Plenty of research shows that the way we communicate impacts our relationship’s success, and this is true for all communication across all disciplines and contexts. But do we really need the research to tell us that? Can’t we immediately tell when we are in an interaction with someone else if we are being heard and understood? Can’t we immediately tell if we are connecting and resonating? Yes, we can! If we pay attention, we can see that the way we show up to our interactions impact how those interactions pan out… The more authentic we show up the better the interactions go…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up whiny, judgy, critical, controlling, demanding and the like, that you encounter resistance from the other side…
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you show up open, vulnerable, compassionate, understanding, accepting, collaborative and the like, that you encounter receptivity, willingness, cooperation, resonance, and flow…
The key then is in how we make sure we show up for better connection and more resonance…
We want to show up with a clear conscious, which means we take full ownership of ourselves and accountability for our actions, we stop the blame game and waiting for others to change, we do what we know is right without making others wrong, and we take the high road even when others insist on pulling us into the low road…
We want to show up with our Best Self, which means we are resourced (not hungry, tired, disregulated), mindful, available, present, attuned, interested, intentional about having a clean, meaningful and loving interaction…
We want to show up with our heart, which means we check our ego and notice our patterns giving us the ability to be caring, forgiving, compassionate, generous, kind and tender, and specially to be vulnerable, forthcoming, and to speak our truth…
For this is where the connection and resonance will happen… When we truly show up to an interaction without all the layers of protection, defenses, and pretenses, is when we are truly showing up as ourselves and that is when we can be truly seen, accepted, and loved…
Unfortunately, most interact from pretentiousness, superficiality and shallowness. Then they wonder how come they feel alone, lonely, unseen, rejected, unappreciated and such.
If you are not showing up, there is nothing to appreciate…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to connect…
If you are not showing up, there is no one with whom to vibe!
So take stock of where you are suffering, what is bothering you, what is not working in your life, what you would like to change, and see how much YOU are really showing up to those situations…
Take a look at the quality of your presence… Are you being conscientious, showing up with your Best Self and speaking from your heart?
Note, speaking from the heart and honestly doesn’t mean you have no filters and you have a out-of-jail-free-card where you can let it rip and give unsolicited feedback and share all your grievances about how someone else such- you see how damaging and inappropriate this is?
No, speaking from your heart means speaking YOUR truth (not the truth about others LOL). It means sharing your inner world about yourself (not your critical thoughts and impressions about others). It means sharing your hurt, your desires, your dreams…
Speaking from your truth means putting yourself out there to be seen, to be known, to be loved…
This also means using your intuition and judgment about whom to share yourself with, when and how… This is very important- we don’t want to set ourselves up in any way… Discernment is a virtue…
Start taking stock and making your shifts to speak your truth, gently and lovingly, more assertively when necessary, making sure you show up with who you really are and share your heart…
Show up with love, be love, and you’ll receive more love…
APPLICATION: Identify have you haven’t been fully authentic and true to yourself…
~ Make a list of things you hide, keep to yourself, have never shared, secrets, parts of yourself you hide, dreams and desired you suppressed, and everything else that is significant about you that you don’t let out- that you don’t honor at the end of the day…
~ Make a commitment to slowly but surely start showing up with more integrity, more authenticity, more vulnerability, more truly yourself…
~ Mark the items you want to do this with first and set the intention to mindfully and intentionally go about sharing yourself more…
It is time to start really showing up more to your relationship and your life…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
With the start of Spring, a New Season, just around the corner, it behooves us to get ready for a fresh start, so we can ride the wave into a New Beginning… The key is to create the space for this by letting go of the old…
That could mean anything from things in our environments, aspects of our routines and habits, commitments and attachments, mindset and limiting believes, even our identity as we covered in last week’s article… But most importantly, we can create a new beginning by letting go of resistance…
What we resist persists… and then we don’t have space for the new… Then uplevels, upgrades, and change can’t happen…
When we focus and complain about all the ways in which our day went wrong, how we didn’t stick to our diet, how we failed in our parenting, how our partner didn’t show up as the partner of our dreams, and so on, we are in a perpetual state of negativity…
This perpetual state of negativity keeps us focused on what doesn’t work or what is not working, making it bigger and bigger… And eventually all consuming. Have you noticed how bad a bad thing can get…
