Couples usually have a challenging time coming up with fun things to do as a couple. They have difficulties having fun in their relationship. And, they might struggle having fun with each other. Do you know how to have fun together?
This is not unusual as partners have a tendency to focus on what they don’t like, an unfortunate product of our brain’s built-in negativity bias. They worry about everything that is not to their liking, about what their partner is doing or not doing, and how they themselves might not be measuring up… This are the scripts running in their head…
Top this with all the noise the partner’s might be carrying around as a result of everyday life. Unless they have a Mindfulness Practice to clear this and set their tune right on an ongoing basis, they are walking around as a radio broadcasting on multiple stations at the same time!
So, because the partners are distracted by all the noise and their dirty lenses, they are not able to see the possibilities available at the moment… They are not able to give grace to the partner’s and their own imperfections, creating additional blocks. This means the partners are showing up in a less than resourced state and not in a very receptive mode.
The filters find fault with everything creating the additional noise and murkiness, so the partners are not able to see the opportunities for fun, enjoyment and joy. They totally miss out on what the moment has to offer.
Even worse, because the partners operate in this mode most of the time, they don’t even get to plan, set up, or find themselves in moments conducive for fun and enjoyment…
Having Fun Is A Responsibility
That’s right, we have a responsibility to have fun! Why, you may ask? Because when we have fun, we generate good chemistry in our brain and good energy in our bodies. Good chemistry is needed for feeling good, for creating resilience, for staying healthy, and for overall wellness. Good energy is needed for creating an abundant and best life.
Now that we’ve been restricted by the pandemic, having fun and doing fun things is even more challenging. Add another layer to the complexity of enjoyment in our relationship, why not? [sarcasm] And, yet because we are together more and our life is more monotonous, we need to embrace a Fun Protocol more than ever.
I get that we have to be in a good mood, receptive and such to have fun in the first place… This could be a total catch 22!
This is where your personal responsibility is so important. You have the obligation to get yourself in the receptive mode. It is not your partner’s job to entertain you, give you fun or enjoyment… Fun is also an inside job!
It is your job to get yourself in the state to show up properly to your interactions, show up with your best self, and show up with the ability to transcend minutia and noise… To give grace. To be open. To be giving.
How do you do that? The simple answer: Owning your day, being intentional, and having a rich selfcare practice that includes a mindfulness practice.
Types of Fun
After you make sure that you are showing up to your life with your best self, to the best of your ability, the next step is to be proactive about creating fun opportunities.
Note, that you can plan and organize all you want, but will have a hard time having fun, connecting and enjoying each other if you are not fully owning yourself going in…
Make sure you have a variety of ways of having fun. Fun doesn’t necessarily need to be your partner’s way or your way. And, don’t get hang up on finding things in common. I too often hear how partners believe they are not compatible because they have nothing in common. You can work with this, believe it or not.
So, if it is not their way, your way or a common way, then what? The answer is not to over think it, and to cocreate as you go… You’ll be surprised where you can find fun once you get out of your own way…
Here are some ways to think about fun for inspiration (some for after the pandemic…):
Play with Buckets Lists – Seasonal, Things To Achieve, Places to Visit, Things To Learn, Things to Try
Create Different Experiences – From how you go places, to how you eat, to where you vacation, to personal touches added to your home, to different ways to nurture your relationship and your partner.
Set Out on Adventures – Take turns trying out adventures you each want to try or participate in.
Create Memories – Live life as if you are recording your best movie. Live it to the fullest. Be present, give it your all, take it all in. Create ritual and traditions. Celebrate.
Togetherness Flow – Create your daily routine to allow yourselves to “see” each other. To connect. To flow into Being with each other.
Enrich with Separateness – Don’t get bogged down with details about how much fun they have without you and why do they need to do stuff on their own. It doesn’t matter because they bring good mojo back. They create mysteriousness and allure. And, there is an opportunity to miss each other. It’s better this way…
Fun can be had anywhere and in any way. You don’t have to have fancy vacations, extreme activities and such to enjoy each other and live a full life. They are nice for sure, but not necessary… You already have everything you need…
ASSIGNMENT: It can be challenging to have fun alone or with our partner when we are not feeling so hot.
