Although you might appreciate your partner, do you really appreciate them? Or do you appreciate them when they do things for you and when they conform to expectations… Is your appreciation based on their doing and superficial qualities, or their personal characteristics and essence… How much do you appreciate your partner?
Depending on the length, status, and quality of your relationship, you might have varying degrees of appreciation on conditions and appreciation for its own sake…
There is nothing wrong with appreciations on conditions, we do want to appreciate everything our partner contributes to our life.
It’s interesting that some partners refuse to appreciate or acknowledge their partner’s contributions. They believe what is being contributed are things that should be contributed as being part of a relationship…
These are the same partners that don’t appreciate their partner’s complementary characteristics, preferences, tastes and the like…
And these are the partners that always have complaints about their partner and their relationship. They focus on what didn’t get done, on what went wrong, on how their partner didn’t meet their needs, on how their partner wasn’t their best self…
It is a lot of work to be in this kind of relationship. There is little grace for imperfections, mistakes, limited bandwidth, wobbly moods, low energy, etc.
The interactions are very ego and fear based. The partners are focused primarily on their side of the equation and what they get… By the way, this is the second stage of relationships, the power struggle…
But imagine that you feel strong enough within yourself, consistently take care of yourself, and consistently address the scripts and programs that come up…
And imagine that as a result, you don’t filter your experiences with your partner through your fear lens, your scripts, and your needs… That you are able to see your partner for who they are and not what they do for you…
Then, what would you see? Wouldn’t you see an amazing human being, who is choosing to share their journey with you, and share themselves the best they can…
Regardless of where you fall on this spectrum, the main question still remains- How much do you appreciate your partner? Whether you tend to have appreciation on conditions or appreciations for their own sake, how much do you let your partner in on this?
Does your partner know what you appreciate they do and who they are? How do they know? Do you tell them? Do you tell them in real time? Do you make special time to share this with them, to do appreciations?
We start all our sessions with Appreciations, and we encourage our couples to do appreciations on their own- to have Appreciation Time. These never get old and it’s a wonderful way to nurture your relationship.
An appreciative heart is an abundant and expanded heart…
APPLICATION: Share the concept of Appreciation Time with your partner
~ If you don’t already have Appreciation Time in your relationship, discuss creating space for this to relish each other
~ If you already have Appreciation Time in your relationship, discuss what you love about this practice and ways of enhancing it…
Our Partner is one of the most important people in our life, wouldn’t it stand to reason to fully understand why and to let them know why we appreciate them so…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Stop withholding when you have an issue with your partner. You can still be nice… Unfortunately, when we are upset with our partner, we tend to closedown shop. We are no longer open for business. And this is not just about being intimate.
We take this to the next level. We lose our courtesy, we can’t appreciate, we get mean, and we can even become uncaring, underhanded, and spiteful. When the opposite is required to sustain a radiant and successful relationship… Being super generous…
I’m sure you can identify with the above. There is actually a spectrum of this experience. Sometimes when we are upset, we might even want to ditch the relationship…
I want to make a distinction about being upset and annoyed with our partner and being triggered.
Things might bother us, we might not agree with something, we might be disappointed, we might be put out or inconvenienced, and the like – such is being in relationship.
But when we get triggered, different filters come on… We forget who we are, we forget who our partner is, we forget the moment and we are thrown into an abyss of pain…
~ It’s like we got kicked in the chest and we can’t breathe… ~ It’s like we are thrown off a cliff and are free falling…
Our very survival feels threatened at some level…
When we are triggered we forget the current year, we forget we are not interacting with our caretakers from growing up, we forget we are radiant energetic beings, that we are awesome, that we have everything we need inside ourselves, and that everything is OK…
We get thrown into our little story of our little/lower self with our little life where everything is scary…
So, it makes complete sense that it would be very challenging to care about our partner’s feelings and their needs when our survival feels threatened… We can’t possible concern ourselves with being nice when we are in that state…
This requires lots of self-love, compassion, understanding and grace…
But this is not what I’m talking about here…
~ I’m talking about our regular upset and annoyance that we can easily address. ~ I’m talking about arguing for argument’s sake. ~ I’m talking about making points out of principle. ~ I’m talking about proving yourself right and your partner wrong… ~ I’m talking about trying to win over your partner. ~ I’m talking about doing relationship math, keeping score cards and doing tit-for-tats… ~ I’m talking about holding our ground just because we think it’s our boundary. ~ I’m talking about operating from our lower self because we are too lazy to clean up the moment!
This is not way to create our amazing relationship. What’s the point in all that?
How about we embrace the higher road, align with our higher self, and operate from generosity instead? When we are triggered, we are not ourselves – this requires special attention. But when we are just upset or annoyed, we can do a lot better!