A negativity focus creates more friction and resistance…
But what if there is a different way… That of having a different focus, creates a different perspective, which in turn creates different possibilities… This loosens things up and now we are open for change…
What if we let go of focusing on how things should be, the principle of it, the unfairness of it, the discomfort and such. What if we focused on what is already working, what has improved, what could be, what is possible…
What if we focused on what is amazing, what brings us joy, what we love…
And no this is not about burying our head in the sand. This is about also noticing and being grateful for the good stuff…
From a fresher, cleaner, gentler, more open, and less resistant position and energy, we are more agile, expansive, resourced and able to allow the new to come in…
We are able to see new ways, new options, new opportunities and therefore Allow in and Receive Newness… From this more flexible and expansive stance and perspective we are able to create our New Beginning…
What if we stop constricting and contorting ourselves to fit into some ideological mold we are after…
What if we stop creating so much friction and resistance by controlling, forcing and pushing…
What if we let others be who they are and we Be who we are, freeing ourselves to continue to Become who we truly are and living a much more harmonious, peaceful, joyful, loving and abundant life…
This is accessible and possible for all of us at every moment… We just have to choose it, realign and course correct as necessary, and keep tweaking how we show up to honor ourselves more and more every day. Let’s let go of the dead weight, the friction, the resistance and let’s flow going forward.
Here is to simply and beautifully letting go, and to New Beginnings…
APPLICATION: Take stock of how your relationship and your life feel… Where there is tension, friction, breakdowns, hassles, annoyances, disappointment, resentment…
~ Identify how you might be showing up with resistance- negativity, close mindedness, control, exertion and the like…
~ Identify their driver of what you identify- limiting believes, expectations, habits, lack of skill, support, attention, etc. and so on
~ Address the most prevalent one for immediate relief… Letting go of it, freeing and lightening yourself…
Cleanse yourself of old ways, allow the new to flow in…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We’ve done amazing work this month getting rid of the noise, creating spaciousness, revitalizing ourselves, and just refreshing for newness… When we clean up, when we create space, when we reorganize, when we get quiet, attuned, and inspired, then we are able to tap into new realms… We can tap into anything we want… The universe is the limit… Let’s discover the newness instore for you…
We can Discover newness only when we are ready for it… If we continue to have, do and be the same old, we’ll continue to create the same old… Make sure you have Refreshed for Newness:
This refreshing process has led us to Dreaming our big dreams… Now we can take the next step in making change happen. I’m sure you’ve already experienced some shifts as you created new energy and flow… Let’s now ride this momentum to mold and create what we desire… It is time to Discover the possibilities…
Dreams will stay just dreams if we don’t do anything about them…
It is our job to explore the possibilities and how to make them happen. But before we get to the how and the what, we must first explore the Why…
The Why is the inspiration, the motivator, the driver, the focus- it’s what keeps us going when it seems unplausible and impossible…
Doing the drudgery of our life, the minutiae and the everyday is mind numbing and tedious when there is nothing we are shooting for. We need a North Star to make even the most mundane meaningful… Our North Star is our Why, it is our creation, it is the reason for our Human Experience… This is what give our life meaning and makes it worth living!
So, what is your big dream? What’s the Why behind it?
Keep asking yourself why is that important. Once you have an answer, ask why is That important. Once you have an answer to that, now ask again why is That important. And, so on, a few times, until you get a deep and meaningful answer…
This is the Big Lens to keep on as you plan, organize, and go about your life. Have everything be informed by this…
What is Possible…
Now, you are ready to explore the possibilities and Discover the newness instore for you…
The environments – What’s décor, feel, brand? What purposes do they meet? What systems are included? What experiences do they inspire?
The everyday – What are your routines and habits? How will you show up? What parts of you are you owning, embracing, showcasing? How are you stretching and evolving?
The relationship/s – How are you treating others? How are you nurturing your relationships? How are you creating meaningful interactions? How are you enjoying your loved ones?
The achievements – What are you working towards? What are your strategies? What are your projects? Who are in your Teams?
The big picture – What kind of life do you want to live? What do you want to have accomplished at the end? What would have been an extraordinary life?
You see when we created spaciousness, cleaned up our ways and reorganized ourselves, we created opportunity… It is up to us to use the new energy and possibilities to create something new… We can create whatever we desire…
Watch the video for embracing this refresh and creating something new… Enjoy!