Your HW:
Turn your mood around
Seduce your partner into fun
Show up with your best self
Be genuinely gracious and open
Enjoy
Here are prior blogs on the topic for additional inspiration:
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
This time of year, and specially with everything that’s going on, we might be feeling raw, sensitive, antsy, edgy, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, unmotivated, lethargic, detached numb, and such.
These feelings are more compounded when we are feeling disconnected, might be experiencing a bout of low intimacy, and have fewer opportunities for fun. This doesn’t help the low desire and lack of intimacy epidemic of the modern-day couple…
A challenging trifecta: Feeling disconnected from our partner is usually accompanied by low desire and intimacy.
We need connection to be physically intimate (usually women, female energy) and/or we need physical intimacy to be connected (usually men, male energy)… This creates a conundrum for couples.
This conundrum has a tendency to create an impasse for couples, for the partners might need the opposite of what the other needs to become intimate and feel connected… Made even more challenging by physical intimacy also depending on the partners’ desire (libido, sex drive) and their ability to be intimate…
You’d think it’d be easy to enjoy the benefit and gift of physical intimacy in our relationship!
There is so much that gets in the way of desire and intimacy for partners…
Stress has a huge impact on your wellbeing, lifestyle and coping choices which in turn also affect your libido. We all have our stresses, and our current world is just heaping it on. And no comment on the impact on lifestyle…
And of course, then we have the actual couple dynamics, and most likely your power struggle, at play to boot!
Not for nothing the modern-day couple (and specially during this pandemic times) has difficulties sustaining consistent and satisfying intimacy in their relationship.
There are a ton of entry points from where to address your current low desire and lack of intimacy. Addressing any (or combo as needed) of the items mentioned above will make a difference in your current state of affairs.
But I want to offer you the most direct path for more immediate relief… You see, your libido, sexuality and physical intimacy with your partner is what you make of it… At the end of the day, desire and intimacy is an inside job…
You have control over your own desire… When you focus on what your partner is doing, how they look, how they are showing up, what they contribute and such, you are extinguishing your desire… Desire is not about your partner. Desire is about you!
Desire as an inside job has to do with How You Choose To:
So, you see, desire and intimacy are not something that are happening out there and that depend on your partner. Desire and intimacy are something you create…
When you shift to looking at desire and intimacy as something you create, then you can create as much of it as you want!
ASSIGNMENT: Watch what scripts came up for you as you read this post, and as you percolate with this concept…
1. Mind how you:
Victimize yourself
Get in your partner’s circle
Entertain your limiting believes
Sabotage intimacy
Have a hard time trusting and letting go
Are stingy giving, receiving, allowing
Are not fully Being…
2. Make a commitment to Be in your relationship…
3. Select the item that resonates the most as something that gets in the way of your intimacy and decide to address it full on!
Create health and vitality
Look at your partner (get out of their circle!)
Interact and bring Swag
Be available and have energy
Ready yourself for sexy time
Relax and show up
Be grace-full, grateful, and generous
Taking charge of your desire and intimacy is super empowering and exhilarating! What better time to embrace this as we continue to be impacted by the pandemic, are starting a new year, and are right around the corner from Valentine’s Day…
Make a commitment to reset your relationship and your marriage. Why not create a new marriage, or new relationship?! Let’s do this!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Because things are challenging it doesn’t mean we have to lose our s*t. This is the most important aspect of managing the current crisis. That is, to manage how we choose to process information and how we choose to look at the facts. How well are we able to separate the facts from the stories we tell ourselves about the facts… We are really good at taking ourselves on rides…
When we allow our thoughts to get the best of us, we flood our bandwidth with noise, we get whirly, we trigger ourselves, we cut off access to our higher thinking and problem solving capabilities and creativity, we don’t see the opportunities and the good in front of us. And, there is always good…, no matter what!
If we allow ourselves to get nutty, and allow the above to get the best of us, how are we to make good decisions, not react (different from respond), stay resourceful, take care of ourselves, stay healthy and embrace wellness, take good care of our kids, show up for our partner, see the opportunities to serve and help, become an innovator. Get my drift?
