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Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

It’s been in the air, that partners, especially women, are really feeling disconnected and unsettled in their relationship. They are getting more and more in touch with feeling like something is missing, that there could be more, that just sitting side by side binge watching Netflix while their partner is also on another device, is just not enough to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied with their partner…  This is a wonderful awareness because it can be addressed… As opposed to feeling irritated and aggravated a lot of the time in the presence of their partner. No matter what their partner does, they find fault with it or it doesn’t satisfy… Even their partner’s breathing irks them- literally! Does your partner snore?

Couples don’t need to be fighting or thinking divorce for them to realize that their relationship can use some enrichment… That their relationship can use an upgrade, an upleveling… But of course, they can also be struggling.

Couples get into trouble when they approach their relationship from fear, from ego, from arrogance… Usually one of the partners feels like they do everything for the relationship and their life, and like their partner is the problem- they can’t even breathe properly! And, that they could be doing more…

This is exactly the mindset that creates funky dynamics and that keeps couples feeling stuck or from creating a radiant relationship… When one of the partners is feeling so disconnected, neglected, taken from granted, and the like, they go into control, micromanaging, demanding, critical, and even nasty mode… This makes their partner feel unappreciated, devalued, controlled, small, insignificant, and the like. Which makes them shut down even more and become emotionally, and even physically unavailable. Which in turns triggers the other some more… And so the cycle, loop, dynamic, repeating patterns go

It is usually the woman who feels the disconnect more and starts this cycle… Of course, it can be said that the man started by not showing up emotionally in the first place… But we have to plant the flag somewhere and it is easier to see it when we observe what is being done, versus what isn’t.

*Now, I said “usually” but the reverse is also true, and I used the genders for simplicity’s sake but please replace them as it fits your relationship. Just know that regardless of gender, the polarities still exist in the relationship in terms of feminine or masculine energy that creates the attraction between the two (both have both but lean more into one). If the binary language is offensive to you, you can translate this further and just suffice to say that there are different energies with opposing needs, they don’t need to be labeled…

The partners keep triggering each other with their relationship overfunctioning (pursuing) and relationship underfunctioning (distancing).

Once the partners pause and recognize that they are dissatisfied and constantly triggering each other, they can now become proactive about creating change in their relationship…

It is super helpful to shift how things are being interpreted- a lot of times the partners assume the worst, feel it’s totally hopeless, and feel like calling it quits. They throw up the baby with the bath water!

When what is needed is different perspective, realignment, and approach:

~ Embrace a Heart-Centered Approach – Move down from the head, logic, ego and fear driven overanalyzing, interpreting, assuming, and knowing best and knowing it all…  Move down to the heart and see and feel the blessings, beauty, joy, gratitude, ease, flow, appreciation, love… Cultivate this, expand it… Fill your heart, enlarge your heart. Connect with your sacred heart…

 ~ Embrace a Higher Estate – When you connect with your heart and lead from your heart life and your relationship become infinitesimally easier… Connect with compassion and unconditional love… Your partner is not perfect, as you are not… Your partner is also on a Journey, as are you… Have some grace for your experiences and really partner up in your great life adventure… 

 ~ Embrace a Higher Living – When you realign as we are saying here, you are automatically in a different reality! Things play out differently, work out better, easier, and smoother for the highest good of all. Life and your relationship become a dream come true… It is not that difficult to become your best self, create your best relationship, and your best life as the end of the day…

Ok, so this is all well and good in concept and philosophically you may be thinking, and asking what that means for the everyday.

Now that I shared the perspective shift for you to embrace, that creates a major shift in and of itself by the way… Let me bring it down to the clinical and practical so you can hang your hat somewhere.

The dynamics get created because of our programming, patterning and conditioning… This is why we address this a lot… We want to deprogram ourselves to get out of the box and into a more authentic, expansive, and loving relationship…

Real down to earth and tangible practices help with this:

*I’ve written about these extensively in the blog and have done some videos as well – feel free to search for selflove practice, connection, reprogramming and the like for more. Though the concepts are not always fully expounded and contextualized know that everything I offer, even the fun and silly things like creating seasonal bucket lists and 30-day challenges, serve a higher purpose and good of all…

~ Self-Love Practice – This practice addresses your inner-child… Meets your needs, nourishes and resources you, and heals you…

~ Partner-Love Practice – This practice addresses your shadows (unknown, hidden, disowned parts of you)… Meets your partner’s needs, delights and resources your partner, and evolves you…

There is so much possibility, gifts, and blessings in there you can play there for eternity. Embrace them as a way of life… Like I like to say, embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle….