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
I’m sure you’ve heard a version of the saying that if you can see it, you can create it. Yes? What does this mean for you? Does this mean that the Elon Musks of the world get to have huge dreams and then make them happen allowing us to space travel and such? I say we own our own power a bit more and embrace what we can see, we can create also… How about it? Let’s dream and inspire your alternate reality…
Somewhere along the way we lost our ability to dream big… Hey, some lost their ability to dream period. We’ve been taught to be realistic, practical, and not to shoot for pies in the sky… I call that bullbleep!
Any real advancement in our society has come from dreaming. Any real achievements by people have come from their dreaming. Anything I have achieved in my life, including birthing and raising the loveliest of human beings, our daughter, has come from dreaming. I’m sure this is true for you- that anything that you have done you have dreamed first…
So, why then stop and settle for what we have created so far? If our imagination and our dreaming got us this far, it can take us even further… Why not? The Universe is literally the limit…
I say we take ourselves playfully seriously and embark in allowing ourselves to Dream again, to dream more, to dream bigger…
This is one of the qualities that makes us endearingly human… This is a quality that is necessary for our survival as a species and for our continued evolution. This is the same quality in each of us that allows us to have our Best Human Experience. This is the quality that will allow you to take your relationship and your life to the next level…
In our Refresh for Newness series this month, we have been getting ready to create our New Reality… We covered: Decluttering, Detoxing, and Deconstructing
Now we turn to Dreaming up our new reality for if we can see it, we can create it… Let’s envision our glorious Journey, let’s create our Life Vision, let’s connect with our Alternate Reality where our bigger dreams can come true…
Our Alternate Reality…
We are taking out the big guns now. LOL In the last post on Deconstructing, we started creating our new reality, but it was still reality based… We started breaking up what Is, and creating space for something new… We started creating something new… But now, I want us to challenge ourselves to take this a step further…
Why stay within the realm of what we know might be possible and shoot for just improving…? (And few don’t even allow themselves this luxury! UGH!) Why not go beyond that? Why not envision the best we can? Why not shoot for more, for much more…?
For example, why shoot for just getting along with your partner, having more intimacy, and creating a lovely lifestyle- when you can shoot for creating the strongest and greatest partnership ever and having an epic love affair with your partner. Where the everyday is just that, and we operate jointly at a higher level of creation, fulfillment, and enjoyment… See what I mean?
~ What would this strongest and greatest partnership ever with your partner look like? ~ What would this epic love affair with your partner look like?
This is when you start with a blank canvas, forget your history, your story, your dynamics, who you each have become in your relationship, who you think you each are, what you think your limitations are, etc., and start completely fresh… Start imagining your best relationship ever, with your partner, without any reservations…
This is a super powerful exercise that allows you to stretch into what is possible…
Do the same for the rest of your life. Think as big as you can for what you want your life to be… Watch out for those limiting beliefs and any reservations…
Just dream your Dream, full stop.
When you exercise the power of your imagination. When you stretch to visualize beyond the ordinary. When you embrace your courage to become your extraordinary self and create your extraordinary life. You do!
Give yourself the chance to create beyond what you’ve been creating… Give yourself the chance to take your whole entire life to the next level. Why not??
I say let’s start now. Don’t let fear get you. Don’t let doubt get you. Don’t let yourself get in your own way. You can become the next version of yourself and create your next level in your relationship and your life starting right now.
Just visualize your Best Life, in a vacuum… Yes, that’s the secret- start from scratch and dream your big dream…
Let your dreaming invite newness, create opportunities, open new possibilities, inspire you…
I’ll spare you the explanation of what your brain, psyche, relationship/s, the universe will do with this- just trust and play full out!
APPLICATION: Make a commitment to trust and allow, to be open to newness…
~ Set time to be with yourself and for going inward, to dream… ~ Let yourself relax and be in the moment, let go of responsibilities and shut out distractions. ~ Explore in your mind’s eye or with your imagination what you’d like your ideal, best, extraordinary life to be, look and feel like… Explore all areas of your life, including your relationship of course. ~ Imagine yourself in that life- what are you like, what do you look like, and how do you feel. What do you love about this life and how does that make you feel? ~ Sit with your newfound cocktail of feelings and bring those back with you upon completing this experience…
Capture in your Journal what stood out to you from your dreaming and visioning… What were the most prevalent feelings… Make it a point to feel the feeling you felt, regardless of your external experience…
Our best life starts inside ourselves…
We are cooking with gas now! We’ve decluttered, we’ve detoxed, we’ve deconstructed, we’ve dreamed… Stay tuned for making your dreams come true with next week’s post.