And, when we are all twisted up inside our head, we feel all twisted up, and then we act all twisted up. How is that for clinical language? LOL
When we are all twisted up, this is how you may show up in your relationship:
WARNING – this might look normal to you… But these are not qualities of a Successful Relationship and that’s why you are struggling…
Mindset
You complain about how your partner is doing themselves, the choices they make, how they show up, and how they contribute
You might pick at them, put them down, criticize, undermine, undo and the like whatever efforts they are putting in
You might not even see what they contribute, choosing to look at everything as an issue or it being done wrong
You might feel compelled to tell them how they need to think, feel and show up
Communication
You want to talk and address things even if they don’t want to, regardless that you might be triggered or it might not be the right time
You go into a conversation making your partner wrong, blaming, putting down and the like
You think you are right and go in with your gloves off, because you are upset you think it’s OK to throw out all skills, tools and civility
You don’t see, own or acknowledge your part in it, never mind apologize
Dynamics
You respond the same way to situations and try to solve them the same way, even if that didn’t work before; and the focus is to prove your point, meet your own needs, and get your way
You lose sight of the fact that your partner is also human and imperfect, and on their own Journey
You expect your partner to anticipate your needs, meet all your needs, know what’s up and address things as if they were you or an extension of you
Connection
You give your partner love the way you like to receive love, have no clue that they might want something differently
You expect your partner to want to do everything you want to do, when and how you want to
You want your partner to be there when you need and want them to, regardless of if they are able to
You want to spend a lot more time with your partner than they want to spend with you, and you take this personally or fight it
You assume your partner is not attracted to you or interested in being intimate so don’t even attempt any physical closeness; or, you assume your partner only wants one thing and is not really interested in you or respect you otherwise
Partnership
You take on the brunt of the homemaking and joint life responsibilities (regardless of whatever good reason you think you have for this…) and become resentful about it and negative, whiney, passive aggressive, controlling and all kinds of not so awesomeness about it…
You create a chaotic or military like home and complain your children are out of control (all other things happen with the children as well)
Your home life feels overwhelming, exhausting, stifling, burdensome, irritating, joyless
Your partner has all kinds of reasons for not being home, and if they are home they don’t feel like they are home…
What do these mean? They indicate poor self-management, unresolved issues, lack of sills and tools, and more… Poor:
Mindset, expectations, personal ownership and sovereignty, and boundaries [Context/Mindset]
Communication, conflict resolution and repair [Communication/Alignment]
Understanding of self, drivers, needs, defense mechanisms [Clarity/Dynamics]
Know-how on connecting, sustaining connection, receiving and giving love, being emotionally and physically intimate, having fun together (couple fun, not just family fun…) [Connection/Intimacy]
Habits, routines, plans, resources, structures and systems [Collaboration/Partnership]
So, if you are not satisfied in your relationship (which you will be at some point or another in its lifespan – that’s just the way it is) and you are experiencing pain and aggravation, it doesn’t mean you have to endure it and suffer through it…
This is the time to be proactive, get attentive and invest in enriching and nurturing your relationship. This is the time to get support if what you’ve been trying hasn’t been working. Don’t wait till you do more damage! It’s hard to come back from severe damage, don’t become another statistic… It’s best to get on it early!
ASSIGNMENT: Take a hard look at your relationship and how you are showing up to it. Put yourself through the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ — Context, Communication, Clarity, Connection and Collaboration — and identify where you are not showing up with your Best Self… Note, if you need to:
Clean up how you look at things and learn how to set effective boundaries
Improve your communication and other interactive skills
Heal and address some unresolved issues and change your patterns
Learn how to Be with your partner
Put systems in place to create a collaborative environment and joyful home
Creating a Successful Relationship is not difficult, it just requires Commitment… We don’t want you curious or interested in creating a successful relationship. To have an amazing relationship you have to be Committed to making that happen. Just as with anything else in life…
Let’s rock your relationship. Let’s create your Successful Relationship – now is the time…
Learn how to do this with our upcoming Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB)!
As you might already know, given the current crisis in NYS I felt compelled to rework the REB virtual event, scheduled for on April 4th, to make it more accessible not only financially but also practically:
I’m condensing the whole experience into a 1.5-hour presentation
It’ll have a replay, downloadable material, and all the other perks
(You’ll get an account and access on our Member Site as if you were purchasing the event!)
