If you are a growth and achievement oriented kind of human, I’m sure you are always looking for how to do things better, and how to improve everything you do and everything around you. Right? I know I’m like that. I’m constantly focused on evolution, expansion and growth.
My profession makes complete sense for me in that I help couples and individuals improve how they do themselves and each other (pun intended LOL). I help them continue to grow, develop, and evolve as individuals. I help them have better interactions with each other, and others. I help them create the relationship and life they desire.
In our work together, I make sure we don’t get hang up on the problems and what doesn’t work… I have a strict rule of not allowing the partners to beat on each other. I have a strict rule for looking for positives and things to appreciate. I have a strict rule for focusing on personal accountability and contribution…
This creates an amazingly safe and fun space for the partners to address, processes, explore, co-create and implement to their hearts’ desire. It’s a privilege and honor to witness their Journey.
I often find that initially in our work partners focus on everything that sucks and how much their partner sucks… They lost sight of the other’s, and usually their own, awesomeness… They lost sight of what works, their attraction, and Why they are together in the first place… Their approach is to have the other change and to fix problems. This is the approach that doesn’t work when we are trying to create the relationship we desire.
There is another approach that doesn’t work, but it’s much less obvious and possibly keeps partners stuck in the name of working on the relationship (something to watch out for when in a therapeutic relationship as well…). And, that is of focusing on the solution…
Implementing solutions in and of itself doesn’t work. If it did people wouldn’t need therapy / coaching. You are smart. You can think through a problem. You can figure stuff out. Then how come change doesn’t happen or hold?
For starters, we need to focus on Why we want the solution… This is driven by our values… When we identify, focus and flow from our values life becomes much easier… When we focus on the why as opposed to the what and the how, we remove resistance and create flow… This is how we create what we desire. It can’t be forced into existence…
So, when we focus on what we like, what we appreciate, what we enjoy about our partner we are reprogramming ourselves to see the positive and not the negative, and therefore to not be impacted by the negative… How about that? Give it try and see how fast things turn around!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Focusing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Identify your 5 top values…
Use these as a lens as you review what areas need more TLC in your life…
Use these to cut out miscellaneous activities, commitments, belongings, and such in your life…
Use these to stay focused on what is important to you, and to ignore the rest…
Have a Gorilla in the Middle Approach™ to your life!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s a quiet and cozy kind of day, except for the howling winds outside, as I write this. Feeling super blessed and inspired with current projects, the people in my life, and the prospect of Spring being just around the corner. This makes me Happy.
I was listening to a Tony Robbins recording the other day that so resonated and reinforced concepts I teach, that I made a mental note to write about the powerful message again. It’s interesting how the teaching of the Masters, Mentors, and Teachers all begin to blend after a while… The message I feel inspired to share about can also be found in the work I recently reference, The Happiness Advantage by Shawn Achor.
What makes us Happy? Once upon a time, I used to believe that the pursuit of happiness was frivolous. That people looking for shortcuts in life were lazy. That people focusing on having fun were underachievers/unfocused/unmotivated. That people being in expectancy of their next vacation were shallow. I know it sounds judgy.
These were super strong beliefs, ingrained in me from an early age and reinforced by my immigrant background. I was victim to them. For if I held that belief about others, I very well couldn’t operate that way myself, now could I? [I’ll spare you the deeper work underneath this… LOL]
It took me a lot of reprogramming myself… to start breaking these patterns and to start appreciating the Gift in leisure, in simplicity, in fun. Now I have a huge appreciation for people who operate this way. Now I allow myself to embrace and pursue these. Now I encourage others to do the same… Which brings me back to the teachings I was referencing.
What makes us Happy? It actually isn’t about downtime, fun or vacations… [Ha! ;)] These serve a different purpose. They serve the purpose of soothing us, of recharging us, of replenishing us, of inspiring us, of aligning us, of resetting us, of putting us on a positive frame of mind… From this state we are resourced to manage our life well, to interact with others well, to show up with our best Self.
