fbpx
Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

Coregulation for upleveling interactions and relationship bliss [Video]

It’s been in the air, that partners, especially women, are really feeling disconnected and unsettled in their relationship. They are getting more and more in touch with feeling like something is missing, that there could be more, that just sitting side by side binge watching Netflix while their partner is also on another device, is just not enough to feel emotionally and relationally satisfied with their partner…  This is a wonderful awareness because it can be addressed… As opposed to feeling irritated and aggravated a lot of the time in the presence of their partner. No matter what their partner does, they find fault with it or it doesn’t satisfy… Even their partner’s breathing irks them- literally! Does your partner snore?

Couples don’t need to be fighting or thinking divorce for them to realize that their relationship can use some enrichment… That their relationship can use an upgrade, an upleveling… But of course, they can also be struggling.

Couples get into trouble when they approach their relationship from fear, from ego, from arrogance… Usually one of the partners feels like they do everything for the relationship and their life, and like their partner is the problem- they can’t even breathe properly! And, that they could be doing more…

This is exactly the mindset that creates funky dynamics and that keeps couples feeling stuck or from creating a radiant relationship… When one of the partners is feeling so disconnected, neglected, taken from granted, and the like, they go into control, micromanaging, demanding, critical, and even nasty mode… This makes their partner feel unappreciated, devalued, controlled, small, insignificant, and the like. Which makes them shut down even more and become emotionally, and even physically unavailable. Which in turns triggers the other some more… And so the cycle, loop, dynamic, repeating patterns go

It is usually the woman who feels the disconnect more and starts this cycle… Of course, it can be said that the man started by not showing up emotionally in the first place… But we have to plant the flag somewhere and it is easier to see it when we observe what is being done, versus what isn’t.

*Now, I said “usually” but the reverse is also true, and I used the genders for simplicity’s sake but please replace them as it fits your relationship. Just know that regardless of gender, the polarities still exist in the relationship in terms of feminine or masculine energy that creates the attraction between the two (both have both but lean more into one). If the binary language is offensive to you, you can translate this further and just suffice to say that there are different energies with opposing needs, they don’t need to be labeled…

The partners keep triggering each other with their relationship overfunctioning (pursuing) and relationship underfunctioning (distancing).

Once the partners pause and recognize that they are dissatisfied and constantly triggering each other, they can now become proactive about creating change in their relationship…

It is super helpful to shift how things are being interpreted- a lot of times the partners assume the worst, feel it’s totally hopeless, and feel like calling it quits. They throw up the baby with the bath water!

When what is needed is different perspective, realignment, and approach:

~ Embrace a Heart-Centered Approach – Move down from the head, logic, ego and fear driven overanalyzing, interpreting, assuming, and knowing best and knowing it all…  Move down to the heart and see and feel the blessings, beauty, joy, gratitude, ease, flow, appreciation, love… Cultivate this, expand it… Fill your heart, enlarge your heart. Connect with your sacred heart…

 ~ Embrace a Higher Estate – When you connect with your heart and lead from your heart life and your relationship become infinitesimally easier… Connect with compassion and unconditional love… Your partner is not perfect, as you are not… Your partner is also on a Journey, as are you… Have some grace for your experiences and really partner up in your great life adventure… 

 ~ Embrace a Higher Living – When you realign as we are saying here, you are automatically in a different reality! Things play out differently, work out better, easier, and smoother for the highest good of all. Life and your relationship become a dream come true… It is not that difficult to become your best self, create your best relationship, and your best life as the end of the day…

Ok, so this is all well and good in concept and philosophically you may be thinking, and asking what that means for the everyday.

Now that I shared the perspective shift for you to embrace, that creates a major shift in and of itself by the way… Let me bring it down to the clinical and practical so you can hang your hat somewhere.