If you are struggling, why keep white-knuckling it? Support is here now and very accessible. Please take advantage of this opportunity. See you inside!
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Enriching!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Yep, it’s official. We, NYS, have received the “Major Disaster Declaration”. These are tough times. How are you making out as this crisis continues to ravage our area and the world?
It is imperative that we are extremely proactive in helping not spread the virus and that we are extremely proactive on how we set ourselves up to weather this storm…
I strongly encourage you to read last week’s issue for the mindset and strategies for not only surviving but thriving during this terrible time. It’s on our Blog: 9 Tactics for weathering your quarantine
I know that when our immediate surroundings and everyday life are thrown into a tizzy and our very security, safety and even survival are threatened, that it makes sense to feel a bit freaked out. To feel panic. To feel overwhelmed, anxious and whirly. To feel desperate. To feel powerless and paralyzed. To feel discouraged and hopeless. To feel devastated.
You might feel some or all of these feelings. You might cycle through them. You might still be in denial or resistance or you might be in shock and these feelings haven’t kicked in yet. Please know they will, and they are totally normal. These are uncertain and scary times. It makes sense they affect how you feel…
But this is not an out of jail free card in that because you are impacted you let yourself and your stuff go. You let your feels take over and derail you… You allow yourself to sink down. You put your life and what’s important to you on hold, or just down right neglect it… You give up your self-agency. You let the wind blow you around… This makes things worse for yourself and your life… Don’t do this!
As the infection is ramping up in the states and we expect a longer-term impact, it behooves us to be mindful of building emotional resilience, mental spaciousness and bandwidth, and physical stamina:
1) Police your thoughts: Become vigilant of what kind of thoughts you allow yourself to have, to rent space in your head and to take you on a ride…. Watch out for apocalyptic, doomsday, major disaster, financial depression, and the like thinking that just trigger more panic, paralyzes and survival-mode.
Yes, we live in dire times, but tapping into compassion, gratitude, creativity and problem solving mitigates this… We don’t have to feel like crap!
2) Honor your feelings: Do feel your feelings, acknowledge them, and learn from them. They tell you what kind of thinking you are having and how you are able to cope. They serve as informants for how to better manage yourself. Feel your feelings. Heed them. And, take care of what they suggest – clean your thinking and be proactive about properly taking care of yourself…
3) Become super conscientious: Move your thinking from drama, fatality, reactivity and such to thinking outside the box and resourcefulness… Any obstacle you encounter, think on how you can get around it. Whatever issue you face, find a creative solution for it. Stay ahead of what’s coming.
Not by overreacting and being an alarmist, but by accessing your higher-level thinking and intuiting what will be needed, what will be impacted and how to respond conscientiously and industriously. Be proactive. Be responsive. Be intentional. Be progressive.
4) Transcend the noise: Now is the time to become aggressive about streamlining, simplifying and minimizing everything in our life. We live such a life of excess, in all areas of our life… From how much stuff we buy, including food and toilet paper (ha!), to how much we do, to how much entertainment we need… It is not uncommon for people to not be able to be alone and in quiet, to be with themselves, to entertain themselves…
To require constant engagement and stimulation. I say there is an opportunity for growth here with the imposed Social Distancing and Quarantining… If you can’t go outside, go inside… Here is where Juice is anyway… BE with what is and Transcend the crisis… Then operate from an Inspired state…
5) Practice health, wellness and self-care: Now is more important than ever to ensure our physical health. It goes without saying to minimize exposure! If you are usually pretty mindful of your health and wellness habits, make sure you stay the course. Don’t let the upheaval throw you off.
Tweak your routine and details of your practice as needed, but make sure you do right by yourself. If you have been slacking on your health and wellness, and self-care practice, Dude, what are you waiting for? Now, is the time to step up your game. You can use this as a new area of focus to keep yourself engaged and stimulated…
It is important that we pay attention to what gets triggered for us, how we like to cope, and what defense mechanisms we use…
All kinds of things get triggered in disaster or crisis situations – trauma, lack and scarcity, abandonment and aloneness, unworthiness, survival and existentialism, visibility, guilt, anger, etc.