When we are resourced and able to take care of our business, we can actually create what we desire. We can actually create change. We can actually make progress. We can actually get momentum going in the direction we like. We can actually grow and evolve. And, as we do, we feel Alive… And, this is what makes us Happy…
Hence my strong Focus on Self Care, Connection and Productivity in my personal life, and in my work with others…
What is resonating for you in this message? Where do you need to refocus? Where do you fall on the “seeking fun” spectrum? Are you seeking fun to be Happy and missing the boat on how to Be Happy? I have so many clients with amazing lifestyles, extravagant vacations, all sorts of fun built into their routine but they are not Happy… Pampering and immediate gratification does not equal Happiness.
Being in the moment and focused on making progress is what makes us Happy… What do you need to tweak in your approach to life to be Happy? Identify and implement right now! Be Happy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Being Happy!!!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Expand your Happy List™ approach to include being mindful of making progress in what is important to you. Stay focused and build momentum. Feel the progress.
Happy List™ (replenish) + Play with what’s important to make progress = Happy
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
In my mediation earlier today, there was a beautiful sentiment that stood out. That of having choice… I think we all agree we have choices in life, specially living in the land of the free… But, it is so interesting that we understand this as a concept but yet hardly live by it… It is an ongoing saga with clients who believe they feel as they do because of what their partners (others) do… Oops, too quick… Let me back up.
We know we are free. We know we have choices. Yet, we live in bondage not only socially but also relationally and personally… This is a personal empowerment message. It is a message to wake up to our life.
We have a choice as to what we have in our life, how we live our life, what we do, how we make money, where we work, who we spend time with, how we interact, how we dress, what we eat, and the rest of it.
We have a choice as to how we want to show up:
Criticize or praise
Frown or smile
Yell or talk
Veg out or exercise
Distance or connect
Dramatize or let go
Abandon/neglect or nurture
We have a choice as to we choose to look at something, the meaning we assign it, how we experience it, and how we feel about it… Yes, we have a choice!
Does this mean we live in a vacuum and we are not impacted by others, No. Does this mean we choose how to be impacted, and correct our experience to the best of our ability, Yes. Does this mean we keep Focusing on improving this ability, YES!
We can have all the excuses we want at any given time to explain our choice to interact with others and ourselves with negativity. At the end of the day we chose to have an excuse to explain our unhappiness. We chose to give away our power. We chose to not live our life with authenticity. This is not who we really are!
All the negative responses are defenses and reactions from ego (fear; head/logic). When we choose the positive ways of showing up, we are showing up with our Higher Self (truth, compassion; heart/love). This is what begets lightheartedness, joy, peace, harmony, love, connection, and fun…
We have a choice to live in happiness and have an amazing life. Pay attention to what you focus on. Pay attention to what you give lip service. Pay attention to what you entertain. Pay attention to what you allow. Pay attention to how you allow others to treat you. Pay attention to how you treat others. Pay attention to how you talk to and about yourself… Pay attention to how you treat yourself… You have choices…
Notice “what you need more of in your life”, and go get it… During our monthly networking luncheon (Empowering Women in Business™) this week, we posed this question.
The responses from our attendees included: laughter, smiles, relaxation, free time, good conversation, care of animals, ukulele, crocheting, chocolate, gratitude, connection, friendship, happy families, gardening, and by a landslide – sunshine! None of these had to do with material things… These are priceless and easy to have!
These are the little things that make us happy. We have a choice as to what we put in our experience. Choose what makes you happy in as many moments of your day as you are aware… Choose happy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Choosing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Make a list of the little things in life that make you Happy. Cover all areas from environment, nature, relating, to bodily treats and such. Make it as exhaustive as you can, then make it your business to integrate more of these in your life…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Happy Valentine’s Day Week! Hope you had a lovely day yesterday! If you are celebrating Love this coming weekend, wish you much enjoyment of your connection and your lovey.
