It is not uncommon for relationships to experience an intimacy or sex drought. Where the partners are just not being as intimate as they would normally prefer. There is usually one partner that expresses less interest, but it can happen where both are just not into it. The partners might have different reasons for the lack of desire and interest. And they most likely have different libidos, desire levels, and preferences for timing, frequency, and duration of their physically intimate moments as well as what they entail… In other words, what kind of sex they like to have. It is a wonder that we even make babies, but that’s a different topic…
There is much intricacy in each of these factors making each couple unique in their experience and what kind of relationship they create. And even within the couple, the partners have very different experiences and ideas from each other about what is going on… Not for nothing this is a very sensitive, delicate, and complex situation for partners to address and be able to change.
The uniqueness of each partner in-and-of-itself plays a significant role. Two unique individuals coming together to create a joint life is no easy feat. All the differences that made the match of the partners so special in the first place now make an elaborate undertaking to align and synchronize for optimal bliss within the relationship…
The richness and gloriousness of what is a couple, and a relationship, gets lost on most people. There is so much going on that meets the eyes, and even more underneath it all.
Couples are super special. They are the coming together of two people to create a greater whole, a much larger One. This whole, the relationship is the vehicle through which we navigate and live our life. It is imperative that we take care of it so we can have a wonderful Journey…
What does this mean for our connection, intimacy, and sex life?
~ This means that we can’t allow ourselves to get sucked into our negativity bias, into our limiting believes and scripts, into righteousness, into poor communication hygiene and habits, into our reactions and defensive patterns, into complacency and denial, into competition, comparison and tit-for-tat. That we are mindful and intentional about how we do ourselves- who we choose to be and how we choose to show up.
Partners are on the same team! They are allies. Yet they might fall prey to seeing and treating each other as the enemy. This just compounds the difficulties and disconnect they might be experiencing…
~ This means that we choose to address anything that is getting in the way from our most epic relationship and love affair with our partner. That we choose to get medical attention and other services for anything physical or emotional affecting our health, wellbeing, and everything else.
~ This means that we address the circumstances affecting our relationship, our connection, our intimacy, our libido and our passion.
~ This means that we address any relationship issues or concerns, anything we are fighting about or that gets us, any egoic patterns, any relationship patterns, and anything that keeps us from getting along, getting on the same page, connecting deeply and meaningfully, from having the best sex, from really having fun with our partner, from creating the strongest partnership…
~ This means that we give some serious, and some playful, thoughts to our purpose, the meaning of our life, the kind of life we want to live, the type of human we want to be, the kind of legacy we want to impart, the kind of relationship we want to be a part of to help us sort through all this and enjoy the process…
I offer to not get hang up in the weeds of what is going on with your intimacy… I offer to take a larger view of your situation and how everything interconnects… You might be surprised as to what comes up to tweak to help all the dominos fall into place… All the above becomes so much easier and a pleasure to mitigate, address, deconstruct, and even transcend…
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Sometimes we might wonder how much our partner actually loves us, and it at all… This is not an uncommon thought when we are having relationship issues, when we are fighting a lot, and even if we are just triggered… Our bond, our connection and our love is that vulnerable…
We have to remember that our partner and our relationship are happening in our head… As weird of a concept as that is, and as much as we can argue for the existence of them in our external world, our experience of them is still internal…
This is good news and a super empowering concept… This means that as soon as we choose to look at our partner and our relationship differently that we have a different partner and a different relationship! This is how we create new beginningsas well…
Isn’t this incredible? Let’s test it out…
~ Have some loving thoughts about your partner ~ Think about all the wonderful qualities about them ~ Notice what an amazing human they are ~ Recognize that they are also on a Journey ~ Realize that they are perfectly imperfect and a perfect match to you in your Journey…
Think some more along these lines.
Be grateful. Be joyful. Be so happy to have them in your life…
Notice how you now see your relationship and your partner in a better light…
I know that this is harder to do when we not getting along, when we are fighting or when we are struggling in our relationship, and specially when we are triggered even if everything is otherwise copacetic.
