Happy Love Month! This is when things can begin to look up. It is up to us to grab the possible new vibe… It is up to us to create a new vibe… Will you continue to feel exhausted, burnt out, unmotivated and blah?
Or will you replenish yourself with a rich Self-Love Practice and set the right tune for the year? Will you generate lovely notes to fill your heart and share it with others? Will you be open to giving and receiving more love in your relationship? Connection Habits help enhance or rekindle love…
Partners operate as if once they have a commitment from each other that the relationship box can be checked off.
Because we finally found our Soulmate (our best possible match for us now with all the potential in the universe), it doesn’t mean that we can now move on to other projects or life endeavors…
This is the furthest thing from what we should be doing (yes, I’m using the word should– that’s how important this is!). If we don’t make a commitment to be fully invested in our relationship from now till we choose otherwise, we won’t have a choice about it eventually… If we don’t invest in our relationship, if we don’t nurture it, it could get so bad we’d be running for the hills, or living a very unhappy life…
Our relationship is like a garden, if we don’t water it, it withers and dies…
Most partners have no clue how to Nurture their relationship, especially if they are struggling or going through a slump. Nurturing our relationship doesn’t have to be this illusive concept and challenging effort…
The easiest way to strengthen your bond, deepen your connection, and enhance or rekindle your love is through Connection Habits.
Connection Habits
When partners think about how to improve or uplevel their relationship, they often find themselves at a loss.
There are many factors at play in our relationship that make it challenging for us to figure out where to start to make things better… A lot of times our efforts are Band-Aids on dirty wounds. Even the best of intentions are taken the wrong way and do more harm than good. But this is not as hopeless as it seems. The key is to first plant a flag to stop spinning, and then go from there.
What is this flag? This has to do with having a Relationship Enrichment Mindset™… If our mindset is messed up about our relationship (or relationships in general!) and about our partner, we are starting off on the wrong foot. Therefore, the best thing to do is to address our mindset…
With an upgraded relationship mindset, the universe is the limit!
Your Bond is the Essence of your relationship. This is what makes you feel like you are in a relationship, that you belong, that you are not alone, that somebody has your back, that you are a Partnership.
Connection Habits in this area have to do things like staying in touch, checking-in, sharing, debriefing, doing caring or caretaking activities.
II. Connection Habits for Deepening Your Connection
After a while relationships tend to go south or flat if the partners have not intentionally addressed concerns and patterns and if they haven’t nurtured each other and the relationship. It is very easy to feel disconnected from our partner. We might go through the basic motions of being in a relationship, but if the interactions remain superficial based on the mundane we start to feel less connected…
Connection Habits in this area have to do with having deeper and more meaningful interactions like processing triggers, discussing life, sharing desires, wishes, dreams, developing traditions, having planning sessions
III. Connection Habits for Enhancing or Rekindling Your Love
If we neglect the relationship and our partner, the love does fade away (sorry, don’t shoot the messenger!)… Love is a verb, it is not a noun… When we are not loving we can’t feel love… For us to feel the love for our partner, we have to cultivate it. The more we cultivate the more we harvest… This is also true for if you are not feeling romantic love for your partner or if you believe you “fell out of love”…
Connection Habits in this area have to do with doing the loving, wooing, and charming gestures that are fun or romantic, spark joy, create memories, have a ritualistic aspect, touches the other’s heart, makes the other feel special and cherished…
We can easily stay on a path to creating a successful relationship and epic love with our partner by intentionally and systematically being nurturing with Connection Habits…
Watch the video for inspiration on establishing Connection Habits… Enjoy!
APPLICATION: This Month of Love step up your game nurturing your relationship and your partner.
💗Depending on the current state or feel of your relationship, decide where your relationship could use an infusion of Connection Habits:
• Strengthening Your Bond • Deepening Your Connection • Enhancing or Rekindling your Love
You can add one habit per category for a balanced approach, or focus on one of the categories with more habits to really upgrade that area.
💗Decide what kind of feelings you’d like to feel and what kind of feel you’d like the relationship to have, and design your habit/s with the intention of generating those feelings.
💗Integrate the habit/s into your daily, weekly, monthly routines to automate nurturing your relationship…
Have fun design and integrating habits that tickle your hearts!