The dynamics get created because of our programming, patterning and conditioning… This is why we address this a lot… We want to deprogram ourselves to get out of the box and into a more authentic, expansive, and loving relationship…

Real down to earth and tangible practices help with this:

*I’ve written about these extensively in the blog and have done some videos as well – feel free to search for selflove practice, connection, reprogramming and the like for more. Though the concepts are not always fully expounded and contextualized know that everything I offer, even the fun and silly things like creating seasonal bucket lists and 30-day challenges, serve a higher purpose and good of all…

~ Self-Love Practice – This practice addresses your inner-child… Meets your needs, nourishes and resources you, and heals you…

~ Partner-Love Practice – This practice addresses your shadows (unknown, hidden, disowned parts of you)… Meets your partner’s needs, delights and resources your partner, and evolves you…

There is so much possibility, gifts, and blessings in there you can play there for eternity. Embrace them as a way of life… Like I like to say, embrace a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle….

And, for a bonus practice for today that is totally embodied and relational and in real time- CoRegulation:

~ Coregulation Practice – This is a way to use ourselves in the moment to have our partner’s back, each other’s back… It utilizes our nervous system to resonate with our partner’s to influence each other’s estate. When we are resourced and intentional, we can stay calm, grounded, and available in the face of our partner’s reactivity which in turn helps them calm down, get grounded and soothed…  It helps as a calming agent and connecting mechanism in times of distress (and other times as well!). This is a great practice when and for addressing triggers, pain, and stress. 

  • Show up with warmth, calming presence and tone of voice, attunement, eye contact
  • Provide verbal acknowledgement of the other’s distress and experience, put words to it
  • Offer deep breathing or synchronizing breaths, eye contact or eye gazing, and gentle reassuring caring touch (don’t force hugs!)

When partner’s meet their own and each other’s needs, they heal and grow… And change their stuck repeating patterns… They deprogram…

Embracing a coregulation practice is a super loving way to be in relationship and to deepen your connection. Now this addresses what feels like missing in your relationship, and helps with building that connection you crave… Now that’s partnership, cocreation, and Love!

Check out the video version…

 

 

Watch our related videos on our YouTube channel

Get our FREE 1-pg downloadable Codependence Quiz to identify if and how you are impacted by codependence in your relationship- do you love too much?

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
What about compassion?
Give the Gift of Understanding and Compassion…
5 Insights for your physical and mental health
Addictions impact mental health and success
Reprogram yourself with self-reparenting
Caring is not just for Mothers!
Mothering Vs Fathering
A simple way to change your programming…
Another simple way to change your programming…
Take off the identity mask you chose for your life
The ultimate tool for outsmarting your ego…
Prevent drama with self-regulation and co-regulation
Embrace the art of self-care for increased self-regulation and resilience
Loving practices for self-regulation and relationship enrichment

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Success Membership

Radiance Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

You can prevent conflicts and triggers this holiday season [VIDEO]

You can prevent conflicts and triggers this holiday season [VIDEO]

Yes, we want beautiful and magical holidays, yet that expectation in and of itself creates stress and overwhelm for us. The holidays can be challenging for many for a lot of different reasons including having to deal with family-of-origin dynamics, unresolved issues, toxicity, and other triggers. 

We can go about the season differently in that we can be mindful of our end-of-year and new year planning approach, and how we actually plan the holidays to reduce stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. And, we can go about them with the intention of minimizing conflicts and triggers. 

When we go about things without intentionality and mindfulness we might experience life and relationships as mine fields… Where the less care we put into how we tread, the more likely we are to blow things up…

Things that might create conflict and that can be triggering can be related to:

  • Contribution, collaboration, support, accomplishments, achievements, impact, success, gifting, spending, appearances, weight, body image, self-esteem, transitions, life changes, aging 
  • Disconnection, cut offs, estrangement, anger issues, lying, disloyalty, jealousy, comparison, sibling ribaldry, parenting, elderly parents, crossing boundaries, enmeshment, generational patterns, affairs, chronic illness, infertility, grief and bereavement, abusive tendencies and/or history of abuse
  • Wellness, self-management, mental health concerns (anxiety, phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention-deficit disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bipolar and other mood disorders, borderline and other personality disorders, eating disorders, addictions and substance abuse, and others)  

When these things are part of one’s life in some shape or form, they have an impact on how we feel and experience interactions and events.

