Upgrading our programs and reprogramming ourselves has been all the rage… And it makes sense as we are waking up to the fact that we create our own reality… We want to create what we want after all, not something driven by our outdated and misguided programming…
Our programming constitutes of emotional and mental defenses meant to protect us. The problem is that they end up sabotaging our attempts at creating the relationship and life we desire… There are simple ways to change your programming…
Our programming simply developed as we grew up through interactions with our caregivers and the world. We learned what’s acceptable, how to be, how to think, how to look at the world, how to experience love, how to deal with disappointment and so much more through these interactions with our loved ones and by adapting to social norms…
These created patterns in our way of being and how we do our life… They inform everything about us. What we make of our ethnicity, our religion, our gender, and the like including our beliefs, our habits, and all the rest of it. But these are all constructions, We are a construction… This is not who we are…
All the patterns and habits that make up who we are as we usually know ourselves, are all but layers of muck covering the true Essence of who we are. Covering our innocence, our radiance, our joy… This is our true self, our authentic self.
Everything else can be deconstructed and reconstructed… We can reprogram everything…
What to Reprogram
And this is the good news! Because if we feel stuck, if we can’t make the changes we want, if we keep having the same old issues, if we can’t get to the next level and so on, it’s because we have a program that is keeping things just as they are presumably for our own safety…
This means that we can get unstuck and create what we desire by changing our programming…
When it comes to our relationship, we might have all kinds of programs going on about love, affection, intimacy, trust, support, worthiness, and so on… We have belief systems and expectations about these that are deeply ingrained.
There are also programs around who we believe we are, who others are, who our partner is, why we are together, how we should be in relationship, and so on…
And all this impacts how we look at ourselves, at our partner and our interactions- what kind of relationship, and life, we are able to create at the end of the day.
There are a multitude of ways in which we can reprogram ourselves, but I’d like to focus here on one that utilizes our relationship and that helps the relationship in turn. This has to do with Stretching…
We Stretch the spectrum of our characteristics, abilities, strengths, and such to be more inclusive and exhaustive… In other words, we reprogram ourselves for Becoming more whole…
How to Reprogram
We all know that opposites attract. That’s why partners always seem so opposite… One is neat, the other is messy. One likes to save, the other likes to spend. One is outgoing, the other is shy. And so on…
The oppositeness in couples doesn’t just stop at personal characteristics. It also impacts needs and coping and defense mechanisms…
Which in the surface might seem like a formula for disaster, and it can be- ask the many couples that didn’t create their successful relationship. But this is also a blessing, a way for partners to support each other’s evolution…
When partner’s get stuck in their power struggle trying to get their own needs met, and having a challenge also meeting their partner’s seemingly opposing needs, they have to stretch to get there…
It is in that stretching that we have to own other characteristics and strengths, that we might not have known we had, or that we have to develop. It is in that stretching that that we draw from our internal resources. It is in that stretching that we transcend the having to be right for being more compassionate, the micro for the macro, the minutiae for the connection, and such.
When we Stretch in our relationship to meet our partner’s needs, we are actually also growing and evolving ourselves… It’s a Win-Win.
This is the beauty of being in relationship. Our partner is our Life Partner, our Journey Partner. Them and the relationship are a Gift…
Hanging on to how this makes our relationship beautiful as part of our relationship mindset makes all the trials and tribulations actually exciting. Anytime you hit a bump it’s an opportunity for further growth. It’s an opportunity for evolving and becoming more our true Essence… And isn’t this what life is all about? If that’s not a Blessing, I don’t know what is.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When our relationship and life get challenging, we might wonder what we are doing wrong or what we need to do to fix them… What I’ve found to be true not only with our clients but in my own life is that it’s not necessarily what we do out there that makes the difference.
It’s really what we do in the inside that does. When we tend our inner world and are intentional about who we are, that’s when our external world becomes more magnificent… This is a simple way to change your programming…
Tending our inner world has to do with minding what thoughts we allow ourselves to think, what scripts and narratives we entertain, what mindset we subscribe to, and what kind of information we consume.
Tending our inner world has to do with minding our feelings, emotions and states, and honoring and meeting our needs.
The Challenge
Our brain and mind are the helm of our vessel if you may- they generate the thoughts, feelings and states, and give instructions for our actions. If we don’t take charge of them, by being intentional and deliberate about how they operate and let them run rampant, it shows in our output and what kind of relationship/s and life we create!