We might turn to self-soothing with more consumption like any and all kinds of shopping, eating, drinking, using substances and other kind of indulgent or reactive behavior.
We might become more dramatic, needy, naggy, controlling, emotional, reactive, shutdown, withdrawn, absent, unfeeling, uncaring, callous, impatient, intolerant, self-righteous, etc.
The more we exercise personal awareness, the more we can be proactive about putting in place structures, systems, routines, practices, rituals and the like to help us better manage ourselves. This ensures we inoculate our physical and mental health, so we are better prepared to withstand the onslaught of this crisis.
It behooves us to be proactive in creating health and wellness. I say this is our number one priority as we weather this storm, for from this place we can handle the rest of it…
It is Mental Health Month after all… Yes, weird times we live in…
ASSIGNMENT: Take stock of how you are doing… Take a moment to gain more awareness about how you are really doing, what comes up for you, and how you usually deal.
Knowing who you are and how you do you, be proactive in putting in place what you need to prevent triggers, use positive and healthy coping tactics, and prevent your defense mechanisms.
Please know that your indulging and negative coping tactics and defense mechanisms make things worse. These creating vicious negative cycles that are more difficult to address when they go unchecked… These will impact your overall health and wellness and the rest of your life from your work to your marriage.
Be proactive and intentional about how you do you…
Let’s be super intentional, proactive and progressive. Let’s take care of ourselves properly to minimize how sideways our lives can go. Life it was well said in Pretty Woman, Take care of you.
AND, IF THIS RESONATES… Now might be the perfect time to strengthen your relationship. To learn new skills, tools and tactics to be preventative and proactive in reducing stress and creating resiliency in your home…
This is great way to spend time with your partner in a fun, productive and super conscientious way, and from the safety of your own home… LOL
In a nutshell, informally and in dynamic Emma style, I’ll teach you:
1 ~ How to get unstuck & break your impasse –> Context / Mindset work for setting effective boundaries, personal ownership, personal empowerment
2 ~ How to improve your communication & easily get on the same page –> Communication / Alignment work for deescalating fights, resolving conflict, detailed communication protocols
3 ~ How to change your patterns, get your needs met, & resolve recurring issues –> Clarity / Dynamics work for self-healing and growing, self-reprogramming, self-regulating
4 ~ How to increase your connection, intimacy & fun –> Connection / Intimacy work for feeling connected, rekindling desire, dating and enjoying each other
5 ~ How to create a strong partnership & a peaceful and joyful home –> Collaboration / Partnership work for synchronizing, sharing the load, creating your dream home, relationship and life
This is really a not to miss event. You get a whole process in one day… Plus targeted tactics to easily implement for immediate results. Can’t beat it!
A couple of things to note:
You should both register for better access
There will be a replay for your future and ongoing reference
You can attend separately (on different devices/locations)
You can attend individually (if one is not available)
There is no interaction with others, you only participate by posting comments or questions if you like
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Well-Being!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple™ content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is a crazy time in the world, and it behooves us to take care of ourselves well to properly weather this storm and come out as unscathed as possible after this is over. Let’s make smart decisions and set ourselves up to actually thrive. Yes? Let’s do this also!
The coronavirus pandemic is impacting every thread in the fabric of our lives from where and how we work, to how our kids are educated, to how much internet bandwidth we need, to what food we have available, to how we entertain ourselves. Even to how much toilet paper we have to wipe our butts. LOL (a little humor never hurts!)
How we initially choose to respond to this challenge will have a trickling effect in all areas of our lives. While we don’t want to overreact, be alarmists, and trigger panic, we do want to be responsible in all our actions and decisions.
It goes without saying that some behaviors and reactions are just not acceptable – like racial distancing, violent, illegal, and completely immature behaviors. There are some crazy arrest stories in the news. Seriously?
