Woohoo!! Happy Summer!! A lot of schools let out this week around these parts and coupled with the warmth and brightness of the sun, it really feels like summer now. Happy, happy. Don’t you just love the feeling of “vacation brain”? When things that normally grab your attention or feel like major priorities just don’t have the same urgency?
When you move slower than usual and you don’t feel bad about it? When your daily agenda actually seems reasonable and doesn’t look like it was meant to be completed over a week? When you can easily play hooky and it actually doesn’t set you back? When you are more productive with less effort? Ah, to embracing “vacation brain” full time…
I’m attributing the experience of “vacation brain” to the context around me. As we all know though, children being home and getting ready to go away for an extended amount of time are not normally conducive to peace of mind… Usually “vacation brain” doesn’t kick-in till the vacation in underway, if we are actually able to relax and enjoy… So, let’s rename and reframe.
How about “Zen-Brain”? However reasonable the initial association of “feeling on vacation” was to school-being-out and sunshine, something else is the inspiration. I find that continued focus on Transcendental Mindset™ and Mindfulness Practices gives way to Zen-Brain™. This has been part of my recent cocktail, and oh boy, what a pay-off! Feels like I’m on vacation every day!
Here is a preliminary attempt at “bottling” this, flowing from the structure of my Success Strategy™…
Embrace / Own Thyself (Context & Mindset)
Be authentic, claim your Gifts, establish-respect boundaries, let others be
I find that living by these makes life joyous. I find that embracing these makes life rewarding. I find that investing in how we do ourselves makes our life what we desire it to be.
How is your Transcendental Mindset? Are you able to let go of fear/control, guilt/blame, shame/inadequacies, grief/loss, lies/defenses, illusion/separateness, attachments/outcomes? This is easier said than done. Identify which of the above gives you the hardest time.
Make it your mission to conquer it and reap the benefits. What do you need to address this area of your life? Break it down and start putting stuff in place to support you in your Journey.
You’ll find that as you conquer these, life becomes so much more delightful and gratifying. Be gentle, caring and compassionate with yourself as you tackle this. This work is not for the faint of heart. Here is your first gold star for even considering tackling this. Keep rewarding yourself along way! Enjoy!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Embracing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Meditate, journal, vision, discuss, ponder, whatever, what these mean to you…
Be authentic
Be integrous
Be intentional
Be mindful
Be masterful
Play with integrating them more into your thoughts and interactions. Weave these in more and more into your Existence… Feel them, Be them.
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It’s interested that I’ve been finding myself saying to my daughter and husband, To get the right answer (answer to what we really want to know), we have to ask the right question. This has come up in situations in our personal life.
But, as I heard myself say this for the nth time, I realized there was actually something more meaningful and deeper going on for me than addressing a mundane activity or fact in relationship with my family.
I observed that working in supporting people create the relationship and life they desire, that we usually start in a place that is not feeling so good for them. They come see us because they are struggling, they are stuck, they are feeling hopeless, or simply not feeling well. There is Gap between where they are, and where they would like to be…
Actually, there is a gap between how they are Being and experiencing themselves and their world, and who they really are and the blessings they already in their world… There is a gap between themselves as they know themselves and their Higher-Self, Authentic Self… They are not really owning their brilliance, gifts, power, worthiness and such. They are usually victimizing themselves and operating from ego and defenses… I call this being dirty. LOL
When we operate from a clean and fully owned sense of self, our life becomes instantaneously amazing…
So, this brings me back to the asking of the right questions…
Consider these:
What’s the problem?
What’s bothering you?
What’s wrong?
What’s the matter with you?
Why did you do that?
Don’t you love me anymore?
Why are you so lazy?
To mention a few.
These questions are terrible! They imply brokenness, lack of resources, blame and criticism, and more. If we were to answer these questions, we’d answer with disempowerment, defensives, and such…
In my having my moment with this, I further embraced proper questioning as a therapeutic and general life changing approach, as this can be done outside the therapy room by and with anyone.
Consider these:
What aspects of you would you like me to see more?
What part of you is trying to come out and play?
How can I create safety for how you are trying to be yourself more?
How can I support your Authentic Self?
What topics can we talk about that highlight who we really are?
What can we put in place that pleases our Higher Self?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, how might we see this differently?
If we were operating from our Higher Self, what would we do differently?
If we have a higher-road approach to this, how would we respond?
If we consider the larger impact, how might we tackle this differently?
If I put my ego aside and used my heart right now, I would see that…
Eh? Isn’t that much better?? This is your H.W. Play with this concept. Ask everybody higher level questions… For in the asking something different, we create something different… In the better answers, we instantaneously experience something better… You’ll be surprised how well people respond and what inspiration ensues…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Questioning!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Think of a topic or situation, and have a brainstorm of how to ask productive and inspiring questions about it…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
I’ve been hearing the scenario of a person’s partner feeling like a roommate. Sometimes they barely even feel like that much! This is actually just another take on the theme of not feeling Connected to our partner… These partners feel challenged to experience their partner as their Romantic Significant Other (RSO).