There is a very popular topic in our work with couples and intimate partners. And, that is the topic of Compassion. Time and again, this comes up as a block to connection and intimacy. Partners refuse to share what is happening for them, their experience, and their wishes and desires because they don’t feel their partner can stand to hear these… And, they are right. A lot of times, partners can’t tolerate (hear, be with, understand) their partner’s experience…
What happens is that our poor internal boundaries and sense of self, our limited personal differentiation, undermine our connecting ability. How can we fully know another and connect with them if they are intertwined with us? When we are not more personally differentiated we can’t unconsciously differentiate between our self and our partner… We are a joint energetic and emotional blob… This is why projections, internalizing, and such happen.
When we are in an interaction with each other, whatever is being shared feels like our own experience or that it is about us… This is what makes it scary to hear about our partner’s world. Whatever they say stirs up fear about who we are, if we fit in, if we are loved, if we are OK.
Whatever they say is experienced as judgment and blame (shame) because in our jointness it feels like it is about us. To protect ourselves from this extreme discomfort we use our defense mechanism artillery, which in turn create disconnection from each other…
This is beyond uncomfortable for partners. They are a joint blob, but yet feel disconnected. There is a lack of sharing. Yet, when there is sharing there is immense mutual shame, which begets more defenses and so the dissatisfaction cycle goes.
We are wired for story telling and connection… If we truncate the sharing and thus block connection we are not fully embracing our Self, our Aliveness… But please don’t mistake this for dumping or shoving your experience down your partner’s throat (I see this side all too often as well!).
Remember, there is vulnerability in the sharing, but ALSO in the hearing of it… Be gentle… Safety needs to be created for the sharer and the listener… After all you are in this together. You can’t tackle this as if you exist in a vacuum…
When you are the one sharing – tell your story, share your experience, let on to your imperfections by speaking from your heart, with vulnerability, and speaking of yourself (don’t make all this worse by beating on your partner to boot!)
When you are the one listening – listen with your “third ear” – listen with your heart, listen for meaning and intention, listen for the other’s experience (don’t get hang up on words, interpretations and what it means for you or about you…)
AND, sometimes you are the one that is either more ready or more equipped to be gentle, to share, to listen. It is what it is. If that’s you, suck it up and stop being resentful that you are It. There is a reason for your Pairing. Capitalize on your strengths and stop focusing on your Partner’s “weaknesses”. I’m sorry, if this touched a nerve…
This is when you get support for yourself, when you invest on yourself, when you nurture and give yourself what you need. This is not the time to play victim, curl up in a corner or run away. This is the time to put in place what you need so you are fully resourced to take care of business. So you can continue to capitalize on your strengths without feeling drained…
What do you need to do to recharge today, this week, ongoingly? How do you not abandon yourself? How do you give yourself love? If you are huffing at this, you might be missing something… Stay with this, sleep on it, kicking it around, mull it over. This is the key to creating the relationship you desire…
From a more resourced place, comes a stronger sense of self, more ownership, more security and stability, and thus more ability to Be mindful, present and available. Then you can share your story better. Then you can hear your partner’s story better… This is compassion. This is connection and intimacy in the making.
Start by having compassion for yourself!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Sharing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
You can never have too much of a self-care practice… Take stock as to what your practice entails, and step it up a notch. If you are like most people, your Practice is probably dismal and you are still giving excuses as to why… If you have a pretty good one and still find life challenging, you might need to either step it up or change it up… Make sure you are getting what you need!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Woohoo! We made it through the Love Launch™ countdown. We are at #1, the weekend before Valentine’s Day. If you are just now tuning in, visit the past three articles on stepping up on your relationship nurturing with a Love Launch™.
AND, have you checked out the VDay Challenge™ in my social media (see bottom of this email for links)? Both of these were created to assist you nurture your relationship with ease and targeted interacting for maximum desired outcomes! Check them out and enjoy!!