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality…
We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered:
Today we are focusing on Deconstructing… We want to shake up the belief systems, narratives and stories we hold about who we are, our relationship and our life…
We like to believe that we live in a solid and static reality, that what we see and measure is what Is… But scientists have proven this ideology wrong, and that the observer influences what is observed… We live in a fluid reality (actually, we live in a multiverse/reality, but that’s beyond this writing! LOL). Feel free to do your own research if this is a new concept for you…
Our reality is what we make of it as it is what we observe… Additionally, what we observe is influenced by who we are, or rather what lens we put on…
~We have a choice on how we look at things, what we choose to see and how we interpret them
~We have a choice on how we think about things, how we spin them and the meaning we give them
~We have a choice on how we proceed with what we think and how we allow it to dictate the rest
What is fascinating about this is that there is choice everywhere, even the lens we put on…
Everything is constructed… There is no real true reality!
What does this mean for us? It means freedom, that’s what it means. It means we don’t have to be beholding to the habit of being ourselves…
We don’t have to be stuck with the hand we believe we were dealt…
We don’t have to be who we think we are.
We don’t have to be in the relationship we think we are in.
We don’t have to have the partner we believe we have.
And so on, for all this is constructed!
Everything in our life is the repetition of the observation, the thought, the feeling and the behavior. These are all habits (patterns)!
You can decide to be a different person, and be it. You can decide to have a different partner, and have a different partner (without exchanging them for a new person). You can decide to have a different relationship, and have it. You can decide to have a different life, and so it is…
I’m sure this feels really farfetched if you are not used to this fluidity… and looking at things this way… But give it a try nonetheless.
It is extremely liberating to surrender the constraints of what we think Is…
A New Reality…
We can create whatever reality we want… Once you are open to this possibility, anything is possible (pun intended!).
Self – What character strengths would you like to have? What kind of person do you want to be? How do you want to show up in the world?
Start cultivating these strengths, show up as the person you want to be… Keep course correcting when you go back to being your usual self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Relationship – What kind of partner do you want to be? What kind of relationship do you want to create? How do you want to show up to your relationship?
Start showing up as this partner, responding as this partner and nurturing as this partner… Keep course correcting when you go back to interacting with your usual self (when your partner supposedly instigated something from you [purposeful sarcasm]). It takes a while to create a new habit…
Life – What kind of life do you want to have? How abundant is your life? What experiences do you want to have? How is your life meaningful?
Start noticing more all the awesomeness in your life, being more grateful for everything in it, setting intentions for experiencing your amazing life, and upgrading the meaning you give it… Keep course correcting when you go back to your usual witnessing self. It takes a while to create a new habit…
Pay attention to your belief systems, your narratives and your stories – all these can be dismantled and reassembled in any way you’d like… You can make any case you want… Make beautiful and empowering ones!
You can connect dots however you like to make up whatever picture you want…
You can interpret data however you like to make whatever case you want…
Your reality is just a construction… Construct what you want!
This is your starting point, deconstruct and reconstruct what you already have… See the freshness emerging already!?
APPLICATION: Select what area you want to focus on shifting immediately: Self, Relationship, Life
~ Set time aside to play with your reality
~ Review how you look at your selected area- what is your usual experience and how would you describe it
~ Then look for what other ways you can choose to experience your reality- what if you were to look at it from a 180 degree perspective, what if you were to make the opposite case of what you normally make, what if you were to make a case from your partner’s perspective (or someone else), what if you were to make a case from your therapist’s perspective, what if you were to make a case from your higher self’s perspective, what if- keep going…
Sit with the spaciousness and freshness created… From here anything is possible…
Embracing this concept liberates us from constraints, self-sabotage and self-imposed limitations. This creates a surge of energy that brings freshness and newness. And with them the possibility for new beginnings…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ Creating a Self-Love Practice – Designing and implementing your personalized practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat – Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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