From Old Patterns to New Love, Fostering More Meaningful Connection

From Old Patterns to New Love, Fostering More Meaningful Connection

Call me weird, call me naïve, call me a hopeless romantic, but I choose to believe there is more love in the air and in the world than we sometimes see… I know this might be an unpopular opinion given the state of the world, but our reality is what we make of it. While plenty may challenge this belief, our reality is shaped our own state of mind…

Have you ever seen the movie It’s a Beautiful Life? It’s about a father in a concentration camp who shields their young son from the horrors of their situation by turning it into a game. Because of his father’s unwavering perspective, the boy never experiences the trauma of their conditions in the same way. Watch the trailer here

This story reminds us of something profound:

  • We are super powerful creators…
  • What we think and what we believe, we manifest…
  • What we focus on, grows…

Why not put this superpower to work, as we can create whatever we desire.

For me, that means focusing on love- helping couples create their radiant and successful relationship and rekindling their love. Actually, not just rekindle it but create something new, a New Love…  

 

What is this New Love?

For starters, the concept of New Love is about transcending our limitations to be as loving as we can be…

~ Letting go of the pettiness of our lower self

~ Releasing attachments to perceived limitations

~ Having grace for our own and other’s shortcomings

~ Being generous with- kindness, openness, flexibility, understanding, acknowledgement, acceptance, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, attention, affection, nurturing, support, cooperation, collaboration (Correlating to the 5 Elements of the Successful Relationship Strategy™)

~ Investing in win-win outcomes and elevating love as a collective experience

This Higher Perspective elevates us for a Grander Experience…

  • When we filter life through pettiness, we act petty
  • When we filter life through generosity, we act generously
  • When we filter life through love, we act lovingly

We can identify what we want to create and experience, and have it grow by simply focusing on and cultivating its related virtue, quality, feeling or state.

 

What this mean for our relationship

Here is the beautiful part: Aside from just feeling amazing and having a fabulous personal experience, you’ll notice your partner starts to shift along…

We can’t possibly operate from this Higher Perspective and not have it rub off on others, especially the ones closest to us, like our partner.

But a word of caution: Our approach has to be authentic and heart-felt. Not just lip service, hedging, conditions, or strings attached. Which are lower-self’s rules of engagement… With limiting underlying programming still running the show… This is the larger part of us and wins every time. So if there is a discrepancy between how we are showing up or our desire and what our programming dictates, the programming will impact the outcome no matter how hard we try…

Your partner and others will always respond to the underlying patterns, regardless of the words and actions. That’s why so many people say, “I tried everything, and nothing worked.”

We want to bring consciousness to our patterns allowing for a sustainable Higher Perspective. For there we can fill the space left behind by the dissolved patterns with the good stuff…

Now is the time to embrace this New Love.

Give it shot: Address your patterns and replace prior sabotaging habits with ones that nourish you, nurture your relationship, and delight your partner…

Now they can take hold and allow for that Grander Experience

Happy Loving…

With Much Love & Light!

 

RESOURCES

~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

~~ Download our Date Your Partner Protocol to learn how to better date your partner for more fun, connection and love!  

 

PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership
Radiance Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

What Struggling Couples Can Learn From Successful Couples (Ep.32)

What Struggling Couples Can Learn From Successful Couples (Ep.32)

There is a difference on how successful couples show up to their relationship, versus how couples who struggle in their relationship do. The couples that create an amazing relationship are fully committed to their partner and to making the relationship work. They know that life might throw curveballs and that they might experience challenges, but they are committed to seeing them through together. They don’t look at their relationship and their partner as disposable if they hit a rough patch in the relationship. They are all in and willing to figure it out. 

They are willing to put in what it takes to crack the code at creating a radiant and successful relationship. They invest in themselves and the relationship to continue to uplevel their game.  