The Love Launch™ is great for adding more fun, romance, connection, intimacy and flow into your relationship regardless of its status. But, there is a little spin to this in today’s Love Launch™. I’m sure you’ve come across the concept that you can’t love someone else if you don’t love yourself. That of putting on the air mask on yourself first before helping others. That of if you are not replenished you have nothing to give. And such.
The message here is that if we are not connected to our Self, how are we to connect with our loved one(s)? For connection with another happens with our Self… Our sense of Self and ability to connect reside in the right side of the brain…
When we are in doing mode and primarily operating from our left brain, we miss the boat… Not only do we lose touch with our Self, but we are unable to be compassionate, nurturing, loving, and to feel the other. We are unable to connect with others…
This is part of what creates isolation, loneliness, depression, anxiety, disconnect and general dissatisfaction… So. Our job is to Connect with our Self FIRST! Which brings us to our last Love Launch™ in the series.
Want to have a more loving relationship? Want to attract the love of your life? Love your Self first. Connect with your Self first…
Love Launch™
During the 4 Weekends leading to Valentine’s Day (or another occasion, or just because!), you are to make a real concerted investment at nurturing your relationship. Do it with gusto and to please your partner. Put on the “dating lens” – remember you’d do anything for your partner then…? Go all out to make an impression. And, YOU enjoy the process as you go…
COUNTDOWN – Weekend #1
1 – Early in the weekend create undisturbed time for yourself. Use this time to nurture, pamper, and love your Self. Get yourself real quiet, and connect with the core inside of you. Connect with your Core, Inner, Higher Self… Feel You inside of you… Savor this communion. Bask in the radiance of You. Enjoy the integration… Feel your body tingle with Aliveness and Alignment…
2 – From this Leveraged state, think about your partner (if single, about your desired partner). Think of everything that is awesome about them. Everything you love. Everything you enjoy. Everything you appreciate. Everything about them that touches your heart. Everything they do that touches your heart.
How they have made you feel secure at different times. How they have made you feel loved at different times. How they have made you feel special at different times. How they have appreciated who you are at different times. Focus on when these things happened (if single-or struggling…, as if they did happen)…
Feel the associated good feelings that come with this reminisce/visioning. Really feel the feelings. This strengthens (creates) the bond, and sets up a rich platform for creating your desired interactions, more and more…
3 – Once you are feeling amazing, reach out to your partner (if single, tailor this to your situation) to inspire them into bringing their best, Higher Self to interact with You.
Pending on how you reach out, will influence if they show up with defenses or authenticity… Take a moment first, to complete this exercise: Create a list of amazing relating qualities to can use to interact with your partner. I started it for you below. Then reach out embodying and enlisting the qualities.
Stay in your state for as long as you can and operating from the list you created. When the juice starts running low, rejoice yourself… Keep it going… 😉
Connect with your Self, juice up. Stay Connected… Then reach out to connect with your Partner… This makes all the difference… Approach your Valentine’s Day plan/planning from this mindset. Enjoy!!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Hey, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Make sure you plan something…
Acknowledge your love. Celebrate your partner (other). Create a moment to further Connect.
Enjoy!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
STAY CONNECTED WITH US, SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER
And, Get a FREE Relationship Enrichment Mini Course!
You CAN create the relationship you desire!
You have Successfully Subscribed!
With this Mini Course learn how to immediately Break your Impasse, Improve your Communication, Increase your Intimacy, Connection and Fun, & Create a Strong Partnership...
And with Emma’s weekly Love rich with Personal Development & Relationship Enrichment know-how, announcements, resources and more straight into your inbox.
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
Pin It on Pinterest
We track visits and User's visit information to analyze our performance and trends in order to create targeted messaging and programs to best serve you. We use cookies to provide a personalized and smoother browsing experience. Refer to our Privacy Policy for additional details.
You consent to our tracking and cookies when using our Websites.OK