We might end up feeling and experiencing: not being good enough, put down, put out, pressured, criticized, blamed, let down, rejected, neglected, unsupported, misunderstood, not valued, disrespected, taken for granted, ignored, dismissed, unimportant, incompetent, powerless, and so on… 

Whether we choose to respond, staying calm and collected, or react, getting agitated and thrown off, it’s up to us… 

In the moment and in the face of being triggered it might not feel like we have a choice. It is almost impossible, biologically, to respond well in the face of a trigger. Therefore, it is imperative that we have our own back and mitigate conflicts and triggers by anticipating them. We can exercise our power to choose proactively and get ahead of these things to be preventative. 

Of course, we can’t prevent all conflicts and triggers, but we can sure stave off a lot by mindfully and intentionally addressing our circumstances and needs. 

Check out our latest podcast episode for more specific circumstances and triggers and how to go about managing them for a more wonderful season and upcoming year.

 

 

Watch our previous Podcast Episodes on our YouTube channel

Get this FREE End-Of-Year & New-Year Planning™ (ENP) Process…

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS: Related Articles
Numbing for coping with stress specially during the holidays…
Holidays thoughts stressing you out?
Having a letting go practice for lightness and joy
Uplevel your holidays with enriching traditions
What would you like to have more of in the New Year?
Blast the winter blues with more love
Are you achieving your relationship goals?

 

PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?

Interested in Couple Therapy, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Coaching, Individual Therapy or Support Sessions?

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership

Lifestyle Membership

 

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

   Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Being super generous…

Being super generous…

Stop withholding when you have an issue with your partner. You can still be nice… Unfortunately, when we are upset with our partner, we tend to closedown shop. We are no longer open for business. And this is not just about being intimate.

We take this to the next level. We lose our courtesy, we can’t appreciate, we get mean, and we can even become uncaring, underhanded, and spiteful. When the opposite is required to sustain a radiant and successful relationship… Being super generous… 

I’m sure you can identify with the above. There is actually a spectrum of this experience. Sometimes when we are upset, we might even want to ditch the relationship…

I want to make a distinction about being upset and annoyed with our partner and being triggered. 

Things might bother us, we might not agree with something, we might be disappointed, we might be put out or inconvenienced, and the like – such is being in relationship. 

But when we get triggered, different filters come on… We forget who we are, we forget who our partner is, we forget the moment and we are thrown into an abyss of pain… 

~ It’s like we got kicked in the chest and we can’t breathe… 
~ It’s like we are thrown off a cliff and are free falling… 

Our very survival feels threatened at some level…

When we are triggered we forget the current year, we forget we are not interacting with our caretakers from growing up, we forget we are radiant energetic beings, that we are awesome, that we have everything we need inside ourselves, and that everything is OK… 

We get thrown into our little story of our little/lower self with our little life where everything is scary… 

So, it makes complete sense that it would be very challenging to care about our partner’s feelings and their needs when our survival feels threatened… We can’t possible concern ourselves with being nice when we are in that state… 

This requires lots of self-love, compassion, understanding and grace… 

But this is not what I’m talking about here… 

~ I’m talking about our regular upset and annoyance that we can easily address. 
~ I’m talking about arguing for argument’s sake. 
~ I’m talking about making points out of principle. 
~ I’m talking about proving yourself right and your partner wrong…
~ I’m talking about trying to win over your partner.
~ I’m talking about doing relationship math, keeping score cards and doing tit-for-tats…
~ I’m talking about holding our ground just because we think it’s our boundary. 
~ I’m talking about operating from our lower self because we are too lazy to clean up the moment! 

This is not way to create our amazing relationship. What’s the point in all that? 

How about we embrace the higher road, align with our higher self, and operate from generosity instead? When we are triggered, we are not ourselves – this requires special attention. But when we are just upset or annoyed, we can do a lot better! 

And please know that I know that even this request might be too much for you. If you are finding that you are struggling, and it feels impossible to be generous because you are too depleted, then that’s the place to address. Focus on repleting yourself first. 