Making this level of commitment might be innate to the partners, who they are as people, and their development level. It might also have to do with how much personal work they’ve done for themselves, and how they have embraced a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle. Meaning that they are super intentional about minding their relationship and prioritizing their partner… 

Through my work with couples during almost 3 decades at this point, I have come to see similar patterns that playout in relationships for couples that are struggling. These cluster into 5 main areas of relationship. These patterns when not addressed wreak havoc in the relationship and present a serious struggle for the partners. Gone unaddressed create demise for the relationship. They corrode the bond and the partners’ love. They get in the way of partners creating the relationship they desire and love. 

Addressing those patterns, facilitating personal development and expansion, and providing relationship insights, tools and skills, informed a therapeutic approach that I’ve named the Transcendental Relationship Therapy™, that includes our signature process, the Successful Relationship Strategy™.

THE SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP STRATEGY

The Strategy consists of 5 Elements, the 5 relationship areas, that when optimized create a transformation for a couple that is struggling. Successful couples tackle these elements naturally, intentionally investing in improving on them as needed. They bring higher level of awareness to their relationship. 

Here I provide a brief description of the Elements along with how partners who struggle go wrong in these areas, and a takeaway for immediate implementation and transformation. And I offer 4 virtues to cultivate for each of the 5 Element to assist you uplevel in that particular aspect of your relationship. You’ll have 20 virtues to play with as you like to start transforming your relationship to the relationship you desire and that you both love…

Element 1 – Circumstance (Context) & Mindset

This has to do with how we choose to show up, what we contribute to the relationship including our believes, our values, our dreams, and our desires. This is all our mental content and patterns, all our subconscious programs and conditioning. And how we approach boundaries and personal ownership.  

Couples that struggle bring stories of victimhood and have old scripts and limiting beliefs running rampant and coloring their experience. They also have thought patterns, habits, and a strong negativity bias that don’t support them in creating what they desire. They point fingers, blame, and pass the bucket. They don’t have strong accountability or take full responsibility for themselves. These partners are quick to state how they partner needs to change or what they need to improve…   

Takeaway > Focus on cleaning up and updating your relationship mindset to that of being fully in and being allies, for engaging with your partner as the most important person in your life- your Partner in this life Journey… 

Virtues to Cultivate

Commitment – Demonstrating loyalty and dedication shows your partner they can count on you, even through challenges. Commitment reinforces the longevity of the relationship. >> Commit to a specific caring gesture your partner loves that you’ll do at a cadence of your choice

Confidence – Believing in yourself and your worth enhances self-esteem and helps create a balanced relationship where both partners feel valued. >> Take on a hobby or activity you enjoy to stretch and expand yourself

Conviction – Standing by your values and principles helps guide the relationship in a positive direction, ensuring both partners grow together with integrity. >> Identify your values (get our Core Values Guide!) to share with your partner and to create shared ones

Contentment – Appreciating your partner and the relationship as it fosters gratitude and satisfaction, reducing unnecessary friction or conflict. >> Implement a shared Relationship Gratitude Journal, Appreciation Sessions, or other gratitude practice

Element 2 – Communication & Alignment

This has to do with getting on the same page, resolving conflict, making decisions, having genuine apologies, and having meaningful conversations. It involves using healthy communication skills and tools, being respectful, receptive, attuned, and authentic. Having great communication goes a long way. 

Couples that struggle focus on saying their piece, pushing their agenda, and getting their way. Even the quiet partners have this underlaying pattern, though they might have different drivers and motivations. They don’t utilize proper communication tools and skills, even when they have them. Making assumptions about their partner’s motives, intentions, desires, and so on. They escalate disagreements, don’t repair properly, if at all, and have a difficult time getting to any resolutions.  

Takeaway > Focus in upgrading, upleveling and enhancing your communication skills and tools 

Virtues to Cultivate 

Clarity – Communicating your needs, feelings, and thoughts clearly prevents misunderstandings. Clarity also means being transparent about intentions and expectations. >> Identify a small topic that usually trips you up, and invite your partner to chat about it with better skills

Civility Being polite and respectful during both good and bad times ensures that conflicts are handled gracefully and that feelings are protected and the bond safeguarded. >> Invite your partner into a challenge or game of civility- see who wins at being more courteous! 

