When we are looking to create change, uplevel, and make a move in our relationship and our life, we might find that we don’t know where to start. Or that we have tried all the things we know and ran out of ideas and so are feeling hopeless. Or that we feel so stuck we want to give up. Or that we know what we have to do but are too scared to take a first step or an action towards making a change. All this is part of the human experience when we are trying to better our situation, create what we desire and continue to evolve to the best version of ourselves…
But not to fret, even though this is part of the human experience, it doesn’t mean that we have to endure additional suffering. It doesn’t have to be hard at the end of the day.
If we were to actually fully own ourselves and not our partner or others, if we stayed in our circle. If we focused on honoring ourselves, our own evolution and growth, and how we show up to our relationship and our life instead of using excuses, victimizing ourselves and blaming others. We’d truly be empowered and able to create what we desire in all areas of our life…
What if we were to focus on keeping our side of the street clean… On showing up with our best self- resourced, self-regulated and soothed, boundaried, compassionate, attuned and kind and generous. Can you image how fast your interactions would shift? How fast your relationship would uplevel? I can, I see it day in and day out not only in my own relationship but in countless others with the couple therapy work we do.
What is some of the work to do?
~ Declutter your relationship and life perspective- clean up distorted thinking ~ Clear, deconstruct and deprogram patterns- heal and release old wounds and stuck emotions ~ Detox from defensive and reactive mechanisms- upgrade coping mechanisms and self-regulation ~ Reset stories, scripts and narratives- replace the victim with a victor mindset ~ Clean up your approach to your partner and your circumstances- try different tactics, skills and tools
When you let go of the old, the hurts, wounds, patterns, practices, habits, characteristics, and such, you create space to become more who you are- your better version of you, creating a refresh for the new to immerge in all areas of your life…
Here is to a replenishing and shifting refresh and to all the newness!
In today’s podcast episode, I have a lovely and fun conversation with Cinthia Hiett, also a relationship expert, where we discuss toxic interactions in relationship, dealing with an immature spouse or an immature partner, what codependency looks like in relationship and in the world, how to set boundaries, growing ourselves up and dealing with our inner child, and so much more.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we are entering the season of cleaning, decluttering, cleansing, clearing, and detoxing for a refresh and to create space for newness, for a rebirth, we are faced with the choice of how much, if at all, we play with this. It is up to us how we choose to do our Journey. Are we proactive and victors, or are we passive and victims in our relationship and our life… Whatever our usual, we are still faced with a choice. If you are usually passive, here is a chance to step up your game.
And let me tell you, we can play full out or simply select an area to focus on and go about it gently. Whatever our style of doing things, we can honor that if that serves us or we can choose to change even that if we are looking to really uplevel our relationship and our life…
Usually how we do anything is how we do everything…
But we can empower ourselves and start making different choices. We can take more ownership and choose to do things differently, to change habits, to deprogram, to become our best self, the best partner, and the best human we can…
We can choose to stop being who we usually are (a collection of habits and patterns…) or at least relieve the parts that no longer serve us to uplevel ourselves. Things we’d address include our sensitivities, pet-peeves, coping mechanisms, defenses, reactions, and anything else that’s our go to…
Here is our chance to get rid of what we no longer want, what doesn’t work, what gets in our way and holds us back, what numbs, mutes, covers and snuffs us out… Anything that gets in the way of our authenticity, and our ability to be who we truly are…
We might have done a good amount of clearing (deprogramming and healing) already but have a bit more to do, or we might have not even started getting our house in order… This is where we get to choose how much we’ll tackle and where we want to focus.
Areas to focus on include but are not exclusive to:
We might not even know where to start, if we even want to, and never mind choosing how much to do. The whole thing might feel overwhelming.
Which brings me to what I want to offer today, and that is to check-in with yourself about this. Not to impetuously decide on something, as a reaction, from ego, or from the top of your head. Give yourself a chance to really get in touch with what investment would make the most sense for you. Where do you want to place your focus and energy to most move the needle forward.