We can try as hard as we’d like to change our habits and force the good in our lives but if our internal world is messy, we’ll find that the changes we try to do not hold. We can’t stick with our commitments if they are just coming from our mouth and hands, and are not driven by a stronger purpose and program…
Oftentimes we are not in touch with our purpose and oftentimes we haven’t upgraded our programming…
This means that we are banging around life creating drama and sabotaging ourselves.
This means we are creating our life by default.
This means we are not living our full potential…
When we let our outdated programming run the show, we are easily triggered, we show up with chips on our shoulder, we are reactive with our defensiveness, and we just operate from the low-road, with our Lower Self… We operate from victimization, blame, and symptomatology- not our best look.
The Solution
The key is to tend our inner world so we reprogram and upgrade ourselves… So we don’t walk around like a ticking bomb or wasting our life away or having a real hard time of it…
How do we reprogram and upgrade ourselves?
In a lot of different ways… But for the purpose of this writing let me offer that a great approach is to pay attention to your feelings because they carry messages and then to attend to those messages…
This is where your partner comes in handy. They are the most important person in your life, your Life Partner, and the one that has the ability to trigger you really good. LOL Your partner is like a mirror, they get to reflect to you all the places that need tending… When they trigger you, that’s a sensitive area that needs attention…
So when you get triggered, identify what the trigger is about. What emotions and feelings are coming up. Expand on these feelings, don’t settle for just the reactive and protective feelings- anger, frustration, annoyed… Do deeper.
What is coming up for you- neglected, ignored, rejected, unwanted, alone, abandoned, dismissed. Or, small, criticized, controlled, not good enough, inadequate, unappreciated, devalued. These are just a small sampling. Pick out your flavor. Find your theme. Your wound…
Pay attention going forward, that every time you have a fight or conflict with your partner, that your wound got triggered… Find these vulnerable feelings in those moments. Those moments are not about making your partner wrong, being right or winning! Those moments carry information for your own healing. Tend to the feelings that come up.
When you tend the feelings and address what is causing them is when the healing happens and the reprogramming… You’ll become less and less sensitive to the usual triggers and they will no longer influence how you go about your relationship and your life…
This is how you take charge and really fully honor and take care of yourself. This is how you then create your radiant relationship and meaningful life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Hey, here is our chance to design our upcoming year. What will you add to yours? Being intentional about the relationship and life we create Allows us to create it… Intentioning is very powerful and underestimated… We want to be proactive and intentional about our life design, but we don’t want to be rigid with this… The key is focusing on what you would like to have more of in the New Year.
Step1-Clearing: Decluttering, letting go and making room for the new Step2-Celebrating: Reviewing and acknowledging experiences and accomplishments Step3-Contemplating: Visioning and planning for what we’d like for the New Year Step4-Candescenting: Mapping out of radiant experiences to expand ourselves Step5-Coordinating: Integrating plans and goals into your lifestyle Step6-Communing: Getting on the same page and collaborating on this with our partner
The thing is that depending on where we are in our relationship and our life, and our current circumstances, we might benefit from doing more or less planning…
~ The more we feel we, our relationship, and our life are a mess, the more we benefit from having a more concrete thought-out plan, that has clear routines, habits, and tactics. We need to really choose the things we want in our life that flow from our desires, vision, and values.
We can’t leave things to chance because things are so chaotic that we’ll just create more of that. Without a clear plan and guidelines, we’d just keep spinning and banging around… And the less likely we are to get out of this situation and current circumstances…
~ The more we feel we are doing ok, the lighter the planning can be where we can be more organic in our approach to our life. In this case we are in fabulous health, we are creating a radiant and successful relationship with our partner, and our life feels magical… We manifest easily and with ease.
Things feel smooth, pretty, and abundant most of the time. We’ve done the heavy lifting, all the doing, all the grinding and have moved to a more magnetic, flowy, and peaceful approach to all aspects of our life…
Our approach to our planning for wrapping up the current year and setting ourselves up for the New Year is to be tailored to where we are and how we are doing.
Regardless of whether we need a more organized plan or a more fluid plan, I want to offer the next level to our “planning”…
The next planning level has to do with bringing more awareness and intentionality to our planning…
Sometimes the vision we are working towards, and the goals and strategies we have been operating from, might be outdated… We could be expanding on preferences and desires conceived and outlined from an older version of ourselves… To add to this for our coming year would be a mistake for us as it keeps up with the ladder leaning against the wrong wall.