And please know that I know that even this request might be too much for you. If you are finding that you are struggling, and it feels impossible to be generous because you are too depleted, then that’s the place to address. Focus on repleting yourself first.
Have a hooky day, a self-care day, a slower day. Be gentle, be compassionate. Give yourself lots of love…
Be super generous with yourself, and then with your partner….
APPLICATION: Maybe it’s time to rethink generosity… Maybe it’s time to reconsider the Law of Reciprocity…
~ How about we give just to give ~ How about we give with gusto ~ How about we concern ourselves with giving vs what we get ~ How about we actually receive what we are giving… ~ How about we appreciate what we get…
Gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, giving and receiving are not as simple as they seem. Some have to be more intentional about these to enrich their relationship, and their lives…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Thanksgiving is about really appreciating everything in our lives… A grateful heart is like a magic pill… There are so many ways to embrace a Gratitude Practice and being Thankful. When we appreciate our life in its full glory, the challenges and all- as they are for us, then we are abundant…
From an abundant place we can genuinely be generous to enrich the life of others, and in turn our own. Today, let’s focus on Expanding Generosity (Thanksgiving Series Pt3).
No matter how we cut it, there is always someone who has less than us or has it worse than us… And helping alleviate their suffering or making their lives better in some way not only does it help them, but it also helps us…
Being generous is a lovely character strength that add to who we are… It helps us have a fuller human experience. It enriches our lives. And it helps us make the world a better place in the process…
Generosity is a Win-Win affair.
Cultivating being generous is super fun and super rewarding.
Learn 3 unique ways of Expanding Generosity…
Watch the video to learn three unique ways of Expanding Generosity and rock the Season of Giving…
APPLICATION: When we expand how we show our generosity is permeates the fabric of our life. Our generous nature shines through touching other’s hearts and in turn making us feel good.
I – Identify the area where you haven’t been as generous as you’d like: With yourself, with your loved ones, with others at large…
II – Make a commitment to become more generous in that area
III – Embrace Expanding Generosity with GUSTO:
Yourself – It’s easy for us to run ourselves into the ground and forget our basic needs if we are not careful… Recalibrate your calendar (Time Map) so you create a gentler approach to your days… Build in: Buffer Time, Transition Time, Me Time. And use these times as designated… Don’t allow them to get sucked up by other demands…
✔️Make sure you milk Me Time! Add what nurturing activity you’ll do for yourself during that time…
Your Loved Ones – Some tend to be nicer to strangers… How about we are more generous with those we love? Be very intentional about the language you use and use kind and gentler words as much as possible. Make a list of nicer words you’ll use, nurturing gestures you’ll sprinkle into your days, and different ways and times you’ll give more affection…
✔️Make sure you get creative with your words, gestures, and affections- delight your loveys!
Others at Large – When we think of giving, we usually thing of contributions and donations. Which, of course, are absolutely fine and if that’s what you do please continue to do so.
But being generous with others goes beyond specific “giving”, it has to do with showing up with a generous heart the rest of the time as much as possible. How about giving more generous tips, more compliments, and being present with your eye contact and attention?
✔️Make sure you take this on to a degree that the receiving person takes note of the generosity!
Notice how good it feels to be generous and kind to yourself and others…
Generosity is not just about giving money or donations to charities or special causes. Generosity starts with having an open and kind hear with ourselves and those around us…
Expand Generosity with gusto!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holidays posts to help you Start Your Season Right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Did you know that the better you feel, the easier and more joyful your life becomes? Whether you look at this in terms of having high vibrations and attracting other high vibration experiences in your life.
Or, if you look at this as when you feel well, you have more energy, you have more patience, you have more bandwidth and such to apply to your life. Or just as, feeling well is all that matters. The important point is that we want to feel well, happy. The better we feel, the better. Here is to feeling better by Embracing Gratitude (Thanksgiving Series Pt2).
There are a multitude of ways to make ourselves feel better, but what better way this Season than with: Grace, Gratitude, and Generosity…
Not only are these amazing character strengths to embrace and rejoice with during the Holidays Season, but they are great character strengths to develop and embrace all year around. These are great characteristics to cultivate through our personal development work for increased wellbeing…
Today in Part2, we’ll focus on Embracing Gratitude. 🙏
Embracing Gratitude is a wonderful antidote for dispelling fear, anxiety, anger and the like. Our brain can’t be in a triggered state and in a gratitude state at the same time…
This is one of the reasons we start all our sessions with Appreciations. Where the partners get to share what they appreciate about the other and what the other has done or how they’ve been since the prior session.