To that end, a great solution for this is to practice Sitting in Silence…
Sitting in silence promotes:
Relaxation and stress relief
Calm and inner peace
Brain development
Physical healing
Mental health
Processing
Concentration and focus
Productivity
Learning
Self-awareness
Intuition
Creativity
Patience
Mindfulness
Sleep
As you get all these benefits, you’ll have a greater sense of where you need to place your focus and energy. You’ll know what areas need to be addressed first so you can leverage them for better and faster results, and ease…
And most importantly you’ll be doing the resourcing, deprogramming, and healing to begin with. You can’t go wrong! You’ll be already doing what you want to do before you even start doing it. Bam!
To draw the benefits of sitting in silence to support your refresh and help you create space for the new, be proactive about adding this to your daily routine… Put your devise away for a few minutes, and gift yourself this refresh for newness.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We’ve done amazing work this month getting rid of the noise, creating spaciousness, revitalizing ourselves, and just refreshing for newness… When we clean up, when we create space, when we reorganize, when we get quiet, attuned, and inspired, then we are able to tap into new realms… We can tap into anything we want… The universe is the limit… Let’s discover the newness instore for you…
We can Discover newness only when we are ready for it… If we continue to have, do and be the same old, we’ll continue to create the same old… Make sure you have Refreshed for Newness:
This refreshing process has led us to Dreaming our big dreams… Now we can take the next step in making change happen. I’m sure you’ve already experienced some shifts as you created new energy and flow… Let’s now ride this momentum to mold and create what we desire… It is time to Discover the possibilities…
Dreams will stay just dreams if we don’t do anything about them…
It is our job to explore the possibilities and how to make them happen. But before we get to the how and the what, we must first explore the Why…
The Why is the inspiration, the motivator, the driver, the focus- it’s what keeps us going when it seems unplausible and impossible…
Doing the drudgery of our life, the minutiae and the everyday is mind numbing and tedious when there is nothing we are shooting for. We need a North Star to make even the most mundane meaningful… Our North Star is our Why, it is our creation, it is the reason for our Human Experience… This is what give our life meaning and makes it worth living!
So, what is your big dream? What’s the Why behind it?
Keep asking yourself why is that important. Once you have an answer, ask why is That important. Once you have an answer to that, now ask again why is That important. And, so on, a few times, until you get a deep and meaningful answer…
This is the Big Lens to keep on as you plan, organize, and go about your life. Have everything be informed by this…
What is Possible…
Now, you are ready to explore the possibilities and Discover the newness instore for you…
The environments – What’s décor, feel, brand? What purposes do they meet? What systems are included? What experiences do they inspire?
The everyday – What are your routines and habits? How will you show up? What parts of you are you owning, embracing, showcasing? How are you stretching and evolving?
The relationship/s – How are you treating others? How are you nurturing your relationships? How are you creating meaningful interactions? How are you enjoying your loved ones?
The achievements – What are you working towards? What are your strategies? What are your projects? Who are in your Teams?
The big picture – What kind of life do you want to live? What do you want to have accomplished at the end? What would have been an extraordinary life?
You see when we created spaciousness, cleaned up our ways and reorganized ourselves, we created opportunity… It is up to us to use the new energy and possibilities to create something new… We can create whatever we desire…
Watch the video for embracing this refresh and creating something new… Enjoy!
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
I’m sure you’ve heard a version of the saying that if you can see it, you can create it. Yes? What does this mean for you? Does this mean that the Elon Musks of the world get to have huge dreams and then make them happen allowing us to space travel and such? I say we own our own power a bit more and embrace what we can see, we can create also… How about it? Let’s dream and inspire your alternate reality…
Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to dream big… Hey, some lost their ability to dream period. We’ve been taught to be realistic, practical, and not to shoot for pies in the sky… I call that bullbleep!