And, for a bonus practice for today that is totally embodied and relational and in real time- CoRegulation:

~ Coregulation Practice – This is a way to use ourselves in the moment to have our partner’s back, each other’s back… It utilizes our nervous system to resonate with our partner’s to influence each other’s estate. When we are resourced and intentional, we can stay calm, grounded, and available in the face of our partner’s reactivity which in turn helps them calm down, get grounded and soothed…  It helps as a calming agent and connecting mechanism in times of distress (and other times as well!). This is a great practice when and for addressing triggers, pain, and stress. 

  • Show up with warmth, calming presence and tone of voice, attunement, eye contact
  • Provide verbal acknowledgement of the other’s distress and experience, put words to it
  • Offer deep breathing or synchronizing breaths, eye contact or eye gazing, and gentle reassuring caring touch (don’t force hugs!)

When partner’s meet their own and each other’s needs, they heal and grow… And change their stuck repeating patterns… They deprogram…

Embracing a coregulation practice is a super loving way to be in relationship and to deepen your connection. Now this addresses what feels like missing in your relationship, and helps with building that connection you crave… Now that’s partnership, cocreation, and Love!

Check out the video version…

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
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Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
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Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
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Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Do you believe in unconditional love or conditional love?

Do you believe in unconditional love or conditional love?

Some might believe they love unconditionally, because they believe that’s what’s expected and what’s appropriate in love… But upon further inspection it is obvious that their love is conditional… Is there a right way to love? Should we love unconditionally? Or should we, what some might consider, be smart about it and love conditionally?    

In my book, love has nothing to do with conditions… 

Now, this doesn’t mean we put up with abusive situations, or situations that don’t honor who we are, or that don’t support our purpose and our life Journey… This also doesn’t mean we are to be doormats and have no expectations in our relationship… All these things could be true, and we could still love the other… 

So, when people believe love is conditional on certain things, that doesn’t really add up because we can obviously love no matter what, codependence and other dynamics and conditions aside…

But because we can love no matter what, it doesn’t mean we put up with a less than radiant and successful relationship… One that helps us become our best self… One that enriches us and makes our journey better…

Loving unconditionally means we invest in loving beyond the issues, in spite of the issues: 

~ We invest in cultivating our love, so it doesn’t get tied up with conditions and eroded by unmet expectations… 

~ We invest in creating the best relationship to support and help expand our love… 

This means we create the perfect space for our love. And this doesn’t mean a perfect relationship- there is no such thing. But it means a relationship in progress to its fullest potential… 

Now this is journey worth investing in- playing in this realm and experiencing the rewards it yields is one of the best feelings… It’s so satisfying and fulfilling to take the interactions to the next level where both partners feel fully heard, understood, and accepted. Where they feel appreciated for who they are and what they contribute to the relationship and the other’s life. Where they feel deeply connected, and nourished and enlivened by their interactions. 

Let’s commit to playing in the realm of having a relationship in progress to its fullest potential, where our love can thrive and shine…

Let’s commit to nourishing our relationship to blossom our love[Join us at our upcoming free event to get the insights and tactics to support you with this! Replay available]

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Relationship Nurturing Verbs List for a fun way to invest in nourishing your relationship. 

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Embrace love as a verb, action your love …
Inspiration & Authenticity
Transform your relationship using your strengths…
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Not sharing expectations leads to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments
From Desperate Anger to Blooming Passion
It is possible to create harmony and everlasting love [Video]
Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

What to do if feeling like you want more… [video]

What to do if feeling like you want more… [video]

We are experiencing a stronger need for connection and love in the collective, some of us might be more aware and attuned to that than others. This has always been a theme in the work we do with our couples in couples therapy and marriage counseling. But there seems to be a deeper longing and more significant desire for more affection, connection, intimacy, and communing.

