Even though words are important sometimes they are overrated… Hence, we say things like, A picture is worth a thousand words… And in this case, there is so much more communication going on between partners than what words can say…
We know we communicate in a lot of different ways, including non-verbal communication and body language… But what if I told you that those are also very basic. We connect at other levels that we usually don’t take into consideration…
Like through being interconnected and using our intuition and knowing…
And, like using our felt body, our sensing abilities, to feel into our selves, our partner and our relationship…
There is a ton of information here that we usually use automatically.
But what if we were to tap into this intentionally and leverage it for a more authentic, deeper, and meaningful connection?
In this episode, I have a lovely and inspiring conversation with Carmela Bennett, a somatic psychotherapist, who shares about what somatic and experiential relating is and the benefits of relating from a sensing place, how to use it to manage and repair conflict, how it’s healing and repatterning, how it enhances interactions with deeper emotional and physical intimacy, and how to use it for enriching and upleveling our relationship.
We discuss over a dozen practices partners can use immediately to elevate their relating…
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life.
ABOUT OUR GUEST
Carmela Bennett has been a psychotherapist for the past 25 years and maintained a private practice for individuals, couples, and families in NYC since 2016. She has a Doctorate in Leadership, a Masters in Marriage in Family Counseling, Somatic Experiencing training and holds a CASAC addiction specialist certification. She blends years of training and experience with holistic, somatic, experiential, and psychodynamic modalities and specializes in working with relationships, addiction, anxiety disorders, PTSD and developmental trauma treatment using somatic experiencing. Her lifelong participation in the expressive arts, especially dance and movement, inspires integrating creativity, imagination, and intuition into all aspects of her life and work. She considers our basic human need for connection and individual purpose a fundamental resource for meaningful change. You can find her at CarmelaBennett.com.
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Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have.
This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…
What’s really amazing to even me is that I don’t get tired of this and I’m not kidding, I’m obsessed. I build my days around these concepts. They drive my every intervention in session with my clients and are the drivers behind everything I create.
How can we do this better? How can we build on our strengths? How can we invest, contribute, nurture, related, etc. better? All driven by a desired to see people accomplished in life and in their relationship… I want us to have our best Human Experience…
As I continue on my search to assist others, and myself, in this endeavor I have found a common denominator underlying an awesome life and relationship. I have found that to be Self Love and Self Acceptance… I’ve written about this before maybe not in these exact terms, but the theme has been pervasive. It is ringing loud in my head.
As if I’m to go to the top of a mountain and yell this down for those that still don’t get it to get on board… I’m reading works on high achievement and performance, peak potential, conscious living and the like. I’m fine-tuning my language and context… I’m learning that even more specifically, the key is Self Mastery.
It exhilarates me to explore and research this, to connect the dots in different ways, to integrate concepts, fields and schools in new ways, to translate them into accessible frameworks, to devise practical mechanisms for ready consumption for improving our quality of life and relationship.
The marrying of Self Mastery to creating our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship is paramount. I am now understanding more and more my purpose…, how I’m the translator and integrator of these concepts and conduit for implementation. At first glance, this might all seem obvious and others are already on this wagon. But if this is so obvious and accessible, why aren’t we all extremely successful in all areas of our life?
I know that we are our own worst enemy. We for sure get in our own way. I see this day in and day out in my practice, and dare I share, in my own life. I know we are not perfect. But I know most of us can do much better than we do… Therefore, the challenge of the day is how can we improve our Self Mastery? How can we take charge of ALL aspects of our lives in a way that create massive results for us?
We have a tendency to play victim, point fingers, blame circumstances, and find excuses for things that don’t go as we wish in our lives. What we fail to see over and over is that we are creating our life either intentionally or unintentionally. Either by design, or by accident and lack of ownership, we are creating it…
It is imperative that we start taking charge, that we set out to intentionally create what we desire, that we make sure we function at our most optimal level, that we do not leave anything to chance. Why wouldn’t we go about creating a Magnificent Life and Relationship intentionally, rather than leaving it to chance and trial and error? Doesn’t that seem silly to you not to do so?
So for today, I want us to first take a pledge to take our life seriously and to decide to create a Master Piece – obviously including our relationship… Then, I want us to focus on developing Self Mastery.
This means: — Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques — Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset — Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones — Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan — Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy — Harnessing the Power of Focus — Creating a Personal Brand — Embracing Your Purpose
I know that Being our Best Self invites our Partner’s Best Self to come out and play with us… I know that when we bring our Best Self forward, we create and attract awesomeness in our life and relationship. I know that when we bring our Best Self forward that we live our Authentic Life. I know that when we rock, we Rock!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Rocking!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Rate your level of Self Mastery in the areas listed below (1 lowest – 10 highest):
___ Learning Healthy Self Soothing and Self Management Techniques
___ Working Through Fear and Limiting Mindset
___ Breaking Bad Habits and Creating Healthy Ones
___ Developing, Implementing and Sticking to our Self Care Plan
___ Generating Naturally Unlimited Energy
___ Harnessing the Power of Focus
___ Creating a Personal Brand
___ Embracing Your Purpose
Note your top 3 lowest ratings. Pick one of these. This requires your immediate attention to get you moving further along your path of High Achievement, Accomplishment and Success in your life AND relationship. Determine how you will invest in enhancing your Self Mastery in your chosen area. Determine your first actionable step towards implementation, and get to it! Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves… Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience…
This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death. Now, I’m not trying to be gruesome, but I’ve witnessed and have experienced this level of low vibrations. It’s not pretty.