Have a hooky day, a self-care day, a slower day. Be gentle, be compassionate. Give yourself lots of love… 

Be super generous with yourself, and then with your partner…. 

 

WATCH THE RELATED REELS ON IG: Last 90 Days Video Series! 

GET THE RELATED FREE 1-PG DOWNLOADABLE: End-of-Year & New-Year Planning Process (ENP-Process) 

APPLICATION: Maybe it’s time to rethink generosity… Maybe it’s time to reconsider the Law of Reciprocity…  

~ How about we give just to give
~ How about we give with gusto
~ How about we concern ourselves with giving vs what we get
~ How about we actually receive what we are giving… 
~ How about we appreciate what we get…   

 

Gratitude, thankfulness, appreciation, giving and receiving are not as simple as they seem. Some have to be more intentional about these to enrich their relationship, and their lives… 

 

Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

 

PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life? 

We can help with our private and group memberships:
Sessions Membership
Lifestyle Membership

Look forward to seeing you inside!

 

 

   Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™
with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Repeating arguments, how are your relationship dynamics? (PT3)

Repeating arguments, how are your relationship dynamics? (PT3)

It feels terrible when we have the same arguments over the same disagreements, over and over again… Doesn’t it? It’s so frustrating to feel like we are living in the twilight zone, or that we are having a Groundhog Day experience… It’s tough to know that we’ll have the same conversation without resolution, yet again. Feeling like beating your head against the wall? Having repeating arguments, how you’re your relationship dynamics?

Having the same fight, or conflict, over and over might have to do with communication skills, but most importantly it has to do with your relationship dynamics… For you see something happens before a fight ensues, before a conflict is identified or sometimes even before verbal communication is started. And that is being triggered

Being triggered means our sensitivities get perturbed. Or that core or old wounds or trauma get poked. The poking engenders strong emotions such as anger, fear, anxiety, sadness, numbness, or feeling out of control.

When these feelings come on strong, they are accompanied by higher activation of neurotransmitters in our brain and hormonal release. The cocktail floods us and monopolizes our brain activity, becoming less engaged with our higher executive functioning. This is where the amounts of skills or tools you have don’t matter as they become inaccessible…

Our getting thrown off might result in our isolating, shutting down emotionally, becoming argumentative, or becoming physically aggressive. At this juncture the partners resemble toddlers in their ability to manage themselves.

This is why it’s so important to do our personal development work. For healing and growing ourselves up, so we don’t walk around with gaping wounds and sensitivities that are easily triggered. And that drive our approach to life and our relationship, and our relationship dynamics…

In interactions with our partner, we have the opportunity for healing and growing ourselves up. This is the bonus benefit of being in relationship with our Partner and their perfect imperfections that perfectly complement our own…

It behooves partners to not lose sight of this gift, and to transcend the recurring dissatisfying patterns by addressing their triggers through the Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle™.

When getting triggered in our relationship, there is a built-in opportunity to now get what we didn’t get growing up (to heal)… And, for learning how to stretch ourselves to meet our partner’s opposing needs (to grow up, become whole)…

Once we integrate this into our relating, we are able to tap into our inherent relationship synergy… This is when the waters part, and life is our oyster… LOL

Learning what drives the dynamics (our and our partner’s triggers) and how to work with them for our evolution and more meaningful Journey, is a marvelous lens and mindset to embrace in our relationship. This is when we stop the power struggle and becomes allies. This is when we become a true Partnership…

This is then our conscious and intentional relationship. Being aware of our triggers and being mindful and intentional about addressing them, is the way to change the relationship dynamics and to create the relationship we want. This is the key to our transformation…

 

Changing the Dynamics

 

It’s very easy to feel stuck, frustrated and hopeless when it seems that we just go around and around in our conversations, if we even have them, without getting anywhere. The same issue/s keep creeping up and no matter what we do we can’t seem to crack the code. But with a little mindfulness and intentionality we have the keys to the kingdom.

