The Holidays do all kinds of things to people. They provide a year-in-review, showcase our progress and success, spotlight our communion and belongingness, highlight our relationship dynamics, and nudge our very Soul for wakefulness. Add to this all the demands, expectations and hassle and bustle, and it is no wonder that the Holidays are rough for some.
The Holidays create stress, anxiety, depression, paralysis, withdrawal, mania, shame, overindulgence, overwhelm, crashing, loneliness, and other goodies. How do the Holidays affect you? If you generally fair well, still take note however minor the impact.
The Holidays can be treated as an opportunity for growth and healing… This is definitely fertile ground to work with! Why not take advantage of the opportunity available for the taking? When anything is framed as opportunity, its energy, meaning, impact and potential change. Now the situation is a gift and not a nuisance.
There is positivity built-in the reframe bearing optimism, strength, courage, hope, compassion, love, understanding, ownership, authenticity and awesomeness… Let’s shoot for getting more than just presents this Holiday Season!
Let’s go back to how the Holidays highlight our relationship dynamics. Whatever our dynamics they get amplified during this time. It’s as if our dynamics are on steroids. What you see, witness, experience is your usual dynamics to a heightened level.
This gives you an opportunity to better understand what usually bothers you and what doesn’t work that might have been difficult to pinpoint before. Before we knew interactions annoyed or hurt us. We knew are needs were not met. We complained, fought or sucked it up in hopelessness.
But now we have the chance at a magnified experience where we can see the crack. We have the chance to look at the crack up close and personal, and study it. We get the chance to see how it needs mending. The trick is to know what to look for: The theme, the broken record, and your script. What keeps replaying?
What is the lesson you are to learn? What is the code you need to crack? How are you to stretch to grow and heal, to break the impasse? This is the driver behind the dissatisfaction. Your call to action is to do something different for that in and of itself is Change…
It’s time to shake things up. It’s time to take a risk.It’s time to have better expectations. It’s time to raise the bar. It’s time to honor your Self, to Be your Authentic Self, and to bring it to your interactions. It’s time to be courageous and not be afraid of what could be. It’s time to go for it. It’s time for the next book in the series.
What does this look like? How do you go about it? It’s actually quite marvelous and simple. All you have to do is have a different response than your usual in your interaction. And, to do this for your Self without any outcome, expectation or intention of changing your partner in mind… So if you usually complain, call things out, whine or other some such in your interactions, your different response could be not say anything or to focus on the positive.
If your usual way is to suck it up, keep the peace, avoid conflict, and cave in, then your difference response could be standing up for your Self, speaking up, sharing what you are experiencing, or setting a limit or consequence.
The point here is not to go about changing your whole relationship, getting better results, inviting your partner to respond differently, and the rest of our usual intentions. This one is the mother load. This one goes for the jugular. This approach is for Us. Can you imagine? For Us… It is to build the muscle that has been dormant and which upon awakening saves the day…
Give it a try. Be gentle. Be courageous. Bring out the part of your Self that has been screaming to come out. Make space for it. Create safety for it. Nurture it. And take a leap of Faith, use it in your interactions. Go for it. Give it a try. The pay off is unimaginable…
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Awakening!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take a look at the weeks ahead. What significant events or plans are coming up? How will you be celebrating? What traditions will you follow? What rituals will you enjoy? Sit with the plans and the answers above… Hold them in your heart. Suspend judgment.
Are your plans in alignment with your core beliefs? Does your celebrating honor your Authentic Self? Do your traditions transmit your values? Do your rituals strengthen your identity, sense of Self, connections and bonds. Do they impart love, acceptance and adoration? Do they embrace our Human Experience…?
Connect with what comes up for you as you explore this. Where do you need to show up differently? What concrete change will you make for your next event or plans? Put it in action now… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It saddens me to witness people’s struggles, to watch them get in their own way, to drown in a glass of water, to miss the bigger picture. Maybe this is compassion for my Self as I can certainly be in that place… This is one of the lessons I’m still learning.
This is part of my Journey. In its course I grow, heal, learn and further embrace my Calling… It is amazing to step back and take in the machinations, the alignments, and the perfection in how everything plays out, always for a reason… It all adds up…
At the end of the day, this brings me back to the sadness, compassion, for others for at least I can see the hidden gift, the blessing, and the opportunity. I draw strength and inspiration from this. This is what makes me a gifted healer and a leader in healing.
