Yes, we want beautiful and magical holidays, yet that expectation in and of itself creates stress and overwhelm for us. The holidays can be challenging for many for a lot of different reasons including having to deal with family-of-origin dynamics, unresolved issues, toxicity, and other triggers.
We can go about the season differently in that we can be mindful of our end-of-year and new year planning approach, and how we actually plan the holidays to reduce stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion. And, we can go about them with the intention of minimizing conflicts and triggers.
When we go about things without intentionality and mindfulness we might experience life and relationships as mine fields… Where the less care we put into how we tread, the more likely we are to blow things up…
Things that might create conflict and that can be triggering can be related to:
Contribution, collaboration, support, accomplishments, achievements, impact, success, gifting, spending, appearances, weight, body image, self-esteem, transitions, life changes, aging
Wellness, self-management, mental health concerns (anxiety, phobias, panic attacks, obsessive-compulsive disorder, attention-deficit disorder, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bipolar and other mood disorders, borderline and other personality disorders, eating disorders, addictions and substance abuse, and others)
When these things are part of one’s life in some shape or form, they have an impact on how we feel and experience interactions and events.
We might end up feeling and experiencing: not being good enough, put down, put out, pressured, criticized, blamed, let down, rejected, neglected, unsupported, misunderstood, not valued, disrespected, taken for granted, ignored, dismissed, unimportant, incompetent, powerless, and so on…
Whether we choose to respond, staying calm and collected, or react, getting agitated and thrown off, it’s up to us…
In the moment and in the face of being triggered it might not feel like we have a choice. It is almost impossible, biologically, to respond well in the face of a trigger. Therefore, it is imperative that we have our own backand mitigate conflicts and triggers by anticipating them. We can exercise our power to choose proactively and get ahead of these things to be preventative.
Of course, we can’t prevent all conflicts and triggers, but we can sure stave off a lot by mindfully and intentionally addressing our circumstances and needs.
Check out our latest podcast episode for more specific circumstances and triggers and how to go about managing them for a more wonderful season and upcoming year.
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life.
We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…
Why pleasure and delight habits? Great question. As I’ve been embracing the concept of doing my life with more Ease, these have been coming up… And, how glorious they are! They simply make life easier and more enjoyable… They profoundly add to creating our best life and relationship…
Now, I’m not talking about debauchery, far from it. I’m talking about creating space, grace and inspired flow in our daily routine. I’m talking about being gentle and compassionate with ourselves, and others. And, of course, I’m talking about enjoying simple pleasures.
It costs almost nothing to meditate, savor clean food, drink water, enjoy herbal teas, play with our pet, frolic in nature, witness a sunset, star gaze, take a bath, read a good book, be moved by music and such.
It definitely costs nothing to be present in a conversation and bask in the interaction with a loved one, and even a stranger.
And better yet, it really does cost nothing to do things we know will Delight our partner…
Watch the Video to learn more and complete the Assignment below!
ASSIGNMENT: Embrace this opportunity for more pleasure and delight in your life…
Clean up your daily routine. Reclaim and own your time! Get rid of time wasters. Make sure you have focus, transition and Free time.
Add a daily Simple Pleasure habit
Add a daily Delight Partner habit
Implement a Habits Tracking System as what you measure improves…
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
The conversation continues on having a refresh and reset, a renewal, on creating a new beginning, and on getting traction on our relationship and life transformation… Are you ready for newness? Let’s do it! To get traction with the new, we have to get rid of the old… Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come.
Today we’ll focus on how to clean up how you communicate in your relationship. I recently wrote about Communication Roadblocks that get in the way of your Radiant and Successful Relationship.
Let’s make it our business to remove these from our interactions. Let’s do a communication cleanse. But let’s make sure this is not just a quick cleanse but a new way of showing up to our relationship and interactions with our partner (and other loves ones!) going forward.
Here is the list of The Dirty Dozen of Communication. These are roadblocks to communication, to getting on the same page and aligning in your relationship.