Any real advancement in our society has come from dreaming. Any real achievements by people have come from their dreaming. Anything I have achieved in my life, including birthing and raising the loveliest of human beings, our daughter, has come from dreaming. I’m sure this is true for you- that anything that you have done you have dreamed first…
So, why then stop and settle for what we have created so far? If our imagination and our dreaming got us this far, it can take us even further… Why not? The Universe is literally the limit…
I say we take ourselves playfully seriously and embark in allowing ourselves to Dream again, to dream more, to dream bigger…
This is one of the qualities that makes us endearingly human… This is a quality that is necessary for our survival as a species and for our continued evolution. This is the same quality in each of us that allows us to have our Best Human Experience. This is the quality that will allow you to take your relationship and your life to the next level…
In our Refresh for Newness series this month, we have been getting ready to create our New Reality… We covered: Decluttering, Detoxing, and Deconstructing
Now we turn to Dreaming up our new reality for if we can see it, we can create it… Let’s envision our glorious Journey, let’s create our Life Vision, let’s connect with our Alternate Reality where our bigger dreams can come true…
Our Alternate Reality…
We are taking out the big guns now. LOL In the last post on Deconstructing, we started creating our new reality, but it was still reality based… We started breaking up what Is, and creating space for something new… We started creating something new… But now, I want us to challenge ourselves to take this a step further…
Why stay within the realm of what we know might be possible and shoot for just improving…? (And few don’t even allow themselves this luxury! UGH!) Why not go beyond that? Why not envision the best we can? Why not shoot for more, for much more…?
For example, why shoot for just getting along with your partner, having more intimacy, and creating a lovely lifestyle- when you can shoot for creating the strongest and greatest partnership ever and having an epic love affair with your partner. Where the everyday is just that, and we operate jointly at a higher level of creation, fulfillment, and enjoyment… See what I mean?
~ What would this strongest and greatest partnership ever with your partner look like? ~ What would this epic love affair with your partner look like?
This is when you start with a blank canvas, forget your history, your story, your dynamics, who you each have become in your relationship, who you think you each are, what you think your limitations are, etc., and start completely fresh… Start imagining your best relationship ever, with your partner, without any reservations…
This is a super powerful exercise that allows you to stretch into what is possible…
Do the same for the rest of your life. Think as big as you can for what you want your life to be… Watch out for those limiting beliefs and any reservations…
Just dream your Dream, full stop.
When you exercise the power of your imagination. When you stretch to visualize beyond the ordinary. When you embrace your courage to become your extraordinary self and create your extraordinary life. You do!
Give yourself the chance to create beyond what you’ve been creating… Give yourself the chance to take your whole entire life to the next level. Why not??
I say let’s start now. Don’t let fear get you. Don’t let doubt get you. Don’t let yourself get in your own way. You can become the next version of yourself and create your next level in your relationship and your life starting right now.
Just visualize your Best Life, in a vacuum… Yes, that’s the secret- start from scratch and dream your big dream…
Let your dreaming invite newness, create opportunities, open new possibilities, inspire you…
I’ll spare you the explanation of what your brain, psyche, relationship/s, the universe will do with this- just trust and play full out!
