If you think being in or creating a Successful Relationship is hard, you’ve got it wrong! Hey, I get it that sometimes our relationship can be really frustrating and that we might feel like we spin our wheels and can’t make the changes we desire. I get it because I’ve been there, and because I see this with many clients we’ve served over the years.
It might feel impossible to create change in our relationship and to create the relationship we desire when we are struggling with our partner, but it is not.
The 5 Elements of the Successful Relationship Strategy cover the targeted areas to focus on with your partner to seamlessly create a transformation in your relationship. When we intentionally focus on showing up differently, improving our skills, using better tools, changing our patterns and investing in our relationship in these areas- there is no not to create change in our relationship…
In today’s episode I fly solo and share 2 tactics for each of these areas that you can implement right away for immediate results in your relationship…
Did you know that our strengths can have a huge positive impact in our relationship, as well as a negative impact? Yep. We can influence, create change, and spearhead transformation in our relationship with our strengths. But if we are not intentional about how we use them, they can also be misused and be detrimental to our relationship…
It all starts with having awareness of our strengths, owning them, and understanding how to use them… For then we can capitalize on what they offer making our interactions smoother and more meaningful.
When we intentionally operate from our strengths we radiate, entice, and invite others to a wonderful dance with us.
We have impact in the moment, on our partner’s experience, and on their heart.
When we lead with our strengths, cultivate them, and use them to complement and align with our partner in our mindset, communication, interactions, connection and collaboration we have a huge impact on creating the relationship of our dreams…
Today we have another special episode with a wonderful guest, Nermine Zakhary, speaking on how to discover and use our strengths.
We have a fabulous time delving into strengths and how they impact our relationship, and we explored mine to illustrate the power of using our strengths intentionally.
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship.
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🌟ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Nermine Zakhary is a Certified People Acuity Coach™ & Positive Intelligence & Metal Fitness Coach, specializing in the application of strengths to accelerate performance, energy, relationships, and results and handling life’s challenges with a positive mindset. She has 15+ years of experience in the training industry and holds a master’s degree in Education, specializing in Instructional Design for Online Learning. You can find her at www.Strengths-Edge.com
Who says being in a committed relationship is hard? Though relationships can be challenging they don’t have to be if we are intentional about how we go about creating our successful relationship.
There are some key ingredients that we need to bring to our relationship for it to be gratifying and successful.
Research shows that successful couples demonstrate some key ingredients that we’d be remiss not to emulate. And, according to John Gottman, renowned relationship researcher, the opposite is also true. There are key characteristics that when found in a relationship are strong predictors of break-up or divorce.
Committed relationships, marriage, are special, delicate, and very important to our overall wellbeing. They are the pillar of our society as they stabilize the family unit, and are the strongest influence on our children.
This is why it’s my mission to cater to the wellbeing of couples. After 20 years of working with couples and helping them create their successful relationship, I embraced a longtime dream of hosting a relationship podcast. Which I’m proud to launch today!
Today’s video is special as it’s a video of my first podcast episode- I’m so excited to launch our new podcast…
In this episode I interview a longtime friend and colleague, Carole Cullen who is also a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Together we geek out about a few secret ingredients that make for a successful relationship.
We talk about 4 key ingredients:
1~ Emotional Intimacy
2~ Communication
3~ Quality Time
4~ Shared Goals & Values
Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship.
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🌟ABOUT OUR GUEST:
Carole Cullen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, AAMFT Clinical Supervisor and public speaker. She is a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist and Emotionally Focused Therapist specializing in working with couples in crisis. She has a group practice in Wake Forest, NC where she helps couples learn practical tools to reconnect with their partner and create a lasting love. You can find her at https://mytherapistnc.org/.
As we embark on this long holiday weekend kicking off the Summer, it is the perfect time to ponder upon what kind of Summer we’d like to have… By now most choices for academic and extracurricular activities for the next school year have also been completed, as we wrap up this year.
By now enrollment to Summer camps, programs and the like have been completed. And, by now vacations, trips, and experiences for the Summer have most likely also been chosen and even booked.
So, what’s left to do to enjoy the Summer, you ask? Well, as far as I’m concerned:
Select a Theme or Focus for the Summer – Even though we look at the Summer as a time of leisure, we tend to nonetheless pack it with activities… There is nothing wrong with being active and pursuing fun things. But, as usual, I caution the overpacking it in…
So, even if you have an exceptional funnest Summer Bucket List, don’t kill yourself doing all the items on the list. Use the list as inspiration and idea holder. The Theme or Focus can thus be: Relaxation. Leisure. Ease. Restful. Quiet. Pampering. Open. Free. Under-committed. Unscheduled. (More on Focus Terms™)
Select a Summer Project/s – I find so much inspiration during the Summer months. I believe the more ease, openness and spaciousness (from the usual, anyway) lends itself to more creativity… We get all juiced up to start Autumn and the “new (school) year” reaching for the Stars.