Feeling Like Your Partner is a Roommate
The partners complain that they:
don’t have much time to spend with each other
don’t have any interests in common
like or enjoy different things
are no longer attracted to their partner
are no longer in love with their partner
don’t enjoy intimacy
don’t feel close
don’t know who their partner is anymore, or don’t understand their partner
believe their partner has no interest in them
believe their partner doesn’t understand or get them
believe their partner doesn’t care about them
can’t get along
can’t enjoy each other’s company or have fun together
If you are a person whose partner feels like a roommate, do any of these resonate for you? You don’t necessarily need to experience your partner as your roommate or be disconnected to be acquainted with some of these…
For you see, unfortunately, these are part of being in relationship at one point or another… Relationships are not perfect or bullet proof. It is not easy to synchronize, feel connected and sustain connection post the infatuation phase of a relationship… Once we are committed to each other and our joint life becomes more complex, it is easy for the relationship to become less of a priority and to fall to the wayside.
Most assume that love and a commitment are good enough to create a great relationship. They are disappointed later when they realize that not investing in the relationship, giving it TLC or nurturing, has a major impact on its quality. The result? First, the list above. Second, breakup or divorce.
And, to make matters worse, this is not the only factor playing a role in the status quo. What is even more significant, is that most partners bring unresolved past issues, poor habits, lack of relationship building know-how, and inadequate personal development to their relationship mindset and interactions. This plays a huge role on how partners got here, and in their ability to turn things around.
But, there is no need to panic or throw in the towel. It is never too late in my book! No matter how much of the list above feels true for you, you can turn this around. All of the above can be changed… I’m often asked, What happens if we are not in love anymore? Or, he/she says they are not in love with me anymore, shouldn’t I leave? Or, I’m not in love with him/her anymore doesn’t that mean it’s over?
It could mean those things, if that is what you want it to mean… I’ve seen couples come back from the unimaginable though. We are pretty powerful, influenceable, likeable, attractive and lovable when we own and operate from our Awesomeness (core-self, inner-being, authentic-self, higher-self)… When we are connected to our Self, we can more easily connect and stay Connected with our partner… This is the key… There is no need to give up…
If we are not Connected, in touch with our Self, how can we possibly use our self to connect with another? And, if we are not using our Self to connect with another, we are using our defenses and our noise in our interactions and in our attempts to connect. Well, then not for nothing those go south or don’t exist…
Our focus in our quest to create a successful relationship and feel the connection with our partner, needs to be connecting with our Self first. And, to own and flaunt our Awesomeness. Not cockiness, just our pure Light.
So? What’s your takeaway? Get grounded, Connect to your Self. Then, look at your “roommate” and feel the Love…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Loving!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Explore different techniques, exercices, and activities to continue to increase your Connection to your Self.
Make this a daily practice, and a lifelong habit…
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Did you know we are in the month of Hope? I just learned that and it tickled my heart. Who comes up with these themes? Whoever they are, I love them for it! This is just a phenomenal way of focusing our attention, intention, consciousness, and focusing on what we desire…
When we there Hope there is absence of uncertainty, confusion, chaos and noise. This is a great thing for if we have a confused mind and (split) energy, we can’t be a very good designer and creator of our amazing life and relationship…
I’d like to encourage you to look at having clarity as knowing what you desire, knowing how you want things to be, and knowing how you’d like to feel. Usually we think of clarity as knowing what we don’t want. And, as soon as we focus on what we don’t want, it becomes even more prevalent… What we resist persists… Yuck!
Did you ever hear a woman who is not married or pregnant yet but wants to be, complain about how everybody around her is getting married or how many pregnant women are walking the streets?! This is uncanny. I’ve been privy to many of these as you can imagine. Focusing on what we don’t have just makes it more so…
Did you ever notice how the lucky people in your life just keep having more and more luck? How things always seem to be working out for them? How they seem to have it so easy? How good fortune follows them? This is because they live in expectation of things working out for them…
They do not have an underlying script of being a victim, being taken advantage of, being alone, having to suffer, having to fight for things, and such. They have a very different mindset… They can be extremely annoying to their counterpart in their “positive outlook”…
These are the people who don’t get ruffled by problems. These are the people who find the solutions. These are the people who others look up to for leadership. These are the movers and the shakers. These are the people who create results.
These people don’t just dream, they make dreams come true… They have Clarity about who they are, what they want, and how to Be to get it… They don’t muscle the dream to the ground. They Dream. They dream with Clarity. They own it.