A revision and update might be needed to really capture how we have evolved and where we want to go…
And this is the icing:
The key is to focus on Allowing more of what we are looking to have more of by getting out of our own way. By Letting Go of outdated ideas, limiting beliefs, scripts, fear, defenses, ego, and such…
When we clean ourselves up and get lighter by reprogramming or releasing patterns and stuck energies, then we are more resourced to make our dreams come true, dreams without attachments, dreams that just feel fabulous in their own right… Dreams that just come true, easily and with ease as if by magic…
Consider what do you want more of in your relationship/life, and what do you need to let go of to be able to create that in your relationship/life- to Allow that to come into your relationship/life… More clarity and a cleaner slate help us do the right planning for us.
Then, set a clear Intention of what you desire, what you would like to experience, in the coming year to electrify and magnetize your plan… Make your plan come Alive…
APPLICATION: Decide if you need an organized or a fluid plan for the new year if you haven’t done yours yet. Make a commitment to create yours by end the end of the year…
~ Make sure you capture what the new version of you desires ~ Make sure you bring in what you’d like to add to your relationship/life in the New Year ~ Set an Intention for how you’d like the upcoming year to flow and feel
Approaching your yearly planning in a flexible manner that honors where you are at and who you are becoming is a delightful way to set yourself up to have your Best Year yet!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
When we cultivate a letting go practice, we proactively embrace the art of allowing… Huh? Does this sound like a foreign language to you? It did to me when I first started my self-love (spiritual) practice!
There is a whole other lingo that comes along as our self-care and self-love practice evolves… Letting go in relationships doesn’t have to do with just forgetting things and letting others step on us… Having a letting go practice is a whole art onto itself. It has to do with stopping the control and resistance and allowing our higher-self, the universe, to have our back…
Depending on where we are in our Journey, we can learn further Letting Go in Relationships for a more magical relationship and life experience…
~ If you are not very spiritual, or have a very minimalistic or non-existent self-care practice, then all of this might sound foreign and airy-fairy to you. I promise, that being open to and entertaining these concepts and practices more are literally relationship and life transformative…
~ If you are more middle of the road, this is a wonderful place to be as you have experienced the power and magnificence unleashed by being in this open and allowing state, and are still hungry for what else is available…
~ If you are further along in your Journey, you Know and live more in a Unity Consciousness state where allowing comes now more naturally to you and you effortlessly manifest a magical relationship/s and life…
With each of these levels there are more or less trauma, wounds, defenses/patterns, darkness/shadows (unseen parts of ourselves), limiting beliefs, and such still stuck in your body and psyche.
The more we’ve done our work, the cleaner or freer we become of these, and the more we become our Authentic Self- we shift from our Lower-Self to our Higher-Self…
The thing here is that we don’t want to make doing our work, another addiction, another habit, another pattern, another way of controlling, being rigid, and staying contracted…
I’ve had clients that managed to weaponize the tools and skills they learned in session! They would hold this very high standard for using them perfectly and a certain way, and blow a gasket when imperfection inevitably showed up… Heart-centeredness, compassion, connection, and collaboration went completely out the window…
When partners take responsibility for their own Journey, and stop making their partner wrong, victimizing themselves, and making a case for their limitations, they are then able to fully reside in their power. They can finally invite their partner into a gorgeous new dance…
Their mere shifting the focus from their partner to themselves, and how they can show up differently makes all the difference! This shift is possible when the partners start connecting to themselves more… This can be done with a rich self-love practice that includes proper self-care and mindfulness practices.