We might be experiencing this as life lacking luster, as an identity crisis, as aimlessness or boredom, as loss, sadness, or grief, as anger or disillusionment, as friction, frustration, drama, or conflict, or in a myriad of different ways…

We might be feeling really uncomfortable in our own skins, in relationship with our partner, in our professions or careers, in our other roles, and in our place in life in general at this time… We might be feeling a little lost, upside down or alone… We might be wondering what’s the meaning of everything and what’s our place in it… 

Does this resonate? 

These existential questions are not to be feared, and definitely not ignored and swept under the rug. 

These are just signs that we are ready to grow, to upgrade, to uplevel… To evolve… To awaken… 

This just means that we are ready to take our human experience to new heights. That’s very cool in my book, and I say bring it! 

But what does this mean for our everyday? For our feelings? For being in relationship with our partner? And everything else? 

Well, I say we take it easy and address what is the most uncomfortable first… Where are you suffering the most? What is keeping you up at night? What is giving you the most grief, anxiety and agita? 

Then focus on addressing that at the root. Not by throwing out the baby with the bath water- as in leaving your partner, leaving your job, or otherwise jumping ship. You might have to eventually do that if it serves your purpose and honors your life. But don’t jump to conclusions. 

Be curious first about where you are and what you need and how to go about meeting that need….  

Focus on learning you, learning your partner, learning new skills, tools and talents… All this will support you in creating a more exciting, enjoyable, and fun Journey… 

One way to jumpstart feeling more alive and aligned, is by investing in Love… Expanding your love consciousness

For additional support, check out this month’s Integration Experience on this topic that’s now on replay: Relate Intentionally and Authentically to Blossom Your Love. It’s available through our Radiance Membership at no additional cost.

Not a Member Yet, Enroll NOW!

And, in today’s podcast episode I have an energizing conversation with Francois Lupien on just what it takes to change things around. We talk about the power of our internal dialogue and how to have impactful interactions with others, how to go from victim of circumstances to creator of our own reality, how to reframe situations for more happiness and joy in our relationship and our life, and he offered a golden tactic to take things to the next level. 

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Relationship Nurturing Verbs List for a fun way to invest in nourishing your relationship. 

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Embrace love as a verb, action your love …
Inspiration & Authenticity
Transform your relationship using your strengths…
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Not sharing expectations leads to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments
From Desperate Anger to Blooming Passion
It is possible to create harmony and everlasting love [Video]
Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Your relationship needs nourishment to thrive and uplevel

Your relationship needs nourishment to thrive and uplevel

It is a common belief that committed relationships seem to fizzle out over time or not make it very long term. But this doesn’t have to be the case, in reality our relationship can get better with time… The thing is that because of that belief, the way that we set up our lives, and social trends, we just don’t expect to have a radiant and successful long-term relationship where connection and intimacy just get better with time. We are not all in from the get-go and settle from mediocre until it no longer works… A relationship not nurtured doesn’t thrive

That’s why it’s super important to commit to a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle, where we prioritize our partner and our relationship and invest in a Successful Relationship Strategy™:

  • Upgrading our relationship mindset
  • Improving our communication skills and tools
  • Addressing unresolved issues and properly getting our needs met
  • Deepening our connection and increasing our intimacy
  • Creating a smooth collaboration and strong partnership with our partner

When we take our partner and our relationship for granted, the connection withers away, our intimate life takes a hit, and interactions get frayed with friction and conflict. We find ourselves fighting more and / or becoming more and more distant until there is barely a semblance of a relationship left… 

Living in the same home and having children in common is not substantiative enough to call that relationship your “Relationship”. 

A rewarding, satisfying, radiant and successful relationship is one where the partners: 
~ Feel at home when they are together. 
~ Are (healthily, not codependently) invested in the other’s wellbeing and success
~ Deeply understand and accept each other
~ Can truly be themselves and they are cherished for who they are
~ Have shared values and dreams 

This is the radiant and successful relationship we can create with our partner, and what we are to protect and sustain once we achieve it.   