This reinforces the concept further of how susceptible we are to our feeble mind and the importance of not taking ourselves on a ride… Not taking ourselves too seriously. Not believing everything we think. Not getting sabotaged by our feelings, which flow from our thinking…
Our whole life is a construction! We are in charge of what we construct. Including the partner and relationship we have…
Realize this – if you have awesome thoughts, you have awesome feelings and therefore awesome actions, responses, and presence… This invites, seduces, induces your partner to reciprocate…
Yes, we can do all the nurturing, loving and romantical behaviors but we go much further when we do the internal loving first…
In today’s episode, I share how to recognize and address the culprits to low desire, transform your relationship dynamics that keep you stuck, and do all the tending and loving gestures to keep the love and the spark alive. It’s a must episode!
Want to create a stronger, deeper, more meaningful, and nourishing connection with your partner?
Check out our upcoming groundbreaking event for a Valentine’s Day Experience
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Much can be said with a four-letter word! Love… There is so much encompassed in that lovely word and concept… Love can be considered a noun, a verb, an adjective and even an adverb… There are many kinds of love depending on its context, and even within the same context… And, love is an emotion, a feeling, an experience, a decision, an action, and a state of Being… It is said God is Love… Any of these views or usage convey its Essence… There isn’t any other word or concept that is as coherent, complete, and Unifying…
Isn’t this such a gorgeous idea to contemplate and play with? Let me tell you, it’s just grand… I find it so fascinating, illuminating, and downright inspiring, nourishing and enlivening!
~ When we allow ourselves the opportunity to ponder the bigger questions in life ~ When we allow ourselves the luxury of exploring concepts that are esoteric in nature ~ When we allow ourselves the gift of other possible views and perspectives
… We allow and realize ourselves into a grander life experience…
For you see we tend to keep a very narrow, outdated, and limiting perspective and approach to how we understand life and go about creating the relationship and life we desire. We let our programming run the show…
This is why we have the painful, history/pattern-repeating, conflictual experience of the world and interactions with our partner…
But what if we were to open up to new possibilities, to a new reality… To the idea that Love is just magnificent and can be found literally everywhere…
The thing is that we love to argue for our limitations and our smallness, for the reality that we know through our senses which is completely subjective anyway depending on how we perceive and process information…
There is no one true reality as we think we know it… We can make a case for anything. We can connect whatever dots we want to make any case we want. We truly are the creators of our reality…
What if we were to let this sink in and chose to expand our perspectivefor the possibility of a more peaceful, harmonious, joyful, and loving experience? How would you go about expanding your perspective?
~ We’d let go of preconceived notions ~ We’d let go of stubbornness, judgement and control ~ We’d let go of righteousness ~ We’d let go of polarizing and binary thinking ~ We’d let go of exertion, separatism, divisiveness, manipulation, competition, assertion, exploitation, subjugation, domination and the like…
We have created toxic and destructive ways of living, but we don’t have to continue to subscribe, support and engage in these. We have a choice. One that we have to continue to make when we get seduced back into our old ways, when the programs demonstrate their hold on us…
We take notice, realign, and course correct as needed.
And, we’d do this over and over and over until we deprogrammed as much as possible… Until we are no longer showing up as a habit of our old limited/ing perception and programs… Until we realize our new reality… Until we see Love everywhere and feel the love all the time… Until we Become Love itself…
At the end of the day, this is as simple as making a decision, transcending our noisy mind, and connecting with our heart. And it can happen instantaneously… This is the Art of Loving…
Wishing you much love this Valentine’s Day and Always!
Want to create a stronger, deeper, more meaningful, and nourishing connection with your partner?