Addressing needs or concerns when triggered
Using electronic devices as modes of communication
Addressing issues on the fly
Starting conversations when not in a good state
Disregarding good communication skills and tools
Forcing conversations
Not really listening, paying attention or taking in the other
Not having personal accountability and ownership
Track-jumping and messy content
Making a federal case
Being aggressive in speech, attitude or behavior
Patronizing in some form…
When we are not mindful and intentional of how we show up and how we interact with our partner, and others, we are bound to be messy in that exchange. We might be going about our business and just being ourselves, when we realize that an exchange is not going well. That we are showing up with The Dirty Dozen of Communication.
At that point the damage has been done and now the rest of the exchange needs to tend to it. What happens a lot of times is that partners are not even aware that the exchange is starting to go south, and they keep on going. They end up doing more damage.
Or they are stubborn. They realize the exchange is not going well, and they try to regroup without changing their approach! In this case they also end up doing more damage.
This observation doesn’t mean that we can’t let our hair down, be spontaneous or be ourselves… In the contrary, this observation points out that we are showing up with our messy, unintentional, defense ridden, not conscious self… We are showing up with our Small Self…
Instead, when we connect first with our Big Self, our Authentic Self, our Higher Self, we then automatically go into an interaction with more grace, mindfulness, intentionality, respect, acceptance, understanding, and other good stuff.
Communicating well doesn’t have to be that challenging:
The first order of business is to connect and align with ourselves first… From here the rest is much easier…
The next order of business is to avoid doing The Dirty Dozen of Communication.
This 3-Step Approach to Great Communication is the key for preventing fights, easily getting on the same page and for aligning with each other.
To honor our current refresh, reset and renew theme let’s target Step 2 and be super proactive about removing Communication Roadblocks still present in our interactions.
Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come. Cleanse your communication of the pesky behaviors that undermine your relationship.
ASSIGNMENT: Let’s make a dent in cleansing your communication style!
Select 5 Communication Roadblocks from The Dirty Dozen of Communication list to target and purge from your interactions.
Set a weekly reminder on your phone to check yourself on these so they don’t make their way back…
Keep targeting the other Dirty Dozen until they are all gone…
Stay intentional about not allowing them back!
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
New beginnings are super exciting, and this new season promises nothing less. Not only is it a new season, but it is also Springtime when things come alive. And, this Spring is meaningful as it marks a one-year anniversary of the still ongoing global pandemic but with it hope as the vaccine is being distributed. Newness is in the air. This is the perfect time for a relationship refresh and reset.
What is a relationship refresh and reset? A relationship refresh and reset is a time for renewal. It’s a time for starting again with a shift from:
looking at your partner and relationship in the same old that is keeping things blah to seeing the possibilities…
feeling stuck, stagnant and bored to feeling excited and in love again…
neglecting or taking the relationship and partner for granted to moving them to the top of your priority list…
It’s a time for embracing newness by showering your partner with positive energy and approaching your relationship from a different angle…
The past of couple articles covered detoxing and spring cleaning to clear the way for new beginnings. And, envisioning your upleveled relationship and life to guide the way. Now we’ll cover how to create the newness…
We’ll cover how to shift your thoughts, your feelings and your behaviors.
Are you ready to refresh and reset your relationship? Are you ready to embrace and create newness? Are you ready for your new beginning?
Watch the Video to learn how and complete the Assignment below!
ASSIGNMENT: Select the area that needs the most attention you want to focus on transforming:
Thoughts – Embracing a Relationship Enrichment (you are allies on a joint journey) mindset
Feelings – Embracing a gratitude, generous and compassionate heartset
Behaviors – Embracing a nurturing, attentive, and engaging actionset
Create 3 daily habits around your chosen area to get serious traction towards transforming your relationship.
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring to a new level in your relationship and life…
Does that sound scary, or empowering and motivating to you? Taking full ownership and being fully accountable for what we create in our life can be scary. It might seem easier to stick our head in the sand, to blame others or circumstances, and to settle than to play full out.
The truth is that when we live our life with lack of full ownership, our life is actually more challenging and more painful…
It is not easy to:
Constantly be blown with the wind and with the whim of others
Let others dictate our fate and live an unfulfilled life
Live inauthentically for fear of judgement, criticism and rejection
Commit, show up and engage only 99%, allowing for waffling
Own our voice, our truth, our desires and our potential
Express all of ourselves
Shine our Radiance
I invite you to play full out! But to do that you need to know yourself, own yourself and apply yourself. Are you ready for that?