Focusing on the yummy stuff also invites more yummy stuff. It reinforces that what the other is doing or how they are showing up is appreciated, which serves as a reward and incentive…
It sets a different tone to the session. There is a shift to a pro relationship mindset…
It curves the negativity bias and helps reprogram it…
And, other goodies…
All these benefits are just within the context of a therapy session, and within its first few minutes. Imagine what an impact appreciation and gratitude can have in your life as an ongoing practice…
For now, let’s Embrace Gratitude for the next few weeks by expanding your Gratitude Practice, and reap 3 coveted benefits in the process….
Watch the video to learn how to expand your Gratitude Practice and about the benefits you get as a result…
APPLICATION: The feeling of Gratitude is one of those super feelings that is easy to generate and has a wonderful impact on our wellbeing, our life, and the world at large… Embracing Gratitude with a Gratitude Practice built into our lifestyle is key to really integrate this potent elixir into our life.
Select one or more tactics below to really play with in the coming weeks:
Appreciation Habit – We tend to have negativity bias in how we view everything, especially our partner and our relationship… This is the worst thing to allow to flourish in your relationship if you are interested in creating a Radiant and Successful Relationship…
✨ Create a time in your daily routine where you get to spend a few minutes with your partner sharing appreciations about each other and acknowledging their investment in making your relationship, home and life more awesome.
Thankfulness Lens – First thing upon waking put on a Thankfulness Lens:
✨ Set the intention to notice the beauty in your life and world, see the positive and opportunities in situations, recognize the good intention behind your partner’s actions
✨ Be thankful for all these treasures
Honoring Differences – We live in a world where homogeneousness is valued, or rather where differences are not really tolerated… How about deciding not to contribute to polarizing views, believes, perspectives, actions and general approach to life?
✨ Notice where you are intolerant, prejudice, inflexible, judgmental and the like and decide now to widen your views and approach.
✨ Choose 3 behaviors you can integrate into your life to loosen the usual limiting grip and Transmute this wasted energy. This applies to political views, friendships, in-laws, children, and most importantly your partner… For example, stop begrudging your partner their wish for more separateness… Build-in more personal time into your lifestyle.
Embracing Gratitude is a wonderful sentiment to add to our Holidays Season and merriment. Additionally, being Grateful is a potent character strength that when harnessed within a Gratitude Practice it becomes a powerful tool for creating an amazing relationship and gorgeous life…
This one is a keeper!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holidays posts to help you Start Your Season Right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Whoa, it’s that time of year again! As we start November, we are entering the Holidays Season and with them the inevitability of being stretched thin, overwhelmed, and stressed out. Unless of course, we are intentional and proactive about having a Zen Holidays and year-end… To help us cultivate our Zen this month, I’ll be doing a 3-part series covering Grace, Gratitude, and Generosity. Let’s start with: Giving Grace (Thanksgiving Series Pt1).
First off, why Grace, Gratitude and Generosity? Because I wanted to write on the theme of Thanksgiving and those three characteristics capture the essence of this holiday so nicely. Plus, they are a pretty set of Gs. 🤓 LOL
All kidding aside, these characteristics came to me for myself as I’m getting ready for my Holidays Season. I’ve been setting intentions and being proactive about my holidays for years now, and every year I’m inspired to add more simplicity, beauty, and Zen. My goal is to really be present and enjoy the simple pleasures bestowed by the magic of the season. ✨
🌟 Being easy about things 🌟 Letting go of perfectionism, annoyances, control and the like 🌟 Creating space for authenticity
We can give grace in all areas of our life – from how we treat ourselves, to how we operate in our business, to how we relate to our partner…
Learn how to apply this to your relationship!
Watch the video to learn how to give more grace in your relationship and how it helps create a major shift!
APPLICATION: Identify an area in your relationship where you experience a lot of frustration and pain. Then apply the 3-part lens to deconstruct your experience and embrace Giving Grace instead…
🌟Being easy about things – What do you wish in that area? What are your expectations? How do you communicate them? How do you go about making things happen or getting what you want?
🌟Letting go of perfectionism, annoyances, control – How do you look at what happens in that area? Where are you aiming for perfection? What do you let annoy you? How do you impose your way?
🌟Creating space for authenticity – How do you hold back, squash, your true essence? How do you silence yourself? How do you make yourself small? How do you so the same to your partner?
Now look at your answers and adjust the unrealistic expectations, rigidity, poor boundaries and mindset.
Revise your answers as to how you really want to be and show up…
When we embrace Giving Grace in the experience of our relationship and in our interactions with our partner, we soon notice that the relationship flows more smoothly, that there is less resistance from our partner, and that we feel more on the same page and connected.
Make Giving Grace a Holiday Intention™ this year!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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