Check out our upcoming groundbreaking event for a Valentine’s Day Experience
PSS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2024 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
As we wrap up the year, or period of our life, and are looking to make changes for a New Beginning, it is helpful first to get rid of and let go of the old… When our life, mind and consciousness are cluttered with things that no longer serve us, we get weighted down. It is difficult to see, create, or embrace anything new if there is no space for it. We can’t start a new beginning, uplevel our life and our relationship, if we are attached to the old ways…
We can very easily fill up our space, calendar, routines, lifestyle, and mind with extra stuff, commitments, to-dos, and thoughts… And, most of the time we are not really intentional about what we add in, we just fill up the spaces unconsciously and reactively… We do what we usually do, we do it by default, or with misconceptions…
If we really took the time to assess if all the stuff we add in serves us, honors us and enrich our lives, we might be surprised at the answers we find.
Most of the time more is not better.
More activities, sports, memberships, parties, habits, supplements, gifting, and so on, is not necessarily better… I find in the stories clients and others share, what a nightmare gets created by overdoing things…
The thing is that the nightmare feels natural: ~ That’s the way things are. ~ This is how our weekends go. ~ This is what happens during the holidays. ~ This is what the school year is about. ~ This is how we vacation.
But the thing is, that upon further inspection and reflection, and even after all these are carefully orchestrated and choreographed, it becomes obvious that they are still set up from a place of lack, attachment, and control. Defensive ego patternswe use to manage our feelings, states, and needs…
The approach is driven by unconscious processes not by intentionality and mindfulness, by our values and purpose… When we look at what we create with our approach we can see that it is ill informed. We can see stress, overwhelm, anxiety, friction, fighting, chaos, exhaustion, disconnection, acting out, anger, and the like…
We are creating the opposite of what we are after with this approach. We are not enriching our lives, we are overloading and suffocating it… We are squandering our life force, our energy…
I remember someone sharing how she was going to make the holidays magical with beautifully wrapped presents or put together toys, decorating for a winter wonderland, baking treats from scratch, writing Christmas cards, and a litany of other holidays to-dos. All to be done during the night so the children wouldn’t be in the way, and so they could be surprised when it all came together.
Sounds beautiful, except that she was so sleep deprived that she kept getting sick and couldn’t kick a cough, she was irritable to say the least and impatient with everyone, and had ongoing disagreements and fights with her husband because he “was useless” in alleviating all that needed to get done…
And I’m sure this list looks minor compared to yours… I know she is not alone. I have heard a version of this story over and over… Hey, I’ve been here myself. No judgement, just an observation for increased awareness, and lots of compassion for us all…
So, how do we turn this around and do our life differently going forward? It’s actually quite simple, though not necessarily easy if we are not committed to creating the relationship and life we desire…
FIRST– Decide what kind of relationship and life you want SECOND – Commit to this and to address any patterns that might undermine you THIRD – Stay the course and get support as needed
Note, that we have a story about ourselves, our relationship, our partner, and life in general that might need revising… How we see things, the meaning we assign things, and what we think of ourselves- the identity we create, drive what we create… Our narrative and scripts are the filters of our experience… For us to create a different experience, and a different relationship and different life, we have to change the story we keep writing…
When the story changes, we can align everything differently against it – our new identity, our focus, our responses, our choices, our habits, our routines, our lifestyle, our investments… For then we go about living the new story, and we create what we desire…
But be careful, you might think you are already doing this that’s why you planned your year, your holidays, and your life as you did… The key here is to check-in if you are healthy, energized, joyful, graceful, compassionate, patient, harmonious, peaceful, connected, loving… If not, what you created is probably driven by ego patterns and not from what your heart truly desires… Take a look, and realign accordingly…
Embrace a radical decluttering and letting goof all the extra… Keep only what aligns with your new story. And please, please, create spaciousness in your approach… This is the space where the surprises, blessings, miracles, and magic actually happen…
Wishing you a truly magical End-Of-Year, Holiday Season, and upcoming New Year; or New Beginning!