You might even be scared to say Yes… If this is you, no worries we are here to support you. We’ll go nice and easy, yet powerfully, so you can stick with us and honor your Journey…
The first thing to do is to start getting in touch with what you want your life to be like, truly… No hedging, no lip service, no settling, no excuses. If nothing mattered but to create the life you desired, what would it look like?
What would your life look like, if your life depended on it…?
This means really exploring your desires for the whole of your life… This means being curious, thinking deeply, visualizing and meditating on what is really in your heart and soul…
Make some time to be with yourself and to really play, explore and dream about these. We are taking this concept beyond identifying your Ideal Day and accumulating Ideal Days to create your Best Life. That is a hack to get you going and to get you on your right path…
Now, we are going for creating our Best Life 2.0!
The 8 Robust Life Areas™
Break down your life into specific Life Areas and flesh out what you desire in each.
If we are not ok as a couple, everything in our life suffers… If we create a radiant and successful relationship then everything else in our life is easier… Everything in our life depends on it…
Visioning Your Best Relationship…
The relationship with our partner is one of the most important relationships in our life. Unfortunately, we usually don’t view it and treat it as such.
To create your Best Relationship, you first have to know what your Best Relationship would look like… Then you can go about creating it.
Below is a guide for things to consider when envisioning and designing your Best Relationship. They are of course presented as the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™ developed to assist couples create the relationship they desire…
Element1 – Context & Mindset
Here is where you explore what you believe about attracting your mate, being in a romantic relationship, the purpose of the relationship, commitment, trust, devotion and loyalty, priorities, partnership, expectations, interdependence, synergy, contribution, impact and anything else important to you.
What would a Relationship Enrichment Lifestyle look like for you? What would prioritizing your partner look like for you? What would being all in look like for you…?
Element2 – Communication & Alignment
Here is where you explore what being on the same page with your partner would look and feel like. You’d explore beliefs and preferences about communication and being aligned. And, on what topics you would want to get on the same page.
How would communication take place? How would you safeguard your bond and eliminate communication roadblocks? What communication skills and tools would you acquire?
Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics
Here is where you explore what you believe and understand about relationship dynamics, repeating patterns, and getting stuck. And what kind of relationship dynamics you’d prefer. You’d also explore your beliefs about feelings, emotions, and needs. Including thoughts about worthiness and self-esteem, vulnerability and shame, sympathy and compassion.
How would you build resilience and increase self-esteem? How would you increase your EQ? How would you meet your own and each other’s needs?
Element4 – Connection & Intimacy
Here is where you explore what you believe about and your preferences for togetherness vs separateness, connection, love, bond, masculinity and femininity, romance, sensuality, attraction, desire, passion, intimacy, sexuality, stimulation, play, fun, adventure, and friendship.
How would you increase your connection, intimacy and fun? How would you need to Be to experience a deep, synergistic long-lasting love? How do you need to stretch to allow the love you want?
Element5 – Collaboration & Partnership
Here is where you explore what Life Partnership, creating a Strong Partnership, and collaborating mean to you. You’ll explore what kind of family and life you want to create. How you’d want to be a strong partnership. How you want to design and approach creating the life you desire.
How do you want to run your business of life? What kind of parents do you want to be? How do you want to live your life? What kind of lifestyle do you want to have? What kind of legacy you want to leave?
By reading the above, you are already ahead of the game… You can’t unread it and unearth the seeds planted… Your brain already has the instructions to take stock of your life, and your relationship; and, to strive for more…
You’ll start picking up momentum and getting massive traction in your transformation by:
Exploring what’s informing your current experience in your relationship
Exploring what kind of relationship you desire
Consciously and intentionally choosing how to create your Best Relationship
It all starts with a Vision. That’s what you are doing today. You are fleshing out and owning how you truly want your relationship to be. This is the first step in making it happen…
ASSIGNMENT: Choose the approach that best resonates for you at this time, playing with:
The 8 Robust Life Areas™
The 3 Life Areas Hack™
Visioning Your Best Relationship™ using the 5 Elements of the Successful Couple Strategy™
The mere exercise of bringing light to these will start you on your transformation…
As with anything, when you bring consciousness, focus and attention to something, Awesomeness happens. I wish this for you in your life and your relationship.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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