This is part of my Purpose… But for those who are not yet privy to this, all the tumultuousness of life is just pain. I can’t imagine not having the higher perspective. My heart truly goes out to those who struggle.
Having a higher perspective doesn’t exempt us from the happenings of life, and it is not always easy to hang on to it. But being able to see things from a different angle than merely seeing them as things happening to us makes a heck of a difference. This is where our human experience manifests.
Seeing the good in everything around us, even the so called “bad”, is where the opportunities abound, the promises lie, the gifts reside, the blessings are bestowed, the magic happens. This is where the beauty of the mystery of life can be found, if we can only but awaken…
Of course this applies to our relationship. Everything that happens in our relationship happens for a reason. The state of our relationship and everything that we get from our partner we have invited, we’ve co-created. Everything that goes on is a blessing, though sometimes a blessing in disguise.
When things are not to our liking or when we are in pain it is a sign that something different is needed. It is an opportunity to become intentional about our approach and our Being.
It is a call to realign, to stretch, to grow, to become whole and more empowered by adjusting our attitude, thoughts and behaviors. It is an opportunity to let go of Ego and defenses and to more fully embrace our Authentic Self. Thus creating the Awesomeness we wish and deserve.
This is why our Partner is a Gift to us. They provide the fertile playground where we get to play, stretch, develop, grow, heal, create and role model… Our interactions are blessings. They are all opportunities for us to embrace our human experience, and for us to be our Best Self.
In Relationship we have the opportunity to reach, embrace and engage our Authentic Self. Our directive is to look at everything through this lens and see where we need to stretch, grow and learn. It is ALL for us.
Everything happens for a reason. There are opportunities and blessings at every turn. Our job is to recognize them, to awaken to this Mystery and use it in our Journey. When we wake up and open our eyes, when we don the blessings lens on, and when we translate misfortune or aggravations into opportunities we recognize how Graceful and truly Bountiful life is. Go ahead, open your eyes, and be Thankful for all the Blessings in disguise.
Complete the MetroRelationship™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start experiencing your awesome relationship, and Authentic Life…
Happy Thanks Giving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™Assignment
Take the high road. Step away from your (overt or covert…) steadfast position on an impasse with your partner. Put on Your Enlightenment Lenses™. If you were to look at your situation from a transcended perspective, what would you see? How would you say the situation is prodding you to change? What are you being taught? What are you supposed to learn? How are you supposed to grow?
How is this inviting you to become your Best Self? How are you to stretch to get there? Sit with what comes up. Hold off resentment and other Ego driven feelings and thoughts. Hang in there. Weather the uncomfortableness… Hang with the new perspective. Take a moment to design two concrete behaviors that you will implement consistently to honor this call and step into your new reality… Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and creating an amazing life and relationship. I invite you to look at the Holidays not as something to endure, get through and manage, but as a fertile ground of new possibilities.
I ask that you put aside your usual thinking about the planning and celebrating of the Holidays, and instead look at them as a mirror of your life and relationship … Take a deep breath and hang in here with me … Let’s get down and dirty.
The way you do the Holidays, and any other celebrations, is how you do your relationship … Take a moment to think about this. I’m asking to transcend and stretch your thinking … Give this a try and remove yourself from your earthly, material, and practical perspective and engage your essence and energy. Take deep breath …
Can you see the parallel? Can you see that your MO shows up everywhere? Can you see that what you put in is what you get back? Can you see that you are writing your own story? Can you see that you invite what you get? Can you see that how authentic you are (core you without defense mechanisms!) in your relationship translates to how intimate you can be in your relationship? Can you see that how much you show up in your life dictates the kind of life you have?? Take another deep breath …
The way you go about doing the Holidays is how you go about doing your relationship and your partner, and how you engage with them during the Holidays is how you usually engage with them … How has this been working for you?