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always…
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
Let’s face it, there are a lot of reasons to be in a long-term loving romantic relationship. One of which is my absolute favorite- that of utilizing the relationship as a vehicle for evolving ourselves, and as the partnership in our Journey for having our best Human Experience and for creating our Best Life. A tall order, I know… But I love this reason because it places everything that happens in our relationship and in the time we share into a more meaningful context… And, no matter what happens we are in it together for our highest good… Then you can never go wrong! Your relationship can even help you bypass your current ego (your egoic defensive patterns)…
We’ve been doing a lot of work in reprogramming ourselves from all kinds of angles…
What if we take this whole thing to a new level? What if we find a hack to do all this so much easier? What if we transcend our usual experience with a simple shift…?
Now, I’ve touched on this before when I covered doing Identity work… This is that and more…
Creating an Alter Ego…
Our usual ego keeps us stuck and small… It sabotages us… And it takes what feels like a herculean effort to reprogram it and dismantle it… But what if there is a hack in the meantime to help create what we desire?
The hack is creating an Alter Ego… An Alter Ego just completely bypasses our usual patterns! The key is to properly design and intentionally engage our Alter Ego…
ENVISION – Have a vision of a new version of you. A version of you that you want to be, become more… What part of you is usually forgotten, goes unnoticed, can’t be easily tapped into, or you even believe you don’t have, that you’d like to have in your life. What kind of person do you want to be? What dimension would you like to add to yourself?
IDENTIFY – Given the new persona you want to become or add to yourself, what beliefs would that version of you have? What kind of worldview world they have? What kind of feelings would they feel? What kind of preferences would they have about things that are important to you? What personality characteristics would they have and what strengths? How would they approach your partner, relationship, and life differently?
EMBODY – Then, start showing up as this new version of yourself… Embrace this Alter Ego for them to be the new main character of your story, you might even want to give them a name… Show up as them in certain circumstances if that’s where you need them, or as much as possible if they are you 2.0… Tweak your habits and your appearance to match this new persona. You might even want to use a totem of sorts to channel your new you… Wearing non-prescription glasses, a specific piece of jewelry, a scarf or collar, a hat, and the like…
Integrating the New You
As you flesh out this new persona and start embracing it, think about what kind of standards they have, what are their musts and deal breakers, what are their expectations, how do they want to be treated, what kind of boundaries do they have, what values do they have and how do they live by them, how do they treat others, and so on…
Here we want to make sure that the Alter Ego is in alignment with our values and the core of who we are… We are just helping a great part of you come out to play… We are not creating something that doesn’t make sense nor support you and your life… This is an enhanced version of you that normally gets covered up with the muck of your egoic patterns…
We are bypassing our egoic patterns- we are coming out through the back door!
Remember, we are doing this to support you in Becoming the Best You. The you that’s in there and has challenges coming out to play… And, that this version is much more alluring, it’s magnetic, it gets what it wants, it easily manifests your Best Life with its magnificence.
In this version you are the King or Queen of your castle… Treat your partner like the Royal you are, and you’ll get the royal treatment back!
Your relationship is where you get to role play, have a dress rehearsal, and put on the show. Here is where you get to explore, practice, tweak and continue to Become…
Wishing you all the joy, connection and love today and always
With Much Love & Light!
PS: Do you need support taking yourself, your relationship, and your life to the next level- actually living a healthy, happy, harmonious and overall abundant life?
Copyright (c) 2023 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.
Want to Use this Article in Your Own Website or Publication? Be our guest! Here is how, you MUST include: Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Couple Strategy™ that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected™ with Emma and receive weekly connection notes in your inbox with Personal Development and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.
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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT has been in the mental health profession in varying capacities for the past 20+ years. She is the Founder and Director of metrorelationship.com a psychotherapy and coaching practice specializing in working with busy professional and entrepreneurial couples who are struggling getting on the same page and feeling connected. The work helps couples create a radiant and successful relationship and meaningful life by becoming a strong partnership and increasing their connection, intimacy, and fun. Emma is the creator of the MetroRelationship™ philosophy and the Successful Relationship Strategy™.
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