It doesn’t have to take work to nurture your relationship and show your partner love. Implementing a Connection Habits Tactic takes all the effort out of creating a loving and joyous relationship!
Here is to much connection and love this month and the rest of the year!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: If you missed the Self-Love Masterclass, you can still get it through our Member Center with a Lifestyle Membership!
A Self-Love Strategy for Creating Your Best Life Stop Self-Sabotage, Increase Resilience, and Generate More Joy Includes Recording and gorgeous Workbook of transformational processes Enroll HERE
Copyright (c) 2022 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
We are knee deep in setting ourselves up for an amazing New Year! Do you usually give this much thought? Do you do personal End of Year and New Year Planning? Do you take the time to be with yourself and get inspired to design the life you want and map out how to make it happen? I do, and I know that those who do also create Masterful Lives…
Therefore, I’ve added the Sparkling Step to my planning process to help you do it as well. Today, we are covering The Masterful Part of this step (2of3).
But, first a quick recap – End-Of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.):
The Inspirational Part covered how to get in touch with your Essence and bring it forth more…
Today’s Masterful Part covers how to capture and integrate better habits and activities for more efficiency, productivity, ownership, empowerment, focus, presence, harmony, joy and enjoyment in your life…
The Masterful Part
To have a Brilliant Human Experience™ we have to Live our life… This might mean different things to different people. To some it might mean achieving great success professionally and making an impact.
To other it might mean mastering themselves, physically, emotionally, etc. To others it might mean partying it up every weekend. To others it might mean going on great adventures a few times a year. And, yet to others it might mean a combination of these and other essential experiences and masteries.
It is up to us to create our Best Life, a life we love. And a life well lived at the end of the day that truly represented our essence and how we wanted to have lived it…
From the work we’ve done so far, we already know what we are working towards. Now we’ll add how we want to go about making it happen. How we want to do the Journey…
Watch the video for 5 Tactics to help you Masterfully enjoy your Journey…
APPLICATION: This process just gets more and more fun from here. Woot!
A note of caution first, you really need to doSteps 1-3 of theEnd-Of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.) process if you haven’t yet… This is you guiding North Star… You can sprinkle all the sparkle you want into your life and still not create your Best Life if you don’t know what you are creating at the end of the day…
Again, set time aside to play with this process, work through the steps in order, though 1 and 2 can be swapped depending on your situation.
And, now on to the Tactics of The Masterful Part…
VERY IMPORTANT: Don’t create the lists below in a vacuum. They need to flow from your vision, goals, and tactics to support your overall approach and desires for the New Year… They are additional ways to help you create your vision and achieve your goals. They are the icing on your cake. They are not meant to be miscellaneous extra things to overload you…
🌟Stop/Start List – Create a list all the minutia, redundancies, and painful tasks you do. Add to this list the negative habits, commitments, and anything else that just suck your life energy out of you. This is the Stop part of your list. Now make a list of skills, healthy habits, and activities you want to add to your life to recharge you, enrich your experience and create more efficiency and joy. This is the Start part of your list.
Select a couple from each to tackle Q1 of next year. Weave the Start items into your flow, time map, routine, calendar, schedule, to ensure you fully execute this; remove the Stop ones as you go (scrap, automate, delegate, outsource) …
🌟Life Rules – Create a list of rules to live by. This is about setting more effective boundaries in your life… This has to do with you fully owning yourself and taking charge of your life… Of not being a push over, people pleaser, codependent, and generally being at the bottom of your own list… What will you no longer tolerate, put up with or get sucked into in your life?
Select a handful to master in Q1… Diligently set out to have the necessary conversations or take the action steps to establish your boundaries.
🌟Spend for Happiness – Create a list of things you’d like to purchase that you believe will bring you more joy and happiness… Create a Spending Plan to map out your purchases for the year.
Pick out the ones for Q1 and implement your savings tactics to enable your purchases. This will keep you focused on your saving strategy and make your spending more intentional… This tames the consumerism bug, supports minimalism and essentialism philosophies and supports a more meaningful lifestyle.
🌟Special Days – Create a list of the types of Special or Theme Days you’d like to have, like: Declutter or deep clean day, life admin day, shoot day, content planning day, reset day, inspiration day, me day, celebration day, feel good day, hooky day, and such.