The challenge I propose today is to do this differently. I want you to plan your Holidays using your Authentic Self, your Being … Bring your Energy to your planning, and give your Doing a break … Get out of your own way and allow the beauty of others to join you …
Get out of your own way and allow YOUR beauty to show up! If your Energy could speak … What would it say? What would it ask for? What would it set up? What would it give? Remember, your Energy is Love, Nurturing, Compassion, Abundance, Forgiveness, Generosity, Creativity, Flexibility, Patience, Tolerance, Acceptance, Community, Togetherness, Security, Strength, Power, Peace, Passion, Vibrancy, Light, Life …
Your Energy can speak … Your energy is You … Use your Self well. Just show up! In showing up, you have won the war. You have transcended Fear, you have beat the Ego, you rejoice with your partner’s Self, and you are in Communion, and All is well …
Go for it, decide how and where you’ll show up, gift others with your Presence, and stop the mediocracy today!
Complete the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly do this and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Happy Showing Up!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Think on an area of Holiday Merriment that usually creates stress for you. Let go of the practical aspect of this challenge and put it instead into relationship terms … How would you like the big picture to be different? Who would you have to be to belong in that picture? Go for it, embrace your Higher Self and show up as you wish you could … It is that simple …
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We have a tendency to focus on the negatives, what doesn’t work, weaknesses and deficiencies, and how much our partner “sucks”. This is the kiss of death in life and relationships. This is a sure way of staying stuck in the status quo for what we focus on persists: we co-create it, manifest it, invite it …
The focus on negativity creates a state of fear which induces a fight, flight or freeze response:
Thoughts -> Feelings -> Action
If you think negative thoughts, what I call “crooked thinking” (not reality based …), you generate negative feelings (pain …), and therefore the resulting actions are meant to swiftly address this pain. But as they are ill-conceived they are in the form of defense mechanisms and reactivity creating more issues and more pain. This becomes a vicious cycle keeping you from moving forward in your life and stuck in a dissatisfying relationship.
I’m sure I don’t have to tell you what happens in relationships when the focus is on the negatives and what doesn’t work … The resulting criticism, complaining, power struggling, and lack and deprivation erode the bond, connection, passion and good will.
As you can imagine this creates a toxic situation that becomes pervasive and impossible to live with. It sucks the life out of your relationship, and your life … You don’t even have to be verbally critical – show disapproval with your body language and facial expressions, or even just in your thoughts … the impact is the same!!
Fortunately, there is a VERY simple solution to this dilemma and tendency … The antidote to this plague is Appreciation … The brain can not physically, biologically, have its fear and appreciation centers activated simultaneously. This means that if we can figure out how to be in a state of appreciation, we can bypass the fear state and therefore break this cycle!
Here are two methods I teach my peeps to use to enrich their relationship and life:
Appreciation RX: Once the brain’s appreciation center is activated, and the feeling good chemicals are released, its blissful effect lasts for a few hours. Therefore, I devised this intervention where you are “prescribed” to take an appreciation “dose” 3x / day. This can translate into doing appreciations at breakfast, lunch and dinner – just like taking medicine or vitamins!
You can build this into any kind of ritual, or routine, that works for you like being thankful for meals, brushing teeth, drinking coffee, commuting, etc.
Appreciations don’t have to be anything fancy – don’t let this task scare you. Just open your eyes and see the beauty around you… There is plenty to see! Be thankful for what is…
Partner Appreciation: I know that when we are hurt, disappointed or feeling resentful that it is close to impossible to think of what we appreciate about our partner and even harder to share this with them. Herein lies the beauty of this exercise. When you stretch to focus on the positive and notice your partner’s magnificence, and therefore what they bring to the relationship, you are then gifted with their magnificence!
This is an amazing feat not only because we have the tendency to look for negatives and deficiencies, because in partnership we trigger each other for the purpose of growing and healing, but because our ego is threatened. To be able to transcend all this and truly see your partner, and then share it with them – WOW! When you start doing this, you start experiencing the relationship you want!
It IS that simple! Focus on what your partner contributes, things you like about them, things they’ve done that touch you, notice the effort they put in and how they are trying (yes, they are trying their own way…). Appreciate this, and lo and behold!
Don’t let your relationship continue to suffer at the mercy of negatives. Implement one of the methods now, and start creating changes. Hey, do both for good measure and maximum impact! Go for it, give them a try.
Do the MetroRelationship ™ Assignment below to assist you effortlessly implement this and immediately start experiencing the relationship you want!
Notice the good, acknowledge the gifts, be Thankful – express your Appreciation!
Happy Appreciating!!
~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment
Share this concept with your partner and commit to having an appreciation session (10 min) once a week at a mutually agreeable time.
Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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