket, whatever makes you feel homey and pampered
      • Ground yourself with a mediation, prayer, deep breathing or such
      • Start your process – go through each of the Step’s processes: 
        ~ Close – Make a Wrap-Up Plan 
        ~ Clear – Write a Goodbye Letter 
        ~ Celebrate – Make a Love Myself List

The more you dive into your process and embody your experience, the more you’ll allow for your shift… And, the more you’ll have the right frame of mind for the last step in getting ready for the new year… Give it your best and enjoy!

Our tendency to go-go, to jump in, to push forward, to start new things before closing old ones, and such does not serve us… Let’s be intentional about our life instead, let’s live the life we want…

Happy Paving!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, 12/18 at 5 pm ET: 
Get Ready Now to Start the New Year Right-
3 Steps for Hitting the Ground Running in 2021 

-Do the Prep work – declutter and clean, wrap-up and closure, acknowledge and celebrate 
-Do the Vision work – align, dream, envision 
-Do the Plan work – set the right goals and intentions…

This is an extremely powerful process you can’t do without… It’ll help you align with your authentic and higher self, your purpose, your brilliance and your values, and create a plan for more results, wellness, and connection… Start the new year right! 
Sign Up Here! 
(also available in replay!)


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:
Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™


PS3 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

End-of-year, decluttering and minimalism (Step1)

End-of-year, decluttering and minimalism (Step1)

Last month of 2020! Let’s make it a good one! In this context, making it a good one means making the rest of the Holiday Season as magical as they can be, properly wrapping up this year, and setting up the new one for more success… Today’s topic is the first step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. It includes how to properly do end-of-year, decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right…

The idea is to clear the decks, reduce the load, streamline, clean up, and eliminate all the excess and the unwanted – things, clutter, disorganization, food and other substances, responsibilities, commitments, projects, tasks, minutia, information, notifications, screen-time, and the like depending on our stage of life, family constitution, and lifestyle.

Pandemic and its implications aside, we live in interesting times. We live in a consumerism society and in the age of information. We are set up by default to be inundated with stuff and content. Unless we become amazing gatekeepers, these can take over our way of life and our very existence…

Taking on a minimalist mentality creates space, time and energy…

When we live in clutter and disorganization, we zap our own energy and kill our own time. Needless to say, that we live in less than aesthetically pleasing living spaces and have no space for the New… The same goes for when we live with overcommitment and other excess. How are we to properly pivot, reconstruct, make changes, get more results, create more awesomeness when there is no wiggle way to maneuver, never mind make major desired Shifts?

So, this is why Step1 is embracing a minimalist mentality to help us reset and create the space, time and energy for something better, for the new, for the shift, for the Transformation…

My take on the minimalism / essentialism: This can be done and embraced to whatever extent you like that serves your life. In my opinion anything too extreme in either direction on anything creates imbalance… Therefore, you don’t have to overdue this where you end up living in an empty house or such a basic life that you miss out the Human Experience… But, you do want to eliminate anything and everything that gets in your way or holds you back from your True Self and creating the life you desire…

You are encouraged to do this in a way that best suits you and your life. The goal is to unencumber you of the excess in your life that holds you back… Here is a great video for avoiding minimalism pitfalls and ideas that make this concept so much more challenging than it has to be. Do minimalism your way!

For the purpose of this post and our end-of-year process, we want to do a high-level clearing of the noise in our life… You can go about this as a 20 Day Declutter Challenge. Loving me some 20 day challenges this year in celebration of our 20th year practice anniversary! And, 20 days just fits really well with the length of time we have left to be productive this year… Here is a 30 Days To Minimalism guide you can tailor for yourself as you see fit.

When we embrace minimalism to whatever extent is appropriate for ourselves, we create extra margin, spaciousness and grace in our lifestyle that is super conducive for us showing up with our Best Self… When we are not triple booked, back2back, running on a chaotic schedule or runaway calendar, jammed packed with tasks and meetings, and having a gazillion pending to-dos, we have more space to operate and choose how we want to show up… Who we want to Be…

We can be more intentional and mindful. We can be more patient, accepting, present and compassionate. We can connect more easily… We can love more freely… We can live more passionately. We can create more luxuriously. We can actually be our Best Self, create our Best Relationship, and live our Best Life…

The basics in the next 20 Days:

~~ Declutter surfaces, corners, closets, shelves – Grab boxes to collect the items out of place in each room in your home. Do one room at a time gathering, sorting and putting away, throwing out or leaving in the box to donate. Schedule a donation pick-up…

~~ Silence the noise – mute or get rid of notifications, unsubscribe/leave lists, newsletters, forums, groups, programs, commitments, activities, and the like – cut off the excess fat!

~~ Get rid of the excess – food, alcohol, clothing, cosmetics, books, gadgets, appliances, electronics, supplies, equipment, instruments, tools, toys, games, apps, decorations and knick-knacks, etc.