Summer is the perfect time to pursue a creative outlet, personal project, or personal development strategy as we tend to be more personally focused… But even a work, career, business or professional project is fun to take on as repose begets innovation…
Select the Experience to be had – And, by this I don’t mean having an activity type of experience, like going on a Safari (put that on your bucket list!). By this one I mean, how do you want to Feel during the Summer? How do you want to Experience, how do you want it to be like? What kind of memories would you want to make? What would make it memorable? What would make it exceptional? What would you want to be able to Memorialize?
After these, you are truly ready for the Summer. I find that if we are not intentional, time passes us by, and we don’t get to milk our moments for all they are worth. Don’t just saunter in, keep on as usual, and then regret you missed out on more fun. And, again, more fun doesn’t mean being loaded with more activities. It means enjoying the ones you do… Be selective. Be proactive. Be intentional.
Assignment: Do your Selecting this weekend. Choose how you want to Memorialize this Summer. Check out the Related Issues of Interest below to have a real intentional approach to this Summer.
Now is the time. Set up your Summer approach now and all you have to do later is to Enjoy!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Something that is amazingly striking is how vulnerable we are in all aspects of our humanness. And, how hard we can be on ourselves (and with others!) to top it off! In the stories I hear through the work, and also in plain old conversations with people, I hear the constant criticism, lack mentality, negativity, focus on what’s “wrong”, and the like. Gosh, it makes for an awful stay in that mental space rental. LOL
The self-deprecation, and focus on how our partner sucks, it’s so thick it can be cut with a knife. It’s interesting how challenging it is to bypass the Negativity Bias… It’s even more interesting that we love taking the concept to the next level (sarcasm). Obviously, we are not doing it on purpose. And, even the most evolved might still have moments where they succumb to the lure.
But what I work on for myself and teach our clients, is to be as mindful and intentional as possible, as consistently as possible, to counter this. But even embracing this practice can be challenging for some…
Have you ever noticed that you might have cracked the code on something, found a great life hack, or some other worthy morsel, but when you try to share the wealth it is not accepted, it’s actually not even received well?
The main reason for this is that we have a program running in the background that doesn’t allow us to deviate from it… Even if it’s good for us. The program doesn’t recognize it as good. If a deviation from the norm is detected, it considers it a bug, virus, threat and goes about eradicating it… It’s like having a firewall and malware installed in our server! Nothing will get through until we change the software, permissions, settings, or code…
This programming is subconscious, and it’s literally wired into our nervous system… All the messaging and experiences growing up impacted how we wired our (embodied) brain, which in turn informs our chemistry, personality, defense mechanism, sensitivities, etc… Not for nothing it isn’t easy to receive constructive criticism, feedback, advise and resources… We are built to protect ourselves from any threats to the status quo, from change!
I know this might sound like a lost cause, but if it was the likes of me wouldn’t have a profession! It is not hopeless, it is not impossible, it is not absurd. Change can happen. We just need to be smart about our approach. We can’t muscle our way through. We can’t solve it as a logical problem. We can’t ignore it in hopes it goes away on its own, it won’t. We just need to target the program… for once we get through, voila!!
The key is to be intentional and proactive about this… This approach to evolving ourselves is not for the faint of heart. If you want it you can have it, but you have to invest in yourself… And, therein lies the grub. This is part of the catch 22 and why not everybody is evolved already. It’s hard to invest in yourself when your programming is running ramped against change!
The trick? Be gentle. Sneak up on yourself… If you are in therapy, or other supportive service, you probably noticed that your therapist doesn’t beat you into change… That your therapist is loving, nurturing, accepting and challenges you just enough at the right time to get in… That they offer you a different experience, and techniques and tools, to assist the reprogramming…
Piggybacking on last week’s issue, on Nurturing is not just for mothers, here is a call to nurture yourself also… This is a reprogramming strategy (ReParenting Yourself, Mothering Yourself…). Evolving ourselves can be pretty simple if we mean it, if we really want to evolve and have our best human experience… This doesn’t have to be mysterious or difficult. A strategy can be as simple as Nurturing…
But do beware of the sentinel against change… Even do nurturing gently… Sometimes we go all gung-ho about a new selfcare routine, new service, new nurturing toy or such, to very quickly put it to the side or “lose interest”. Sneak in the goodness. Integrate it slowly. Take your time. Just know that nice and steady wins the race…
Assignment: Make a list of all feel good activities, gestures, treats, and the like. For example, getting a massage is pretty high on my list. They can be as simple as making yourself a cup of tea during key times of the day, to embracing a meditation practice, to taking yourself to a spa retreat in some obscure part of the world.
This is your list, anything goes. Don’t judge, don’t sensor. Make a nice list. Then as your programming allows, integrate items to your hearts content…
Be gentle. Be kind. Be nice. Be accepting. Be loving. Be You to yourself!
Complete the Assignment below, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Copyright (c) 2019 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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