In the owning of it there is Knowing, and with the knowing and certainty come outcomes, results, realizations, manifestations, creations and with such the Amazingness we seek.
So, let’s make Hope and Clarity our focus of our attention this week. Where do you need more clarity in your life? Where have you been ambivalent? Where have you have one foot in and one foot out? Where have you shown interest but not commitment?
Where have you dabbled without going for it? Where have you been wishy-washy? Where have you made empty promises? Where have you dared to dream but riddled it with doubt? Where have you tricked yourself in thinking you are going for something but you are really not because of your approach? How do you hold yourself back?
If you found multiple areas, don’t freak yourself out. Stay chill. Pick one that feels the most important right now. Tap into Hope and Clarity around this topic by being very, very gentle in how you think about it. Don’t go from zero to a hundred. Don’t get mired down in the details.
Just feel your way into your Dream. What does it look like? How does it feel? Feel the awesomeness as best you can. Keep at it cleaning your script and resetting your energy. Keep coming back to it for more, stopping as soon as the struggle creeps in. Don’t entertain the uncertainty or negativity…
Keep Clarifying and feel the Knowing… Design your desires, and Know you CAN create the life and relationship you desire…
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Clarifying!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
For the next few days write about a word from the below in your journal or piece of paper… Start by writing out the word a few times and let inspiration flow…
Hope
Clarity
Joy
Peace
Fun
Appreciation
Alignment
Synchronicity
Abundance
Love
Notice what comes up, how you feel… Repeat as desired, with the same word, other words from this list, or any word that beckons you… Enjoy!
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
We had a very early Spring Break. Our daughter’s school was off the two middle weeks of March. It‘s strange to have Spring Break so early specially when it brings snow storms with it. It loses the feel of “Spring Break”. Regardless, the break was very nice with its own rejuvenating flavor if not necessarily involving sunny activities. Any time that involves rejuvenating, recharging, renewing is a plus in my book!
And, we certainly are in the season of renewal. Spring and this time of year is just so glorious as we witness the end of hibernation and the coming back to life in a lot of areas in our lives. The most obvious one is nature as it prepares to start blooming anew. I already see some hints of life in our garden and can’t wait for my bulbs to sprout, and hydrangeas and peonies to come to life.
Being in expectation of this beauty is rewarding in and of itself. Love the feeling of waiting for the burst of life to manifest. Love the feeling of knowing something beautiful will shortly grace us with its appearance. Love the feeling of knowing I will soon enough have my own freshly cut flowers adorn our indoor spaces. Ahh, so much bliss… And, with this sentiment comes a sense of recharging… It’s that simple…
Rejuvenating, recharging and renewing don’t necessarily need to take the flavor of being off for two months in seclusion off the grid… Though that would be nice too! Rejuvenation, recharging, and renewing can take on any type, shape or form. Rejuvenation, recharging and renewing can be as simple as pausing action, becoming present, taking a deep breath and feeling our aliveness… Yes, it is that simple…
Our Breath has life giving properties… In being aware of our breath we become aware of our Aliveness. This intention is rejuvenating for as we focus on our breath we pause the chatter, clutter, and chaos of our mind. As we pause the noise, we reduce the stress the noise usually produces…
When we reduce the stress, our body/brain rewires itself and changes its chemistry and composition… We reduce cortisol and adrenaline that when rampant create havoc in our organs, tissues, and molecular structures. This is what depletes us, dis-eases us, and ages us…
So, when we take a moment to pause, become aware, clean and Align our energy we infuse ourselves with life giving force… Now this is Renewal…
How can you build in more awareness into your lifestyle? How can you pause more and enjoy the peonies? What reminders do you need to set for yourself to bring yourself into awareness more frequently? What routine changes do you need to make to support and sustain more intentionality? What processes can you add to your repertoire to enrich your life/relationship?
Embrace increasing awareness, welcome the rejuvenation, enjoy the Aliveness!
Remember to complete the MetroRelationsip™ Assignment below to help you effortlessly implement this, make changes and immediately start creating your Successful Relationship and Meaningful Life…
Share your experience by leaving a comment below!
Happy Renewing!
~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment
Integrate three (3) simple Renewal activities to your daily routine… Here are some ideas to inspire you:
Appreciation Journaling™, Appreciation Shares™
Guided meditating, visualizing
Attention to breathing at given frequencies
Observing nature, Being in nature
Playing with nature, gardening
Playing with pets, playing with children
Being playful with your partner
Being flirtatious with your partner
Dancing, walking, cycling, swimming, and such
Doing Yoga
Painting, drawing, sculpting, playing instruments, and such
Coloring
Add this to your Tool Kit…
Copyright (c) 2018 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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