~~ Clear a stuck project – Identify a project that’s been lingering for way too long that you don’t want to carry into the new year with you. Outline a plan for addressing and removing this energy suck from your life: Break it down into smaller to-dos and schedule them out to get it done. Or, delegate it or outsource it with very clear instructions, expectations, milestones and deadlines. Or, maybe simply just scrap it already!

~~ Clear a stuck situation – Identify a situation that you no longer want to tolerate. Decide whose problem it is, are you owning your circle and not others’? Do you need to set more effective boundaries or clarify expectations? Do you need to have a more difficult conversation? Is it time to leave, let go, make another radical change? Take one small action towards resolution… And, then another, and then another… Get support with this one!

Take charge of your physical, mental and relational space. Get rid of the stuff that no longer make sense, you are tired of, are in excess, have run their course, don’t give you joy, no longer serve you or actually undermine you… Less is better in most instances…

ASSIGNMENT: Whether you choose to tackle decluttering and minimalizing as a 20 Day Challenge or a couple of working sessions, the goal is to clear the way to more physical, mental, emotional and energetic space in your life…

    • Identify your approach 
    • Identify the area that needs the most attention and will give you the most bang for your effort – Messes, noise, excess, stuck project, stuck situation 
    • Identify your working times or sessions 
    • Identify where you’ll start 
    • Identify when you’ll start

Make a commitment to knock this out – feel the liberation, expansiveness, and joy you’ll feel when you finish and how you’ll be ready to tackle anything after this!

Decluttering and minimalizing your life is an amazing end-of-year tactic to clear the old and pave the way for the new…

Get going with getting ready for the New Year!

Happy Decluttering!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, 12/18 at 5 pm ET: 
Get Ready Now to Start the New Year Right-
3 Steps for Hitting the Ground Running in 2021 

1~ Prep – Learn 5 ways to declutter and minimalize for more space, time and energy…
​​2~ Clear – Apply three key tactics to wrap this year and clear the path for the New Year…
​​3~ Envision – Create your inspiring life vision and plan to uplevel your life…

This is an extremely powerful process you can’t do without… It’ll help you align with your authentic and higher self, your purpose, your brilliance and your values, and create a plan for more results, wellness, and connection… Start the new year right! 
Sign Up Here! 
(also available in replay!)


PS2 – Check out Related Posts:
Giving to yourself for ultimate success
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
Giving, meaning and success
Letting go, productivity and meaningful holidays
Acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments
Intentionally plan your holidays and year-end
Feeling funky, visioning and strategic planning
Create your best relationship year
Are you achieving your relationship goals?
How to waltz into the New Year!
Staying motivated with your new year’s intentions
New habits, routines and motivation
The power of having Intentional Habits™


PS3 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Numbing for coping with stress specially during the holidays…

Numbing for coping with stress specially during the holidays…

The Holiday Season is here! This time of year is usually challenging regardless of how crazy the world is out there. What makes this season usually more challenging is that we trip into it and get sucked into the hecticness. This sets us up for chaos, being stretched too thin, overwhelm, drama, and too much noise. Where we end up neglecting, and even abusing, ourselves trying to get it all done or managing what comes up… This is the perfect formula for us to turn to numbing for coping with stress during the holidays…

When we turn to numbing, we actually make things worse…

Stress during the holidays has to do with:

  • How much there is to do. We usually have full plates and then add all the holidays tasks to it.
  • Wrapping up the year professionally or in our business. We have goals to meet for projects and revenue.
  • Taking stock of where we are. The end-of-year and being witnessed by others more closely showcases are achievements or lack thereof.
  • Managing family dynamics. At minimum, we have family members needs and preferences to consider. Most have other drama and trauma to contend with us well.
  • Triggering memories, expectations, and any lack-consciousness we might have. We have additional expenses, we have worthiness issues, we have codependency issues and a lot more.

This basic list is enough to highlight why this time is so rough. There is so much going on practically, mentally and emotionally… I tackled some of the practical and mental side of things in the last blog post. Today, I want to focus on the emotional side to help you better cope during this intense time.

~ We can be preventative by not getting sucked into the season’s nuttiness unprepared which creates more drama, busyness and overwhelm. 
~ We can be preventative by designing our holiday and year-end experience, so we stay grounded and cool as the season progresses.
~ We can be preventative by choosing how we want to experience the season and embodying the choice.

We can do an amazing job of all this, and we’d be way ahead of the game, yet we might still experience negative feelings and get triggered…

And, what usually happens is that we go into survival mode and employ our usual defense mechanisms to weather the storm.