Carefulness Being thoughtful about your words and actions shows care for your partner’s feelings. It ensures that decisions are made with their well-being in mind. >> Take an action you’ve been postponing to show your partner you get it and care  

Courage Having the courage to express vulnerability, tackle tough conversations, or navigate challenges strengthens the bond and promotes growth. >> Create a moment to share 3 vulnerable or risqué thoughts about yourself with your partner…

Element 3 – Clarity & Dynamics

This has to do with our relationship dynamics… The patterns we repeat from unresolved childhood issues, wounds, or disappointments… We call this the relationship loop… This is where a partner’s sensitivities or wounds get triggered, to which they respond with their usual defense mechanisms, which in turn trigger their partner, and when they respond with their own defense mechanisms trigger the initial triggered partner some more… This is where all the emotional content, patterns, and programming resides. All our unconscious and buried conditioning driving the show.  

Couples that struggle have a hard time self-regulating, they are easily triggered and become reactive, turning disagreements into arguments and possibly fights with the potential for further escalation. They have the same repeating conflicts and unresolved issues. They have poor insight and awareness as to their sensitivities, emotional drivers, and patterns. And they also lack awareness as to their impact on their partner and their needs, boundaries, and sensitivities. These are some indicators of codependency in the relationship.   

Takeaway > Focus on identifying and addressing your triggers, your core wounds or unresolved issues, and your defense mechanisms that contribute to getting stuck in a power struggle- your loop…

Virtues to Cultivate 

Calmness – Remaining calm during disagreements helps prevent escalation and promotes constructive communication. It fosters a peaceful environment where both partners feel secure. >> Implement a mindfulness practice to assist you get grounded, integrated and regulated for more resilience

Composure – Staying emotionally composed during conflicts prevents regrettable actions or words, allowing for thoughtful resolution and healing. >> Think on the things that usually aggravate you and identify a deeper need beneath it that you can meet

Compassion – Empathizing with your partner’s struggles and offering support without judgment deepens emotional intimacy and trust. >> On a daily find something to be compassionate for towards your partner

Consistency – Being dependable and predictable in your behavior builds trust and security in the relationship. Small, consistent acts of love make a big difference. >> Identify a behavior that meets your partners deeper needs to do on a regular basis

Element 4 – Connection & Intimacy

This has to do with creating, maintaining, and deepening connection in our relationship. As well as exploring our physical intimacy, expanding our passion, and taking it to new heights for sacred love making and earth shuttering connection. This is where partners flirt, play and have fun together. 

Couples that struggle barely show up to their relationship. They show up with toxic habits and old patterns, and with their Lower Self… They neglect their relationship and not prioritize their partner. Everything else gets their best energy and attention- from their children to their career or business to miscellaneous stuff! When our partner is THE most important partnership and resource we have in this life experience… Neglecting our relationship is like boarding up a gold mine… 

Takeaway > Focus on prioritizing your partner and the relationship in your thoughts, your actions, and how you manage your energy, bandwidth, and time 

Virtues to Cultivate

Caring – Expressing genuine concern for your partner’s physical and emotional health strengthens trust and deepens the bond. Small acts of care, like checking in or offering support, go a long way. >> Build in Connection Habits™ to automate nurturing your relationship!

Charity – Practicing generosity in giving time, attention, and support demonstrates selflessness in the relationship. Charity here also includes giving grace and forgiving mistakes. >> Set aside consistent Couple Time to have fun together, debrief or address things, and connect more meaningfully

Cheerfulness – Bringing joy and positivity to the relationship helps create an uplifting atmosphere. A cheerful attitude can lighten tense moments and keep the relationship fun. >> Bring out the fun, lightness and joy with cute, funny, and playful gestures 

Creativity – Finding new ways to keep the relationship exciting and fresh, such as planning unique dates or surprises, enhances joy and connection. >> This is where Dating Your Partner comes in – make it fun! (get our Dating Your Partner protocol!)