For those that have been lagging in taking this situation seriously because “you are not worried”, you are putting yourself and others at risk. You don’t have to believe this is a dire situation if you don’t want to. But why not be proactive and responsible, nonetheless. Just in case. There is nothing to lose in been precautious. The saying, better be safe than sorry came to be for a reason…
For example, I rarely come down with anything or get sick. Therefore, I’m not one to worry about getting sick. I can be exposed to sick people and not catch what they have (or at least not be symptomatic!). Yet, I moved all our in-person sessions online to protect clients from each other. Also, I could be a carrier and infect others and not even know it. So, I’m doing my part in reducing the chances of additional spread.
Thus, being proactive and responsible means: Self-quarantining at any indication of exposure or infection. It means avoiding unnecessary risks and practicing conscientious Social Distancing with respect and compassion. It means following all the guidelines presented by authorities, and where we believe they are lagging taking our own preventative actions.
We do have the whole world east of us exemplifying what to expect. We are smart, we can make our own inferences. We don’t have to wait for all planes to get grounded to cancel travel plans or for other govermental measures. It is our responsibility to enact personal agency and take proactive initiative for our own and others safety.
Once you are onboard with doing your part in the face of craziness, the next thing is to set yourself up to seamlessly weather the storm. I’ll even go as far as suggesting, to make the most of this situation and look for possible opportunities to enhance your and your loved ones’ lives in the end…
From Surviving to Thriving…
Setting up your family: With everybody in the family possibly being stuck at home for the next couple to few weeks, adjust your daily routine, home spaces and activities to account for all family members’ needs.
You might want to get up earlier to take care of chores and other responsibilities that would take longer to do with everyone underfoot. You might build in special lunch and snack times. You might want to tweak the night routine to still mark transition times but make them more soothing and attuned…
Working from home: When working from home coordinate work schedules and childcare coverage with other adults (partner, family member, friend, nanny/sitter – swap favors even…) to maximize productivity and great care. Don’t try to juggle both. This creates overwhelm, chaos, reactivity, acting out, anxiety, stress, and exhaustion…
Be flexible on how you tackle your “work hours”. Depending on the nature of your work, discuss with your supervisor a flexible plan to “put in your time” and get your work done that’s not necessarily the traditional 9-5.
If regular office hours presence is required, discuss covering the 9-5 in shifts by your teammates or coworkers and to have meetings scheduled during certain times of the day to allow for more flexibility for everyone. Other work can be completed off hours as needed.
Getting work done: Also, when working from home, protect your work time by allocating a workspace that’s free from distractions. If you live in close quarters get creative on how to create a reduced distraction space and time-chunks…
Of course tackle all the other practicalities – have supplies and everything you need in one place and organized, have passwords and access to all platforms and accounts handy, use online shared spaces/apps to collaborate, up your internet speed, upgrade your software as necessary, and have a backup system in place.
This will eliminate multitasking, lack of focus and frustrations helping manage stress and time wasters and increase productivity. You might get your work done quicker and actually free up time…
Kids schoolwork: Just like you are setting yourself up to be productive with work, you have to do the same for school age children. They might require different supervision during “schoolwork” time than during “free-time”. This is to be managed by the “covering” adult. Use your judgement on who covers what time during the days…
Also, set up children for cooperation. Explain that this is serious, and they are expected to cooperate, behave and be responsible for themselves and their work. This might be a good time to revisit your parenting style, how you discipline, guide/teach, support, encourage and inspire your children…
Be careful not to be too different from the usual as that’ll create more resistance and potential acting out. Keep things light, simple, and reassuring while providing guidelines and structure. Children do best when they know what’s expected and what’s going to happen. Layout the day in front of them to create security. Remember, they are affected by the upheaval too. Praise and celebrate cooperation.
Creating flow: Aside from managing routines and time, you can manage and use your space to flow through the day with more ease. Use different parts of your home (even if different corners of a room…) for different types of activities.
Designate rooms or spots for work, schoolwork, projects, fun and play, downtime and relaxation and such. This helps the brain get with the program and cooperate. This helps manage mood, focus, energy, etc.
Beyond the basics: Outside of responsibilities and doing the business of life, here is where things can get really amazing… This is where we can look for possibilities for great things to come from these tough times. The silver lining if you may. I see people bogging out about having to entertain children longer than usual. This is where we can be role models, inspire and help them thrive.