Next, schedule those into your calendar for Q1. Woot!
🌟Challenges – Make a list of 30-Day Challenges you’d like to do to stretch yourself, develop character strengths or personality traits, install better habits, improve some aspect of your life, stay intentional and engaged in your life daily, or just for kicks and conversational content. Here is a cool collection to inspire you.
Select the 1-3 you’ll tackle in Q1 (1 per month at most…) and schedule prep-ahead-time for each to launch into them seamlessly.
🔔Once you finish integrating these into your lifestyle, set up a reminder in whatever app makes sense in your life to grab another set of these to tackle in Q2, and so on.
The beauty of this Part is that the tactics support our achieving our goals and make the process more tangible and fun. They help us uplevel our life experience on their own right.
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holiday posts to help you Thrive this Holiday Season and start the New Year right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
In my ongoing quest to do our life better and enhance our wellbeing, I started paying closer attention year-in and year-out to how to we do this Season… What has developed over the years is my End-of-Year & New-Year Planning (E.N.P.) Process (condensed from its original version which can be found here). I’m so excited for its sparkling newest Step and its rich parts. Today we are covering: The Inspirational Part (1of3).
We’ve covered Steps for clearing, celebrating and contemplating and now we are on to candescenting, to adding Sparkle…
I am adding this new step to add more Sparkle into our life… This is what this step is all about. We tend to focus on work, grinding, and what’s wrong in the world. We usually don’t acknowledge the good things or focus on how to better do leisure, fun, recharging, taking care of ourselves, and enjoying the finest things in life.
Our Human Experience needs to be more well-rounded…
⚡️Most people don’t dream of their future. ⚡️Most people don’t set goals to achieve their dreams. ⚡️Most people don’t develop a plan to achieve their goals. ⚡️Most people don’t design their flow (routines) to work their plans. ⚡️Most people definitely don’t add Sparkle to their flow…
These people are at risk of their life being dull and a grind… You might recognize yourself in all the above, or some. Don’t worry I’ve got the antidote in adding Sparkle into our life…
The first part in the Sparkle Step is Inspiration…
The Inspirational Part
When our life is monotonous, when we tend to grind, when we don’t recharge ourselves, we dull ourselves. We are like a house that hasn’t been dusted in a while and the surfaces no longer sparkle. We lose our sparkle…
It is our job to figure out how to do our life well, so we have our best human experience, a Brilliant Human Experience™…
It is up to us to draw inspiration and flow from inspiration as much as possible. This is a wonderful estate of Being to aspire to on an ongoing basis…
Watch the video for 4 Tactics to help you find and fuel your Inspiration…
Set time aside to play with this process, it’s so worth your investment. Work through the steps in order, though 1 and 2 can be swapped depending on your situation.
For Step 4 – Here are the tactics for The Inspirational Part:
Personal Brand – Decide how you’ll continue to evolve in the coming year. Who is your Authentic Self, what are they all about? How will you become more You? What parts do you need embrace or develop? How do you need to stretch? What can you put in place to practice Being more of who you are? Choose an Identity Phrase™ or word to capture your personal brand and what you are aiming to become…
For example: Conscientious, adventurous, learner, connector, risk-taker, nature lover, wellness obsessed, turn everything to gold, and such.
Intention or Focus Term™ – Set an Intention for the upcoming year of how you’ll want to feel, what you want to experience, or who you want to be more. Choose a Focus Term™ to capture the essence of the intention to serve as your mantra, lens, filter or focus throughout the year…
For example: Ease, intentional, proactive, receptive, spaciousness, excellence, abundant, generous, confident, playful, self-care, courage, and such.
Theme – Explore what you want your overall focus to be for the year. What kind of things do you want to experience, accomplish, achieve? What life area will you be focusing on primarily and what aspects of that life area do you want to target? Name your Theme to add another layer of focus and filtering for the year.
For example: Health, fitness, romance, parenting, adventure, legacy, reading, self-care, self-love, spirituality, and so on.
Vision Board – And now you get to make it pretty! Capture the work you’ve done for Step 3 and in this Part of Step 4 into picture form. For this, Pinterest is your friend. You can create your board anyway you like.