We might go into:

  • Overdrive to get things done neglecting to take care of our basic needs. We might neglect our sleep, eating, hydration, exercise. Never mind sustaining our rich self-care practice…
  • Autopilot and go through the motions just to check-off the list, meet expectations and responsibilities, and/or to just get through it…
  • Shutdown mode where we are barely functioning and let ourselves and others down.

Through this we are trying not to feel the awful feelings we might be feeling, and so additionally turn to behaviors and coping mechanisms of the numbing nature. These can take on many forms… They don’t have to be the usual drinking, drugging, eating, and spending.

The Numbing Coping can also take on the form of: Excessing shopping, looking for deals, going down rabbit holes with email offers, online-surfing, hanging-out in social channels, binge watching Netflix, YouTube or other entertainment platform, binging on pornography, cleaning, grooming, organizing, and so on… You might seem to be having an OCD attack. LOL

The pursuit of these activities not only give us comfort as they give us easy access to the feel-good hormones, but they keep our attention otherwise engaged… This means we can’t feel our actual feelings and don’t have space or attention to address what is creating the feelings… Additionally when we operate this way, we lose motivation to go get it, as we have a feel-good source though temporary and not meaningful. When we cope with numbing, we end up creating more issues for ourselves.

Numbing Coping is what zaps our zest for life!

When we turn to numbing as our coping mechanism on a consistent basis, this becomes part of our MO. We essentially mute ourselves, deprive ourselves of our motivation and drive, shut ourselves off from our internal resources, become disconnected from our Higher Self, from our loved ones and from the world. We become robotic in our daily life, actually missing out on our Human Experience…

Instead of numbing ourselves for an easier ride, how about we actually manage ourselves and our life for a more exquisite and meaningful ride?

I get it’s not easy to experience the possibility of our full range of emotions… I get it’s not easy to feel what comes up, learn from it and make the changes we desire. I get it’s not easy to actually choose and create the feelings and experience we prefer and are after…

This doesn’t mean it’s impossible. I know it’s a foreign concept to some that we can actually choose how we want to feel and feel it… That we create not only with our doing, but primarily with our Being… That we can Be how we choose… That we are humbly that powerful…

We might not be able to flip the switch and all of a sudden be experts at this. It is not easy to break the numbing habit… But, we can make a commitment to actually live our life, we can start where we are, and we can go at it with gusto.

This means you enlist your support system for encouragement, resources and the holding you might need. And, this might mean you get additional professional support if you are serious about cracking the code. Why take longer and struggle when you can benefit from an expert to make this easier?

Commit to being the owner and manager of your feelings and mood, so you don’t have to depend on the numbing coping and can actually engage in and enjoy your life to the fullest!

Start where you are:

  • Identify your preferred and miscellaneous numbing coping you use
  • Identify what you are numbing, what feelings you are avoiding
  • Identify what’s uncomfortable about those feelings, how they are familiar, what they bring up, what meaning you are giving that, how you victimize yourself, how you disempower yourself
  • Identify the secondary gain of not feeling your feelings, how you maintain the status quo, how you keep yourself stuck…

Please note that this level of awareness, and exposure even to yourself, creates vulnerability. You might feel a bit wobbly after doing this exercise. Reward yourself for your courage and strength with some natural, recharging and meaningful pampering.

This work in and of itself is huge. You’ll feel liberation and empowerment.

The next step is to take action toward replacing the numbing coping with a healthy habit or behavior, and a tweaked daily routine or plan that is less triggering… Now you are ready for your deeper work to handle this for good…

First things first. Plant a flag and start with soothing the current emotions and addressing immediate triggers. Then, set yourself up to take care of your deeper work so you do make your lasting change and live the life you want…

ASSIGNMENT: Let’s keep it really simple, shall we?

First – Do the practical preventative aspects of planning out the holidays and the year-end so you minimize the stress…

Second – Take stock of how you tend to numb, commit to feeling your feelings instead and manage them properly (self-care practices are the key)…

Third – Make a commitment to doing the deeper work so you are not so susceptible to triggers and not feeling well…

When you choose to not numb out as part of your repertoire in life but instead to deal with your life, you are actually living your life… Woot!

Make a commitment to live an engaged and meaningful life! Start this holiday season, make it your business for 2021…

Happy Living!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, 11/20 at 5 pm ET:
Coping with Life & Holidays Stress- Neutralize your Anxiety, Really Live your Life 
-Preventing and managing the drama and pain in uncertainty 
-Understanding and addressing your triggers and their fallout 
-Becoming a conscientious self-manager to take charge of your feelings and your mood
Sign Up Here!

PS2 – We are having Facebook Lives to go along with our blog posts! Tune-in on Thursdays at 10:30 am ET (calendar or watch the recordings!)

PS3 – Check out Related Posts:
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey? 
Are you being nice to your partner?
Feeling stuck in your relationship? 
Do you support each other?
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse?
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want?
How do you show your commitment?

PS4 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Holidays thoughts stressing you out?