 

The Reactivity

The key is to pay attention to the reactivity. Start noticing when you get prickly, what gets on your nerves or annoys you, what are you sensitive about, what touches your sensitivities, and such. Now do this by observing what happens to you, what comes up for you. Don’t do this by focusing on what your partner is doing or not doing, and taking yourself on a ride about them…

Then notice how you respond in the interaction or situation. What do you do outwardly and inwardly? What are your “emotional behaviors”? Shut down, withdraw, distance, dismiss, minimize, and the like? Or pounce, attack, pursue, nag, control, maximize, and the like?

The set of reactions you identified are your go-to Defense Mechanisms…

You can be on a spectrum from Distancer to Pursuer… The higher the conflict in the relationship, the more the polarization…

What are you feeling behind your defense mechanisms? Controlled, smothered, suffocated, cornered, unappreciated, inadequate? Or, abandoned, rejected, unwanted, unworthy, unsupported, alone?

These feelings are your Wounds…

The Distancer feels – Controlled, smothered, suffocated, cornered, unappreciated, inadequate

The Pursuer feels – Abandoned, rejected, unwanted, unworthy, unsupported, alone

Share the instructions with your partner and have identify their Defense Mechanisms and Wounds… I’m sure that by just doing your side, you can probably identify your partner’s as well. But it’s best for them to identify and own their own experience…

Regardless of how you arrive at identifying your partner’s side, I’m sure you’ll notice that you are opposites… A little or a whole lot.

Now, don’t let this scare you as Opposites Attract… And, once you start doing your work, you’ll become less polarized and learn to work with your differences to the satisfaction of you both.

 

Your Reciprocity Loop

Your dynamics is a reciprocity loop, a recurring repeating pattern. Actually, it’s a beautiful dance between the oppositeness…

  • You want closeness, they want space.
  • You want to discuss things to process, they need time on their own to think to process.
  • You want to be flexible, they want to run on schedule.
  • You want to do things together, they want to do things on their own.
  • And, so on…

Partners might get triggered in the face of the different preferences… Specially if there is already some disconnection and unappreciation going on at the moment…

The Looping: Something happens. Partner A gets Triggered and responds with their Defense Mechanism. Which Triggers Partner B, who responds with their own Defense Mechanism. Resulting in Partner A having their Wounds/Feelings additionally triggered, to which they respond with more of their Defense Mechanism. Additionally, triggering Partner B’s Wounds/Feelings. And on it goes…

Let’s say:

  • Partner B announces they’ll be away for the next three days.
  • This makes Partner A feel unwanted, rejected and abandoned.
  • They react by demanding why the partner is going away, asking a million questions about the trip, requesting a gazillion things get done before  they go away, asking them to come back early, and such.
  • Partner B now feels controlled, nagged, and trapped.
  • They in turn don’t want to provide details on the trip, are evasive about the possibility of coming back early, forget to do some of the tasks requested, and such.
  • This makes Partner A feel more unwanted, alone, dismissed, unsupported. So, they become more controlling, demanding and such.
  • Now Partner B feels more controlled, unappreciated, and suffocated.
  • And it can really escalate…

Does this sound familiar? I know, you are not alone!

 

The Transformation

Without spelling out therapy sessions here, the first and most basic thing to do is keep your understanding of your dynamics top of mind.

So, when your partner does something that triggers you, you can put it in the right context for yourself and address what comes up differently…

And so, equally as important, is to be mindful to not operate or react in a way that triggers your partner…

Note, the Wounds that are triggered are actually rooted in childhood experiences. See if you can connect them back…

Giving each other a different experience, especially a different outcome in the face of a trigger is what’s healing… These are reparative experiences.

Another way to be healing is to ongoingly and proactively do behaviors that are antidotes to the Wounds. So, what’s needed is provided without having triggers making noise to get needs met.

For example, build-in couple/connection/togetherness and individual/alone/separateness times into your routines…

The additional beauty here, is that in stretching to give our partner their preference, we grow… So, it’s a win-win.

And that’s how you do it. Hang on to this golden ticket my friend, play with this concept to transform your relationship. You’ll be amazed at what’s possible once you crack this code! Enjoy!