APPLICATION: Make a commitment to trust and allow, to be open to newness…
~ Set time to be with yourself and for going inward, to dream… ~ Let yourself relax and be in the moment, let go of responsibilities and shut out distractions. ~ Explore in your mind’s eye or with your imagination what you’d like your ideal, best, extraordinary life to be, look and feel like… Explore all areas of your life, including your relationship of course. ~ Imagine yourself in that life- what are you like, what do you look like, and how do you feel. What do you love about this life and how does that make you feel? ~ Sit with your newfound cocktail of feelings and bring those back with you upon completing this experience…
Capture in your Journal what stood out to you from your dreaming and visioning… What were the most prevalent feelings… Make it a point to feel the feeling you felt, regardless of your external experience…
Our best life starts inside ourselves…
We are cooking with gas now! We’ve decluttered, we’ve detoxed, we’ve deconstructed, we’ve dreamed… Stay tuned for making your dreams come true with next week’s post.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality…
We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered:
Today we are focusing on Deconstructing… We want to shake up the belief systems, narratives and stories we hold about who we are, our relationship and our life…
We like to believe that we live in a solid and static reality, that what we see and measure is what Is… But scientists have proven this ideology wrong, and that the observer influences what is observed… We live in a fluid reality (actually, we live in a multiverse/reality, but that’s beyond this writing! LOL). Feel free to do your own research if this is a new concept for you…
Our reality is what we make of it as it is what we observe… Additionally, what we observe is influenced by who we are, or rather what lens we put on…
~We have a choice on how we look at things, what we choose to see and how we interpret them
~We have a choice on how we think about things, how we spin them and the meaning we give them
~We have a choice on how we proceed with what we think and how we allow it to dictate the rest
What is fascinating about this is that there is choice everywhere, even the lens we put on…
Everything is constructed… There is no real true reality!
What does this mean for us? It means freedom, that’s what it means. It means we don’t have to be beholding to the habit of being ourselves…
We don’t have to be stuck with the hand we believe we were dealt…
We don’t have to be who we think we are.
We don’t have to be in the relationship we think we are in.
We don’t have to have the partner we believe we have.
And so on, for all this is constructed!
Everything in our life is the repetition of the observation, the thought, the feeling and the behavior. These are all habits (patterns)!
You can decide to be a different person, and be it. You can decide to have a different partner, and have a different partner (without exchanging them for a new person). You can decide to have a different relationship, and have it. You can decide to have a different life, and so it is…
I’m sure this feels really farfetched if you are not used to this fluidity… and looking at things this way… But give it a try nonetheless.
It is extremely liberating to surrender the constraints of what we think Is…
A New Reality…
We can create whatever reality we want… Once you are open to this possibility, anything is possible (pun intended!).
Self – What character strengths would you like to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the world?
Start cultivating these strengths, show up as the person you want to be… Keep course correcting when you go back to being your usual self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Relationship – What kind of partner do you want to be? What kind of relationship do you want to create? How do you want to show up to your relationship?
Start showing up as this partner, responding as this partner and nurturing as this partner… Keep course correcting when you go back to interacting with your usual self (when your partner supposedly instigated something from you [purposeful sarcasm]). It takes a while to create a new habit…
Life – What kind of life do you want to have? How abundant is your life? What experiences do you want to have? How is your life meaningful?
Start noticing more all the awesomeness in your life, being more grateful for everything in it, setting intentions for experiencing your amazing life, and upgrading the meaning you give it… Keep course correcting when you go back to your usual witnessing self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Pay attention to your belief systems, your narratives and your stories – all these can be dismantled and reassembled in any way you’d like… You can make any case you want… Make beautiful and empowering ones!
You can connect dots however you like to make up whatever picture you want…
You can interpret data however you like to make whatever case you want…
Your reality is just a construction… Construct what you want!
This is your starting point, deconstruct and reconstruct what you already have… See the freshness emerging already!?
APPLICATION: Select what area you want to focus on shifting immediately: Self, Relationship, Life
~ Set time aside to play with your reality
~ Review how you look at your selected area- what is your usual experience and how would you describe it
~ Then look for what other ways you can choose to experience your reality- what if you were to look at it from a 180 degree perspective, what if you were to make the opposite case of what you normally make, what if you were to make a case from your partner’s perspective (or someone else), what if you were to make a case from your therapist’s perspective, what if you were to make a case from your higher self’s perspective, what if- keep going…
Sit with the spaciousness and freshness created… From here anything is possible…
Embracing this concept liberates us from constraints, self-sabotage and self-imposed limitations. This creates a surge of energy that brings freshness and newness. And with them the possibility for new beginnings…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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