Holidays thoughts stressing you out?

We know the Holidays and year-end can be stressful and triggering. We deal with this every year. But now we have the added pressure of a raging pandemic added to the mix. We have the sensitivities and aftermath of a close and tumultuous election. We have the flavor of what 2020 has been hanging over our heads. Hey, it makes sense that holiday thoughts are stressing you out, probably a lot more than usual.

You might be experiencing a lot of angst and have already encountered tough decision moments. Or, you haven’t given the holidays and year-end much thought yet. Either way whether you’ve been in it or will be in it and to whatever extent, do keep in mind that this is not our usual season. And, it might be super helpful to be extra intentional about going into the last bit of the year…

We don’t want to be blindsided. We don’t want to be kicked in the teeth with unpleasant surprises. We don’t want to be unprepared. We don’t want to get sucked into major drama. We don’t want to be victimized. We don’t want to make things worse for ourselves. We don’t want to end the year in a low note. We still want to make the best of 2020!

We can address this from two angles:

Logistics, practical and external – we can put our preventative, proactive and progressive hat on and get really creative and resourceful about how we go about the holidays and year-end. We can make as much or as little of the restrictions and impact facing us as we allow. We can work around them and make the best of things. It is what it is after all. The sooner we embrace that this is not our usual holiday season and treat it as such, the easier things will go.

When we resist and try to force things, it’s when we feel powerless and hopeless. This is the feeling we want to prevent by getting ahead of it. And, we can by thinking outside the box and using with situation as an opportunity to stretch ourselves and try out different things for fit…

This is an opportunity to have a real different holiday and year-end experience. Take advantage of it!

Meaning, emotional and internal – if you thought the above was challenging, then hang on to your panties. This is where the real angst is, this is what trips people up. The expectations, family dynamics, unresolved traumas and issues, and the meaning we assign everything… As soon as the holidays and year-end start approaching, some people’s heart increase their palpitations… Add to it this year’s extra pressures, fatigue and rawness. It can be tough.

The key here is to do the emotional preparedness side of things as you notice your dysregulation… You might notice your edginess, impatience, intolerance, less bandwidth, lack of focus, spinning, shortness of breath, pit in your stomach, cravings, insomnia, headaches, back pain, fatigue, and other emotional and physical states that don’t feel so great.

These are signs to take care of yourself and be intentional about how you proceed for a more pleasant and enjoyable experience…

Here are 3 tactics to help you ride the wave the rest of 2020:

~Be super intentional about how you want the holidays to go and make your plans accordingly. Use this opportunity to have different holidays, why not make them positively memorable.

~Be super intentional about being preventative and proactive to minimize drama and triggers. Identify what usually triggers you during this time and address the root cause, why not be more diligent in taking care of yourself.

~Be super intentional about successfully wrapping up the year. Decide what’s important to you to tackle and accomplish before the end of the year, why not end 2020 with a bang.

We are usually great at piling it on and tackling the world’s problems. We want to make sure in general, and especially now with everything that is going on, that we go at it with ease. That our intentionality helps us set effective boundaries, so we don’t over pile it on. That it helps us be preventative and proactive about our wellness and resilience. That it helps us create joy, meaning and connection.

If we are intentional about our approach to the rest of the year, we’ll create what we desire. The key is to get ahead of it, not wing it or do it by default.

ASSIGNMENT: Choose the area that is giving you the most angst and tackle it with gusto:

The practical side of the holidays – make them different and memorable, why not
Emotional side of the holidays – get to the root of your triggers, why not
Accomplishing goals by year-end – go for the gold, why not

Life is what you make of it. Make it a good one!

This time of year is usually challenging for people without all the added layers 2020 brings to it. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim to the restrictions and any gloom. You can create a beautiful ending anyway…

Happy Creating!

 

PS1 – Monthly Complimentary Themed Webinar, 11/20 at 5 pm ET:
Coping with Life & Holidays Stress- Neutralize your Anxiety, Really Live your Life 
-Preventing and managing the drama and pain in uncertainty 
-Understanding and addressing your triggers and their fallout 
-Becoming a conscientious self-manager to take charge of your feelings and your mood
Sign Up Here!

PS2 – We are having Facebook Lives to go along with our blog posts! Tune-in on Thursdays at 10:30 am ET (calendar or watch the recordings!)

PS3 – Check out Related Posts:
Do you have dirty thoughts about your partner?
Do you play with your partner?
Are you giving enough to your honey? 
Are you being nice to your partner?
Feeling stuck in your relationship? 
Do you support each other?
Are you ready for deeper connection with your spouse?
When do you get on your partner’s nerves? 
How much do you get your partner?
Can you change your partner? 
Can’t get your partner to do what you want?
How do you show your commitment?

PS4 – Get your Quotes & Quickies™ for this post!

 

   Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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