For example: Print the images and glue them into a posterboard, tack them to a corkboard; or go with an electronic version by creating a background for your desktop or your phone in Canva.
The key here is to capture who you are becoming and where you want to go. Make sure you give yourself the gift of time and attention to really honor your Self and take care of Future You.
This Step is so fun. Make sure you do the leg work of steps 1-3 to really set yourself up for success for the rest of the year and for the upcoming year. Then dive in and have fun with this Step!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS –Check out past Holiday posts to help you Thrive this Holiday Season and start the New Year right!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Are you creating your Best Life? Do you have a Life Vision? Do you have a Joint Life Vision? How do you know what you are working towards every day? Are you just focused on making ends meet, or are you working towards something?
Are all your choices in alignment with your values and creating your Best Life? Is all your effort put towards it? Or are you squandering your precious resources, your focus, energy and time? Becoming a strong partnership is key to creating your Best Life.
It is very common for people to not have a Life Vision and goals for the future, as is also very common for couples to not be on the same page about their future and working towards a joint vision together. Couples don’t usually have a Joint Life Vision.
When couples don’t have a Joint Life Vision, they don’t have a North Star guiding their life. They don’t have a way to filter their actions, their activities, their habits, their routines, their lifestyle, their spending – all their decisions and approach to their relationship and their life.
A Joint Life Vision is the map to where you want to do, what kind of life you want to create. Not having one means you are banging around through life, creating by default, and possibly focusing on the wrong things.
Having this map, doesn’t mean the route is written in permanent marker, that you can’t take the scenery route here and there, or park by the side of the road every so often. Having this map, a Joint Life Vision, does mean you are going in the right direction and enjoying the ride.
Creating a Joint Life Vision is much easier to do when you are operating as a strong team, when you become a strong partnership… Partners that feel stuck and are pointing the finger at each other, that can’t get on the same page, who keep having the same issues and can’t get out of their own way, and who feel disconnected have a hard time with this.
Setting common goals, working towards them and collaborating is not easy to do with our partner if the rest of the relationship is off…
To create an awesome life, we need to have an awesome relationship… When our relationship is off, it is challenging for the rest of our life to feel right and be epic…
Where does this leave us in terms of creating our #BestLife? It means we have a dream, a Life Vision, and work towards it while we give our relationship a lot of TLC…
Here is a quick formula to wrap our mind around this:
👀 Have your own Life Vision, flesh out all the life areas and then focus on your top 3 💗 Always make your relationship part of the top 3 👏 Once you are in a good place with your partner, share your Life Vision and create a Joint Life Vision 📐 Align your whole life against this Joint Life Vision 🛠 Create systems with your partner for easy collaboration and a divide and conquer approach
What does it mean to align your whole life against the life vision?
That you spend time on activities that help you complete projects that flow from your goals
That you spend time on goals that move the needle forward in creating your life vision
Make the Baby Steps Count
What kind of habits and activities are we talking about?
Let’s say, that you are focusing on the 3 main life themes: Wellness, Connection and Success. You’d make sure that you have habits and activities in these themes (their related life areas), to accomplish goals in these areas and move the needle forward in creating your life vision…
This can look something like this:
🌟Wellness (Spiritual, Physical, Emotional, Mental): Meditation, Intermittent Fasting, Exercise, Reading >> For fitness, vitality, longevity, resilience and personal development
🌟Connection (Relational, Social): Check-In Chat, Delight Partner, Sexy Time, Fun Outing/Event >> For a radiant and successful relationship, and strong community
🌟Success –(Financial, Lifestyle): TimeMapping, Networking, Budgeting, Writing >> For wealth, social impact and great life
Making daily habits and actions of these is the easiest way to stay focused and cranking along…
In the daily routine is also where the managing the business of life, the domestic, personal tasks and projects, and other ventures and life projects happen, and which are best tackled in collaboration with your partner.
The divide and conquer approach and the synergy inherent in your partnership propels your creation and manifestation forward. This is how you seamlessly create your Best Life, your (Joint) Life Vision.