Aside from looking for more toys, games, crafts, TV shows and movies, and gaming apps, how about looking for opportunities for growth and development – this can range from learning how to play an instrument, explore a new language or culture, binge watch the science, history or documentary channels, focus on an interest, take on a new hobby, etc.
This can go as far as taking a talent or gift, such as music, art, writing, entrepreneurship, technology, debate, caring for others or anything else and creating a project of it. The project can be just for kicks or for higher accomplishment and impact. The sky is the limit. This is specially a great idea for middle and high schoolers. They can take something on and get consumed with it…
Enjoying connection: Another terrific benefit of this imposed togetherness is the togetherness… LOL We usually have such filled and hectic lives that we don’t slow down enough to Be with each other. With less extracurricular activities, commitments, events, travel, commuting, etc. We have more free time in our hands and more free time with each other.
I know this is scary for most… But this is a gem when done properly… Create specific times that are designated family and couple time regardless that you are all together all the time… The different designation implies different focus, energy, activities and such. This is how you’ll move from a blob of togetherness and potentially getting on each other’s nerves, to enjoying being with each other.
This also means, creating separate times to be individuals… Can’t be part of the whole all the time, it can get to be too much… Intentionally build this into the routine and honor it. This is for everyone…
Our daughter, Vanessa, is already amazing at carving out and protecting her NessyTime. She knows she needs down-alone-time and she’ll make sure she gets it. LOL
Your partner and relationship: And, of course, take advantage of the Couple Time… You’ll have a chance to connect differently than usual, seize the moment. Here you can explore common interests, different fun, deeper intimacy, more TLC, and more… This covers a whole spectrum of being with each other:
-From increasing fun by exploring interests like cooking different cuisines, learning new skills, exploring topics or concepts, taking on a new hobby or project, listening to influencers or fun podcasts, reading the same book, being playful and lighter.
-To nurturing the relationship with doing Appreciations, keeping a Positivity Journal, creating a Vision Board, stepping up caring gestures with your Love Languages, being super intentional about being present and attuned, flirting and increasing affection, ensuring moments to be intimate…
-To enriching the relationship by reading relationship success material, learning relationship tools and skills, working through any kinks and areas that usually trip you up, focusing on changing and upgrading how you show up to create the relationship you want…
~> Check-out our upcoming 1Day Virtual Event, the Relationship Enrichment Bootcamp™ (REB), on 4/4, where I delve into the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ and share specific tools, processes and protocols easy to implement but super powerful for creating the transformation in your relationship… Oh yeah, it’s a super-rich day! Don’t miss the bonuses and debut rates,learn more HERE.
Paramount Self-care:And, it goes without saying to not forget the self-care… It is imperative that you don’t forgo your usual self-care practice (tweak as necessary). And, if you don’t have one that you create one!
It doesn’t have to be an intense lineup of things you do. But do be mindful to create some moments to recharge and reconnect with your Self… The world is a better place when you do…
This can mean soaking in the tub before going to bed, keeping a Gratitude Journal, meditating before you jump out of bed, getting a workout app to replace the gym, giving yourself “spa treatments” from facials, to scrubs, to mani/pedis, seating with a cup of tea, whatever…
This challenging time doesn’t have to be the undoing of us. It could be a blessing in disguise, and the doing of us… How about we operate with that mindset from now on? You’ll be surprised at the yumminess that starts flowing…
ASSIGNMENT: Take note of what your go-to thoughts are, how you are feeling, and how you are managing yourself, your family, your home, and your work…
Identify where you can stand to clean up and align your approach for better outcomes. Where you can be more intentional and proactive. No need to overdo anything and overcompensate. Just notice, realign, and take gentle, caring and yet swift action.
Think on how this imposed lifestyle change can actually be a blessing in disguise and full of opportunities to design the life you want…
Embrace the change…
ADDITIONAL ASSIGNMENT: Support businesses that are losing foot traffic by purchasing gift certificates to be used at a later time.
Think on how else you can be proactively supportive in your community.
AND, IF THIS RESONATES…
Register for our upcoming 1Day Virtual Event on 4/4:
Complete the Assignment, and share your takeaway, insights, and results with a note in the Comments box at the end! I’d love to hear how you are using this content.
Happy Thriving!
Copyright (c) 2020 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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