Element 5 – Collaboration & Partnership

This has to do with creating a strong partnership, a well-oiled machine to run the business of life and create a shared life you both love. The key is to divide and conquer utilizing your own strengths and having each other’s back. Setting up structures and systems and implementing support to smoothly take care of the mundane responsibilities, and saving time to apply to meaningful projects, ventures or activities. 

Couples that struggle are chaotic and overwhelmed. They haven’t clarified expectations, clearly divided responsibilities, they don’t have efficient and rewarding daily and weekly routines, they don’t have systems for collaborating and taking care of business. They get in each other’s way and sabotage any progress they might make. They are inconsistent in their efforts and frequently end up behind the eight ball.

Takeaway > Focus on creating cadences to help you synchronize with your partner around sharing responsibilities and running a smooth life

Virtues to Cultivate 

Collaboration – Collaborating on a shared vision, planning the future, shared goals, and mapping out strategies strengthens unity and alignment. >> Have a talk about what kind of life you want to create and live and how you’d like to go about creating it 

Cooperation – Working as a team to achieve goals, get things done, manage your shared life, and resolve conflicts, demonstrates teamwork and mutual respect. >> Make sure you have a divide and conquer approach to all your responsibilities (get our Relationship Collaboration System!)

Compromise – Finding common ground during disagreements ensures that both partners’ needs are met, strengthening understanding, acceptance and belonging. >> Identify an activity or pursuit that you usually struggle getting on the same page on and find the common ground there

Competence – Being reliable and capable in fulfilling responsibilities (e.g., managing finances, supporting during tough times) contributes to a stable and dependable partnership. >> Select a task or project flowing from your shared goals that can draw from your brilliance to run with and crush it

This is a framework to assist you assess where you need to invest more or differently in your relationship to create the transformation you seek and ultimately your Radiant and Successful Relationship, and meaningful life.  

Hope this information serves you and helps you get on the path to your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life. 

 

Episode Transcript

Learn more about the Podcast and check out other great episodes!

If you enjoyed the episode, we’d love for you to leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts to help others discover the show.

 

MENTIONED INSIDE

Successful Relationship Strategy™ Playlist

FREE Downloadable Exercises and Implementation Support 
Identify Your Core Values
Dating Your Partner
Collaboration in Relationship

FREE Downloadable Handout On Setting Effective Boundaries

FREE Subscription to The Upleveling Challenge 

JUST FOR YOU

NEW! Monthly Activating Protocols
Establish Your Highest Potential in 10 Key Life Areas, Design Your New Life
Having a North Star ensures we stay the course on the path we desire on our Journey. It ensures we create the relationship and life we love, and have the Human Experience we desire… In this activation, we walk through a Visioning and Expansion Process to reprogram and reset for the New Year… We take a deep dive and activate the Highest Potential in 10 Life Areas to drive your reset. You get to explore your heart’s desires and identify the specific actions, tactic, or habits you’ll implement to create your New Beginnings, and your Ideal New Life… We design your ideal lifestyle you can start living immediately that’s the framework to live your Grand Life Adventure…

Don’t have a Membership with us yet? Access it and much more through our Radiance Membership! (Only $29 per month)
Get Enrolled NOW

RESOURCES

~~ Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

~~ Download our FREE 1-pg Core Values Guide to align your vision today! Make your relationship resolutions, goals and dreams come true and create a shared life you love!

~~ Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our select memberships:
Radiance Membership – Transformational content and experiences subscription (Only $29 per month!) 
Success Membership – Private sessions and Radiance Membership access! (Start with an Initial Session)

~~ Interested in being our Guest? Interested in having Emma be a Guest in your Podcast?
Contact us about a possible collaboration!

 

 

DISCLAIMER: This content is meant to support your Journey and not as a replacement for professional assistance. Additionally, the ideas and resources provides by our guests are their ideas and recommendations alone and not necessarily a reflection of mine

Copyright (c) 2025 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

Pin It on Pinterest