When we operate from such a low vibrational level, we have the experience of everything going wrong, life being challenging, the world is against us, people are out to get us or bring us down, things break or just decide not to work, we get hurt, etc. There is an experience of being or witnessing a train wreck…
This shows up with varying intensity and manifestation throughout our lives. When it is obviously at play, it is an indication that a repeating pattern hasn’t yet been broken, a lesson still needs to be learned, a code needs to be cracked or a stretch is required to move to the next level in our Journey…
If we are able to frame disappointment, frustration, roadblocks, lack, headaches, heartaches, and the like as mere indicators of where proper and informed attention is needed, we’d realize that life is actually not so difficult and more akin to a game to be intentionally played and enjoyed. For the Journey itself is the Human Experience we are seeking… Our task here on Earth is to live well… To have Authentic lives that are in alignment with our Soul.
What does it mean to be in alignment with our Soul? This means embracing our Creator’s characteristics as we were created in HisHer likeness – positive, compassionate, forgiving, loving, magnificent. It means embracing our Purpose, what we came down to do and experience. It means honoring our Self.
Most of us go through life dismissing and discounting our Prime Directive. We don’t mind our vibrational energy. We revel in misery as if that is normal… We don’t intentionally attend to our mood and feelings. We let them run the show and worse, we let Ego inform them. We do not identify and own our Purpose. We do not respect nor honor our Selves. This is not living an Authentic Life, a Soulful Life.
I know this is daunting to those of you who are just opening up to the existential angle to creating the life and relationship you want. For some of you all this is a given are now fine tuning how you do your Journey.
For yet others, this might sound like a crock of s*** and don’t see the relevance at all to your relationship and are wondering why I’m writing about this… I’m with you all… I just want the skeptics to stretch a little and see how you can apply any of this to your current experience. I witness day in and day out that the skeptics struggle the most… So, please, stay open and find the sliver that is resonating with you today and embrace it…
Coming full circle and on the more practical side of things. A way to honor our Self, and give our Soul its Human Experience, is to practice Self Care. This is how we experience an Abundant Life. We all have different ideas about what Self Care entails and I encourage you to develop a Self Care Practice that is rich and diverse.
I also want to add to your repertoire by introducing, or reminding you, of a powerful Relational Self Care tactic, that of sharing your perspective and experience. This honors your Existence…
This does not mean to be stubborn, power struggle, nit pick at your partner, force your idea or world on them, seek agreement, demand your way, and such. This does mean to share your internal word (thoughts, feelings, perspective, experiences, memories, etc.) with your partner while being mindful and respectful of theirs. An Awesome Relationship is comprised of two partners that get to fully show up and be accepted…
As I’ve written in the past, our job is to mind our Selves not our Partner… Be the boss of you, and only you. Step up the Self Care to raise your energy’s vibrational frequency and enrich your way of Being. Watch Abundance increase in all areas of your life…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Self Caring!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Invite your Partner to a game of “Getting to Know Each Other More” (it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together!!). You each get to write a list of 100 items about yourselves that your partner might not know, that you want to showcase, dreams, wishes, preferences, bucket list, anything you want. Then schedule a Reveal Date where you get to share items on your lists. Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When couples struggle it is very common to find that the partners have not yet found a way to honor and support each other in genuine, compassionate and generous ways. Partners share that they have tried it all and are tired of not getting anything back, getting their needs met, nor being able to create an awesome relationship.
They participate in their relationship with an ego (fear-based, selfish, and self-centered) approach. These partners have difficulties letting go and trusting their partner…
This is when partners are controlling, overfunctioning, overwhelmed, frazzled, accident prone, chaotic, exhausted, and rundown. They have poor boundaries, take on too much, can’t say no, can’t seem to implement and stick with self-care routines, have no clue as to how to delegate, are stingy about investing in support, and get in their own way of success and embracing their magnificence.
It gets as bad as impacting their finances, household ambiance, and personal appearance. They are possibly even facing health issues and might be dealing with infertility. This is not a fun way to be in relationship and live our life!
So, if our relationship and our life are so miserable, why do we keep doing more of the same? I’m sure you know that by doing more of the same we get more of the same results. I find that partners want to create a different relationship without stretching, growing, healing and changing…
They prefer to focus on what is wrong with their partner, working on changing their partner or waiting for their partner to change… They dig their heals in, in the name of “this is who I am… take it or leave”. For things to be different, YOU have to change!
We of course do not want to change the core you, your Authentic Self, who you ARE. What we do want to change is your not owning your Authentic Self, your not honoring your Self! And, your funky approach to your life and your relationship that at the end of the day is not serving either of you… We want to change how you are with your Self and with your Partner.
Do you find that you abandon your Self…? That you are not there for yourself and don’t appropriately take care of yourself? Be careful how you answer these questions. A lot of times we think we are taking care of ourselves but instead we are either doing more of the same which hasn’t been working, shoot ourselves in the foot, or are being reactive and not honoring…
How can we trust others to be there for us, when we are not even there for ourselves? We can take this a step further. How can others love us, if we don’t love ourselves…?
Mind your ego… I’m sure it is telling you that your partner can’t support you, that you’ve tried that with horrible results. And, the like… Stop that line of thinking right now. Don’t host a dinner party for your ego. I’m sure your partner supports you in ways that you don’t even recognize… I’m sure your partner is willing to support you better… This is the moment of truth. Do you want to have an awesome relationship? If so, give your partner a chance!
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life… Please share your takeaways on our Blog!
Happy Supporting!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Get support now!
From your Self – implement a meditative practice, NOW! This is a direct channel to your Authentic Self, your Soul. This is the easiest way to stop the abandonment and build connection with your Self. This is the fastest way to honor and know your Self. This is the best way to attune with your Life’s purpose…
From your Partner – identify one behavior your partner does to support you that you haven’t recognized and acknowledge this to your partner. Select a supportive behavior you would like from your partner and responsibly, appropriately, and clearly ask for it.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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