The key here is first of all, not let it go south when we first start a new relationship. To set it up well from the beginning, with boundaries, reasonable expectations, honesty, trustworthiness, vulnerability, and authenticity. And then to continue to invest in those qualities and other powerful relational tactics to ensure we set up a strong foundation.  

But even after all that, and especially if our foundation is weak to begin with, we might get sidetracked with life where we start neglecting our relationship and taking our partner for granted. Hopefully we have the awareness that this is happening, and we can nip that in the bud and course correct to get back to a strong place. 

And if for some reason we don’t catch the downward slope early enough, or we just can’t seem to stop what appears to be a train wreck, that’s ok- just recommit to getting back to a good place and then invest in doing so. 

Getting professional help, in the form of couple therapy, marriage counseling or relationship coaching, would be beneficial at any of these stages, but it’s definitely needed if you are struggling and can’t seem to get your head above water. The sooner you get support the greater the chances of setting things on the right course and creating what you desire. Don’t wait too long, sometimes the damage that gets made is very difficult to undo. 

In most cases you can get back to that wonderful place and create something amazing… You CAN create the relationship you desire… 

So regardless of the status and state of your relationship, commit to investing in making it awesome. Commit to ongoingly, and even systematically, focus on nourishing your relationship so it has a chance to thrive.

Check out our FREE 1-pg downloadable Relationship Nurturing Verbs List for a fun way to invest in nourishing your relationship.  

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Embrace love as a verb, action your love …
Inspiration & Authenticity
Transform your relationship using your strengths…
Start a new relationship, with your partner
Not sharing expectations leads to disagreements, conflicts, and arguments
From Desperate Anger to Blooming Passion
It is possible to create harmony and everlasting love [Video]
Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Embracing rituals as connection, healing and change agents [video]

Embracing rituals as connection, healing and change agents [video]

If we are looking for new beginnings, a fresh start or a rebirth, there is a very special tool that can support this endeavor. And that is the tool of Rituals… Rituals infuse our interactions and relationship with the elixir of life… They bring aliveness, vibrancy, and joy to the special moments in our life. Even in their cuteness and simplicity like coloring eggs for Easter, they are super powerful in conveying meaning, creating connection, and transmitting love…

Rituals demarcate the passage of time, acknowledge special circumstances and life transitions, and help us celebrate our loved ones and our life. They provide a sense of cohesiveness and belonging, a way of cherishing ourselves, they pass on legacy and meaning, they deepen our experiences, and they serve as healing agents.  

Rituals are like super foods for the soul!

The thing about them is that they hold us, shape us, sustain us, and connect us. They provide a structure for creating special moments and meaning out of the seeming passage of time. They influence our beliefs and experiences. They nourish us and they create a bond between us. 

Embracing rituals in our daily routines, celebrations, rites of passage and life-cycle transitions with our partner and in our family is a powerful and enriching tool that takes our experience to new heights… 

The key is to be mindful, intentional, graceful, and compassionate in our approach to creating them. Where everyone’s needs and perspectives get addressed and incorporated. These heal, strengthen, and enrich us, our relationships and our life. 

Regardless of our preference for a big to-do or something simple, having everyone involved have a say on how the ritual or experience plays out and contribute in their own way is super validating, transformative, and uplifting.

They provide us with a chance to get out of the material and everyday, into the esoteric realm of meaning, joy, and love. Rituals are a wonderful addition to our refresh helping us upgrade, uplevel and upshift into our fresh start, a rebirth… 

In this companion podcast episode, I’m honored to share time with the wonderful Dr. Evan Imber-Black a prominent contributor to the Marriage and Family Therapy profession. We have a lovely conversation about the significance of rituals, their purpose, what makes a great ritual, and how they are impactful in special family and relationship circumstances like step-families and multicultural families.

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Create Spaciousness for the New to Emerge, Get the FREE Refresh for Newness Checklist!

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
What do you need to de-clutter?
Detox your life and your relationship
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Detox to surrender the old and allow the new… (VIDEO)
Detoxing for Relationship Success!
Focus on removing any toxicity from our interactions…
Cleanse yourself of resistance and friction for new beginnings
How do you renew yourself?

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

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