Collaboration FLOW
Here are some Collaboration Flow suggestions that work super well for our couples when they need support in this area:
💫 Bulk food shopping, grocery deliveries (sun, wed) – Keep a running shopping list to easily grab everything in one shopping event 💫 Laundry (sun, wed) – Throw in a couple of loads as needed (don’t do laundry every day, don’t let it pile up!) 💫 Food prep (sun) – Cook/bake a couple of things, cut up veggies and fruit – portion out and store (freeze if possible) 💫 Synchronizing Meeting (sun) – Have a moment on Sunday evenings to get on the same page about the upcoming week 💫 Check-In Chats (daily before or after dinner) – Have a moment to catch up on the day and get on the same page as needed 💫 Weekend Planning (thu) – Map out the flow, and plan the activities and fun for the upcoming weekend 💫 Integrating Meeting (sat) – Make time to meet to plan, discuss, share or what work on yourselves, the relationship, your finances, home renovations, and other projects
Creating structures, systems and automations makes it much easier to run a joint life freeing up time, energy and attention for Being and Enjoying.
Here is to your smooth, harmonious, and joyful home and family.
Here is to seamlessly creating your Best Life with your Partner!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: APPLICATION – Consider where you have glitches in your weekly flow and collaboration with your partner and implement any Collaboration Flow suggestions that fit your needs.
🌟 Feel free to create your own. The key is to create an ongoing solution to address a need or recurring glitch…
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.
Feeling understood is an existential human need… In feeling that the other “gets” us, we feel Known and that we exist… Feeling understood engenders feelings of belonging, being accepted, and safety. This is pretty much at the core of things! This is why it’s super important to use our skills and tools to make sure we get our partner, and others, when we are in our interactions with them.
And, with that it goes without saying how super important it is to show them that we got them… This is where the validation step in the Intentional Dialogue comes in. This is the step that partners forget in interactions that crashes the conversation and possibly even leads to a fight.
Equally important is to communicate so our partner can understand us, and to seek confirmation that we were understood.
Interactions don’t have to go south… Most of the time when couples refer to communication problems, they are actually referring to emotionally charged issues and conversations. They can’t communicate well when they are triggered… Which makes complete sense! Employing communication tools and skills has a lot to do with managing ourselves and being mindful to not trigger our partner… Removing roadblocks to communication goes a long way.
And most importantly, when we are mindful of how we show up and how we communicate we are investing in protecting, nurturing, and strengthening our bond…
Strengthening Our Bond
Therefore, it is imperative that we are very intentional and mindful about how we communicate with our partner and what the focus of our conversations are. For who doesn’t want a lovely and strong bond with their Lovey? Right?
I invite you to add having Meaningful Conversations to your Couple Time… Let’s not use couple time for just more binging on Netflix.
Awareness and consciousness about yourself
Do you know what triggers you and why? Do you know what core wound and defense mechanisms you keep playing out, what you contribute to your repeating patterns? Do you know what your needs are and how to meet them? Do you know your Love Language? Getting a deeper understanding of yourself in this way is enlightening and a great investment in your personal development…
Then, sharing this with your partner and integrating your new awareness into your interactions is truly transformative…
Then, you can share your understandings, discoveries, and what you make of them with your partner. Isn’t this a gorgeous conversation?
Aspirations and passions about yourself
Have you identified your Purpose, what drives you? Are you focused on that purpose daily? Do you have a vision of your future and your life? Do you have clear goals and milestones? What are you working on? Are your projects, tasks and routines in alignment withyour Vision? Getting some clarity around these and aligning your life accordingly makes life so much easier and pleasurable…
Then, share what you are up to, your desires, fears, and possible roadblocks with your partner for additional alignment and meaning…
Aren’t these delicious? Imaging these are the topics of your conversations most of the time… This is what gives our interactions depth and meaning. These interactions are what strengthen our bond, bring us closer and guide our relationship and life. This is how we create radiance and meaning in our relationship.
APPLICATION: Select the area about you that you want to explore, gain a deeper understand, more clarity and direction to play with… Set some time aside to indulge in this exploration, and then bring your discoveries, insights, and desires to your Couple Time
Awareness and consciousness about yourself
Awesomeness and uniqueness about yourself
Aspirations and passions about yourself
In developing ourselves and owning our sparkle, with bring more radiance to our relationship…
Be curious, be playful, be vulnerable, be available…
Share yourself more in your interactions and communication, strengthen you bond!
Wishing you much joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
Copyright (c) 2021 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication?
Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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