 

ASSIGNMENT: Make a concerted effort at becoming a conscious and intentional couple… Keep your dynamics and working them top of mind!

  • Identify your Defense Mechanisms and Wounds
  • Identify your Loop
  • Identify behavior and attitude changes to avoid Triggering each other
  • Identify and implement ongoing Habits to tend to the Needs related to the Wounds

 

As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.

Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…

With Much Love & Light!

 

PS – Related Posts:
Tired of feeling stuck in your relationship?
Tired of fighting without resolution?
Tired of the same old issue?
Tired of feeling disconnected?
Tired of feeling overwhelmed?

 

Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include:
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

Have Your Ideal Partner by Creating Balance in Your Relationship

Have Your Ideal Partner by Creating Balance in Your Relationship

A crippling state in relationships is when partners can’t seem to get each other and get on the same page. Partners struggle with being themselves, seen, accepted, recognized and embraced. I find when couples struggle is because the partners are having a difficult time honoring themselves and each other…

The partners get busy trying to be seen, acknowledged, get their needs met and have their way that they lose sight of the other and shoot themselves in the foot with their approach. They encroach on their partner bringing about the opposite of what they are actually seeking.

Partners bring baggage (wounds, triggers, buttons) and blind spots to their relationship that makes them vulnerable to recreating disappointing patterns. They bring histories laden with poor role modeling and emotional injuries, lack of relational and self management skills, meager relationship and life mindsets, invalidating habits and routines, and a haphazard approach to their relationship.

— It behooves partners to identify what emotional injuries they are carrying around that keeps attracting situations as opportunities to repair and heal… Why be tortured and get smacked upside the head by leaving this to chance? Assertively seek out what is your internal driver and set up a plan to address and heal this. It is time to eradicate this black hole that sucks the life out of your relationship.

— It behooves partners to learn how to effectively participate in their relationship for maximum impact and results. This needs to be a life long investment to always enhance, improve and sharpen their skills – communication, conflict resolution, decision making, breaking patterns, meeting needs, self soothing, containing, risk taking, nurturing, connection, intimacy, dreaming, goal setting and achieving, etc.

— It behooves partners to be intentional about what they allow to rent space in their heads. It is imperative to be mindful about thought processes, thinking habits and scripts, and negative and distorted thinking patterns they allow to ensnare them. Relationships are not logical puzzles to be solved!

— It behooves partners to proactively set up their support, environment, routines, rituals and self care to facilitate a smooth and pleasurable journey.

— It behooves partners to prioritize their partner, mindfully and intentionally give to their partner, stretch to meet their partner’s needs (in the stretch we grow… so we both benefit…), and set up mechanisms to make this effortless.

Partners have strengths they bring to the relationship that complement each other. It is important to capitalize on these as they are part of their attraction and their contribution to the relationship. A lot of times we focus on what we lack, what we need to do better, holes to fill, the stretches we need to make that we end up muting what we actually have to contribute…

For the Pursuer – How do you contain, chill out, let go, trust, continue to be nurturing without becoming a doormat or a martyr? Do embrace your expressiveness, connecting and nurturing know-how.

For the Distancer – How do you take a risk, be vulnerable, express feelings, and partake without losing your voice? Do embrace your practical, logical, and down-to-earth savvy.

When couples struggle they go to extremes using their assets making them a hindrance instead; or they pause or hide them in order to feel more compatible but end up cheating the relationship and their partner of their strengths and attraction…

Find the balance between overpowering and cheating your relationship of your strengths… Go forth honoring your Selves and properly investing in your relationship. Then awesomeness is in-stored for you!

Happy Balancing!

 

~ Your MetroRelationship Assignment

Identify a gift or character strength that you have been underutilizing in your relationship.

Gently (re)introduce it into your relating. Invite your partner to do the same.

Be aware of your own and your partner’s resistance in favor of maintaining the status quo…

Add this to your Tool Kit…

 

   Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

 

Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? 

Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: 
Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com

 

Pin It on Pinterest