Partners focusing on their inner-world and connecting with themselves, helps them address their traumas, release their patterns, bring their shadows to light reprogramming themselves– literally rewiring and reconstituting themselves… They do all the healing and all the transcending…
These practices help Letting Go of the tightness, the contraction the rigidity, the control, the blame, the projections, the drama and all the crazy… Allowing for radiance and awesomeness to be a more prevalent experience…
Depending on where you are in your Journey, your letting go in relationships practice might look anything from:
Cleaning and decluttering your home
Clearing your calendar and lessening your workload
Softening your body and your language
Reauthoring scripts and upgrading belief systems
Accepting or making heart-felt and genuine apologies
Releasing repressed feelings and energies
To letting go of plans and strategies and operating from Knowing and the Now…
Embracing a Letting Go in relationships allows us to create, manifest, the relationship and life we desire…
APPLICATION: Take note of where you have excess, tight control, holding grudges and resentments…
~ Create a quiet moment to go within, sit comfortably, take a few deep breaths, relax your body ~ Tune into your body and ask it where is it holding any suffering or pain… ~ Ask that body part and the suffering/pain if it has a message for you, what does it want you to know, what does it need, what would it like… ~ Thank your body for all it does and the pain for alerting you of what you need… ~ Translate the message into an action- e.i., do a 30-day challenge or a 90-day commitment/declaration, declutter your home, open a savings account for a special project or goal, give an apology, release a behavior, etc.
Embrace a Letting Go practice that honors all of you and creates more space and lightness…
Allow radiance in your relationship and your life…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we begin to wrap up the Summer, let’s take stock of how we’ve done with our summer professional projects, personal projects, personal development, relationship enrichment, couple fun, and summer activities- in other words, our Summer Upleveling™… This is part of how to soak up the last of Summer.
We set out to take full advantage of what Summer has to offer with its more leisure pace. To enjoy and recharge. To use this time to reset, regroup, and realign with new inspiration. To make a dent in our transformation and in creating the relationship and life we desire…
Then we can bring that awesomeness into what’s next in our Journey this year…
As we are enjoying our last trips, outings, and activities of the Summer, let’s take a moment to soak in the joy, pleasure and abundance that is our life. Is it perfect? Probably not, and that’s ok. Our life is meant to keep improving and evolving, that’s the Journey, that’s the fun… For now, just take stock, enjoy where you are, and chill for a bit…
As we daydream, envision, and ponder about what’s next in our Best Life, let’s stay open for inspiration, new ideas, guidance, downloads, and such. When we slow down and quiet down that’s when we can connect better with our Higher Self and when we can actually hear its message and guidance… This is how we know what makes us happy, what our next move is, what to cultivate, what to play with, what to let go of, and so on…
Be with this subtleness and let it guide you. Let it inform how to wrap up the Summer and set yourself up for a rocking last quarter of the year. Let it show you how you might get in your own way. Let it support you and have your back. Let it show you the simpler and better way, and how to make your life easier.
When you are in a more leisure mode, you can better observe yourself and your life.Use this observation to guide how to better take care of yourself, what routine tweaks you have to make, what conversations you have to have, what boundaries you have to set, what clearing and letting go you have to do, what stepping up and cultivating to embrace.
Use the last of Summer to be with yourself and your loved ones,to set the tone for the upcoming season, to dream and plan together. This might be the time to explore what experiences, traditions, and rituals you want to play with this Autumn and Holiday Season.
Let the last of summer gift you its sunshine to bring forth into the upcoming season and the rest of the year.
APPLICATION: Set some time aside during the next week to:
Take Stock and Celebrate – What you’ve accomplished and upleveled so far this year and this Summer
Enjoy and Get Inspired – Be in the moment, soak up the last of the sun, disconnect from the usual and connect more with yourself
Dream and Plan – Think on what you’d like to feel, how you’d like to be and what you’d like to create the rest of the year, make plan to get it going
Let your Summer Upleveling™ juice you up and propel you to new heights through the rest of the year!
Gold stars for a great Summer Upleveling™!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Masterclasses
💐 If you missed our recent Masterclasses, you can still get them through our Member Center:
~ A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life –Designing and implementing your personalized self-love practice
~ Relationship Enrichment Mini Retreat –Reprogramming and shifting for connecting more deeply and creating the relationship you desire
~ Feeling Stuck and Spring Cleaning is NOT Cutting it – Deconstructing and reconstructing yourself to unleash the radiance within
~ Create an Epic Love Affair with Your Partner –Addressing the struggle and upleveling your relationship to create your epic love affair
~ Get Unstuck with Self ReParenting –Transmuting the patterns keeping you stuck by reprogramming yourself through inner child work
~ Thriving After Infidelity™ – Stop the torture that comes from discovery, get your new footing, and transform your relationship so that’s better than ever before…
They include gorgeous workbooks of transformational processes
💐 Not a member? No worries, join us with a Lifestyle Membership. This Membership includes access to our private community, full access to our Member Center and previous content, and access to upcoming Masterclasses at no additional cost, all for only $29 per month.
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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